II: Echelon
"It took a moment before I lost myself in here; It took a moment and I could not be found," Echelon, 30 Seconds to Mars
It took me about five minutes to pull myself out of Lissa's head and back into my own. I heaved a sigh that flushed through my body, steadying the mix of emotions that had just plagued me like a disease. With a quick brush of my cheeks with the back of my hand, I was ready to go. I pushed myself onto my feet and grabbed my bag, swinging it over my shoulder as I stepped out of the gym and into the bitter evening air. Snow had begun to fall, settling in my hair and chilling my cheeks. I smiled grimly to myself, hoping that my red cheeks and bleary eyes could be put down to the weather, and not some stupid childish crying fit.
To help shake off the fatigue and crappy emotions swirling around me, I began to jog across the campus. My breath clouded in front of my face as I pushed my legs into longer strides, waves of Lissa's feelings washing into me. I hadn't noticed before, too numbed by my own grief, but Lissa's mood was beginning to take a dark turn. I pushed harder, panicking that maybe some worse news might be heading my way.
The Moroi on the desk in Lissa's dorms looked up in surprise as I burst through the door. She didn't have time to open her mouth to demand to know why I was rushing in; I was already making my way through the hallways and up the stairs to Lissa's room. I hesitated at her door, wondering what I would find on the otherside, but another twist of despair peaked through our bond and I barged in, the door giving way to reveal a tearful Lissa and a concerned Christian, his arm carefully wrapped around her shoulders.
I paused in the doorway, my cheeks slightly flushed from embarrassment as Christian's eyes narrowed on me, but he didn't speak. I shut the door behind me, throwing my bag onto Lissa's bed as I crossed the room towards her. I settled by her side, my arm already complimenting Christian's.
"Rose," she whispered weakly. I spotted the unopened bottle of anti-depressants in her hand and took them from her. "I'm sorry," she murmured as I both our eyes followed my finger across the lid. "I don't know why, but I couldn't face taking them. Not after Mason." I tensed as Mason's name was mentioned. My vision blurred as I stared down at my hands. Furiously blinking back the tears, I turned to face her. "I," she hesitated. "I felt like I had let him down, let you down, by not taking them and that maybe, if I had, if I had been there - "
"No," I said firmly, making her look at me. Christian looked around her, helplessly. "You couldn't have helped or done anything. It's better you weren't there. I couldn't stand it if you had been. It's bad enough that I caused Mason's running off hunting for Strigoi. And - " I leaned in closer so that only she could hear me. "You can't use Spirit, not like that. It would have hurt you, like you're hurting yourself now. You need to take your medicine."
"You're right Rose," she sighed. Christian's stance relaxed. As he did, I realised I didn't know why he was here. He couldn't have known that Lissa was upset, and he wasn't allowed near her dorm room normally. I raised an eyebrow as he looked over at me and he glared.
"So, wanna spill?" I asked, leaning back on Lissa's bed. She looked around, noticing the tension that had risen between us. I didn't like Christian under the best of circumstances and I absolutely hated that he had gotten to Lissa before me. I was supposed to be the one comforting her, not him. I was her best friend, and I was going to be her Guardian one day. "You clearly have something far more important that Lissa's welfare to chat about."
"Don't you think if that was the case I would have already said something and ignored Lissa completely?" He glared in my direction and I enjoyed the heat of his gaze. It took the edge off my own problems and gave an outlet for them. "We aren't all slow on the uptake Rose."
I tried to rise from my seat, Christian's words angering me, but Lissa placed a hand on my leg, keeping me seated. Christian smirked at me from behind her back and I tried to resist the urge to smash his face in. Stupid, idiotic Royal Moroi, with his stupid, mentor stealing aunt. I shuffled away from Christian, so not to upset Lissa any further.
"I got here as fast as I could," I muttered darkly, pulling Lissa's pillow onto my lap so I could punch it. "I did have to cross the campus. No easy feat," I added and Lissa smiled at me. "Anyway, do you want me to leave or can I stay and here what's bothering the tough ol' Christian Ozera?"
"Since it concerns you too, you can stay and here." Christian shrugged like it was no big deal, but his eyes told a different story. He looked ruffled and afraid, something I had only seen on his face once before, and that time we were being held captive by Strigoi. I decided to keep my mouth shut while he talked. "It's about Tasha." He'd turned to Lissa and a sense of foreboding crashed down on my head. "She's not here. I think she's left."
"Think?" said Lissa, as the same thought crossed my mind. He sounded unsure, which was weird. I figured that Tasha would have told him her plan and where she was headed to. The fact she hadn't was more than weird, it was worrying. "Didn't she tell you, or say goodbye?"
