Disclaimer (which I forgot in the last chapter): Own nothing, not even the idea for this. Credit goes to the wonderful J.K. Rowling.

To my reviewers:

google voldys horcruxes: I must say I disagree with you, but thanks for the compliment! I find writing humour incredibly difficult, which is probably one reason I chose to write this in the first place. I hope I do not disappoint!

Kibz: I was thinking of implying S/R, not actually detailing it as such, but yes. I much prefer it to Sirius the manwhore.

GryffindoratHeart: Well, I replied to your review anyway, but thanks for the review! And yes, Sirius is quite vain in this first chapter. I don't know why, to be honest. I'll see how I go with this.

Messrs Padfoot and Prongs (who I now know are two separate people!): I'm glad you liked it. And yes, it's completely different to my Sirius one. I felt like a change! And I have no idea how I am going to go writing 3 fanfics at once. But…we'll see how I go. You up for writing an English fanfic yet? I'm waiting…haha it's okay, I'll survive. As long as you keep reviewing! 

Lupin and Tonks Fan: Don't worry, Lupin won't be gay. It's just something that people will keep suggesting to him that make him really pissed off. I am considering making Sirius gay, however. Although I'm not sure if that will work. We'll see.

Kitty East: Thanks! Ahh, I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint you!

Okay, onto the next chapter! And keep giving me ideas/feedback. It really helps!

The day I was asked out by the most idiotic, egotistical jerk in the wizarding world: Lily

Argh! My first day at Hogwarts was awful. I spent the entire train trip trying to find Alice. She went to the bathroom and left her robes with me and kinda didn't come back. It turned out she was hexed by some jerk on the way and she's now in the hospital wing with a terrible case of boils. But I didn't know that at the time, so, as I've already said, I spent the whole train trip poking my head into carriages trying to find her. Which I didn't. What I did find were two idiots who wanted to invite me into their cabin. No thanks. I hate guys like that! Who think they can get whoever they want to do whatever they want. And, joy of joys, they both happen to be in Gryffindor. With me. One of them asked me out this morning at breakfast. I was about to start yelling at him but for some reason forgot that I was drinking pumpkin juice at the same time. Totally embarrassing. I was so angry at him for humiliating me I tipped the rest of it all over him. I really don't think he got the message though, cos he kept giving me this glazed idiotic grin. And it didn't leave his face even as he practically fell on top of the poor guy sitting next to him, who made his other friend topple backwards and onto the floor. In spite of my embarrassment it was quite funny. I think the guy broke something. Well, he deserved it. Pervert.

I found out the guy's name, by the way. James Potter. He makes me sick.

The day I asked out Lily Evans, aka the most beautiful, wonderful, gorgeous, sexy, sweet, intelligent woman in the whole world: (who else but James)

Well, Diary, today deserves an entry, I believe. Remember that girl from the train I was telling you about? It happens she's in the same house as me. Gryffindor, of course. She was sitting opposite me at the table in the great hall…I couldn't stop staring at her flowing red hair and her sparkling green eyes. And her smile…oh boy, I'm getting carried away here. I'm so glad you can't say anything back to me, cos I know you'd laugh when I tell you this. But I had to do it. I had to. How could I not, with her sitting there, sipping her pumpkin juice, looking like she'd come straight off the cover of Witch Weekly?

So I kinda asked her out. Actually, Sirius told me that I pretty much yelled it out. Oops, guess I got a bit worked up. Unfortunately for me, she was so taken aback that such a gorgeous hunk of man was speaking to her that she choked on her pumpkin juice. And that dratted cat, Mrs. Norris, must have been underneath the table again, because she tripped and fell over, and her pumpkin juice spilt all over my robes. Oh, happy day. I am never washing these robes. I hope she was alright, she was rather red in the face when she got back up again. And then she said something like "I will never go out with you ever!" Oh, she'll come around, I know it. I am never washing my robes. I think I mentioned that before. Now, where the hell are Remus and Sirius? I need their advice…

The day I broke my ankle: Sirius

Guess who managed to find himself in the hospital wing with a broken ankle on his first day of school? Come on, guess! Really, it's so unbelievable. So incredibly shocking, so mind-boggling, astonishing, astounding, beyond belief. Okay, it was yours truly. Bet that was a surprise! Now, Diary, I bet you're thinking yeah, whatever, it only takes five seconds to fix a broken ankle. NOT so. Let me start from the beginning…

So James kinda asked her out. Actually, he pretty much yelled it out. Yeah…slightly embarrassing. Poor girl was so shocked she choked on her pumpkin juice. And then tipped it all over him of course. And then – this is the most hilarious part – she screamed at him. I get the feeling he's not used to rejection, but for some reason he seems to think she'll come around. Yeah, keep dreaming mate. He doesn't even know her name. Well, neither do I. But I'm not the one that's in love with her, am I? Anyway, my hilarity was short-lived. Apparently, James has little muscular coordination, because his reaction to the pumpkin juice was to clutch onto Remus, who was sitting next to him, for dear life, who kinda fell on top of me…and, well, sufficient to say I then ended up in the hospital wing. With a bloody broken ankle. And Pomfrey's refusing to fix it, when I know she could do it with a wave of her wand. I think Remus knows the spell but he's not going to tell me. Damn, I wish I wasn't a first year. At least the hospital wing has a great proliferation of reflective surfaces, but I don't want to look in them right now. I look bloody awful. Great start to the year, I'll say. I didn't even get the opportunity to send a letter to dear old mum. I'm in Gryffindor, you see. Wouldn't bother otherwise. I'm sure when I get around to it a howler will come my way. But it'll be worth it when I get home and find my name burnt off the family tree. That is, if I am still welcome in the Black household. Don't you just love family.

