A/N: You know, this is why I hate starting a new fic while you have another ongoing one. Then you can't stop making chapters and the other one gets neglected! For anyone out there waiting for Paradise Down In Flames to get updated, it's a quarter of the way done. I know, it's a lot of progress when I've had weeks to do it. But this story is just tempting me... I can't help myself!
Disclaimer: I still own nothing, but I'm continuing with my mission to get Grimmjow. Soon I will own him!
The next day Renji actually woke up on time, despite being tired. He had a hard time falling asleep after his talk with Byakuya, and wasn't really looking forward to seeing his Captain. Every time the man looked at him, he could practically feel the disappointment burning a hole in his heart. He never meant for anyone to find out, especially his Captain, but he never was much for luck. If anything, he always expected Byakuya to be the last person who would even care. The scars were for Renji, and Renji alone. They motivated him to get stronger and to stop making so many mistakes. He knew it wasn't healthy, and deep down he knew it had morphed into some kind of addiction. It didn't feel good, not in the least bit, so at least he wasn't turning into some kind of masochist. No, they hurt, and it's exactly what Renji needed to feel. Pain. Pain for failing, for being weak, for not doing what he's wanted to do for years.
Telling his Captain how he feels.
Since the day he became a lieutenant, Renji's always admired Byakuya. Maybe not so much at first, since he wanted to beat the noble so bad in battle, but when Aizen betrayed everybody something changed. Byakuya changed. He actually became more human, and Renji started noticing things besides how stuck up and powerful he was. It wasn't much at first, just small things, like that the man actually had a heart. He was a proud man, strong-willed and diligent, punctual and well mannered. He followed the law, but showed that sometimes, it's necessary to break some rules. Renji respected that. But then, one day, Renji started noticing a lot of things about his Captain, and things really changed.
His Captain had pretty eyes.
His Captain smelled amazing.
His Captain had soft, smooth hair. (At least it looked that way.)
His Captain had nice, creamy skin.
His Captain looked cute (and unbelievably terrifying at the same time) when he was angry.
One by one, Renji noticed his Captain's qualities, and slowly fell in love with them. He went through denial, not believing he was gay. A few more scars were added because of that. Then one day, he finally accepted the fact that he was in love with Byakuya Kuchiki. He immediately got drunk, wanting to smack himself a thousand times. Of all the people to love, his heart chose the most unobtainable person. Someone like Byakuya, a noble, clan head, Captain, and man, would never love a stray dog like Renji. The scars grew again. Rangiku and the others noticed he was depressed, but he didn't tell them why. They wouldn't understand. And now Renji was faced with a very serious problem. His Captain knew about his bad habit, and would probably keep questioning him about it. The man was smart, he knew there were way too many cuts. But what could Renji tell him? That they were because of him? Because every time Renji tried to tell him the truth, he pussied out and cut himself? Yeah, that would work out really nicely.
So, needless to say, Renji didn't want to be at work today. He still went of course, and on time for that matter, and Byakuya was acting like everything was normal. Renji knew better though. His Captain was just waiting for the right time to bring it up, and of course check Renji's wrists. He would probably wait until after work again. Oddly enough, Renji kind of enjoyed waiting for the day to end so he could talk to his Captain. If only the circumstances were different...
But still, meeting with Captain at night, when no ones around, and the candles make his skin glow and his beautiful eyes shine...it's almost romantic. It would be if we wouldn't talk about my problems. Hell, if I had the balls, I'd confess to him and kiss him. If I had the balls...Renji trailed off, thinking of all the times he failed and glancing at his wrist. Shit..it really has become an addiction. This is gonna be a lot harder than I thought. I'm over thinking it...I don't need to do it just because I can't be with him. Just because I can't ask him out because I'm a fucking pussy...shit, my wrists fucking itch now. When did this get so serious?