"No. That's why I came around. I wanted to see if you had heard from her, or seen her? And you Rose. Dimitri's gone too. I think he's gone to protect her, during whatever it is that they've planned to do." My heart froze in my chest as Christian's words drove home the fact that he was gone. He had gone with her. "It's worrying me, because I know the Moroi didn't take too nicely to Tasha's plans for Moroi to use offensive magic. I don't know if somethings happened between them and her, or if she's just gone."
"I'm sure she's fine Christian," Lissa said softly, placing a hand on his cheek. I flinched away from the compassionate motion, pain flaring as memories tried to force themselves into the front of my mind. "She's probably gone back home and will phone you when she gets back."
"She is fine. I saw her and Dimitri this morning." I didn't look at them. "They were getting a car to the airport. Everything seemed fine to me. I mean, they didn't look worried or like they were fleeing from anyone. She'll try and contact you." I forced a smile at Christian. But he didn't look reassured.
"Airport?" He rose from the bed and started for the door, pausing with his hand on the doorknob. "Did they say where they were flying to?"
"No, is it important?"
"Tasha never normally flies anywhere. She always drives. It's just one of her many weird traits," he smiled, before frowning. "I'm going to go check with the school office to see if she left a message with them." He turned to Lissa and his face softened. "Keep safe Liss, and know that I'm here for you, along with Rose. No more tears?"
"No more tears," Lissa smiled back. He nodded in my direction and I understood his non-verbal request. So long as he was worrying about Tasha, Lissa was in my complete care. I nodded back, watching as the door slammed shut behind him. Lissa turned to me, her expression slightly bemused as she took me in. "Have you been crying Rose?"
I looked up, startled. "No, it's snowing outside and the wind kept throwing it into my face," I replied weakly. "What about you?" I tested our bond, making sure all I could feel was contented happiness. Only a little of the darkness that had been plaguing Lissa remained, but it was slowly disappearing. The same couldn't be said about my dark mood. "You 'kay now?"
"Yeah, it was just a little bump in the road. I do miss being able to feel Spirit, but I still need to learn to cope with the consequences." She looked wistfully at the bottle now in her hand, as if she could make it let her touch the magic within her while keeping the depression away. I wished life was that simple. I wished I could have the best of both worlds. But things rarely played out that way. "Guess I have to take them now, huh."
"Yeah, you do. You want help opening that bottle," I joked, watching as she continued staring at it. "Cos last time I checked, you can't open them with telekinesis. Unless you've learned some awesomely new tricks."
"Actually, I have," Lissa laughed, straining as she pretended to move the bottle. I laughed along, my hand brushing hers as I pulled the bottle from her grip. A small gasp of surprise escaped from Lissa, and I turned to look at her. "Rose?" she murmured.
"What is it Lissa?" The bond was giving nothing away this time, just wave after wave of confusion. "Is something wrong?" I asked.
"I felt your emotions Rose." She looked at me, a flicker of fear playing in the back of her jade eyes. "When I touched your hand, I could feel your emotions. I could see the darkness, surrounding you. Are you sure that you're okay?" Her eyes never wavered from mine, as I looked down at the bottle of pills.
"You don't have to worry about me Liss, that's not your job. It's mine to worry about you, and keep you safe. Here." I handed her a round pill, putting the bottle on her bedside after I'd done so. "You need to take this."
"Don't you ever say that Rosemarie Hathaway," Lissa snapped, before her tone returned to normal. "I'm your best friend, practically sisters, and that makes it my job, as well as yours, to make sure that you're alright. Which includes worrying. Are you upset that Dimitri had left?"
Why did she have to hit the nail on the head? I almost swore out loud but reigned it in. "I'm annoyed that he's ditched out, just as we were getting to the best part of our training." Half-lies wouldn't hurt. "And I'm still reeling over the - " I pulled back, my throat closing around the words I couldn't say. But Lissa understood and nodded her head.
"We'll get through it together Rose," she said quietly. "And if you don't want to talk to anyone else about it, I'll make sure that they back off."
"I'd like to see you try and keep a bunch of Dhampir boys off my back. That would be a sight," I muttered as Lissa rolled her eyes. She took the pill and swallowed it down. "Well, I better get ready for classes." I rose from my makeshift seat.
"Classes aren't on today. Didn't you hear?" Apparently not. I raised an eyebrow as an answer and Lissa continued. "There's going to be an assembly of some sort in the lunch room. Headmistress Kirova wants to talk to the school about what happened. Something like a public memorial for all those who were lost over Christmas, and a warning to the students to take the threat of Strigoi seriously."
