Kingdom Hearts: Mutants of Twilight: Squatter

Disclaimer: "Today we's learnin' about rawks." - Early Cuyler, Squidbillies

Chapter 2: Super-Brawl!

Metropolis

"I shall make you fall before my power." Superman smirked as he advanced towards Cyborg, cracking his knuckles. The bionically-enhanced athlete slightly backed away from the advancing Man of Steel.

"Ah, man. And the Justice League just had to be busy." Cyborg grumbled.

"You are going to kneel before me, you sorry excuse for a sci-fi trope." Superman growled.

"I don't think so, jackass!" Cyborg snapped, firing a sonic beam at Superman. The powerful waves of sonic energy slammed the angry Big Blue Boyscout in the head.

"Uhnnn..." Kid Razor groaned as he tried to get up. "Uhhhh, the Kid of Rock's back...he's gonna be sore in the morning..."

"AAAAARGH!" Superman screamed, clutching his ears as the sonic waves brought his great pain thanks to his super-hearing.

"Nnnnn!" Razor winced as his own super-hearing picked up the sonic waves. Cyborg, you Robo-Dumbass! Hit him, not me!

"You..." An enraged Superman snarled. "Little...FREAK!" Finding a second wind thanks to his rage, Superman zipped up to Cyborg and with a rending noise and a BBZT, the Kryptonian ripped Cyborg's arm right off him at the shoulder.

"AAAAAAAGH!" Cyborg howled. My arm! He didn't really hurt me, but he did badly damage me! I gotta get me and Kid Razor out of here. I gotta get fixed or else my cybernetics will explode-! "GAH!" Superman grinned as he punched Cyborg across the face.

"HAHAHA!" He laughed. "You are nothing but a pathetic waste of space! A disgrace to both man and machine!"

"Ugn..." Razor grunted as he continued to try to get up. In his mind, he was furious. Okay, first this jackass pretending to be Superman messes up my day, then Cyber-Dope screws up and makes my ears ring, mothertruckin'... The Kid of Rock 'n' Roll slowly got to his feet, trying to shrug off the ringing in his ears. Meanwhile, Superman was trying to choke Cyborg out.

"Yes, you worthless waste of parts and organs." Superman grinned madly as Cyborg gasped for air. "Yes, how does it feel? How does it feel for you to be trapped in a body that grows more weak and useless with every second, while mine will always be mighty and powerful?!"

"Ack...agh..." Cyborg gasped. Can't fight him...too damaged...but one chance... One of his fingers turned into a blowtorch. He quickly swiped the flame across Superman's eyes, making the Man of Steel scream in rage and release Cyborg.

"You little abomination!" Superman roared.

Heh. Superman said abomination. Razor couldn't help but snicker to himself as he gripped his guitar. Too bad that ain't the real Supes. But then again, the real Superdope would take a week to figure out the first syllable. Superman backhanded Cyborg off the building.

"You worthless mistake of science and nature!"

"YAAAAGH!" Cyborg yelped. A growling Superman shook his head and rubbed his eyes in an attempt to make the bright light go away. He blinked a couple times and smirked.

"Ha! Little weakling." Superman laughed. "He was nothing compared to me."

"And you're nothing compared to the Kid of Rock, jackass!" Superman turned around and saw Razor slam into him, a human bullet with a rainbow-colored aura. "You may be able to beat up the Six Million Dollar Ripoff, but you can't beat the greatest superhero in the history of heroes! NOBODY CAN BEAT KID RAZOR, JACKASS!" Razor roared as he smashed the Man of Steel into a building. The Fearless One marched towards the downed Kryptonian. "The Kid of Rock don't need Kryptonite to kick your ass, Superfake! In fact, the real Superman dares not piss me off! And you know why?!" Razor's fists started glowing with rainbow energy as Superman got to his feet. "Because the Kid of Rock's powers are magical in nature, and Superman is magic's bitch!" He threw a mighty Power of Rock-charged fist. Meanwhile, the heavily damaged Cyborg fell down the building.

"Aw, man!" He groaned as he saw the pavement fast approaching. The crowd had long since fled. "I better do something fast if I don't want to be street pizza!" Reaching out with his one good arm, Cyborg dug into the side of the building with his robotic fingers. The fingers left deep straight grooves in the wall as Cyborg managed to slow his descent.

"Uhn..." The bionic Titan groaned. "Damaged...Need to call...others..." Cyborg produced his Titan communicator only to find...it got wrecked. "Aw, man..." He groaned. "Can't trust internal backup communication system...beaten up..." He noticed a pay phone.

Titans Tower, Jump City

Brring Brring! Brring Brring!

"Alright, alright! Keep yer pants on! I'm coming!" Garfield Logan, Beast Boy, snapped as he ran to the phone. "Hello, Blue Moon Detective Agency. Feeling troubled and at the end of your rope? Well, you called us, so you certainly are no dope." A tall beautiful orange-skinned red-headed teenage girl floated by and watched Beast Boy answer the phone. Koriand'r, princess of the planet Tamaran, and the superheroine known as Starfire, just blinked. "We'll right the wrongs and save the day. We'll put you back on the proper track and maybe even scratch your back..." (1)

"Uh...Beast Boy..." Starfire blinked. "You know Robin does not approve of you answering the phone like that."

"Aw, he's out strategizing for that Gathering thing, he's not gonna care right now." Beast Boy chuckled. Starfire floated towards Beast Boy and took the phone from him.

"Hello?" Stafire blinked. She gasped when she heard the panicked screaming from the other end. "Cyborg?!"

