Chapter 2 A Missing Button

The scenery before us is familiar as the back of my own hand. Wait, where did that scar on my knuckle come from? Is it even possible for me to get scars? I know that Jagex finally perfected the virtual reality thing, but still…Tigerstar joins me in ogling my hand, her hair lightly brushing against mine. "What's wrong?" she asks.

"Nothing," I answer and turn my eyes to the sight of Barbarian Village. I wish these barbarians would change up their clothing style a bit…like maybe adding a few more pieces of fur? A nearby female barbarian, as if sensing my disapproval, narrows her eyes at me. Even though I could clobber any one of them, I still don't like provoking barbarians.

So, I escort Tigerstar out of the village, picking a random direction and hoping its north. Unlike Redseed or Dawn, I don't have that uncanny sense of direction. "Hrm. I don't suppose you know where Edgeville is?" I ask Tigerstar.

She lowers her eyes. "I'm afraid not," she says. "I'm new…a noob."

I scoff. She looks like the antithesis of a noob: so beautiful and dignified… "That's okay. We all start out as noobs," I tell her. "Well, we'll find a way to Edgeville." Suddenly, I miss Dawn and not just because she knows the way to Edgeville.

"Hey there," a voice calls, a voice so deep that it's making me feel downright effeminate. A man in gold-trimmed rune armor, with fancy green hair approaches us. He has a buddy, a darker-featured man wearing black robes.

"Hi," Tigerstar and I chirp.

Both of the other dudes raise their eyebrows. The sight of rising green eyebrows is an experience I'll never quite forget. "You guys lost?" asks the darker man.

"Yep," I admit cheerfully. "Which way's Edgeville?"

The strangers exchange smirks. "We'll tell you," Green-hair says, "for a price. Give her to me." He makes a gesture that makes Tigerstar gasp in outrage. While I don't quite understand the meaning of his lewd motion, I step in front of her.

"She's not something I can give away," I state, raising my chin, so my eyes are level with the slightly taller green-haired pervert. "She is her own person."

"A noob isn't a person," Greenie says. A noob isn't a person!? He's definitely going on my bad list. I half-wish I could pummel him, but violence doesn't solve anything. Well…sometimes, it does. But not often. While I struggle with moral dilemmas, the darker man darts past me and grabs Tigerstar's slender arm.

She screams, and on instinct, I kick out at the man who grabbed her. The blow connects, and the man goes flying, landing face-first in the dust outside Barbarian village. What? That shouldn't have…

"Dave, rip him to pieces," the man on the ground groans.

Dave, the green-haired man, charges like a bull, and I step aside. He's inside Barbarian Village by the time he realizes his charge had missed. Not very bright, is he? I gesture for Tigerstar to move aside before facing the returning Dave.

Faster than I expect, he rams into me. I wince at the searing pain along my right side, which had taken the brunt of the attack. Then I kick him in the spleen. That's right: the spleen. But Dave only grunts and unleashes his meaty fists on my poor ribs. It seems this is not the time to be nice. Wincing from the pain, I raise my knee, and you can imagine where I aimed…

As my aim proves true, Dave freezes and reels away, hunched over in agony. I sympathize with him for a moment before I snatch Tigerstar's hand and flee. Dave's companion is still on the ground. As we pass him, he doesn't say a word, doesn't stand to challenge us. He only watches us intently as if memorizing our faces. I duck my head and run faster.

When the two creeps are out of sight, I sit cross-legged in the grass and rest. Tigerstar glances at me, her face painted with confusion. "I've never seen that happen. Usually, players can't fight like that."

I lift my shirt and examine the purpling skin along my torso. "Usually, players don't get bruised." Maybe my eyes are playing tricks on me (that or I'm going crazy), but Runescape suddenly looks and feel more realistic.

"Hold on," I say to Tigerstar, who is looking at me as if I have all the answers. Unfortunately, I don't. "Let me log out for a second. I'll be back in less than a minute." She nods, so trusting and innocent that I hesitate. She'll be fine. I hope.

I reach into my backpack and find my calculatormabob, which contains all the tabs for Runescape in one convenient package that looks like a complicated calculator. The familiar features quell a feeling of epic panic. I turn it, searching for the log out button. Searching for it? Normally, it's just there: no eye movement necessary. Now it's not there! I examine every inch of the calculatormabob until I have to accept the cold, hard truth: the log out button is nonexistent. My mind, my essence, my soul...is trapped in Runescape!

Tigerstar tilts her head at me. "What's wrong?" she asks.

"The log-out button is gone."

She raises an eyebrow, as if wondering what I'm so worried about.