Renji glanced at Byakuya, who luckily wasn't looking, and gently scratched his wrists, hoping it would calm him down. Unfortunately, it only made it worse, so he scratched harder and harder, not noticing when Byakuya stared at him, quirking an eyebrow. Finally, the noble coughed, making Renji jump and move his hand away as if he had been burned.
"Is there a problem, Abarai?" Byakuya asked, though he already knew that there was indeed a problem.
"N-no Captain, just an itch is all." Renji lied, offering a meek smile. Byakuya didn't believe it, not even for a moment, and decided to call a hell butterfly, but made it look as if it had a message for him.
"I must attend a Captains meeting now, continue with your work." Byakuya said, letting the butterfly fly back out through the window.
"Alright Captain." Renji said, glancing at his wrist again. Byakuya left, and then concealed his spiritual pressure so Renji would think he left. He then walked around to the back of the office and went through the window, keeping far away from Renji but close enough to watch him. The redhead tried to do his work, but kept scratching his wrist, and then finally threw his pen down and sighed deeply. Byakuya narrowed his eyes as Renji took out Zabimaru and took his maroon wristband off, unwinding the bandages and positioning his blade on the underside of his wrist. He pressed down hard, and then swiftly slid the blade out, hissing as the point passed through. Byakuya was actually surprised at how much blood came out, but was too angry to care. In a flash, he was behind Renji, gripping his wrist tightly and making more blood ooze out. Renji yelped, standing and twisting around only to be met with angry gray eyes.
"C-Captain! B-but I thought you—"
"Abarai, what is the meaning of this?" Byakuya asked, his voice dangerously low. He began healing the cut, not releasing his grip, raising his spiritual pressure when he saw that blood had gotten everywhere.
"I-I...I don't know..I couldn't help it!" Renji said, his heart beating rapidly.
"I told you if you did this again, I would call Captain Unohana. You leave me no choice, Abarai. I must also take your sword, since you no longer deserve it."
"No!" Renji yelled, his hand gripping Byakuya's which was still on his wrist.
"No? Give me a reason not to, Abarai."
"I-I'm sorry Captain, just please, don't tell Captain Unohana! Please, I won't do it again!" Renji cried, his voice slightly frantic. Byakuya looked thoughtful for a moment, and then released Renji's wrist, sighing lightly.
"We will talk about this tonight. I need time to think of what action to take. Until then, I suggest you actually get some work done." Byakuya said, walking back to his desk. Renji quickly did as he was told, not wanting to upset his Captain more. He wasn't sure if he should look forward to tonight or not.
But if he had to be honest, he'd probably say he was.
Night came quickly, and Renji found himself losing focus yet again as he gazed into Byakuya's steel eyes, which shone brightly in the candle light. He didn't even notice the noble was speaking until Byakuya's aggravated voice snapped him out of his trance. Renji was glad it was so dark in the room, since he felt his face heat up.
"What was that Captain? I kinda..zoned out..heh." Renji said, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.
"I made my decision, Abarai. I realized that notifying Captain Unohana would make not only you, but myself as well look bad. As the lieutenant of the sixth division, you have an image to uphold, and I will not let it be ruined simply because you are having some sort of problem. However, I also realized that if you are out of my sight, you will merely continue harming yourself, as you proved earlier. So, I came to the decision that you will stay at the manor with me until this issue has been resolved." Byakuya said, and Renji felt as if the world had stopped moving. He opened his mouth to speak, but no sound would come out.
Stay...at the Kuchiki manor...with him?! Like...in the same room..? Oh..oh god...I think I'm gonna pass out. My chest feels like it's going to explode, I think my heart stopped. Oh...it's because I'm not breathing. Is he serious..?
"W-what?" Renji finally managed to say, his eyes wide in disbelief.
"Is that a problem for you, Abarai?" Byakuya asked, quirking an eyebrow.
