A/N- DO NOT READ THIS IF SENSITIVE TO JUSTIN BIEBER OR EMOS. THERE ARE SEVERAL APPEARENCES FROM HIM ALONG WITH THE JONAS BROTHERS AND MILEY CYRUS.
Esme walked into Jasper's room. "Jasper, it's been a week since the streaking. Where are all of your clothes?"
Esme shrieked as Jasper appeared in front of her upside down, holding on to a string that was attached to the roof. "I BURNED them!" He let go of the rope and landed in front of his mother. "WOOOO!" He beat on his chest like an ape, then ran out of the room.
Esme chased after him. "YOU COME HERE RIGHT NOW MISTER!"
Suddenly, Jasper stopped. He put one hand on his hip and swung the other around his head like a lasso. He shook his hips from side to side madly. "I CAN'T BE TAMED! I CAN'T BE SAVED!"
Esme glared at him, her eyes aflame with fury. "YOU CAN AND YOU WILL!"
Can you guess what happened next?
Jasper shrieked and jumped out the window.
~meanwhile~
Bella picked up her queen. She cleverly maneuvered through the pieces. "EXCUSE ME, PARDON ME!" She yelled. She knocked over Rosalie's king and smiled. "Check and MATE!"
Rosalie's eyes widened at her friend's masterful move. "Oh my god." She whispered. "You killed me on the first turn! YOU'RE A GODDESS!"
Alice sat at a chair, drooling on the table. "You know, I heard Edward killed the 1,000,000 babies anyways." Bella's eyes lit up.
"BABY BLOOD TASTES SOOOOO GOOD!" The brunette got up and started making out with Edward, then dragged him off to the dark recesses of the house. Before she left, she looked at everyone. "Yup, baby blood. MUAHAHA!"
Carlisle didn't look up from his newspaper. "I sure hope Bella knows she's still human."
Emmett sighed. "OH NO HERE IT COMES!" He yelled. Then his hand 'poof'ed into a teddy bear arm and he started swinging. He hit Rosalie and Alice so hard they got knocked over. He accidentally hit Jasper in his… you know… and the poor vampire fell to the floor in pain.
Jacob ran over. "C'mon, man! I respect no clothes in the house. TO BE A DOG YOU GOTTA LIVE LIKE A DOG, MAN!" So Jacob grabbed Jasper and hid him behind a couch.
Esme ran inside the room. Carlisle smiled. "Hey, Esme! Heyyy!"
Esme's head turned to the left and to the right. "WHERE'S JASPER?"
"I wish I knew, Esme. I wish I knew."
"Why are you saying everything twice?"
"I don't know, Esme. I don't know." Carlisle looked back at his paper and began to read.
"Damn." Esme whispered, before running away.
Carlisle looked around as Rosalie and Alice began to wake up. "Is anyone injured?" He asked.
"I THINK I HAVE SOME BRAIN DAMAGE!" Rosalie yelled.
Carlisle paused for a second, then kept looking around. "Anything you weren't born with?"
Jasper popped out of the couch and ran away, screaming bloody murder. Somehow he got out the door and down the street. Rosalie jumped out a window to watch, but she fell. She got back up and walked over to where she could watch him at.
Jasper was still naked and he was still running, waving his arms over his head. Suddenly he got hit by a cop car. They tried to arrest him, but he kept running.
"LET'S GO!" Rosalie yelled. The family (excluding Esme, because she was already chasing Jasper) piled into the van. Bella's mouth was covered in blood and she was smiling at Edward. Edward was being over-protective again and he had his arms wrapped around Bella, his jaw tight. Emmett had shrunk to a regular teddy bear size, and Jacob, being the dog he was, was trying to tear him to shreds. Rosalie was hitting Jacob on the head with a pineapple, and Alice was hitting herself on the head with her wand trying to turn herself into a potato.
*1 hour later*
Carlisle was still looking around frantically. "WHERE ARE THE CAR KEYS?"
Rosalie turned around and hit Edward in the back of the head with her pineapple. He hacked for a second, then his black, lizard-like tongue unrolled. Rosalie grabbed the keys and handed them to Carlisle. "Found them!"
"Wow. If anything, you getting knocked out knocked some sense into you." Carlisle said, amazed.
As if to prove him wrong, Rosalie screeched 'spider!' And next thing you know Carlisle has a pineapple carpet. But Rosalie didn't stop there. She used one of the leaves to scoop up the spider, then she shoved the entire thing down Edward's throat. "EAT IT LIZARD MAN."
Edward began to cry. Nobody could tell if it was because of his 'food', or if it was the fact that Bella kept biting him really hard because she wanted to be a vampire. (A/N: Vampires are described as rock hard in the book, but really they're big fat squishy thingy-dingys. Like Barney.)
Finally, the gang was on their way. Suddenly, the world's most powerful guitar, Tyrannolt, popped up. It blasted some insane waves and flipped over the car, and everyone in Twilight died and went to Marshmallow Hell, where the gummy bears have swords in their heads and every time you turn a corner a big, fat, smelly hobo sits on you. Jasper was the only survivor, because even the Harry Potter fans had to admit his nudity was awesome and they let him live.
The end.
JUST KIDDING!
They pulled up into a school parking lot where it looked like someone had barfed marshmallows all over it. Rosalie grabbed her Emmett teddy-bear and whispered in its ear, "Don't you think marshmallows are just flying bunny poop?"
Finally! Emmett thought. The girl says something smart!
Edward turned around and screamed like a banshee. Bella's eyes were bleeding and she was holding a laptop. Edward rushed over to her and looked at the screen. The deathly words of "My Immortal" popped up on the screen. His eyes bled, too, and the couple passed out.
Suddenly, a boy with a huge green Mohawk popped out of the hall with only a rag for clothes. He screamed, "MY NAME IS FRANK! I CHOOSE YOU, FREDERICKS!"
"What the…" Bella whispered, but she was cut off after a rock hit her in the head and she got knocked out. After the rock shower was over, there were a bunch of little balls of feather being thrown at them.
"Wow, someone doesn't know how to use a Pokeball." Jacob whispered resentfully.
And then the girls saw it. Even Bella, who was just regaining consciousness.
THE DINOSAUR COLORING BOOK.
A/N: THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GIVE ME CANDY~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ YUPPERS NEW CHAPTER ITS BEEN 4EVER! I suppose this is a St. Paddy's day present. I FRUCKIN LOVE ST. PADDY'S BECAUSE EVERYTHING MATCHES ME AND MY BEE-OO-TI-FUL GREEN EYES. Just so you know, I'm not a troll. Ask fiction-rules-reality, I truly am like this is real life. OTAY THANKS FOR READING! By the way, if you want your eyes to bleed like Edward and Bella, go google "My Immortal" and it used to be on fanfiction, but it is not anymore so you will have to view it on a freewebs website. Otay have fun with whatever you're gonna do nao! Oh my favorite song's on I'm gonna shaddap now. X3