(Disclaimer: Updates are overrated. Lethargy is underrated. Naruto is not mine. How overrated.)
Chapter 2
"NO."
"Please, un?"
"HELL. NO."
"Aw, dannaaaa...please, un?"
"Did I not make myself clear before? I SAID NO."
Deidara puffed his cheeks and glared at his redhead partner. He was wearing a pale pink button-down t-shirt with a white tank-top under it. His usual baggy nin-pants were replaced with a dirty pair of jeans coated with clay. His usual Akatsuki cloak hung loosely over his shoulders. The redhead had a black turtleneck sweater that reached almost down to his knees and a pair of gray jogging pants.
Sasori continued to fidget with his wooden models, loosening and tightening random bolts as he growled answers back at the blond. The younger artist was sitting on a stool across from Sasori's oak desk, swaying back and forth like he was on a swing, thinking of a persuasive way to make this old, grumpy man agree.
"I'll give you my share of milk and cookies, un?" The puppet master stopped unscrewing, looked up and frowned at Deidara.
"You know damn well that I can't eat, you moron," he snapped, and resumed taking out a rusty bolt from an old puppet. It dropped out of it's place and made a tiny "tink" sound that echoed throughout the empty "classroom".
The two Akatsuki artists were in the hideout's living room, which is going to be used as their "art room". The sofas and comfy-chairs were all taken out and replaced with a bunch of wooden stools and one huge cherry wood table, plus Sasori's oh-so-loved oak desk. The place itself was quite large, but the walls were so bleak and threateningly boring, it made the room much spacier than it already was. Which was nice for the two artists, who were to share the same classroom anyway.
But Sasori of the Red Sand did not like that idea. He did not like it at all.
The redhead sighed, "Look, our ideas clash, we argue every time we face each other, plus we have fangirls that reeeeeeeeally want to see us TOGETHER." Both artists shivered at the thought. "Why would I want to go through all that trouble just to run a class?" Silence took over the stale air around them. The only sound that was heard were Sasori's busy hands clanking and clicking with his models, either taking them apart or re-attaching limbs. Looking down at the ground, Deidara searched for other alternatives, but came up with nothing. He sighed and opened his mouth to say something, but somebody called out his name as if on cue.
"Deidara-sempaaaaaaaaaai!!!!!!"
The puppet master dropped his screwdriver and the blond fell over from his stool because of the bright voice's shock wave. Tobi waltzed inside with a rather large brown bag in one hand and a cardboard box in the other. The orange masked-nin was wearing a white button-down t-shirt and a pair of khaki pants. He still covered his exposed skin with his usual skin-tight black shirt and leather gloves which hid his neck , chest, arms, and ankles.
"Ah!" Tobi cried at the scene before him. "Diedara-sempai! Are you okay?" The blond rubbed the back of his head while shooting an angry glare at the masked shinobi.
"Dammit Tobi, un! Why do you have to burst out of nowhere like that, un?! What are you, a jack-in-a-box, un?!!"
"Uhh...," Tobi scratched his head, "I came in through this door, sempai...?" Sensing murderous aura coming from the clay artist, the masked nin skittered behind Sasori. "Sasori-san! Deidara-sempai is scaring me!"
The redhead rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Did you bring my supplies?" He asked in a bored tone. Tobi uneasily chuckled and set the cardboard box on Sasori's desk. The puppet master peered inside only to find pink scrolls, female nude "art" magazines, and every series of "Icha-Icha Paradise". He grinned and said his thanks to Tobi, eagerly picking up one of the scrolls and examining it from every angle.
"What are these supplies for, Sasori-san?" Tobi asked shyly. The older nin looked up from his scroll and his grin became wider.
"C'mon Tobi, who's gonna teach the really important stuff if Hidan can't?"
"'Important stuff'...? Hidan-san is gonna teach Human Anatomy and Physiology, right?"
"Yeah. From what I hear, Hidan's religion doesn't allow any of it's followers to...you know...tell other people about the wonderful parts about nature, er, I mean...all the good stuff that happens between a man and a woman. You feelin' me?"
"You mean, he can't teach other people about...dates? Prom? Love?"
"Oh, you seriously are naïve, aren't you Tobi, un?"
"Wait, what? I'm so confused..."
"Grr, forget it, un," Deidara grumbled, "did you bring my clay?" The masked nin hopped over to the blond and handed him the brown bag. It made a dull thud as it landed heavily on the ground. Deidara eagerly opened it and allowed his hand-mouths to loudly chew on the moist clay.
"Hey," Tobi started, "Kisame-san told me about the issue you two were having earlier. Did you guys solve it yet?" He watched as the blond scrunched his brows and the redhead shake his head slowly. Tobi struck a thinking pose and was silent for a moment. Then he raised an "Aha!" finger and brightly suggested, "Maybe we could build a wall in the middle of this room!" The two Akatsuki artists paused for a moment, and shrugged.
"Well, I guess it's better than nothing..."
"Huh, for a Tobi, you can actually think up of something useful, un." The masked nin took this as a compliment and blushed, the magic of "being-able-to-see-his-expression-even-when-he-has-a-mask-on" in effect. The two artists stood up and started looking for the center of the room, both of them chatting away what they were going to teach their students first and (of course) debated about who's art is the finest.
Unknowing to both of them, Tobi left the room with a small, yellow book in his hand. He opened the book to a certain page and paced off chuckling, murmuring something that sounded like "suckers".
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Kisame found himself in a very odd situation.
First, he saw Itachi half-naked (topless) running around the hideout chasing a rather large ball of clothing with little sandaled feet.
Then he saw the said Akatsuki member playing tug-a-war with the said ball of clothing. Itachi pleaded for the shark man to help him get his shirt out of the pile, and he agreed to aid him. He swiftly picked up the clothed ball and peeled off the excess clothing. Kisame heard muffled squeals, and when he peeled away the last pair of green boxers (probably Kakuzu's), he found himself face-to-face with a little child.
A little shark boy.
Unlike Kisame, the boy had two gill-like marks on each cheek instead of three, but his pale blue skin, large white eyes, blue hair, even his pointed teeth resembled a mini-adorable version of the Akatsuki's shark man.
The kid whimpered and kicked his tiny feet in attempt to wiggle free, but his feeble attempts were futile. The poor boy's eyes started to water and he buried his face into his arms, weeping quietly. Kisame merely cocked his eyebrows and turned his head towards the Uchiha.
"Itachi-san, will you please explain this to me?"
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Author: YAAAAAAAAAAAAY UPDATES! Second chapter, wootwootwoot
Kisame: Why do I have a random kid in my arms?
Itachi: Kisame, why didn't you tell me we had children...(blush)
Kisame: ...we don't...
Deidara: Kisame?! You had a kid?!
Sasori: ...with Itachi, of all people...
Kisame: We don't! D8
Kakuzu: I knew this would happen eventually, but jeez...
Hidan: Uh, I guess we should congratulate them...good job Kisame!
Kisame: I think I'll just stop trying...
Author: You know you liked it 3
Kisame: ...
Itachi: ...Kisame, is your face red?
Kisame: N-no!
Kakuzu: Oh my God, so he is uke?!
Hidan: Ha! I told you!
Kisame: (darts away)
Author: Don't let him get away! D