Dear Sherlock,
I have written several drafts of this letter because I honestly don't know what to say. I still don't know what to say. What do you say someone claiming to be someone that you care about returning from the dead? This better not be a prank. You're right I did go to your grave several times. I have cried, yelled, begged, and god knows what else at your gravestone which I thought had your body buried under it I did start to get over your death just like you said I would but then again you're always right aren't you? I did still miss you. It's all the things that I didn't think I would miss that I did. The way that you would refuse eat no matter what because you said it kept your mind sharp. I had to buy food because I knew that you wouldn't. I had a row with one of those registers just because you refused to go to the store. The fact that you didn't know that earth revolved around the sun or rather you purposefully deleted it. Whenever I pointed it out you got so mad. Remember that you said it didn't matter whether the earth revolved around the sun or a teddy bear. It wasn't important though. You probably deleted that to make room for something more important. Every morning I excepted to see you working on some case or shooting the wall even though at that time I thought you were buried 6 feet in the ground. I had to move out of the building because I couldn't deal with all the memories.
Just so you know I never lost faith in you. Even that terrible day when I got that phone call you telling me that you did those things. I just didn't believe it. Not because we were whatever we are after all this time I can't think of a term for what we are. You just don't seem sort of the person that could do that. People are wrong when they say you have no emotions. At that Christmas party when you realized that you made Molly mad and you apologized for that and kissed her on the cheek. A heartless person wouldn't have done that. Sure, you get a little bit too enthusiastic about crimes but that doesn't mean anything. You're just enthusiastic about work. If you worked a regular 9-5 job you would be praised or maybe if you didn't piss so many people off it would be a good thing.
I don't know why you're so surprised that Moriarty killed himself. It makes perfect sense. He's like a typical high school bully or like that man that you went to school with on that banker case but on a larger scale. He was so obsessed with you that he wanted to ruin you at any cost. To him killing himself was just a small price to pay to make sure your life was completely destroyed. I'm glad you cared so much about me. I did question it from time to time. There were times that I thought we were close and then there were times when I thought you hated me. I cared about you too probably more than I should have.
Is it weird that I don't think it makes that you've looking over me? Actually let me rephrase that. It doesn't make sense as much as explain certain things. I could've sworn that I've seen you around but I told myself that I I didn't see you and that my eyes were just playing tricks on me. I knew it! I knew that it was you. I didn't know that you were at that restaurant that night. You still remember that I have a sister? I've only mentioned her a couple of times. I thought you would've forgotten that by now.
Sherlock, yes once upon a time I had feelings for you. I admit that. I'm not embarrassed by that any more. I admit that the constant stream of girlfriends may have been my way of making a point that I'm 100% straight. Maybe we had a chance to be together. Under different circumstances than yes possibly we could've been something else. I would love to jump back in time to that first day that I met you but I can't. Things happened. You died or rather I thought you did. Then I met Mary and she makes happy. After you "died" there was a hole where my heart should be. I couldn't feel anything at all. Then Mary came along and I no longer felt numb.
You're right you are a selfish bastard for sending me this letter. I was perfectly fine. Well maybe not perfectly but I was okay. Then you have to come along and reopen old wounds and pour salt in them. You can't disappear three years and expect everything to be okay. I don't know why I even bothered writing this. I should've just thrown this letter out. Maybe that's what I'll do if I get a letter back from you.
-JW