Spent like FIVE HOURS in the hospital wing with Remus. That little git wouldn't give me the spell to mend my ankle. Even after we had such a deep conversation in his diary.

The day I was forced to spend AN ENTIRE HOUR in the hospital wing with Sirius Black: Remus

Well, the whole of Hogwarts saw James Potter completely embarrass himself today. He asked out that girl from the train, Lily Evans. I think I'm the only one who actually knows her name. The girl was mortified when he asked her, poor thing! James is never going to wash his robes. Oh boy.

The only thing more hilarious than James getting pumpkin juice all down his robes was Sirius breaking his ankle. Which was partially my fault, but then again, James did start it all by asking Evans out in the first place. Sirius is blaming me for not fixing his ankle. But honestly, he brought it upon himself when he complimented Pomfrey's 'nice arse.' Now, don't get me wrong, Sirius is quite…good looking…but, well, Pomfrey would be at least fifteen years his senior. (A/N: I have no idea how old Pomfrey is/was and whether she was there when the Marauders were around, so go with me on this one!) And she definitely was not flattered! I figure I could just fix it for him, but I don't really want to get on anyone's bad side this early on in the school year. And, I must admit, I do rather enjoy seeing him in pain – Hey, what you writing there Remus old pal? Seeing who in pain? Oi! This is my diary you're invading! Find someone else to annoy. This is private. Oh, is that how it is eh. And there is no one else! It's just you, me, and that frightful looking thing over in the corner. Sirius, that's Alice Redfield. And she just has a bad case of boils. Whatever, Remus, I'm scared to be alone in this place with that! Yes, we have established that you are. It is, after all, why I am here in the first place, when I would much rather be reading through our Transfiguration textbook for our first class tomorrow. We haven't even started anything in Transfiguration yet! I like to get ahead. Nerd. Prat. Hey! There is nothing better than spending time with me in the hospital wing. Well, I can think of a few things – Don't answer that. What you can do is tell me how to fix this, or convince Pomfrey to. I'm not doing that, Sirius. Now, enough is enough! I don't know what spell you're using but stop making your thoughts pop up into my diary! There…that's better. Hey! Stop reading! Oh, so I'm quite 'good looking' am I? Oh stop giving me that perverted wink, Sirius. I was merely trying to recall what had happened when you successfully prevented yourself from ever having your ankle fixed by your immature behaviour. But you think I'm good looking. No. But you wrote it! No…well dammit yes, I did. But you shouldn't have read it! So, on a scale of one to ten…I am not answering that, Sirius Black. How about this. Me or James? Sirius, I am not g – Remus, mate, stop denying it. We both know it's true. But I can't blame you. With someone like me around, well, I don't know how you could possibly feel attraction for anyone else. Okay, that's really enough, I'm leaving now. No, don't leave me here, its dark and there's no one else hereGood. You can contemplate. Reflect. Ponder. Dwell on the meaning of life. Write emo poetry in your diary. I don't write emo poetry. Well, it was merely a suggestion. You've been making emo conversation about your ankle for the past forty-five minutes. Hmph. Sirius, let go of my arm. Oh the pain! My ankle is killing me! Well, you should've thought about that before you went and hit on a teacher. I'll leave you and Alice alone.

Well, that was a nice, thought-provoking diary entry. Why does everyone seem to think I'm gay? Well, Sirius does. Not that I care what he thinks. I'd rather he think that than know what I really am. What are you? OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, leave me alone! How can you do that all the way from the hospital wing? I'm not. I'm sitting in the chair next to you. Your ankle is fixed. Yeah. I told Alice she had the most attractive case of boils I'd ever seen. Oh boy. This is going to be one hell of a year. Sure is. Oh go away, I'm trying to end my diary entry here. Oh, right. Preferably on a good note. How about finally admitting your deep obsession with me? Sirius, you need to get over yourself. Well, think about it. This particular diary entry has almost as much me in it as there is you. Something weighing on your mind? No, but something is getting on my nerves. Go write in your own diary! Fine, I will. Thought you didn't keep a diary. Never said that. Just don't write emo poetry in it. Sure. I don't! Whatever you say.

A/N: Peter wasn't in this one, just because, well, I couldn't really think of anywhere to fit him in. And if I had, it would've consisted of one sentence. But I refuse to ignore him completely. He was one of the Marauders after all, and although everyone hates him, they would not be Moony Wormtail Padfoot and Prongs without him.