A/N: The site isn't letting me respond to reviews. I'm sorry for that. If you take the time to say you like it, I always like to take the time to say thanks. So I'm saying it here instead. Thank you all the reviews and especially the author alerts. Those are particually nice. Love to you all. And now I'll shut up.

Fear pumped through his veins like it was his very blood as he sprinted from the cab and hauled himself up the front steps that lead to the hospital.

He stumbled through the door in his impatience but quickly righted himself and ignored the pain in his foot from where he'd stubbed his toe on the door frame. All that matter was getting to her.

His chest burned with the exertion he'd put it through since leaving the television studio where he'd been taping an interview, what seemed like hours ago.

He'd barely gotten back to the green room backstage when he thumbed on his phone. It was ringing almost before it made it completely on. Somehow sensing the urgency of the call, he'd answered without even bothering to see who was calling.
"Castle, it's Beckett," Ryan had immediately said after hearing him answer. "It's pretty bad. You need to get down here A.S.A.P. "

His heart had completely stopped at that point, no longer able to draw blood through his body and everything inside him turned to ice in an instant.

It was the call he had always known might be lurking around the corner. He had woken so many times in a cold sweat at hearing those words in his nightmares. It's Beckett. It's pretty bad.

Losing her was something unimaginable for him. But he was practical enough to know that it came with the job. Sometimes things went wrong.

He cursed himself for taking the day off to do the publicity interview for his newest novel. The novel didn't matter. The ridiculous interview hadn't been important enough to leave her alone. It was his fault this had happened, his fault because he hadn't been there to watch her back. He had broken his promise. He'd let her down and he hadn't even had a good reason for doing it.

His eyes searched through the waiting room outside the E.R. looking for a familiar face, when he found one, he nearly ran to get to it.

Javier Esposito stepped up to him and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Calm now," he told him at seeing his panic. "It's not as bad as we thought at first."

"How bad is it?"Castle demanded, deeming that even a scratch was worse than he wanted to hear about. "What happened?"

Ryan stepped to his other side. "I'm sorry, Man. I saw all the blood and I panicked." His face was drawn with worry, whatever had happened it had obviously spooked the detective.

Esposito shot him a look that said he was annoyed by his partner's jumping the gun the way he had.

"She got clipped. But it's just her side. Didn't hit anything vital. They aren't even sure why she lost consciousness. The doctors are patching her up and running some tests." Javier explained patiently.

"She passed out? That doesn't sound like Kate," he commented quietly as the adrenaline began to ease from his body.

"I know," Ryan interjected. "That's why I panicked."

Rick rested his hand on his shoulder and tried to muster a smile for him. "It's okay. I understand. I'm sure if I'd been there, I would have panicked, too," he told him. Actually if he had been there, he would have thrown himself in front of the bullet rather than let her take it, no matter how small the injury might have been.

He wasn't blaming Ryan or Esposito. He was sure they had done everything in their power to keep her safe. But he was her partner. He was more than that. He was the man that would do anything, absolutely anything to keep her safe and protected. He didn't expect them to go to the length he'd go to. Neither of them were in love with her like he was. Love had a way of turning normal humans into superheroes.

"Is one of you Rick Castle?"

Castle spun around to acknowledge the nurse that had stepped up behind them. "I am," he told her, quickly. "Is she alright?"

"She's going to be fine. She's asking for you." The nurse announced and it seemed all three men took one great collective sigh of relief.

"I guess she was right," she said over her shoulder as she began to lead him away.

"Right about what?" Rick asked, almost too distracted to care or try to be polite. He wasn't really in the mood for idle conversation with a stranger.

"I told her I wasn't sure if you were out here. She told me, 'Oh no, he's there. Just go get him.' I guess she knows you pretty well."

He almost managed a chuckle at that. "She does, indeed."

As soon as he stepped behind the curtain he knew he hadn't done enough on his way to her to prepare himself for what he found. He'd tried to brace himself. He knew full well that it was possible there would be tubes of different kinds, some blood, other things he didn't want to think about and he prepared himself for all that. Those things he could handle, it was the look on her face when she glanced up at him that got him and nearly crumbled him to his knees.

She'd been crying. Kate had been crying. She'd tried to remove all the traces. He could tell because her cheeks weren't wet, but her eyes were still puffy and red around the edges. There hadn't been anything she could do to remove those tell tale signs.

