The hallway was quiet and dark as the trio crept through. The only thing they could hear was the faint sound of an infomercial coming from an apartment a little ways down. The coast was clear. No witnesses in sight.
"I feel like I'm skulking through a haunted house," Tim muttered, bringing up the rear of the group.
"Don't worry," Tony joked, "with your complexion, you'll blend right in with any other ghosts."
Jimmy was situated between the two bickering agents. He was beginning to wonder how good this idea had been. "What's our plan?" he asked in a hushed tone. "I mean for the, uh, panty raid."
"Glad you asked, Palmer. I'll pick the lock…and then you'll go in first."
"M-me!?" he squawked loudly, causing Tony to slap a hand over his mouth. "Why me?" he mumbled through Tony's hand.
"Don't you want the honor of being our front man?"
"Not really. I mean, what if Ziva's up and practicing her knife-throwing?" Jimmy gulped audibly at the thought of Ziva's knife coming in contact with him.
"Tony, this was your idea," Tim pointed out. "You can be the front man."
"Fine," the older man relented. "I guess it only makes sense, seeing as I'm the only one here who's actually been on a panty raid. Not to mention, the only one with a spine," he added under his breath as they reached their destination.
Abby's apartment was very quiet, with no visible light shining through from under the door. Tony carefully pressed an ear against the door. The sound of harsh snoring could be heard inside. "Ziva's asleep."
"She a light sleeper?" Jimmy asked nervously.
"Well, she can sleep through her own snoring, so I wouldn't say so. She does sleep with a gun, though."
"God, I hope she doesn't sleepwalk…or sleepshoot," Tim grumbled.
"Stop whining," Tony ordered as he knelt before the door, extracting picking tools from his pocket.
"Um, how are we going to see?" Jimmy asked. "I mean, we can't really use flashlights…can we?"
"Just take careful steps, Palmer."
"What…what if I trip?"
"Then we'll leave you to take the fall for us and you will be at the mercy of Ziva and Abby."
"…I won't trip."
"Good idea."
Tony heard a satisfying click and stood. He slowly turned the knob and pushed the door open gently. Thankfully, there was no creaking of the bolts as the door opened. He turned and held a finger to his lips, signaling to Jimmy and Tim that it was time to be quiet and set serious. Well, as serious as a person could get when they were on a panty raid. Tony stepped in and waved the other two into the apartment. He closed the door most of the way, leaving it open just a crack, in case they needed to make a quick getaway.
There was enough light coming in from the outside street lamps for the boys to properly assess the apartment. Ziva was in a state of deep sleep on the rather comfortable looking couch. She had a blanket pulled over her body, wrapped around her like a cocoon. She was facing away from them, but her snores were coming through loud and clear. Abby, nowhere to be seen, was presumably in the bedroom.
Tony pulled Jimmy close and whispered, "Take McGee and check Abby's bedroom."
Jimmy nodded, fearing that if he spoke he might wake the dozing assassin. He tapped Tim in the shoulder and gestured to the bedroom. As they crept away, Tony took a look around the living area.
An open bag lay beside the couch. On top were a green shirt and cargo pants. When Tony picked those up, though, he struck gold. "Yes…" he whispered in glee as he lifted the panties up. They were black lace with a silver bow running across the waistband. Very dainty. Very unlike Ziva.
A bit more digging found three more pairs of underwear. The panties ranged in material from lace to silk to cotton. They were warm colors, with hues of pink and red. They were the very epitome of girlyness.
"Oh, man! Wait until McGeek and the Gremlin see this," Tony muttered as he stuffed the panties in his pocket.
Satisfied with his haul, he gave the sleeping woman one more glance before he made his way to the bedroom. The door was already partially open, and when he peeked in he saw Tim and Jimmy already scrounging through a dresser drawer. Abby's coffin was open, revealing the Goth girl asleep, snuggling a skull-shaped pillow against her body.
"Find anything?" he asked in a low voice, causing his cohorts to jump.
"Tony!" Timmy hissed. "Don't scare us like that!"
Jimmy held up a few pairs of underwear—all either black and red or black and pink—and whispered, "We found these so far. We also found an iron chastity belt. Should we take that?"
"Nah, it'll weigh us down," Tony decreed. "Besides, you never know when our Mistress of the Dark might decide to take a vow of abstinence and need her iron belt."
Tim was leaning against the wall, arms crossed, and eyeing Abby's open casket. "Can we go now?"
"Yes, McPartyPooper, we can go," Tony said with a large, cartoonish eyeroll. "We've got more than enough." He nodding toward the door before turning and slowly creeping back across the room.
He probably would have made it if he hadn't tripped over the lid of the casket and landed directly on top of Abby.
The woman screeched loudly when she awoke in the dark to find a man lying on top of her. "Ziva!" she screamed hoarsely.
"Abby!" Tony hissed. "Abby, it's me!" But his protests fell on deaf ears.
"Get off of me, you pervert!" she yelled as she began hitting him with her pillow. "My friend is an assassin! She'll kill you! Ziva!"
The door flew open, hitting the wall with a loud bang. Ziva stood there, wearing only a T-shirt and underwear, with a gun in her hands. It was aimed directly at Tony.
"Hands in the air!" she bellowed.
"Ziva!" Tim called before she could do anything she would regret. "Ziva, it's us! And we're not armed."
She flicked on the light—though she kept the gun trained on the dark-figure—and the five of them blinked and squinted as their eyes adjusted. Ziva looked at the situation and slowly lowered her gun. "Tony? McGee? Jimmy?" she asked, shaking her head. "What are you all doing here?"
Tony extracted himself from Abby and stood up, hands in the air. "Hey…"
"Tony!" Abby scolded as she jumped from her casket. "You almost gave me a heart attack! And why are you guys holding my underwear?"
Jimmy and Tim turned red as they exchanged uncomfortable glances. "Well…uh…" Jimmy stammered.
Ziva's face was red like Tim's and Jimmy's, but for a much different reason.
"Tony! Why are my panties stuffed in your pockets!?"
"It was his idea!" Tim blurted out, pointing to Tony.
"McGeek!"
"Shut up, Tony! This is all your fault anyway!"
Abby crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes, fixing each man with a stare. "So you guys just decided it would be fun to break into my apartment and steal mine and Ziva's panties? Is that what this is?"
They all nodded mutely.
"Are you going to hurt us?" Jimmy asked in a small voice.
The two women shared a glance. Abby's face morphed into a smile. "You," she said to the three men, "stay here. Ziva and I need to talk."
Tony, Tim, and Jimmy shared looks. They didn't like the sound of that.
AN: Wowza! I can't believe this little ficlet has gotten as much attention as it has! Thank you! And up next, the punishment! :evil laughter: