Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, any of its amazing characters, or Disney World. (How amazing would that be?)
A/N: Sorry, Disney World!
My paws make the decision before I do. Too soon, I am standing in the fringes of forest near Forks. Could I really do this? Could I say good-bye to the one person it would hurt most to lose?
I've never really been religious, but I pray to any God that will perhaps listen or maybe take pity on me. I pray to the Roman, Hindu, Christian, and Jewish gods. Hell, I even pray to the Buddha dude. I know it will be in vain, but I try one more time.
Please don't make me do this. Please don't make me give up Bella. Anything but Bella.
She was making it impossible to keep my promise. I had promised I would never leave her, give up on her. I had already left, and I hate breaking my word. She probably doesn't even need me (or want me) anymore anyway. Probably forgot all about my promise.
The pack had seen I was coming and left me some clothes. Awesome. I don't have to deal with anyone beforehand. I just want to be left alone for a little while longer. They don't need to see me like this.
I tie the clothes to my leg and head to Bella's. I go slowly, mentally preparing myself.
I'm in luck. The bloodsucker is hunting. Must be, since he isn't with Bella. They are freaking inseparable. Like gum on the bottom of a shoe. Probably not the most pleasant analogy, but who gives a crap? She's in this house, right behind this door, and I'm standing here wasting the little time we have trying to think of an analogy for her and Edward. Idiot.
Hesitating for a second, I knock. I hear her footsteps (along with her tripping over something, typical) and immediately panic. Holy crap. What am I going to say? And I thought I was an idiot before…
None of it matters when she opens the door. She's there, she's alive, and she's looking at me like I came back from the dead or something. Complete shock.
Then, it looks like she's regained control of her brain because she's happy. Happy to see me. It hasn't been like that in a while. God, I missed that. Would miss that again real soon.
I sigh out of relief. "Bells." It's a relief seeing her again, saying her name. I had once told her Edward was a drug to her, but really she was my drug. Withdrawals really did suck. Her presence made me lighter, happier. It made me feel like I could do anything.
Anything but say goodbye to her.
"Jacob!" She jumps on me, wrapping her arms around my neck, hugging me as tightly as she can. It could never be tight enough for me. Despite my being dirty and kind of wet (I had taken a dip in a river to get rid of the smell), she still hugs me like she had many times before.
I grin, even though this is the saddest thing I'll ever have to do, even though this is probably the last time I'll hug her like this. I grin because there is just no other possible response to being in Bella's arms. How could I possibly be sad when this is the happiest place on earth? Screw Disney World.
"I missed you", she whispers into my ear. I try to use that great memory of mine to keep this moment forever locked in my brain.
"I missed you, too." We smile stupidly at each other as we separate.
"Where the hell have you been? We've all been worried sick about you!" She tries to shove me with both hands. It doesn't work. She's slightly joking, but her eyes tell me she really was worried. She must have been beating herself up while I was gone.
"Hey, relax. I just went out for a run." I smile softly, not exactly happily.
"Oh, Jake. I'm so-" I didn't want to hear that. I didn't need her pitying me or blaming herself for my pain. She made a choice. We all knew someone would get hurt, and it just so happened that it was me.
"It's fine. I just needed to get away for a while, you know? Sorry I worried you. And Charlie."
"Don't apologize! I should be the one doing that."
"There's nothing to apologize for." There really wasn't. She doesn't look happy about that, but she keeps quiet.
"How come you decided to come back?"
"I wanted to see you before…tomorrow." Before the wedding and her removing herself from my life completely.
"I'm glad. I wanted to see you too. I was worried that that last time we saw each other would be it."
"Yeah, last time I probably didn't look so hot." I looked down at myself. "Actually, I probably look worse now."
"Nah, you look great." She's smiling encouragingly. Pathetic.
"How are you still a horrible liar?" I ask, smirking at her.
"Oh, shut up. So I'm not good at lying. I wouldn't brag about being good at something that's illegal in a court of law if I were you."
I laugh. "Okay, I won't brag about it in court." Slowly, my laughter fades. "I'm really going to miss this."
She is abruptly sad. "I will, too. Is there really no way we can ever be friends, Jake? I mean, after some time passes?"
I let out a sigh. "I really don't know, Bells."
She nods. "Will you let me know if you change your mind? I'll always want to be friends, Jacob. That won't ever change."
"I'll let you know." Could I do that? Would I be able to be friends with a vampire? Seth is. But I don't think Bella being a vampire was the whole problem. Could I be friends with Bella again? After all this heartbreak and pain? I hate that I don't know.
As we look into each other's eyes, it just happens. Neither of us realizes it till it's really too late. One last kiss. A goodbye.
Her lips lightly, softly touch mine, almost like she doesn't want to hurt me. Silly, Bells. Like that would ever be possible. Like there was any way this couldn't be painful for me.
There was no heat. No fire. No passion. Just sadness and unspoken goodbyes. Goodbye to our jokes and laughing so hard we never thought we would ever breathe normally again. Goodbye to the garage and warm sodas. Goodbye to my wide smile and her playful reprimands. Goodbye to the best friend either of us would ever have.
With each second that passed, we let the hold we had on each other loosen. I never thought anything could hurt so much.
She pulls back, and I just gaze into her eyes. There are tears silently spilling over in both of our eyes, as much as I hate to admit it. We wipe each other's tears.
"Bye, Bells. Be happy. I love you and will always love you." I give her the biggest, most sincere smile I can.
"I love you, too. Please, be happy yourself, okay?" Her eyes are pleading with me. She's probably thinking about me imprinting. I almost snort.
"Sure, sure." I wave it off. More seriously, I add an "I'll try my best" for her sake.
One last look (and a soft "Goodbye, Jacob" that I would not have been able to hear without my super sense of hearing) and I walk away. I walk away from what my life should have been, from the person I would always want most.
I walk toward my home and family, towards a life of striving for an incomplete happiness.
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