I knew it was my fault, and I couldn't bear it. Jacob was sad, because of me. Though sad was a bit of an understatement. I could see it in his eyes. He loved me more than he could say. He was many things to me. Friend, lover, soul mate, husband. We were sitting in our deluxe garden, the sunlight faintly shimmering off of my skin. Sitting on the grass, watching a spider make it's web. It kept failing, as the faint wind blow it off course. Again and again it tried, never giving up. I was so engrossed I didn't even notice Jake staring at me.
'Renesmee?'
I turned, startled by the sound of his soft voice. I looked into his deep brown eyes, and saw the worry there. And of course, the sadness.
'I was just thinking. Why are we here? I mean, what is our purpose but to hunt? Jake…I don't know anymore. I screwed up pretty -'
Jake interrupted me with a long, passionate kiss.
'Nessie. You know I always have, and always will love you. Can't we just be happy with what we've got? Yes, we both made some pretty bad mistakes, but it wasn't your fault. We have forever, and then some. We can do whatever you want love. As long as it makes you happy.'
He kissed me again, but with more feeling this time, and…Well, I'll spare you the details.
Two hours later, as we the sun set over our scarcely clothed bodies, I began to feel guilty again. Jakes hand was interlocked with mine, and as I recalled the memory of the- my traitory, I instinctively sent the memory over to him.
Without knowing it.
'Nessie, I need you to stop feeling this way. If it's that bad, we could always go visit, we don't have to move back. Renesmee, your family miss you. I miss you. Ever since…well, you've not been the same. And I know it feels awful, but they're your family love, and you can't turn your back on them. The Cullens would be willing to forg-'
I put my finger to his lips.
'Jake, I can never go back. You know that. I almost exposed us and nearly killed Carlisle. I nearly killed you'.