Cora sits, gazing into space, she holds her book but she can't begin to focus on it. Thoughts of the last hour swimming freshly in her mind. Tears fill her eyes at the thought of Mary being right and she blinks them quickly away as the doorknob forewarning Robert's presence turns.
He looks anxiously at Cora as he enters the room, it had worried him when Mary had said she'd left to go to bed early, he hoped the flu wasn't making a reappearance, he'd lived in dread of that the whole week she'd been better. But as he watches her, he sees she is perfectly fine, no traces of recent sickness except the paleness of her usually sparkling eyes, she's far away, he muses and by the expression on her face, thinking of something she'd rather forget.
"Cora, what is it?"
"Nothing, it doesn't matter." It brings hope to her heart that he has noticed she is not quite herself that surely proves Mary to be incorrect? But the doubt filters back into her mind as she turns her back to him. Their marriage had been rocky for quite some months, what if Mary was right and he had found someone else. "It's just...Mary said something and then...then I thought about it and it upset me...that she may have been right...I...never mind." Robert stares at her back unsure whether to press her, when he remembers how distant their marriage has been recently, both keeping secrets form the other, besides she was always there for him and it was his turn to be there for her, he owed her that, just that if nothing else, after what he'd nearly done with that maid.
"What did Mary say?" Cora lays firm where she lays, not wanting to sound stupid by bringing up such a topic. Robert loves her, he almost always has. But her mind begins to doubt again as the last few, distant, cold months of their marriage flash in her mind. Unromantic couplings, Robert's heavy moans as he climaxed inside her without her body being so much as close. She wanted that to change, she needed that to change.
"After dinner, when she asked where you were and I said you were writing a letter she started joking around, saying...I'm just being stupid, it's ridiculous." Robert reaches forward and slowly rubs her shoulder, when was the last time he'd done anything that loving to her?
"It was obviously not too ridiculous, it's upset you."
"She, she joked that it must be a rather long letter and seeing as you weren't writing to me. Then...then...it must be for some...some mis-mistress you've got hidden away somewhere." Cora thankfully doesn't see Robert's shoulders slouch and his eyes fill with tears, her back is still to him. How close I was, he muses, to such a dreadful fate as that. "Any other day I would have found it funny, but recently, well we haven't quite been ourselves I mean...when was the last time we laughed together, or teased each other...kissed..or even, I mean...I can't even remember the last time we-we-we were lovers." She whispers the last word, an innocence that she hadn't felt since her wedding night washing over her. She turns slowly to look at him and noticing his pained expression misinterprets it, although perhaps that's a good thing. "I'm sorry, I was being ridiculous."
"We were lovers, just two months before you were ill, remember?" Robert doesn't wish to remember the event, nor a fair few before that. Her cold body, barely responding to his touches, him just aroused by the mere thought of sex rather than the woman before him. But he'll do anything at this moment to justify things in his mind.
"I wasn't counting these last few months, that just been duty, to use your mother's phrase. I was thinking about the last time it was proper...I mean like we used to...always have, apart from these few months. What I'm trying to say is that I wouldn't be surprised if you'd decided to find yourself someone else, so Mary's words just-" she stops and looks at him, when he turns away she looks down. So, she takes a steading breath, there is someone else, Mary was right. He watches her as tears slip down her face. He looks at her beautiful face and hopes against hope he's about to make the right decision, he can't tell her, not yet, but he can put her out of her misery.
"There's nobody else. There never should be. I won't lie to you, I will admit for the first time in my life it crossed my mind. But, that passed, my dearest one. There's only you." His eyes dart between her eyes and her mouth and he's relieved when hers do the same. She reaches out and gently strokes the buttons of his shirt, he sighs at the touch and she smiles.
"So, we're really alright?"
"Yes." He places a hand on her waist and nudges her a little towards him. Her hand moves slowly over the skin bare above the top of his shirt. He looks at her nervous expression, and his mind sighs, this is what it's come to, she's nervous about kissing me. To settle her nerves, he can think of only one thing, to tease her. "So I have something to refer back to, when was the last time we were proper lovers?" She blushes and Robert smirks, it seems she's remembered almost the exact night.
"About eleven months ago." He inches his face towards hers and his nose rubs slowly over hers. However, she is still a little reluctant to put her lips to his, and keeps moving her lips back when he comes nearer as though their lips contain magnets. She offers a reason for her reluctance a second later: "At one point I thought you might have gone off me. I've heard variety is the key to these things." She blushes and runs a hand slowly through his hair, avoiding his eyes, she never felt she'd have such a conversation. He lifts her chin so she looks into his eyes.
"Never, do you know what the poets say about wives? They are a man's best, last gift." She smiles and she finally allows his lips to touch hers. The first kiss is chaste but when she leans back into him, he doesn't hold back and she happily opens her lips to his probing tongue, hers meets his just the other side and a small moan escapes from her throat. All it seemed, was alright.
AN: Thanks for reading. Robert's last line here was taken from the Billie Piper version of Mansfield Park by Jane Austen. It's a line that's always stuck with me and I wanted to use it.