Chapter Two

Georg shifted uncomfortably in the chair. He was early for his appointment with the Mother Abbess and she had yet to appear. His last communication with her was ages before when he needed help securing a governess, any governess, that might take on his children. This time he was going to be specific in his choice and not knowing how much the woman knew about Maria's cause for sudden departure the first time made him more than a bit nervous.

He had expected to be called to answer for the way he treated the young postulant that had been entrusted to his care, but the call never came. He knew he should have inquired about her well-being after she left to make sure she was truly all right, but he waited too long and lost the nerve. That the Reverend Mother agreed to meet with him initially gave him hope, but the longer he waited there in the small room, the more he wondered if he was going to have to answer for himself after all. Finally the door to the meeting room opened and without fanfare, the abbess entered and closed the door behind her. She was a slight woman and her face was seasoned by many years, but she was clearly a formidable woman.

"Good morning, Captain," she said, her voice light and friendly, not exactly what he expected. "I am very sorry to keep you waiting, I'm sure you are a very busy man."

"It was not a bother to me, Reverend Mother. Thank you for letting me come speak to you personally. I thought it would be better than trying to explain my business by letter."

"Oh? Is there something I can do for you?" Georg relaxed as he saw kindness in the old woman's face, as though handing out favors was a special treat for her.

"Yes, well, it's about Fraulein Maria… oh, maybe it is Sister Maria by now?"

"Maria? I'm afraid Maria has not been able to take her vows yet, though it isn't for lack of effort on her part. What is it you wish to discuss about her?" The Abbess sat back in her chair and gave the Captain a look of serious interest.

"Well, first of all… how is she?"

"Oh, she is fine."

"Is she? She's happy?" The Reverend Mother gave a quiet chuckle.

"I can't imagine a time when that girl isn't happy, Captain. It is one of her many wonderful qualities. It is very kind of you to ask." Georg smiled, relief flooding his chest.

"I'm very glad to hear it," he said as he exhaled a breath he didn't realize he was holding. Reverend Mother waited silently for him to continue, curious that his words were more than just a polite inquiry. It seemed as if he expected the answer to be otherwise.

Then again, the Reverend Mother was always curious when it came to anything to do with Maria. While she left matters concerning the other postulants to Sister Margaretta, she made an exception when it came to Maria. She was fascinated by the girl's spiritedness and her simple and unique perspective on life. In all her years of service at Nonnberg, she had come across every imaginable problem to be found among the postulants and novices, but Maria surprised her. She didn't have problems, she was the problem; totally undisciplined and impulsive, frustrating less tolerant nuns with her running around and constant singing. Still, she liked the girl very much and knew that what she lacked in manners and decorum, she more than made up for in devotion and love.

That was why it was so hard to keep denying her when it came time for taking vows. And so very difficult to not let her keep trying.

She had thought it was providential when the opportunity came to send Maria to the von Trapp house to be a governess. She believed that Maria needed to leave the Abbey for a time, to use the opportunity that God sent to search her heart and determine if she truly understood what it meant to take those vows. Maria was always talking about what she wanted from life at the Abbey; a home, a family… a place to belong. The Reverend Mother wanted Maria to also see those things existed outside of the Abbey walls, too. Maria had to learn that wanting to belong and knowing she belonged were not the same thing.

When she lasted the first month with the von Trapps, the Reverend Mother was sure she found the solution to the problem of Maria. But then she returned unexpectedly, well before the determined time. She seemed very glad to be back and resumed her place among them as if she never left. In fact, she seemed even more determined to succeed. Maria was liked by all the Sisters, but it wasn't enough. In the end, it was clear that she would never become a nun. They would find a place for her among them, but in her heart the Mother knew it was better for Maria to find where she truly belonged. The hard part would be telling all of that to Maria.

"I would like to ask if Fraulein Maria could come back to us, to my children, that is. You see, I am about to embark on a rather large business venture and it is taking me to Italy for a very long time. I don't want to uproot my children. Austria is our home. But I can't just leave them without someone to care for them. Fraulein Maria was… well, my children became incredibly fond of her while she was with us. Her departure was quite a blow. I don't think they would accept anyone else and so I was hoping that maybe…" He couldn't quite finish the statement. He couldn't help but think that the nun sitting across from him knew there was something he wasn't saying.

"When Maria returned to us, I was led to believe that you were about to remarry, Captain," the older woman exclaimed in surprise. "Are you remarried?"

"No," he said, perplexed. "I'm not sure why she would tell you that." A second later, he realized he did know. She made up the story so she wouldn't have to give the real reason for leaving them. He tried to back track so he could keep her secret. "It is true that I brought the Baroness Elsa Schraeder to meet my children with the idea that someday there may be an engagement, but there was no definite plan for that to happen anytime soon. It must have been a misunderstanding."

"Hmm," the Reverend Mother toned as she regarded his explanation. "I am not sure I think that is the case. Did something happen to make Maria leave?" Georg shifted in his chair again.