The question was why? Kate didn't cry. She didn't break down and lose control without a very, very good reason. In fact, he could barely remember the last time he'd witnessed her like that. He vaguely recalled that it had something to do with her mother's homicide case, but beyond that, the circumstances were too blurry to latch on to. All he knew was that she was sitting with her back propped up by a few pillows, wearing a hospital gown and she looked like she'd been crying. It was all the information his brain could process right then.

He went to her wordlessly and enveloped her in his arms, needing to feel for himself that she was safe and complete .

Once he had convinced himself that she was alive, he pulled back and smoothed some of the hair from her face. "What is it?" he asked, truly disturbed by her demeanor.

She just shook her head and looked away from his penetrating stare.

"Are you okay? Is there something else wrong besides the getting shot thing?"

She opened her mouth like she was about to say something, closed it, then repeated the process a few times. He watched, horrified as more tears formed in her turbulent eyes.

"Kate?" He shook her gently. "You're scaring me. Tell me what's wrong."

The doctor choose that moment to step into the curtained area where they were and Rick turned to look at her.

"How are we doing, Detective Beckett?" she asked as she looked over the chart in her hands.

"I'm okay," Kate mumbled as she quickly swiped at her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Can I speak freely or would you rather I give you a few minutes and come back?" she asked as she let her eyes move from him to Kate.

"No," Kate managed. "It's okay. You can say whatever you have to say."

"Please do," Rick interjected, tired of being in the dark and battling the rising panic running through him once again.

"Alright," the doctor nodded. "I don't believe a DNC will be necessary. I don't think you were far enough along for any complications to arise. But should you still experience any bleeding or more cramping after twenty four hours, I want you to call your doctor and get in to see him immediately."

"DNC?" he asked, his eyes shooting instantly to the doctor. Then he turned back to her. "Are you-" He cut himself off quickly and amended the statement. "Were you pregnant?"

Her eyes were welling up again and his arms tightened their hold on her instinctively. "Apparently," she whispered.

"The shock from the gunshot wound caused the miscarriage but from what I can tell there is no reason why you shouldn't be able to try again whenever you're ready. You're healthy. There isn't any permanent damage. "

He was still reeling from the news. His brain only barely acknowledge what the doctor was saying.

He pulled her into him more tightly still, holding her against his chest and trying to ignore the sudden wetness he felt against his shirt. She wouldn't want him to make a big deal out of the tears.

"I'm going to give you a prescription for antibiotics for the wound on your side and some pain killers. Of course, it goes without saying, don't drive or operate any heavy equipment while taking them and try to get some rest. I would like it if you stayed in bed for a few days. Give your body a chance to heal."

Rick nodded numbly at the doctor and told her thank you mindlessly.

Once the doctor was gone he felt the small part of the resolve Kate was holding steady crumble and she literately fell apart in his arms. It didn't last long. Before he had a chance to try to sooth her, she was pulling back from him and wiping at her eyes again.

He was still staring at her like a deer in the headlights as his mind tried to keep up with everything that was happening. In a moment, he was trying to take in the facts. First she was pregnant. They were going to have a baby together. Then the shattering news that it was all taken away from him before he even had a chance to enjoy the thought. And lastly, her reaction to the whole thing.

He hadn't imagined that finding out she was pregnant would be something she would view as good news. They hadn't ever talked about having children. The subject had never come up between them. He had assumed that eventually they would get around to discussing it, but this wasn't the way he pictured having to broach the subject.

"I'm so sorry," was all he could think to say.

She took a deep breath and wiped at her eyes again, almost angrily, like she thought they were betraying her. "She told me earlier to expect to be a little overly emotional while my hormones evened out, but this is ridiculous."

"It's okay," he told her. "You don't have to pretend to be okay with me. Be whatever you feel like being."

She gave him a watery smile before sitting up a little straighter. "I appreciate that, but I still have to pull myself together long enough to get out of here. Once I get home, then I'll fall apart."

He kissed her temple and smoothed her hair. "Okay, let me see what I can do to move that along."

She nodded and let him go. "Ryan and Esposito are in the waiting room, can they come back? Or should I tell them you're fine and make them go home?"

She shook her head. "I don't know if I can..." The rest of the sentence was left trailing in the air, but he understood without the words.

"Consider it taken care of," he assured her. "Just relax. I'll have you out of here before you know it."

They were no longer alone when he found them and all eyes turned to him as soon as he stepped towards them. Captain Montgomery and Lanie were both looking at him apprehensively. Ryan and Esposito appeared a little more composed.

