A/N: So we're back again!
Warning: Contains spoilers for The New Prophecy and Omen of the Stars and some MLG. You have been warned.
After a day, Firestar was back here, again. Yay. For those of you listening in on his thoughts, WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?! Oh, right, you're reading them off of your computer/phone/tablet. Never mind...
Notice that unlike most trollfic writers, there were no 1's in place of exclamation points. That's right, good spelling and proud of it.
"Okay!" Hollyleaf meowed. "We're on in three... two... one..."
Firestar grinned at the camera. "Hello, everyone, and welcome back!" he exclaimed. "First of all, we've had 22 views and one review where this is based on FanFiction. This is very disappointing and I expect better from you." He shook out a piece of fancy paper. "Our only review comes from XXwintershadowsXX- shout out to you, by the way, for being the first reviewer- which states:
'Ok, here's one: Prophecys and Omens. Some of us Fanfiction writers have a hard time writing them, so I thought this would be a good idea. And Firestar, I totally agree with you on the Lemon thing.'"
"YES!" Firestar yowled, jumping up from his chair. "Finally, someone agrees with me! YEAH!"
"Look, Firestar," called VolcanicPizza from offstage, "I know you're excited, but you don't have to screech like a chimpanzee that has just discovered what bananas taste like."
Somewhere out there in TV-land, the sole chimpanzee viewer shouted, "That's racist!" and demolished his TV with a biology textbook.
"Well, XXwintershadowsXX," Firestar continued, leaning forwards over his desk, "I've seen many different guides to creating prophecies out there in the world of the fandom- VolcanicPizza introduced me to a wonderful thing called the Internet which makes this job almost bearable- but I'll sum it up into a few major points." He turned to the blackboard that had just materialized out of thin air, pulled a piece of chalk out of the sky, and turned to the chalkboard. He wrote the first point, reading it as he did:
1. You don't have to include the first AND last parts of the names of the cats involved in the prophecy, or indeed their names at all.
"I've seen too many prophecies in cruddy fanfictions where it's something like this." Firestar said. "Say the main character is called Hawkfeather, and he/she is going to save the forest... WHICH HAS BEEN TOTALLY OVERUSED!" he suddenly yowled, and everyone jumped. "So the prophecy is something like, The gliding hawk's feather will preserve the Clans from destruction. This is too predictable and obvious. Only use the character's full warrior name in the prophecy if they haven't been given that name yet. The prophecy might as well be saying, Hawkfeather will save the Clans. This prophecy is totally predictable. A better prophecy would be something like this: The leaf-bare of the Clans approaches. As a feather takes flight, newleaf will arrive. It would be much better if Hawkfeather is an apprentice at the beginning, and becomes a warrior as the threat to the Clans arrives, so it's even less obvious who will fulfill the prophecy. It could be Hawkfeather, but it could also be anyone else in the Clan with 'feather' in their name. If any of you cite the 'fire will save the Clans' prophecy as an example of what I said not to do, remember that Bluestar was really going off a hunch when she named me Firepaw."
2. Don't make it obvious, and keep it simple.
"You know, you could've phrased that better." called VolcanicPizza.
"Shut up!" snarled Firestar. "For instance, let's use the shudder-worthy prophecy from Starkit's Prophecy- WHICH IS NOT CANON AT ALL, YOU HEAR ME? AT ALL! EVEN IF IT WAS, I'D NEVER FALL IN LOVE WITH SOME BLEEP-BLEEPITY-BLEEP BLEEP RAINBOW-EYED BLEEP-BLEEP MARY-SUE BLEEP! YOU HEAR ME? NEVER!" he yowled at the top of his lungs.
VolcanicPizza winced. "I'll have to bleep that out in case there are some little kids reading this..." He began typing even more furiously.
Quickly composing himself, Firestar continued, "The prophecy is: Out of the darkness, stars will come and get rid of the evil tiger and holly. You can immediately guess what it's about, and the only angle it's cryptic from is that the antagonists aren't introduced until a few chapters in. It's just easy to guess. Simple as that. A better prophecy would have been A bright gleam is blighted by a past evil. It uses the last part of Stargleam's warrior name, which she doesn't receive until she's six moons and pi days old, and doesn't specify what the evil is. Furthermore, it doesn't mention the outcome. If the author of Starkit's Prophecy had made Starkit less of a Mary-Sue, used a prophecy like this one, spelled things correctly, used more likely antagonists, and stuck to canon, who knows? Maybe more people than the author and her best friend would have actually liked it."
3. Keep it cryptic, and don't specify the outcome.
"Let's use the prophecy from the last books of 'The New Prophecy.'" Firestar turned to face the audience of TV viewers and FanFiction readers. "Before there is peace, blood will spill blood and the lake will run red. The prophecy is almost perfect because it doesn't mention any cat's names and doesn't specify how blood will spill blood. Even when it became obvious that the conflict was between Brambleclaw and Hawkfrost, it still wasn't clear what would happen. It could've gone with Brambleclaw killing me and joining Tigerstar just as easily as it going the way it did."
"Another thing you can try is to mangle some part of the prophecy, or cut it short." Firestar added. "You don't have to include the whole prophecy, and doing so can create controversy over what'll happen."
4. You don't have to have the same over-cliched medicine cats around a pool high as bleep doing prophecies with bleep kind of thing.
Static appeared over the swear words Firestar had written as he turned back towards the camera. "Remember, you don't have to have a medicine cat or even a normal cat get the prophecy while they're sleeping. You can have them hear it while they're hunting, have them have a vision of it, like when Leafpool received the 'blood-will-spill-blood' prophecy."
5. Omens can be better than prophecies.
"It can be better to have it be an omen, like Cinderpelt's fire-and-tiger. Omens are harder to understand than prophecies are, which can lead to the outcome of the story becoming even more unpredictable than cutting the prophecy short." Firestar drew a quick picture on the chalkboard of a stick cat staring at a bunch of lines with a stick cat inside of them. "Cinderpelt and I thought the fire-and-tiger prophecy meant Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight would destroy the Clan, and in fact they did, but in the best way possible. They destroyed the Clan but made it a better Clan."
In the ThunderClan camp, Squirrelflight and Bramblestar rolled their eyes simultaneously as they watched the show.
"I hope I answered your question... Of course, for those of you too lazy to come up with your own prophecies anyway," Firestar continued, "IWalkBlindlyIntoTheShadows has made a thing called Echoleap's Prophecies, where you can get one without trying to come up with it on your own. I can't guarantee their quality, but that's the path for lazy slackers." He smiled grimly. "I think that's it..."
From offstage, an air horn blared multiple times.
"Excuse me." said Firestar with a tight smile. He stood up and walked off stage. Shortly, lots of yowling, air horn blasts, and scuffling could be heard. After a minute, Firestar walked back on stage. "Sorry about that." he meowed. "SOMEONE just gave Badgerfang an air horn. But, you know, nothing I couldn't... deal with."
An Illuminati triangle appeared over his ear, and the camera zoomed in on it as 'that Illuminati music' played.
"Hey!" shouted Firestar, swatting at the triangle.
"Release the Doritos!" shouted Yellowfang, and Doritos rained on Firestar's head.
"What's going on?!" howled Firestar.
"It's MLG!" shouted VolcanicPizza. "Deal with it."
Random Nyan Cats and Snoop Doggs appeared as 'Smoke Weed Every Day' blared in the background.
"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU" Firestar raged.
A/N: Okay, so that was random... XD
But seriously, I hope this was helpful.
By the way, I do not condone the smoking or using of marijuana products.