The next time Jane sees either Allie or Rosaline, it's been almost a month since Allie got discharged from the hospital. The team had just gotten back from a particularly rough case, and Jane feels like her whole body is littered with bruises.
She'd gotten into a fight with a car bomb, and lost. But she'd pushed Zapata out of the way. So in some small way she felt good about these bruises. She felt even better about the small smile Reade had sent her way, and the relief in his voice when he thanked her.
Then, of course, Kurt had gotten a hold of her, she swore she couldn't tell if the ringing in her ears was because of the bomb or him screaming about her. Apparently she'd been both "reckless" and "careless", something he simply wouldn't allow. Despite the fact that he never discouraged her from following through with any of Naz's half-baked plans or ever bothered to give her a reason to think that her life had any value aside from her ability to sacrifice for them.
She sighed, trying to push the thoughts from her mind as she rustled around in her freezer trying to find the ice-cream she'd bought herself a few weeks ago. She deserved a treat after all.
"Gotcha," She cooed triumphantly as her fingers closed around the tub of pistachio ice-cream. Allie had introduced it to her on one of their many craving induced nights out, and Jane had fallen in love. It felt like the perfect ice-cream, a little sweet, a little salty, and a little savory with the ground pistachios tucked into the ice-cream.
She'd just opened the tub, ready to shove her spoon in and gorge herself when her phone range.
She answered with a groan, "This is Jane Doe-"
"God Jane, is that anyway to greet your best friend and baby momma?" Allie's voice washed over her and she felt her lips curl into a smile.
"Well, A. I don't think you're my baby Momma, something tells me Brian would have a problem with that, and B. I didn't get a chance to check the caller ID, so better safe than sorry," She shot back with a laugh. Amazing that she spoke more here in this moment with Ally than she had the entire case with the team. What did that say about them?
"I don't know, he likes you, I'm sure we could figure something out," Allie replied, and Jane could hear the smirk in her voice.
She just shook her head, "I don't know if he likes me that much Allie, but I do like to keep things interesting," she paused as if considering.
Allie laughed, "See this is why I like you Jane, but, before you get me too side-tracked I did call with a purpose."
"Oh yeah? What's up?" Jane asked, her ice-cream all but forgotten on the counter.
"Well, I need to get out of the house desperately, and I was hoping you might come keep Rosaline and me company? Maybe walk to the park or get the bookstore or really anywhere that isn't here?"
Jane was already grabbing her keys, and slipping on her boots, "Be there in five."
"You're the best," Allie told her before hanging up the phone.
Twenty minutes later they were rolling out of Allie apartment together. Allie pushed the stroller, but Jane held Rosaline in her arms.
Holding her felt as glorious and freeing as it had in the hospital room. Just as she had then, Jane found herself soothed by the sweet smell of baby, and she wanted nothing more than to never let her go.
"So, how's work been? Tell me everything, seriously, I'm dying here, what do the bathrooms look like again?" Allie joked, but Jane could tell the woman would be back to work sooner rather than later. Which she understood, even knowing how Rosaline made her feel, she wouldn't be able to resist going back to work either.
"It's fine, we solved a big tattoo case today," Jane told her, as they walked towards the park situation between their two buildings, "nothing too eventful, just an arms dealer and his cronies."
"Only you would think that's no big deal," Allie huffed, "I swear you guys see it all, don't you?"
Jane only nodded, shifting Rosaline's weight to her other side, her bruised ribs already protesting the extra weight. Amazing how heavy seven pounds could feel in the right circumstances. But still she didn't know if she'd ever put the little girl down.
"How's the team doing? I saw Patterson after Rosaline was born, but I haven't really seen the other since the baby shower." Allie asked.
"I think Reade and Zapata might be dating," She had noticed the glances they shot each other, and when they started arriving within two minutes of each other every day. But then again, she noticed most things, when no one talked to you, you tended to have a lot of time to watch. "Patterson, and Borden are still going strong."
Allied smiled, "Reade finally nutted up, huh?"
Jane smirked back, "Yeah he must have, or more likely Zapata finally got fed up waiting for him to make a move and made one herself."
The thought made them both giggle, Rosaline let out a sleepy yawn, and looked up at them when the sound started her, "I'm sorry baby, we'll be quieter," Jane whispered, exchanging a glance with Allie.
They walked the rest of the way to the park in silence, but it felt comfortable, not tense like with the team.
When they finally got the park, they chose a bench with a nice view of the park and a perfect beam of sun to sit on.
Allie broke the silence first, "Ya know, I never knew I could love another being as much as I love her, but I'm going crazy cooped up in the house all day. I must sound like a terrible mother for being so ready to go back to work," She looked at Jane and it was clear that this had been troubling her.
Jane shook her head, reaching out with her free hand to clasp Allie's shoulder, "Not at all Allie, you're used to being in on the action, and being home mostly by yourself can be hard. No one's going to judge you for going back to work, and if they do, fuck 'em they aren't worth having in your life." She paused, looking at her friend who suddenly seemed so vulnerable, "Seriously, Allie, no one doubts for a second that you love her. You just have to see how you are around her, only an idiot would think she wasn't your world. But being a mother doesn't take a way the fact that you're a person too, just means that your priorities shift around a little, ya know?"