"She's fine," he announced as he held out his hands to hold off the questions that looked like they were about to jump out at him. "She wants to tell you all that she appreciates you coming, but she's going to be fine and she just wants to go home and rest."

"Can we see her?" the Captain asked, taking a step forward.

Rick put his hand on the man's arm to stop his advance. "She's feeling a little indisposed. She'd rather just see you all tomorrow."

"Indisposed!" Lanie exclaimed. "Castle, if you don't get out of my way, I'll knock you out of it."

Rick stepped in front of her quickly. "She really doesn't want to see anyone. She's a little upset and you know how she is. But I promise you, she really is okay."

They all seemed to accept that, some of them more readily than others, and started to gather their things. Then he reconsidered. She hadn't known Lanie was there. He was taking the chance of making her angry, but maybe it would work out for the best.

He reached a hand up to stop Lanie before she had a chance to leave. Javier stopped as well and she just looked at him and waved him on, telling him to go without her.

He nodded and kissed her cheek before taking his leave.

"She's pretty torn up," Castle told her.

"Why? What happened? I thought she just got grazed," her best friend replied, the words running together quickly.

He rolled his eyes to the ceiling and offered up a silent prayer that Kate wouldn't kill him for his next move. "She had a miscarriage."

Lanie immediately covered her mouth with her hand but the gasp seeped out between her fingers. "I didn't even know she was pregnant."

"Neither did we," he answered, wanting her to know that they hadn't been keeping things like that from her. "I'm going to go try to move things along so I can get her home. Maybe you could go keep her company while I do that."

"I'm already gone," she replied. And true to her word, she stepped around him and disappeared behind the swinging E.R. doors before he had a chance to say another word.

It didn't take him as long as he thought it would to take care of the paperwork and get her discharge in order. When he returned to her less than ten minutes later, he found her sitting with her friend's arm around her shoulders and trying to look as brave as possible. She had removed the gown and was already wearing her shirt once again. He tried not to dwell on the blood stain running down her side.

"We are out of here," he announced as he tucked away all the papers he'd just obtained.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Lanie asked. "I can come with you if you like."

Kate shook her head and gave her a smile. "I'll be fine. Besides, by the time Martha and Alexis get through with me I'll be too exhausted to do anything but sleep."

Castle chuckled. She had no idea. He'd already called them to let them know about the shooting and that she was okay. He hadn't mentioned the miscarriage. He didn't know whether that would be okay with her or not. He'd already pushed his luck with Lanie.

Lanie squeezed her shoulder before getting to her feet. "You call me if you need anything. I can be at your place in ten minutes. I don't care what time it is." Then she turned to him. "You take care of her and don't let her come back to work until she's ready. She'll tell you she's ready before she really is. She says a lot things, doesn't make them true."

He ducked his head in response. "I know and I'm on it."

"Would you please stop discussing me like I'm not right here?" Kate interjected, but she was wearing a smile that said she wasn't angry.

Lanie smiled back at her and hugged him briefly before stepping out.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked, moving the wheelchair he'd been provided closer to the bed.

"I'm not getting in that," she informed him. "I can walk all on my own."

"Okay," He waved off her protests. "It's gone." And with that he pushed it to the other side of the curtain so she wouldn't have to look at it.

She stood up a touch shakily and he took his jacket and draped it around her shoulders as he offered her an arm to help her balance.

She glanced down at her shirt in dismay. The entire side seam was split from her armpit to the waist and she cursed under her breath. "This was one of my favorites."

"We'll buy you a new one," he assured her. "Mother has been looking for an excuse to get you to go shopping with her."

She slid her arms into the jacket and stiffened her back, determined not to hobble as she began to walk. That was Kate. Never let them see you sweat.

He couldn't help but smile. "No one here even knows you. They won't think any less of you if you need to lean on me for support."

"I know that," she replied. But the determination in her eyes said she didn't care about it either. She would leave on her own two feet, come hell or high water.

"I love you," he told her as he kissed her forehead and held out his hand. "Will you at least take my hand? That couldn't possibly be seen as a sign of weakness, just affection."

She gave him a strangled sort of laugh as she laced her fingers through his and squeezed his hand. "I love you, too. And I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be difficult."

"I understand." He shrugged. "This is who you are. You don't have to apologize for it."

She moved slowly as if every step she took was agony and he wanted so badly to help her more than she was letting him, but he held back, knowing it was what she wanted.