"N-no, of course not! But..uh..where would I sleep? I mean, I know it's a big place and all, so there's probably room and stuff..but..I don't wanna impose or anything..It's not like I take up a whole lot of room, but it's just..wow...this is a lot to take in..are you sure about this, Captain?" Renji asked, not even realizing he had been rambling. Byakuya resisted the urge to smirk.
"We have room, Abarai, it is not a problem. And yes, I am quite sure. You will return to your home and gather anything you might need and then come to the manor. I will notify the guards to let you in and the servants will show you to your room." Byakuya said with an air of finality, leaving no room for Renji to argue.
How can I argue with this, though? I get to live with Byakuya fucking Kuchiki, the most gorgeous man I've ever seen! I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed to be getting my own room though. Then again, sleeping in the same room with him could be awkward, plus I don't think I would be able to control myself. Oh yeah, I'm supposed to say something.
"Yes sir. I'll go do that right now." Renji said, trying to hide his inner excitement. Byakuya nodded, and the two exited the office, going their separate ways. Renji made sure to get home as quickly as possible, grabbing his favorite sleeping yukata, a more fancy looking kimono for his days off, some spare uniforms, his toothbrush and hairbrush, and some personal care items. He didn't really have anything to carry it all in, so he settled for wrapping everything in a blanket and carrying it over his shoulder. Cheap, yes, but he had no choice. After double checking that he had everything, Renji quickly flash stepped to the Kuchiki manor. Just as Byakuya said, the guards were waiting for him, giving him an odd look but letting him in anyways. If that didn't make him feel out of place, the servants definitely did. He was immediately led through the many hallways of the Kuchiki manor, wondering how the hell he would manage to not get lost, and then finally came to a stop in front of a door.
"This will be your room, Master Abarai. You should find everything you need inside, and beyond the other door inside is the gardens. Feel free to visit them as you wish, and if you need anything, do not hesitate to call us. Or if you prefer, you may ask Master Kuchiki, he is in the next room. Do you have any questions?" The servant asked, her voice polite yet somewhat mechanical, as if she had practiced this speech every day. Renji felt that she really didn't want to be showing him around. And the other servant had yet to say a word.
"N-no..that should do it..thank you very much." Renji said, trying to sound as polite as possible.
"Very well then. Enjoy your stay." She said, and then proceeded to drag the young male servant away. Renji quirked an eyebrow and sighed, sliding the door open and then closed behind him. His jaw nearly hit the floor when he took in his temporary bedroom. He was expecting an empty room with just a simple futon, but no, he got quite the opposite. The bed looked to be queen sized, rising high of the floor and having four pillars protruding from each corner and took up most of the west wall. Next to it was a night stand, with a few lit candles already set out. A door was on the other side, which led to a small bathroom, and on the north wall was another larger door which probably led to the gardens. The east wall had a small table and a few cushions, and a few beautifully hand painted drawings hanging up, along with a dresser for clothes. There were few windows in the room, being next to the door that led outside, and through the blinds you could see the vast gardens.
"Shit." Renji breathed, hoping Byakuya couldn't hear him. The walls weren't paper thin, they were made of some sort of sturdy material, but they weren't the thickest either and Byakuya had pretty good hearing. He managed to make his legs move, and started emptying his makeshift bag, feeling an odd mixture of excitement and uncertainty. He truly was out of his element, which was rather unsettling, but at the same time he had Byakuya. True, the man sometimes made him feel like Rukongai dirt, but not so much anymore.
I wonder what he's doing...Renji thought absentmindedly, and as if on cue, a soft knock sounded on the door leading to the hallway. Renji jumped, feeling his Captain's spiritual pressure behind it, and quickly walked over to slide the door open. The sight he was greeted with was one that made Renji's mouth water. Byakuya was in a dark blue sleeping yukata, his hair free from the new clips he wore, making him look younger and more innocent.
"C-Captain.." Renji managed to speak, his mouth suddenly dry. He was going to be living with this man for who knows how long, and he wasn't allowed to act on certain impulses which at this point were growing out of control.