"Happen? I'm not sure what you mean," he lied. If Maria didn't tell her, he was not about to betray any trust she might still have in him.

"Aren't you?" She asked again, her eyes fixed on him.

"It was her choice to leave us," Georg said quickly. His collar seemed tight and he wished he could stand and walk out the nerves that were growing in his belly without appearing to hide something. "She always talked about the Abbey as her home. I'm sure she was longing to be here, with her family." The Reverend Mother sighed. She could see him struggling with himself.

"Captain, I know you are a good and honorable man," she said. "Yet I sense there is something you aren't telling me, something between you and Maria." Georg stared at his hands.

"Mother, I'm not sure how honorable I am. After all, I'm leaving the burden on Maria to explain why she left. I suspect she is generously trying to spare me humiliation. I'm only trying to return the gesture." Georg looked the nun in the eye. "But Maria should not be ashamed. She did nothing wrong."

"So something did happen, Captain?" Georg cast his eyes to the floor. After a long pause, he cleared his throat and spoke.

"I'll only say that I made her doubt herself."

"You may be right about that but Maria is very resilient. I wouldn't worry, Captain." The Reverend Mother stood and gestured toward the door, indicating the meeting was over. "Captain, please let me talk with Maria. From what you've told me, I must leave the choice up to her this time."

"Thank you, Reverend Mother," Georg nodded in relief as he followed her. It was all he could ask, and more than he deserved. "I am willing to do whatever I need to do to have her back, any accommodation, anything. And please," he paused before walking through the door. He reached into his pocket and produced an envelope. "Could I ask one more favor? Would you be willing to see that Maria gets this?" The abbess took the letter and nodded. She escorted the Captain to the gate and bid him goodbye.

As she walked slowly through the passageways, she started to frown with concern. She looked at the Captain's letter. He came all the way to the Abbey to discuss Maria but he never asked to see her. And yet in her hand was evidence that he had something he wanted to say to her, to only her. Something is very odd, she thought. She continued to the courtyard where she found Sister Margaretta. She asked the mistress of postulants to deliver the envelope to Maria with a message that once she read the contents, she was to report to the Mother's office as soon as possible.

XxXxXxX

Maria stared at the envelope long after Sister Margaretta left her alone. Her name was written in sharp pointy angles. The handwriting was familiar, but she couldn't understand how or why it would be from him. As she slid her finger under the seal and opened it, she said a quick prayer that it wasn't bad news, and that nothing had happened to one of the children. As she unfolded the piece of expensive stationery, her eyes fell to the name at the bottom and she felt a small pang in her chest.

Her very last memory of the Captain was when she informed him of her resignation. He was so miserable that day. As he should have been, she chided herself. He behaved abominably. Don't you remember the bitter smell of his breath in your face? How your lungs screamed for air when he covered your mouth with drunken force? The icy grip of his hands and the feeling of terror right before you were able to break free?

She remembered all of it, try as she did to forget. But she also remembered the pain in his eyes as he looked at her as if she was his dead wife. She remembered the raw ache in his voice as he begged for answers to the emptiness of his arms, his bed, his life. All she wanted to do was help him find a little respite from the hurt and loneliness. Her intentions were good. Your intentions are always good, she muttered again to herself. You still manage to ruin everything.

"This!" Her uncle hissed at her, waving broken pieces of a dish in her face. "This is why you don't deserve to have good things. You are a careless girl, Maria! A stupid, careless girl that leaves nothing but destruction in her wake!" Maria recalled her uncle's words but the voice that spoke them now were her own. With a sigh she turned to the contents of the letter in her hand.

Dear Fraulein Maria,

I pray this letter finds you well. It has been just over three months since you left, more than twice the amount of time you spent with us. Somehow it doesn't seem that long ago. The children still feel your absence deeply. They continue to sing the songs you taught them, but your voice is missing. Please don't misunderstand. I accept that you had to go. I know I gave you no other choice.

I have no right to ask you for anything, but I need to hire a governess for the children once again. I have business that will require me to go away for a long time. You should know you were never replaced. The children wouldn't have it and I didn't have the heart to press it upon them. They miss you very much. Would you please consider coming back? If you have an objection because of me, I will be gone. I'll be gone before you even arrive if that makes a difference for you. You should know that your feelings will be considered first and above all.

Were you happy with us, Fraulein? Are you happy now? I ask because that is the most important thing. You should be where you are happy always. I eagerly await your decision. I hope it will be yes.

Sincerely,

Captain Georg von Trapp

Maria slid the letter back into the envelope with a heavy heart. She had tried to place her time with the von Trapp family neatly into the past. At first she thought she could at least allow herself to think about the children, but that hurt more than thinking about everything that made her leave. She loved those children, really loved them.

