AN: Sorry for the slow update, I've been really busy with exams, but now should be updating more regularly. I think I'm going to finish this fic (just one more chapter), then go back to the rest.
Summary: Cloud continues to examine the figures from his past, trying to understand who he truly is.
I've given it some time, and I think I'm ready to face the next batch of memories. I'm making it easier on myself this time, I'm going to focus on AVALANCHE, on those who are my friends and who Zack had no knowledge of. After the difficulties of the last set, remembering all that had happened, the fire, the labs, I'm going to take it easy. There's still ShinRa to do, and some of them have Zack's very strongest memories attached, but for now, I'm giving myself a break and focussing on those that I know best.
Before I begin, there is one more member of SOLDIER I forgot to mention. I will deal with him first, though I don't believe many of the thoughts about him are mine. Having Zack's soul entwined with mine for so long has left my thoughts unclear, so I may have met him and forgotten. Zack's memories about the past are a lot stronger than my own. This man was Lazard Descarius, a beautiful and kind-hearted man. He was ShinRa's illegitimate son, born and raised in the slums. He'd been looked after there though, and when he joined the company his father ensured he rapidly rose up the ranks. He wasn't an ordinary SOLDIER, he was their director, sending them out on missions and fretting until they returned.
He never forgot where he came from or who he was, and would do what he could to alleviate the slummers suffering – sending SOLDIER on training missions to kill the monsters that hid in the darkness, snatching young children and devouring them. Lazard was a good man, like Angeal, and like Angeal the Jenova cells destroyed him. He was graceful in his death though, and it gave Zack a sense of hope which Angeal's death had stolen from him.
Right, I think that's all for now. Well, all of SOLDIER at least. I don't think any of my memories of Lazard are mine, but I still want to acknowledge that he existed. I don't want him to be forgotten. I'd like to keep Zack's memories, just for them to be less overwhelming than they are now.
Onto AVALANCHE. We were a terrorist group, but now we're viewed as heroes. Me, Tifa, Barret, Cid, Red, Vincent, Yuffie, Cait and Aerith. Well, I guess there's only one person I could start with here, Barrett. He's the leader of our group, and when you first meet him he's terrifying. He shouts, barks orders, and one of his arms is a gun. You don't want to get on the wrong side of him. I really must remember to destroy this when I've finished writing it, he might not like what I'm saying. Anyway, whilst Barrett is absolutely terrifying at times, he is also a surprisingly kind man, and genuinely committed to saving the planet. Now that our fight is over, he's researching the use of oil as an alternative fuel source. He didn't just lead us so he could have his own personal army, he lead us so that he could do what he believed in.
He's a good father too, devoted to his adoptive daughter Marlene. He shows her a gentle tenderness the rest of the world wouldn't even believe in. She's only young, but she's smart, she has been helping Tifa run our bar since she was four. She reminds me a lot of Aerith... but those memories can be dealt with later. Marlene lives with me and Tifa now, while her dad's off scouring the world for fuel sources. She gets a phone call from him every night, and she's not alone. Me and Tifa take care of lots of the orphans in the slums, most of whom have never known care at all before. We try and look after them, give them an alternative from the life of vice and crime which was their only option before. One boy, Denzel, lives with us permanently. We found him when he was sick with geostigma, an illness caused by the remnants, and his strength helped me carry on when I too was wracked in pain by the then-fatal disease. We both survived, and I think that Denzel has big plans for the rest of his life. He wants to be a SOLDIER, and work with Reeve.
Reeve is an unusual one of my friends. To start with, I wasn't sure what to make of him, I'm still not. He was employed by ShinRa, he kidnapped Marlene and threatened to hurt her if we didn't comply. He used his talking robotic cat, Cait Sith, to infiltrate our group, and betrayed us. But then he betrayed ShinRa, and now he's leading the WRO, who are trying to get the world back on track. As for kidnapping Marlene – whilst we were lead to believe she was being tortured, and Barrett very nearly murdered everyone in ShinRa he was so frantic with worry, the girl had a great time. We got her home, and before we'd even worked out that she was unharmed she was begging to be allowed to go and play with Uncle Reeve again. Turns out, he's not a bad guy after all. He's weird, and has few friends, but he's brilliant with children and tries to fix things that are broken. I think even Barrett forgave him when Marlene said about how wonderful a time she had had.
I guess next I can deal with Cid. He's our pilot, a rugged mechanic with a foul mouth and an obsession with drinking tea. He also smokes, which always strikes me as a bad idea when he's near fuel almost constantly. He shares Reeve's affinity for machines, without having Reeve's need to give them personalities, and despite being loud spoken he always supports his friends. He seems the most fatherly of our group, gruff but very caring, always willing to help those in need. He takes care of the loner of our group, Vincent. He fights using a spear, which took some getting used to – I kept forgetting to duck when he twirled it around, and lost a few hair spikes, but I'm used to his unusual fighting style now.