"How are we getting home?" she asked before they made it very far.

"Mother is on her way. She should be here with the car any second."

She nodded. "Did you tell them?"

"I told them you'd been shot. That's it."

"You could have," she let him know. "They're going to find out eventually."

"Not if you don't want them to," he replied, completely serious.

"You'd lie to your mother and daughter for me?" she asked, stopping to look at him.

He nodded. "I wouldn't like it. But I will if it's what you want."

"We can tell them. It's okay."

They finally made it to the door and he lead her over to a bench and tried to help her sit. Once she was settled, he took the place next to her, still holding her hand tightly in his.

"I wasn't expecting it to hit me like that. I guess I wasn't prepared for it. I had no idea," she stated as she watched the people walking by them.

"Are you okay?" He felt like he was asking her the same question over and over but he really couldn't think of anything else to say.

"I will be." She took another deep breath. "I can't believe I got that upset over losing something I didn't even know I had or wanted, for that matter."

He cut his eyes to her cautiously. "Is it?"

"Is it what?"

"Something you want?"

A horn sounded before she had a chance to answer and his mother pulled up right in front of them. Alexis was out of the car before it had a chance to really stop.

She bustled over to them quickly and put her arm around Kate's shoulder to help her stand. "Are you okay? Dad said you were okay, but are you sure?"

"She's fine," Castle assured his daughter as he held open the door for them both. Obviously he'd been booted to the front seat, because Alexis didn't hesitate before climbing in beside Kate once they had her settled.

It took a while to get the household calmed down once they arrived. Martha insisted they both eat something before going to bed. Kate tried to protest but it fell on deaf ears as a plate was set in front of her. He noticed that she did little more than push the food around on it with her fork.

"Are you sure everything is okay?" Alexis asked again, sensing that something more was going on.

Martha was sitting on one side of Kate and Castle was on the other. Alexis was watching her closely from the other side of the island.

He watched her squirm a little under all the scrutiny and decided to help her out.

"She really is fine," he said again. "There was something else." He glanced at her and she nodded in response before he went forward. "She had a miscarriage, but she's going to be fine."

Everyone froze in the room, Kate included.

Martha was the first one to get over the shock and she moved to put her arm around Kate. "I'm so sorry, Sweetheart." Then she cast her eyes over Kate's shoulder at him accusingly. "Why is this the first we're hearing of a pregnancy?" she demanded.

Kate pulled away and shook her head, stepping in to defend him. "We didn't know. I had no idea."

"But everything is okay?" Alexis asked. "I mean you can try again, right?"

"We weren't exactly trying this time," Kate joked. "But yes, I'm fine. The doctor said we can try again whenever we're ready."

"Are you going to try again?" she asked too enthusiastically. Castle understood her reaction. The one thing Alexis had asked him for when she was younger was a little brother or sister. It always killed him because it was the one thing he couldn't give her at the time. He just didn't know if Kate would understand.

But apparently she did because she smiled at her. "We haven't really discussed it. Like I said we weren't trying this time."

"I, for one, am all for it," Martha gave them her two cents on the subject. "I think it's high time we heard the pitter patter of little feet running around here again."

"Me, too." Alexis agreed. "I've always wanted a little brother or sister."

"Alright," he interjected, not really comfortable with the topic of conversation. It was something he wanted to discuss with her in private before it became a family matter, so to speak. "I think maybe it's time for bed."

Kate gave him an appreciative nod, and started to stand. but didn't move quickly enough before Martha hugged her again. Rick thought he saw her wince slightly at what must have been pain in her side. "Whatever the two of you decide to do about children or anything else for that matter, just know that we're here to help however we can," she told her before pulling away and letting Rick lead her off down the hall to their bedroom.

"I'm sorry about all that," he told her once he had her settled into bed.

"It's okay, really it is," she assured him.

He slipped his shirt from his shoulders and gave it a toss before starting on his pants. After undressing down to his boxers he moved to his side of the bed and slipped under the blankets.

A moment after clicking off the bedside lamp, she was nestled into his side with her head resting on his chest.

"You never answered me earlier," he commented. "Is it something you want?"

She was quiet for a minute before answering. "I've never really thought about it before. You know, with my job and my history with relationships it's not really been an option. I guess I always figured I would have children someday though." She shifted, moving her head so she could see his face. "How about you? Have you ever thought about having more children?"

"Always. Other than writing, it's the one thing I've always felt I was really good at," he told her honestly.