"Makes sense. I won't be there," I replied.
"Right, because the great Rose Hathaway doesn't need to be warned off from the dangers of the Strigoi. Or, because the great Rose Hathaway can't cry in public. It'll ruin her badass reputation," Lissa teased, trying to keep the mood light.
"Both," I answered. "And nothing could ruin my badass reputation, 'cause I'd just take down whoever threatened my tyranny. Don't worry Liss," I added. "I'll go and pay my respects publicly. If only for those we lost. But if I see anyone making out the attacks were amazing, or if anyone asks about what happened, I am outta there. Deal?"
"Deal. I wouldn't expect any less myself."
"Meet you there then."
The walk over to my room, and the time it took for me to shower, get dressed and dry my hair told me all that I needed to know; I had to stop spending time alone. It was damaging. Because all that time alone left little room for distractions, and little distractions lead to thoughts, and thinking led to connections being made between events I didn't want to think about, let alone analyse. I didn't want to remember that Dimitri had left, that Mason was dead, that I'd killed two Strigoi, and that Lissa was having problems keeping to her medicine.
"Stupid hot Dhampir mentor and his stupid promises of love." I bunched my towel up and threw it at the wall. "Stupid, stupid Russian." I yanked my jeans on, buckling the belt viciously. "Stupid Royal Moroi and her stupid nicknames." I pulled a top on over my head. "Stupid campaign, a campaign to destroy my life."
"Stupid little Dhampir talking to herself," a quiet voice snickered and I spun around. Adrian Ivashkov was leaning against my doorframe, a cocky grin on his face.
"How long have you been standing there?" I demanded, looking for something to throw at his head.
"Long enough," he said with a wink and I raced forward, bringing my leg up to chest height. He didn't have time to back away before my foot was pushing against his chest, knocking him down the hallway. He landed with a surprised expression on his face. "That was rude little Dhampir," he muttered.
"So is spying on people getting dressed," I retorted, watching as he climbed to his feet.
"I didn't spy on you getting dressed, I overheard your one-girl conversation," he said, raising his hands in defense.
"All amounts to the same thing," I replied, returning to my room. "And it still doesn't explain what you are doing here in the Dhampir dormitory. Or here in St. Vladimir's at all. So start explaining, or start walking. Do neither and I start kicking some ass. Again." I grabbed my brush and ran it through my hair, trying to tame the tangle that had settled in.
"Hm, where should I start? At why I am here, at the academy, or why I am here, in your room?" He settled himself against my window, looking at home amongst my mess. He picked up a pair of my discarded knickers, which I hastily yanked from his grasp. Before I could snap at him, he raised his hands. "I'm here to see out the rest of the term at St. Vladimir's. I want to learn about Spirit as a magic. I never knew what it was, before I met Vasilisa. I just assumed that I hadn't specialised."
"Right, why are you here, in my room? I'm not in the mood for visitors, least of all nosy peeping toms." My temper was rising up and out of reach, and Adrian was not doing anything to improve my bleak mood. "You better have a good answer too, like I came to tell you I'll never bother you again."
"Will you accept that I came to check on you, after seeing Dimitri Belikov leaving the academy grounds with Natasha Ozera?" he asked.
"No. I'm sick of hearing about them." I charged over to him. "Your time at Rose's Boudoir is over."
"Figures," Adrian smirked, not moving as I opened the door. "I thought as much. That's why I came. To check on you."
"I don't need checking on. I don't want your figures. And I don't want you thinking about me. Leave." I motioned and he shrugged.
"You want me to tell Vasilisa? She'll probably be able to handle this better than me. She is your best friend after all."
"You won't tell Lissa anything and you'll like it. Why did you even bother coming here?"
"I don't know," Adrian answered honestly, a confused expression settling on his face. "Maybe because I really care and wanted to make sure you're alright. You intrigue me, little Dhampir. You and your swirls of darkness. I want to see into your soul and see what makes you tick. See what makes you special, as much as I want to understand myself. And I want to heal your hurt."
I stood in my doorway, stunned. "Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you Adrian, but the hurt is staying for a little while longer, because that is what makes me tick. If you will see yourself to the door, because I've lost my patience today."
He walked past me, pausing as our bodies pressed together. I tried to squirm away from the unwanted close contact, but he reached out to hold me in place. "Running on anger and hurt is not the best way to get a job done, little Dhampir. If you really want to be the best you can, you need to learn to lock away those dark thoughts and feelings. And not just yours."
He ruffled my hair as he passed, leaving me feeling a little chilled by his strange words. I didn't need any more to deal with.