As usual, I own nothing. This chapter was torture to edit, but it's here now~

Twenty-Three Minutes

Mai and Zuko were dashing through the halls of the palace, completely disregarding the shocked stares directed their way from the servants who didn't yet know of the Fire Lord and Fire Lady's tendency to act like unruly teenagers rather than Fire Nation nobility. Mai's rare smile soon dropped from her face, however, and she tugged on Zuko's sleeve in an irritated way; catching her gaze, he nodded and turned abruptly into a side passage. As soon as they were out of earshot, he leaned against a wall to catch his breath and said, "Why-"

Pressing a finger to his lips, Mai simply replied, "I hate it when they do that, gaping at us like fish." She didn't elaborate any further, and Zuko didn't ask, though he knew something was off. Mai didn't go out of her way just to avoid gawking servants.

Noticing the impassive mask that had once again slid over his wife's face, Zuko turned to her and asked awkwardly, "Mai… do you remember the time when – when I proposed?" There's that dinner tonight, he thought.

"Of course I remember, Zuko, you proposed. What kind of wife would I be if I forgot that?" Mai rolled her eyes.

"So… you do remember, right?"

"Zuko. You stuttered and blushed, knocked over your wine trying to be smooth, took me for a walk, and when you finally managed to propose, you walked into a tree right after I agreed."

Zuko flushed a deep red as her recalled his embarrassingly clumsy proposal. It had been more than a year, and he was still no good at having intimate conversations with Mai. "Well, yeah, but do you remember what I told you, right after that?"

Ignoring the worry that was coursing through her veins, Mai sighed, "Some sentimental mush about love and so on." There's that dinner tonight.

"I suppose, but do you remember what it was I said, specifically?" He was beginning to feel like a fool, and Zuko blushed, looking down at his feet. Mai, on the other hand, seized the opportunity to turn her head to the sky and think, Agni, please make him shut up.

"You went on about how you loved me and no matter what happened that wouldn't change. That's touching and all, but you know I don't like this soppy, lovey-dovey mush about forever and always," Mai sighed, stopping to brush a nonexistent spider web off a portrait of an angry looking Fire Lord.

"Please, Mai, listen. I… I love you with all my heart and I always will no matter what happens. If there's anything wrong, Mai, don't be afraid to tell me…" Zuko's voice trailed off and he looked towards Mai, who remained perfectly still.

Inside, all she felt was a churning, tossing mass of confused emotions and worry. Does he know?she thought frantically, feeling as if she were about to be sick. What if he does?Mai glanced back at Zuko's uncertain golden eyes and decided he couldn't know. For a brief moment, relief flooded through Mai's body. He can't know, who would tell him? This worrying is silly.

The blissful relief Mai had experienced disappeared in an instant as the realization hit her like an angry Komodo rhino. I'll have to tell him myself now. Sometime before the dinner, or... Oh, Agni, help me.

"Mai?" Zuko's voice was tentative, intruding into her thoughts and delicate state of mind; for a moment, she was tempted to let a knife fly, but she quickly decided against it. "Is there anything you have to tell me? You seem…uncomfortable."

I have to tell Zuko sooner or later. He's as much a part of this as I am, and like it or not, we're all in this together.Fighting to keep her voice steady, Mai whispered, "Zuko, I…"

"Yes?" The Fire Lord took his wife's hand, gazing into her grey-gold eyes with a concerned expression. Looking into Zuko's sincere face and hearing the care in his voice, whatever flimsy resolve Mai had had to tell him everything crumbled.

"I'm just feeling a bit weak," finished Mai feebly. "I think it's just because I haven't eaten much today. I should be fine."

"I guess you should lie down when we get back, or something," said Zuko, frowning. Mai's excuse was unconvincing and strange. This was Mai, after all, the girl who was always behind one mask or another.

I can't tell him now, I can't. It won't be good when I tell him. It's not good at all anyway. Oh, Zuko, I'm –

"You sure you're alright, Mai?"

"I just… I need to rest. That's all." I can't do this yet. Neither of us are prepared to deal with it. Maybe I should wait until another time. But there's the dinner.

"Are you sure?" There was obvious concern in his tone.

But there's the dinner. It's perfectly logical to not tell him now. Our duties come first, and then I'll deal with this. After the dinner. "Zuko. Stop worrying so much about me. I'll be fine." This response was sharp.

A pause. "Well, if that's what you say…"

"I can take care of myself, alright?"

"Whatever you say." Zuko was satisfied – this was better than fragile and confused – and it showed in his voice.

Somewhere in the back of Mai's head, a voice questioned, Is it really a good idea to argue with him right now? She pushed it away. This was all part of the act, wasn't it? Impatiently, she said, "If you're trying to suggest that I'm wrong, then-"

"No! That's not what I'm trying to say. I'm just saying that I'll take your word for it!"

"That's not what it sounded like."

"What? What do you think it sounded like, huh?"

"I told you already, Zuko."

A servant quietly passed by, paying no attention to the familiar sounds of their argument.

"I just – I want to help you, but I trust you, Mai, so – you know what I mean!"

The voice in Mai's head was laughing bitterly now. Is this part of the act too?

"You trust me. Yeah, okay."

Zuko's fists were clenched. "What do you mean?"

"You trust me." The words sounded hollow to her, and all she was doing was making everything that much worse, but she couldn't help it.

"Well, yeah, I just said that, didn't I?" There was something off with Mai, that much was obvious, but Zuko decided to play along.

"Why?" Mai said the word with the least emotion she can, but to her ears it gave too much away.