"What's up with Cy?" Beast Boy blinked in confusion.

"Yes? He is?! And who?! Oh, dear..." Starfire put down the phone. "By X'Hal..."

"What is it?!"

"It is Superman!" Starfire gasped. "He has gone mad!"

Metropolis

"Hold still, you blonde-haired little monster!" Superman snarled as he tried to use a lamppost to smash Kid Razor into the ground. However, Razor's superhuman reflexes and reaction time allowed him to duck, dodge, and roll past every blow. "I will make you kneel before me!"

"Nah nah nah nah nah!" Razor taunted, blowing Superman a raspberry. "Man, your aim sucks, Superfake! Your aim is worse than the real Man of Rusted Steel, and he couldn't hit the broadside of a barn even if the punch was thrown for him! Hahahahahahahaha!"

CLANG!

Razor dodged another blow from the lamppost. "You're so stupid, you make the real Supertwit look like Albert Einstein! And the real Superdunce thinks one plus one is eleven!"

"You managed to hurt me, you little arrogant speck." Superman snarled. "I will not allow to draw another breath."

Okay, the big dumb galoot hasn't figured out how to bring on the heat vision. And he's really pissed at me because the Kid of Rock can hurt him. Like the Kid of Rock cares. Razor smirked as he dodged another attempted blow from Superman. "Who taught you how to fight, Superfake?! The Kid of Rock's seen Wildcat fight, and he does it better than you! And he's both senile and punch-drunk!"

"You loudmouthed little insolent punk!" Superman snarled. "I will make you kneel before me!"

"Make this kneel!" Razor was about to throw another Power of Rock-charged punch when...

ZORT! ZORT!

Superman winced as a pair of green energy bursts hit him in the back.

"Now what?" He growled.

"Hey!" Razor snapped. "Who dares interrupt the Kid of Rock's epic display of butt-kicking?" The two heroes turned and saw Starfire floating in the air, her hands and eyes glowing green. "Oh, great. The Space Oddity. Wonderful." (2)

"What is this?" Superman snarled.

"I do not know what has come over you, Superman, but I implore you to stop this." Starfire warned.

"It's not Superman, you half-witted George Lucas reject!" Razor snapped at the Tamaranean. "Someone's taken over his body! The real Superman doesn't have a vocabulary that has words with more than four letters in it!"

"I am Superman now, boy! AND I AM TIRED OF YOUR ENDLESS INSULTS!" Superman roared at Razor, dropping the lamppost and clapping his hands together at Razor with immense force a la the Incredible Hulk. Razor was sent flying by the force of the clapping.

"That's the Hulk's move, you dumba-!" Razor started to curse, but he got silenced when he slammed into a wall.

"RAZOR!" Starfire screamed in horror. Superman smirked.

"Finally, that little flea shuts up." Superman eyed the Tamaranean girl. "I have no interest in wasting my power on you, girl. Fly away. If you wish to fight me, you will regret it...if I decide to let you live to do so."

"You hurt my friends, you impostor." Starfire growled. "It is you who will regret your actions! And I did not come alone!" The trumpeting of an elephant's horn was heard. The source, a mighty jade-skinned elephant, charged towards the Big Blue Boyscout. The elephant smashed Superman into a wall, and morphed back into Beast Boy.

"Yeah! That's what you get for trashing one of the Titans!" The green-skinned shapeshifter whooped.

"You two do realize that wasn't really Superman?" Razor frowned.

"Uhhhh...what're you talking about?" Beast Boy blinked. The Fearless One grumbled. He then started knocking on Beast Boy's head like one would knock on a door.

"Hello? Hello? Anybody home? Huh? Think, Beast Boy, think!" Razor snapped. "Superman is acting weird! He's ranting about his power, and he's using big words!" (3)

"What is your problem, man?!" Beast Boy snapped, slapping Razor's fist away.

"Uhnn..." Cyborg groaned as he struggled to get to his feet nearby.

"Kid Razor, we had gotten a call of distress from our friend Cyborg? Could you please tell us if he's alright?" Starfire asked with a smile. Razor shrugged.

"Heard Supes rending metal, so the Kid of Rock don't think he's okay.

"Uhnnn..." Cyborg moaned as he limped over to the group, using the building to support himself.

"Cyborg!" Starfire gasped.

"Dude!" Beast Boy yelped. The two Titans ran over to their beaten teammate. "What happened to you?"

"Superfake badly damaged me." Cyborg groaned. "I have to get back to the Tower for repairs."

"There's a Radio Shack near here." Razor suggested, pointing behind him with his thumb. "You could find something useful to give ya a quick fix over there. Worked for Johnny 5 in Short Circuit 2."

"Do I look like some 1980s robot to you?!" Cyborg yelled. (4)

"Well excuse the Kid of Rock for trying to help, you bionic butthead." Razor grunted.

"You children are really beginning to annoy me." The four heroes turned and saw a really angry Superman standing in front of the hole in the wall Beast Boy knocked him into. He clenched his fists tightly. "I am tired of this tomfoolery. I shall make you all feel the wrath of Superman!"

Well, well, well! Looks like business is picking up! What craziness will happen next? Can our heroes save Superman? What happened to him? Will I stop asking stupid questions? Find out in the next chapter! Suggestions needed badly!

(1) – Actual dialogue from Beast Boy from Action Comics #584

(2) - "Space Oddity" is a 1969 David Bowie song. It's off the album of the same name.

(3) – A reference to Biff Tannen from Back to the Future. Yes, I love 1980s pop culture.

(4) – Cyborg debuted in Dc Comics Presents #26, cover date October 1980.