It was the only time she felt accepted outside of the Abbey. And if she were to be honest, she was more tolerated than accepted at the Abbey. After all, she had yet to be allowed to take the vows. Some of the Sisters weren't very subtle about their opinion of her unsuitability and she was constantly answering to someone for some infraction. At the Trapp villa, however, she was accepted. It took a bit of shouting and there was a point when the Captain demanded that she leave, but he was quick to apologize when he saw he was wrong. Here I'm always doing the apologizing, she thought. He apologized to me not once, but twice.

She wanted to be a nun, to serve God with her life. She knew somewhere in her heart that much was always true. The Abbey was her home, it was her family. It felt like betrayal to suggest that she wasn't loved enough here. She was treated like a postulant. What else should she have expected?

But they didn't treat you like just a governess, her mind argued with her. Didn't Liesl say that they loved you almost as much as they loved their mother? Didn't they come to you with their hurts and their fears? Didn't they trust you with their secrets? Maria looked at her name written across the white envelope. The letter said that they missed her. After all this time, they still miss her.

When she returned to the Abbey, she was welcomed back warmly, of course, but she couldn't recall anyone that said they had missed her. In fact, quite a few times she heard how much quieter it was at the Abbey while she was gone. The Captain, on the other hand, wrote that they missed her voice… no, that her voice was missing, as if she were a piece of something that couldn't be whole without her. Maria's heart began to swell at the thought.

And just as quickly it dropped. At least the Abbey was safe. She couldn't say the same about the Trapp villa. There was no safe place outside Nonnberg's walls. Are you afraid of him? He won't even be there, the voice in her head laughed at her, didn't he say so in the letter? Yes, she answered. But who would keep them safe from her?

"You are a careless girl, Maria! A stupid, careless girl that leaves nothing but destruction in her wake! You don't deserve to have good things!"

XxXxXxX

The Reverend Mother watched Maria sitting quietly in the chair on the other side of her desk and waited for her to speak. Maria finally looked up at the nun and smiled humorlessly.

"I noticed there's no postage," she said, holding up the envelope, not really knowing where to start.

"It was delivered in person."

"In person? So, the Captain was here?" Maria started to feel her nerves begin to pulse at the idea that he came to discuss her with the Reverend Mother. "So, then you must know that he asked me to be a governess for his children again."

"Yes, that seemed to be his reason for coming," the abbess commented, somewhat doubtfully. She paused and regarded Maria for a moment. "I should have called for you. Perhaps it would have saved time. Do you wish to go back? I told him that I shall leave the decision up to you." Maria chewed her bottom lip as she pondered the question.

"Reverend Mother, may I ask about something?"

"Certainly, Maria," The abbess said with a nod.

"Will I ever take my vows?" The Reverend Mother was temporarily taken back. Not by the question, as she figured it was about time the girl start to wonder herself it would ever happen, but by the uncharacteristic note of defeat in her voice.

"I'm not sure I can answer you, my child," the abbess replied with a slight grin. "I do not have the ability to see into the future."

"No," Maria shook her head and moved to the edge of the chair. She leaned forward and looked fully into the nun's face. "What I want to know is, do you think I have I been wasting my time?" The Reverend Mother's face softened in sympathy.

"I see," was the reply. "I don't believe anything is a waste of time, Maria. I believe God sent you to us to teach you many things. But, since you are asking me a hard question, I feel I must give you the hard answer: No, Maria. I do not think you will ever take the vows. I'm sorry. I know how much you wanted… Oh, my child. Please do not cry."

"I… I understand," Maria cried, wiping the first tears that fell quickly. "Sister Margaretta tried to help me see it for myself, but I'm stubborn and I wanted it so much. My faith is too weak…"

"You have great faith and deep devotion, but the way we live out our faith here at the Abbey is… very particular. And it takes a lot of discipline. Don't lose heart; when the Lord closes a door, somewhere he opens a window." Maria dropped her eyes to the letter still clutched in her hands.

"Perhaps this is my open window, then," she said quietly. She looked up at the Reverend Mother with renewed sadness. "They need me back, Reverend Mother, and I need somewhere to go."

"But is that what you want to do?" Maria didn't answer right away. "Maria?" After a minute, the postulant wiped her eyes and stood up.

"Yes, Reverend Mother. They say they miss me and want me back. There is something to be said for that, isn't there?" The decision was made and it was a relief. "I need to let the Captain know. Would you, please, uh… would you?"

"I would be happy to make the arrangements," the nun replied warily. "It is rather strange, though, that he came all the way to the Abbey and never asked to see you. Now you ask me to intercede for you as well. It makes me wonder if it is proper for you to go back. What happened?" Maria hung her head. She made her choice; explaining what happened would serve no good purpose now.

"Nothing, Reverend Mother. I tried to help and I failed."

"They seem willing to give you another chance. It must not have been too terrible."

"Yes, Mother. I'll do my best this time not to let anything like it happen again."

Disclaimer: I do not own The Sound of Music or the characters. I'm not paid for this. At all.