"Why'd I say it? Because I do trust you, that's why, and it shouldn't be this much of a surprise to you!"

"You know what, forget it."

"What?"

"It's not a big deal, Zuko, so just drop it."

"The fact that I trust you isn't a big deal? It shouldn't be, it's pretty obvious."

"No, what I mean is… that this argument isn't a big deal. We'll be late if we keep squabbling like children."

"Oh. Yeah, I guess."

Mai started at a brisk pace, letting out a deep sigh. She had a dinner to survive, and after that, well, she'd rather not think about it.

Zuko pulled lightly at her sleeve, a puzzled look on his face. "Mai. Don't take this the wrong way, but are you sure there's nothing wrong? You're not acting like yourself."

"We're back to this again, are we?"

"There is something wrong, isn't there?"

"Yeah, there is," Mai muttered, desperately wanting to just get away. Her voice sounded quiet and lifeless, at least to her. "We're late."

"Not that. I know it's not that."

"We are late."

"Mai…" Zuko put a hand on her shoulder and awkwardly pulled her closer to him. A sinking feeling settled in the bottom of Mai's stomach.

"Zuko." Her voice sounded far off.

"Mai, I know I'm not good at this, really. But you need to tell me what's wrong."

Mai sighed again, stumbling away from him. "Get off me. Stop!" The Fire Lord opened his mouth to speak, walking towards her. "Can't you leave me alone?" There was a steely, icy edge in her voice at first that turned to barely controlled hysteria, her chest heaving with the effort.

"Please, tell me what's wrong." He grabbed her arm.

"Go away! Leave me alone!"

Zuko's grip loosened and his face fell. The pain was obvious in his eyes, one perfect and one scarred. Why is she doing this? Why all of a sudden? "Is that really what you want, Mai?"

"Just- just go away!" Mai crammed her hands into her sleeves. Fingers made contact with cold steel and she took a deep breath, feeling the countless knives hidden in her robes take away some of the stress. It wasn't enough. A soft noise escaped her lips before she could keep it in.

Softly, Zuko muttered, "What happened to 'don't even break up with me again'? What happened to 'don't leave me'?

"I want you to go away!"

Pain and confusion fled, leaving anger in its place. "I'm your husband, Mai! You- you can't just tell me to leave again like you did on Ember Island! You're stuck with me, Mai, whether you like it or not!"Tendrils of smoke curled upwards from the Fire Lord's clenched fists.

"Didn't you hear me? I said leave me alone!"By now Mai was shouting too, her raised voice echoing down the hall and leaving absolute silence in its wake. Somewhere in the depths of the palace there was the crash of two food trolleys and a scream, then the sounds of clattering trays and breaking crystal, like a grand finale to the argument that had just taken place. A heated silence followed as Zuko worked to check his temper and extinguished the flames that had appeared on the carpet, all the while glaring at Mai. "Fine," he growled finally. The Fire Lady made no movement, showed no reaction, gave no sign of hearing him give in. Zuko turned away and angrily strode back the way they had come. "Fine."

When Zuko's back had turned and disappeared around the corner, Mai turned and broke into a run. She could hear him yelling still, complaining about the food and the mess and the servants. This was the Zuko she knew and loved, always cranky, always hot-tempered, always caring nevertheless. How could I have hurt him like that?

For a moment, she had the urge to chase after him, to break down and tell him everything, to apologize and hope he'd understand. But she couldn't hurt him. Mai had seen the pain in his eyes and knew that if he didn't want this that it would be worse. She knew that he loved her more than he could say. And she knew that she loved him the same way.

It could kill them both, if it went wrong. Their relationship had been a confusing one, and although they loved each other they knew there was always something threatening lurking. There were balancing on the edge of something frightening at times, when the stress and the responsibility and the hurt set in. Mai had often reflected on their past and stared down the precipice herself.

Mai put her head in her hands and sighed. Maybe they could fix it. They'd rebuilt so much… But they were the Fire Lord and the Fire Lady, and this would surely tear them apart. They had duties to their nation. Responsibilities and an image to uphold. Honor.

Quietly, Mai wiped away the rare tears that had appeared on her face. Wouldn't it be better to get it all over with? To kill herself now, to spare him the knowledge, to let only one die rather than to kill them both? There would be none of the pain of worrying, none of the pain of knowing. The nation would hear, but they would be saved. Their honor, his honor, would be safe. Wouldn't it be better?

Mai ran to the suite of rooms that she and Zuko shared, sweeping her gaze over everything they shared. The window they'd watched the sunsets from, the table scattered with their belongings, the bed they'd slept in, the memories they'd had. The sofa where they'd eaten fruit tarts together. She passed it quickly, willing herself not to look, and took paper, brush and ink from the desk, tears still streaming down her face. She sat and began to write, signing the letter with a shaky hand and tucking it under a vase of panda lilies that had been placed there that morning.

As she studied her reflection in the polished surface of the vase, Mai thought of Ty Lee, the closest thing she had to a best friend. She would have been coming tonight. In fact, she was probably on her way.

She'd saved Mai once, when Mai was prepared to give it all for Zuko. Now she was ready again, this time for more than just Zuko, and Ty Lee couldn't stop her now.

Mai took out her sharpest knife, stepped into the bathroom, and locked the door.

As I said, torture to edit - I doubled the length at one point, but ended up deleting that whole part. I just don't really like this chapter, I guess. My style of writing and my ideas have changed since I first wrote this. Anyway, enough of this. Review, please? :)