Allie gave her a watery smile, "Thanks Jane, I needed to hear that, and I mean it's not like I'm going back immediately. It's just that my maternity leave is up soon, and Brian and I were talking about if I should go back to work or try to take more leave. I just hate feeling like she only a month old and I'm already letting her down."
Jane nodded, she couldn't understand how her friend felt, having no children herself, but she could imagine, "The only way you could ever let her down is if you left her and never came back. And you'd never do that Allie, she'll grow up never doubting for a second that she has a mother who loves her. Trust me, not everyone gets that." She certainly hadn't.
"You're right Jane, thank you," Allie replied, her smile stronger, and her face softened as she looked at the bundle Jane held against her chest. "She'll grow up surrounded by people who love her, including you Jane, so you have to stick around, alright?"
It was Jane's turn to tear up, but she turned her face away looking instead at the park around them. Even around Allie she didn't feel comfortable showing that kind of weakness, "I'll do my best," she replied, her grip tightening on Rosaline just for a second before she loosened it again, "But it might not be up to me."
Allie went to reply, but the sound of her phone interrupted, and she answered apologetically, "Kurt-whoa take a breath, what's wrong?"
Upon hearing that Jane focused in on the conversation.
"No, no, nothing happened, I'm at the park with Jane, Rosaline's right here-I'm looking right at her Kurt. Seriously what is going on?" Eventually Allie nodded, "We'll be there in a second."
When she hung up, she looked dazed, "What happened?" Jane asked.
"I forgot that Kurt was coming over to make dinner since Brian's working tonight, and apparently when he got to the apartment and found it empty he thought something had happened to us. So, we have to head back before he had a freak out of epic proportions."
Jane nodded, standing up, while Allie got everything back into the stroller, "Is he always so over-protective."
Allie just shot her a look that said she hadn't seen anything.
The walk back was as silent as the walk there, but this time they hustled towards the apartment. All of the leisurely levity gone from before.
When they reached the front of the apartment, Jane went to hand Rosaline back to Allie, the babies face scrunching up in displeasure, "Here, probably best if I don't come in."
Allie shook her head, refusing to take the baby back, "No, if Kurt has an issue he can suck it up, clearly she likes you more than she likes me."
Jane hesitated but Allie wasn't having any of it, "Seriously Jane, come have dinner with us, I don't think I can handle Poppa bear Kurt by myself."
Reluctantly she found herself agreeing, and next thing she knew they were walking into Allie's and Brian's apartment. Before they even had a chance to take their shoes off Kurt was in their faces, "Where were you?"
"We were at the park Kurt, I told you, nothing happened," Allie replied, pushing him back a few steps, "Now give us some room to breathe and don't wake the baby up. She just fell asleep on Jane on the way up."
Kurt seemed to notice her then. Jane felt herself shrink away from his gaze, but he just asked voice calmer, "how'd you get her to fall asleep like that? She never will for me."
Jane forced herself to shrug, feeling distinctly out of place, "I don't know, she just did-"
"It's Jane's Auntie Magic, now I know how to call at 2am when she won't stop crying and I'm at my wits end," Allie told her with a smile that was only half joking.
Jane only just stopped herself from telling her that she'd probably be up if she did. The nightmares hadn't gone away, and she frequently found herself staring at the clock for most of the night, instead she choked out, "It wouldn't be that different from our craving runs."
Allie laughed at how confused Kurt looked, "Craving runs?"
"That was our code word for when we'd sneak out to get food in the middle of the night when you and Brian were busy."
"You went out at night by yourself?" Kurt asked her, Jane could see what she meant about Poppa Bear Kurt.
"Calm down, Jane always came to pick me up, and if I'm not safe with her I honestly don't think anything could keep me safe," Allie told him confidently, taking Jane's free hand to lead her out of the entrance to the apartment and into the kitchen.
Kurt looked like he wanted to argue but Allie sent him 'the look' and he kept his mouth shut.
"So, what's on the menu tonight?" Allie asked, as she pulled out a chair for Jane and settled in the one besides it.
"I was thinking chicken noodle soup with homemade bread and my famous bread spread," Kurt told her with a smile.
Allie moaned, "God that bread spread was half the reason I kept dating you the second time."
Jane couldn't help herself, "Must be a pretty good spread."
Now it was Allie's turn to look at Kurt, "She's never had the bread spread before? What the fuck Kurt?"
Kurt just shrugged, "Well if you're staying for dinner now's the chance," he didn't look at her as he said it, but at least he didn't completely side step the question.
Jane looked at Allie, who nodded at her, "Yeah, I'll stay, if only to try the legendary bread spread.
So Jane stayed for dinner, and despite the awkward moment it wasn't terrible. Rosaline slept on her chest for the entirety, and that seemed to soften Kurt towards her. At least for the night.
The bread spread, it turns out, was definitely worth it. She could live off that stuff happily if given the chance.
Dinner with her friend, and her beautiful baby felt so much better than eating ice-cream alone in her apartment. Even the ever present tension between her and Kurt couldn't dampen the evening for her.
That night when she got home, she fell asleep to the soft smell of baby and the sound of laughter ringing in her ear. Her bruises all but forgotten in light of evenings events.
She just wished everyday ended full of friends instead of alone. But maybe thing really would change for the better.
Who knows?