"Abarai, I came to check to see if everything met your needs." Byakuya said, remaining completely oblivious to the hungry look Renji was giving him.
"Oh, everything here definitely meets my needs." Renji said, his eyes wandering to the small amount of skin that was showing on Byakuya's chest. Realizing what he just said, and the meaning that was actually behind it, he backpedaled. "I-I mean, of course it meets my needs! Your home is amazing, Captain. Everything is so..beautiful. Completely opposite of what I'm used to."
"That is good to hear. If you would like, I can show you to the dining room, if you are hungry." Byakuya said, resisting the urge to raise an eyebrow at his lieutenants odd behavior.
"Oh, I don't want to burden you, Captain. I'm not that hungry anyways." Renji said sheepishly, his stomach picking the perfect moment to growl. This time Byakuya did raise an eyebrow.
"Are you quite sure of that, Abarai? I am certain you will not find it on your own and I do not mind showing you."
"Uh..well..if you insist." Renji grinned, following Byakuya through the maze that is the Kuchiki manor. He tried to memorize the way so that he wouldn't get lost in the morning, but it became hard as everything started to look the same. They passed a few servants on the way, who bowed for Byakuya and then to Renji, but not before looking at him strangely.
"Captain, do you ever get lost?" Renji asked, wanting to take his mind off of the servants.
"Of course not. Once you get used to it, you no longer lose your way." Byakuya answered, not being phased by Renji's random questions. He sometimes reminded the noble of a child, always asking strange questions.
"Really? So even when you were little, you never got lost?" Renji asked, having a hard time believing he never got lost even once.
"I never said that." Byakuya responded, stopping in front of two large doors and opening them, revealing the largest dining room Renji had ever seen. A servant immediately approached Byakuya, wearing an apron and chefs hat.
"Masters Kuchiki and Abarai, the food is ready for you now." He said, making Renji's eye twitch at the title. He wasn't going to get use to that, ever. Byakuya nodded, leading Renji to the table and taking a seat. He gestured for Renji to sit next to him, and then picked up his chopsticks, waiting for the food to be served. Not even a minute later, three cooks entered through a door which probably led to the kitchen, carrying trays of food. Renji tried not to drool at how amazing it smelt, but something was off. The food smelled somewhat...spicy. Renji did not like spicy foods. Byakuya began eating, looking elegant as ever, while Renji carefully took a small bite. It was indeed spicy, but he didn't want to be rude, so he forced it down anyways, probably looking less elegant than Byakuya. The noble suddenly paused, making Renji stare at him in confusion.
"It seems I have forgotten something." Byakuya said, making Renji furrow his brows. Byakuya Kuchiki forgot something? How can that be?
"What is it, Captain?" Renji asked, sipping the tea that was set out for him.
"Rukia does not know you are here." He said, resuming his eating. Renji almost dropped his chopsticks.
"You..you what?! How could you forget something so important?!" Renji almost yelled, panic evident in his voice.
"This was a bit lat minute, Abarai. I was busy preparing your room and notifying the servants and guards." Byakuya said, sounding completely calm.
"Well what am I supposed to tell her?! She cannot find out why I'm here, Captain! She'll turn me into her personal punching bag if she finds out!"
"If you do not wish for her to know of your presence, I suggest you make yourself hidden, since she is about to walk into this room." Byakuya said, finding Renji's fear of his sister somewhat amusing.
"What?! You should have said that in the first place!" This time Renji did yell, and was gone in a flash. A second later, the door opened, and Rukia walked in. Byakuya glanced at the food Renji was supposed to eat, feeling somewhat relieved that it was mostly untouched. Rukia wouldn't notice.
"Good evening, brother. Did I just hear Renji's voice?" Rukia greeted politely, taking Renji's seat.