I choke. "There's a world outside this one! This is just a game! The real world is out there." I poke my finger at the white, featureless sky. "Our physical bodies are out there while our minds are in here!"

"If you say so." Tigerstar stands, brushing off her skirt. She places her hands behind her back and glances up at the sky as if looking for this real world of mine.

If I say so? I know so. Right? I examine my scarred hand again. The wound is as real as a paper-cut in the real world. "Let's just find Edgeville." No need to panic…I think I begin hyperventilating because Tigerstar says, "Freak, calm down! You're going to kill yourself."

"Kill myself," I wheeze. I haven't even considered what happens if we die now in this strange, new twisted Runescape.

Tigerstar giggles all of a sudden, and I glance at her, startled.

"What's so funny?" I ask.

"Thank you for defending me from Dave," she murmurs with a blush. "You just remind me so much of Mordred. He freaked out about everything like you do."

"Mordred?" Like the evil dude from King Arthur?

"My boyfriend. Mordred234."

Her boyfriend! Um…I hope this Mordred is an understanding sort. I wasn't planning on making a move on Tigerstar or anything. Really! After all, I have Dawn. "Are you, uh, looking for him?" I inquire. Well, of course, she is. "You can always message him." I hold up my calculatormabob.

I'm immediately sorry for my words when her face crinkles with distress. "I've tried," she whispers. "He never answers. I'm so worried that something terrible has happened to him."

I suppose saving a gentleman in distress is a new and fresh sort of quest. "I'll help you find him," I promise. She nearly gives me a heart attack by hugging me. When she releases me, Tigerstar looks as surprised as I feel.

Clearing my throat, I say, "Let's go find Oziach." Tigerstar nods, and I notice that she's wiping traces of tears from her eyes. We both stand around awkwardly for a minute before we return to the problem at hand. While I do eeny-meeny-miney-moe for a direction inside my head, Tigerstar surveys the land around us with a thoughtful frown.

"That way!" she suddenly says and points to our right. "I think we might come out near the Monastery."

"Lead the way, my lady!" I bow. As I straighten, the look on her face tightens my throat. It looks like love, if I'm not mistaken…which, I very well could be.

Tigerstar lowers her gaze to the ground. "I'm sorry, but Mordred used to do that. Call me 'my lady,' I mean."

Crumb-buckets, at this rate, she'll start thinking I'm Mordred in disguise. I'm not…I think. Well, I'm pretty sure. Gah, I'm just Freak. A simple guy really. How do I end up in these messes?

Tigerstar leads us to the Monastery, and since we have to travel a small stretch of wilderness to reach Edgeville, we skirt past the ragged-looking sheep to the wilderness wall. Yep, someone filled in the good ole ditch that I had recently figured out how to jump properly. Now I have to jump over a wall. This reeks of unfairness.

I look away as Tigerstar leaps over the wall. I do have a sense of honor, you know. After all, she's wearing a skirt that would fly up and…I stop my train of thought before it turns too naughty.

"C'mon, Freak!" On the other side of the wall, Tigerstar sprints towards Edgeville as swiftly as a gazelle. Bracing myself, I face the wall and stare at it menacingly. It gives me a stony look. I sigh. Already, I know this won't end well. Even so, I start from a distance and start running towards the wall and then, when I'm half a meter away, I jump. It seems that I've cleared the wall when I feel that fatal jolt. My foot catches the very top of the wall, so I fall headfirst.

As I pick myself off the ground and admire the Freak-shaped imprint in the grass, I thank Saradomin that I didn't break my neck. Far ahead, Tigerstar is waving at me. She seems to be covering a smile…

Achy, I trudge along until I'm standing beside Tigerstar, whose face is carefully neutral. I grumble, "You can laugh if you want."

She laughs for a few minutes before placing a hand on my shoulder. "If it's any comfort, that was the most impressive fall I've ever seen."

"Thanks. I think."

We walk along, mere meters away from the wilderness, until the buildings of Edgeville emerge on the other side of the wall. Tigerstar, of course, returns to the other side of the wall without a problem. Meanwhile, I take my time to clamber up (er, haul myself) over the wall. No more leaping for me.

When I catch up to Tigerstar, she points to a small, lone building on the outskirts of Edgeville. "I think that might be the house you're looking for."

It must be 'cause I've never been in there. I grin at her. "Shall we?"

"We shall," she responds with a smile. We start walking in slow-motion, all dramatic like, towards the building before we start racing to get there first. She's like a mind reader, I muse, as we arrive gasping at the house door at the same time. Like a soul-mate. I give myself a mental slap.

"Well, here it goes." I knock at the door. When I hear nothing but a furtive shuffling, I push the door open. It's quest time!