"You really, really are an amazing father," she told him as she placed a light kiss to his chest.

"So what does all this mean?" he asked.

"It means that someday, maybe even someday soon, I would love to have children with you." she answered.

"Aren't we skipping a step?" he joked.

"What? You mean getting married?"

"Well, I kind of always assumed that was the order we'd go in." he shrugged. "You know, move in together, then get married, then have children, then grandchildren, then grow old together."

She laughed. "Wow, you really have it all figured out, don't you?"

"Isn't that how you imagined it happening?" He was fishing. The idea of asking her to marry him had been playing over and over in his mind. Of course, he wasn't about to ask her right then. But he would like to know if, when the time came and everything was perfect, she might be receptive to the suggestion.

"I don't know," she sighed. "I guess that is the way I had it figured, too."

He barely fought down the smile that threatened to take over his face.

Then he pulled her in closer, careful to avoid the wound on her side and kissed the top of her head. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there today."

"Don't do that," she said, sitting up a little. "Nothing would have been any different if you had been there. None of it was your fault."

"I might have been able to do something. I could have stopped you from getting shot."

"Ryan and Esposito were both there. Do you really imagine there is anything you could have done that they didn't do?"

He huffed and stared up at the ceiling disgustedly. "I guess not. I just hate that you got hurt."

"Rick, I'm a cop. Things like this happen. It's just part of it and it's something you are going to have to come to terms with."

"I thought I had. I thought I was prepared for it. But when I got the call from Ryan I just fell apart. I don't ever want to be that close to losing you again."

She raised up, pulling her body slightly over his so she could get to his lips. Then she kissed him. "You know I always try to be as careful as I can be. But that's the only guarantee I can give you. I promise to be careful. I can't promise I won't ever get hurt."

"How long until you retire?" he joked before kissing her again.

"A while, a long while," she answered. "And don't even think about asking me to quit. I have no idea how to be anything else. Being a cop is part of who I am."

"A desk job?" he suggested

She shook her head. "Not hardly. But on a serious note, I know this isn't something we've ever talked about. I guess I figured we didn't need to because you're practically a cop yourself." He beamed a little at that. "But I guess we do need to talk about it."

"Talk about what? The fact that you might get hurt?"

She nodded.

"Kate, I was standing outside your apartment when it blew up with you in it. I held you while we both almost died in a freezer, and I stood beside you when a bomb almost went off in front of us and those are just the times that really stick out for me. There have been so many others I can't ever remember them all. I know the possibility of you not coming home one night is a real one. I get that. I accept it."

"Do you really get it?" she pushed. "I know sometimes reality isn't a place you're comfortable with."

He smiled. "Are you saying that I live in my own little world?"

She smiled back. "Yes, when this one doesn't suit you and harsh reality is a place you don't like at all. But the harsh reality is there and one day it might not care if it suits you or not. I need to know that if that happens, if something happens to me, you'll be okay."

He wasn't sure he wanted to answer that, didn't know if he could honestly. She wanted him to tell her that he'd be fine. He just couldn't make himself do that. So he decided to turn the question around on her, hoping to make her see how unfair it was. "I'm in the field almost as much as you are. I'm in just about as much danger as you are just as often. So you tell me, would you be okay if I didn't come home one night?"

She grew very quiet and still suddenly. "No," she answered in a shaky voice after a long pause. "I wouldn't be okay at all."

"Well then, I guess we both have our answers. And the only thing we can do about it is to watch each other's backs the way we do and try not to think about the what ifs."

"That's it? We just ignore it and pretend like it isn't there?"

"What other choice do we have?" he countered. "I'm certainly too far in this to back out now and I wouldn't even if that wasn't true. We can't live our lives, really live them on what ifs and maybes."

She smiled and leaned in to kiss him again. "You always know just what to say, don't you?"

"I do try," he shrugged again.

They sat there for a long time staring at each other in the nearly complete darkness.

"You really did scare me today," he told her, breaking the silence.

"I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm sorry about the..." he almost said baby but the word stuck in his throat. He wasn't sure he could put that label on it. So far neither of them had thought the whole pregnancy thing through like that, not out loud anyway. It's was easier not to.

She nodded and kissed him before he could conjure up a better way to end the sentence. "I know." she whispered against his lips. "Let's just try not think about it like that. It wasn't meant to be this time."

The words hung in the air as they drifted off to sleep, full of the promise that next time it would be different.