"Abarai is not here, Rukia." Byakuya said, not wanting to completely lie to his sister. True, Renji wasn't there, in that room, at that moment. It wasn't that much of a lie.
"Really? Hm, I must be hearing things then." Rukia shrugged, taking a bite of the food. "Ah, it's spicy. Renji definitely couldn't have been here."
"Why do you say that?" Byakuya had to ask, wondering what spicy food and his lieutenant had to do with each other.
"Renji doesn't like spicy foods. He likes sweet things, like taiyaki." Rukia explained, not even wondering why her brother would ask such a thing.
"I see." Byakuya said, continuing with his meal but thinking deeply. Why would Renji eat the food if he disliked the flavor?
He did not want to be rude..I wonder how long it takes to make taiyaki.
After finishing his meal with Rukia, Byakuya went into the kitchen requested that the cooks prepare taiyaki. When they asked why, he lied and said he had the sudden craving, since he knew they would prepare it extra well if they thought it was for him. He then said he would eat it in his room and dispose of the dishes himself afterwards, thus dismissing the staff of their duties for the night. He made his way towards Renji's room, knocking lightly and entering when Renji's voice told him to. The room was dark save for the bathroom light and the moonlight from the two windows. Renji had just gotten out of the shower and was dressed in a rather nice kimono, one that Byakuya had only seen him wear once during the new years festival while he was helping Rukia with her ceremonial dance. It looked rather nice on him.
"I brought you food, in case you did not get enough at dinner." Byakuya said, watching as Renji's eyes lit up.
"Taiyaki? For me?" He asked, licking his lips happily and taking the tray.
"Abarai, if you do not like spicy foods, you could have simply said so. I myself do not like sweets, which is why the staff usually doesn't make any. However, Rukia informed me that this was a favorite of yours, so I had the cooks prepare it."
"You told Rukia I was here?!" Renji asked, pausing mid chew.
"Do not think so little of me, Abarai. She merely brought it up." Byakuya said, narrowing his eyes.
"Really? That's pretty random of her.." Renji said, going back to stuffing his face, throwing manners and proper etiquette out the window.
"You do know she will find out eventually. You are not the best at hiding your spiritual pressure, and she will certainly recognize it the minute she senses it."
"I know..but..what do I say to her? Something like 'Oh, hey Rukia, I'm just staying here because I've been cutting myself for years and your brother caught me' doesn't sound very good."
"And yet that is exactly what happened, isn't it? Why not just be honest?" Byakuya asked, not quite sure why he cared. It was not his problem, was it? Then again, Renji was living under his roof now, so it kind of was his business.
"You've seen her when she's mad! She'll kill me! Especially since I've known her the longest and I've never told her. I just..I don't even know how to tell her." Renji said, running his chopstick over the empty plate absentmindedly.
"Then don't you think you should tell her now? The longer you wait, the harder it will get."
"I guess...but if she throws me into a wall and it breaks, it's not my fault."
"Noted. If you choose to tell her tonight, she usually walks around the gardens around this time." Byakuya said, taking the tray from Renji and turning to leave.
"Alright, I'll do it Captain. Oh...and Captain?" Renji asked, making Byakuya stop and turn slightly.
"Yes, Abarai?"
"Thank you, for letting me stay here. I really appreciate it." Renji said, smiling warmly.
"It is no problem, Abarai. But do not think this means we are done discussing why you are here." Byakuya said, turning back around and sliding the door shut.
"Wait to ruin the moment." Renji muttered, glancing behind him at the door to the gardens. Through the window, he could see a small figure walking around, and swallowed the lump in his throat.
"Guess it's now or never."
A/N: Finally done! This took so long, it's not even funny-.- I'm sure you can all predict what will happen next chapter. I know there's not a lot of romance yet, but it's coming! You have to take it slow when involving Byakuya. It's just a rule. This story has a lot of OOC, but that's okay. It's still pretty good, I think. But, I want to know what you think, so remember to please review!