One person I don't think I'll ever get used to is Yuffie. For a start, she fights by throwing a giant four-pointed star. It means that if she misses, she's suddenly without a weapon, and the enemy has a giant star which they can throw back at her. But she's good. She's a Wutaian princess, and only a teenager, the youngest of our strange family, not counting the children. She seems to split her time between complaining about how unfair it is that Tifa's well endowed and she isn't, and stealing materia. I can't quite understand the fascination the shiny globes hold for her, but it makes her happy. I met her when she stole my entire group's materia and we had to chase her, but she gave it back in the end. Zack had met her before then, when she was a little girl. He'd been sent to clear out the complex she was hiding in during the Wutai war. At only seven, she'd run up to him and tried to fight him, punching the SOLDIER who was almost two and a half times her height. He'd surrendered to her and she ran off, somehow surviving the war that destroyed almost all of her country. She often gets crushes on other members of the group, and is currently stalking Vincent. It's alright, I'm sure he can outrun her if he needs to.
Almost all of AVALANCHE done now. Just three more members. Since we've already gone over the talking cat, I guess the talking dog is next. I really hope Nanaki doesn't find out I called him that. Nanaki, also known as Red XIII, was a prisoner of ShinRa's before we freed him. He is wise, older than any of the rest of us, yet for his race only a child. His race can live for hundreds of years, and he is alone. I hope that one day, somehow, he finds a companion. Often at night, when we were travelling together, I would see him and Vincent watching the stars, a sombre look upon their faces. I decided not to question them. I don't think I could cope with understanding their pain.
Aerith is another one who was ShinRa's prisoner. She was half Cetra, and for some strange reason the scientists were attempting to breed her with Red. I can't even imagine what the outcome of that would have been if it had worked out! Half human-half wolf babies would just be weird. Aerith was a very gentle soul, very kind and generous. She'd lived in the slums most of her life, working as a 'flower girl' and taking care of the children that lived there. She'd met Zack, and they quickly became friends, he'd do little tasks to try and help her out. She was such a child at heart. She died to save the planet, murdered by Sephiroth as she cast the spell which would defeat him. She was not a warrior, she was a natural healer, but I think she was the strongest of all of us. Her death hit all of us hard, but none harder than Tifa. She'd lost her best friend. Sometimes, when I'd see the two of them giggling together, or walking off hand in hand to bathe, I'd think there was something more, but I let Tifa keep her memories now. I won't disturb them by asking too many questions.
Whilst Aerith's death so young was awful, there is one member of our group I feel even more sorry for, one who will never die at all. Vincent Valentine. He was once a proud and skilled member of the Turks, a brilliant shot and a well respected man. Now he is convinced he has sinned, slowly being driven insane by the voices in his head. Whilst Aerith, Red, Zack and I, and though they did not mention it, also Sephiroth, Angeal and Genesis, suffered at the scientist's hands, it is Vincent who endured the worst.
After he tried to protect his friend, Sephiroth's mother, he was shot. He was tortured, and to save his life a demon was implanted within his mind. Pleased with their success, the "doctors" had continued, implanting three more. He became immortal, his skin paled and he stopped aging. That wasn't all they did. His left arm is encased in a gauntlet to hide the damage that occurred, the skin stripped from the flesh in the name of research. Cid's the only one to see it uncovered, and he says it gave him nightmares. Vincent has nightmares too, he'd try to sleep separate from the rest of us so his screams didn't wake us. Cid would follow him to ensure he was alright. I think the mental scars are worse than the physical ones. For thirty years he was locked in the labs, placed in a coffin unless he was wanted for some reason or another. He doesn't want to talk about it.
I only spent five years in that place, but it was five years too long. I lost my mind, and it was Zack that got it back. Zack, Red and Aerith are the only ones who seemed to survive with their sanity intact. Zack managed because he's so strong and cheerful. I like to think that having me to live for helped, but he's so strong I think he'd have pulled through regardless. Red and Aerith had each other, and Aerith was so out of it anyway that I doubt she realised where she was. She spoke to the lifestream, and that gave her all the company she needed.
I think I'll leave it there for now. I know who has to come next, but the thought of writing his name, of thinking about him, sickens me. I'll return to this later, but now I'm going to take Marlene and Denzel out for some ice cream, and try to put my memories of the labs behind me. I'll face them when I feel braver.