A/N: Fushigi Yuugi has never and never will belong to me. Although I'm dreaming of my personal harem...Anyway, more shounen-ai hints! YAY! :DDD
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I opened my eyes again, and then I saw him. Sitting over me, watching me with concern. Of course, its not real concern, but he means well...I hate that mask. Only because I don't have one, and I can't cover up my feelings with a magic, smiling mask, like he can. I asked him to make one for me, when we set out after the seishi had all died...because I cried a lot then, and I didn't want Chichiri to see me cry. I had always been so cheerful, when they all were around me.
"Chiri," I sighed, and closed my eyes again. Thank you for being with me Chiri. I know I haven't been the best I could be these days, I know I haven't been the same Tasuki. I can't forget them...Nuriko...Chiriko...I can't say I had much emotion towards Hotohori and Mitsukake, all though I regret to admit it. Mitsukake and I were a little close, just because we both kept a close eye on Chiriko. We were both fatherly figures to him, and when he wasn't exactly helpful, we still tried to make him feel welcome. Chichiri was there when Mitsukake died...
He said it was the worst experience you could ever stand to see...except perhaps your best friend dying because you lost your grip, he had added reluctantly, and that he hated all the soldiers around. I was surprised at this. Chichiri? He was the oldest one. The wisest one. Even though he was kind of the silliest one. I had never known him to be angry at anyone. I don't want him to be. He said he had lost control, like he had done with Hikou, and yelled at them all...
I don't know why, but I can't imagine him yelling.
"Tasuki no da?" He smiled, and I could feel the emotion, even though I could not see a sincere smile. He was holding my hand...never letting me go.
"He did that with Hikou..." I thought, smiling. Chiri wouldn't let me go. Not when we only had each other left. He'd always stay with me...and I'd always help him. If and when I could. I finally found the strength to sit up in bed. I recognized my surroundings. This was the inn...the inn where I...where I hurt Miaka. Oh great. Now I'm crying again...
"Chiri, why did ya have to bring me HERE anyway? This is w I hurt her..."
"Oh stop it...it wasn't your fault, and you know that. Stop dwelling on the past.." The "no da" was absent from his voice, a sure sign he was very serious.
"Dwelling on tha past? I'll tell ya what dwelling on tha past is! Dwelling on tha past is making yourself a freakin' mask ta cover a scar that happened years ago, thats dwelling on tha past! I'm not the one ya should be yellin' at, no, yell at yerself first for beleiving that ya killed him!" I grabbed at his mask, but I only managed to take off one. One of his replacements stared back at me, smiling as always. I couldn't help it. I was angry at him...it wasn't fair. I was just thinking of what I did to her...and I thought I meant well. I thought I surely did. And then she was hurt...and Tama was hurt...and I had hurt everyone.
But now I had hurt Chichiri.
Chichiri had taken off his mask, and then, for the second time, I saw him cry. I had only seen him cry once before. When Hikou had died...and then, I couldn't help it. I stopped crying, sat up in bed, and hugged him. I had hurt him...more than I had ever hurt him before...and I felt terrible.
"I'm sorry, 'Chiri..."
"Its okay, no da...I know I shouldn't be crying, no da. I should be stronger for you, no da..."
"No, ya shouldn't. Its okay 'Chiri, we'll be okay together..." I hugged him even more, trying to be the person I was so many years ago. But then, I was being like Chichiri.
I was being someone I wasn't.
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I opened my eyes again, and then I saw him. Sitting over me, watching me with concern. Of course, its not real concern, but he means well...I hate that mask. Only because I don't have one, and I can't cover up my feelings with a magic, smiling mask, like he can. I asked him to make one for me, when we set out after the seishi had all died...because I cried a lot then, and I didn't want Chichiri to see me cry. I had always been so cheerful, when they all were around me.
"Chiri," I sighed, and closed my eyes again. Thank you for being with me Chiri. I know I haven't been the best I could be these days, I know I haven't been the same Tasuki. I can't forget them...Nuriko...Chiriko...I can't say I had much emotion towards Hotohori and Mitsukake, all though I regret to admit it. Mitsukake and I were a little close, just because we both kept a close eye on Chiriko. We were both fatherly figures to him, and when he wasn't exactly helpful, we still tried to make him feel welcome. Chichiri was there when Mitsukake died...
He said it was the worst experience you could ever stand to see...except perhaps your best friend dying because you lost your grip, he had added reluctantly, and that he hated all the soldiers around. I was surprised at this. Chichiri? He was the oldest one. The wisest one. Even though he was kind of the silliest one. I had never known him to be angry at anyone. I don't want him to be. He said he had lost control, like he had done with Hikou, and yelled at them all...
I don't know why, but I can't imagine him yelling.
"Tasuki no da?" He smiled, and I could feel the emotion, even though I could not see a sincere smile. He was holding my hand...never letting me go.
"He did that with Hikou..." I thought, smiling. Chiri wouldn't let me go. Not when we only had each other left. He'd always stay with me...and I'd always help him. If and when I could. I finally found the strength to sit up in bed. I recognized my surroundings. This was the inn...the inn where I...where I hurt Miaka. Oh great. Now I'm crying again...
"Chiri, why did ya have to bring me HERE anyway? This is w I hurt her..."
"Oh stop it...it wasn't your fault, and you know that. Stop dwelling on the past.." The "no da" was absent from his voice, a sure sign he was very serious.
"Dwelling on tha past? I'll tell ya what dwelling on tha past is! Dwelling on tha past is making yourself a freakin' mask ta cover a scar that happened years ago, thats dwelling on tha past! I'm not the one ya should be yellin' at, no, yell at yerself first for beleiving that ya killed him!" I grabbed at his mask, but I only managed to take off one. One of his replacements stared back at me, smiling as always. I couldn't help it. I was angry at him...it wasn't fair. I was just thinking of what I did to her...and I thought I meant well. I thought I surely did. And then she was hurt...and Tama was hurt...and I had hurt everyone.
But now I had hurt Chichiri.
Chichiri had taken off his mask, and then, for the second time, I saw him cry. I had only seen him cry once before. When Hikou had died...and then, I couldn't help it. I stopped crying, sat up in bed, and hugged him. I had hurt him...more than I had ever hurt him before...and I felt terrible.
"I'm sorry, 'Chiri..."
"Its okay, no da...I know I shouldn't be crying, no da. I should be stronger for you, no da..."
"No, ya shouldn't. Its okay 'Chiri, we'll be okay together..." I hugged him even more, trying to be the person I was so many years ago. But then, I was being like Chichiri.
I was being someone I wasn't.