Poor Alice, I guess she thought she'd be so happy that she wouldn't have to think twice about our relationship. I'm sure Alice should understand that Edward and I would like to be alone a little more than before, now that we're married. Sure we always wanted that alone time anyway, but now we were free to take our love to any extreme as we wanted.
Enough of thinking like this. I needed to eat.
"Bella, dear. What are you thinking about? Is it Alice?" His sweet voice asked, oh so calmingly.
"Yeah, I feel really bad for her. I don't know what to do," I replied.
"I'm sure we'll figure something out. But we have something important to discuss before we do anything else."
"What is it?"
"It's about you becoming one of us."
I was suddenly taken back by surprise. I always seemed to block this thought out of my head whenever possible. I don't know why but I didn't want to talk about it.
"Well, what's there to talk about? It will happen soon, enough," I plainly said.
"Bella, the way you're sounding, it's as if you are a little hesitant. Is it because you're scared?"
"Um, no. I'm not scared of becoming a vampire. I just feel that maybe, I'm not ready yet, you know."
Edward's expression changed to sorrow. I know Edward would rather me stay human, but I think he probably felt that I didn't want to marry him.
"Edward, it has nothing to do with you. You know I love you no matter what. I guess what I'm feeling is post-Marriage blues, if those are the right words."
"I've never heard of such thing, Bella. You're one of a kind, just the way I like you. I'm glad that you've told me how you truly felt. Would you like to visit your family anytime soon?"
Along with my family, I also longed to see Jacob. I knew Jacob was nowhere near as close as ever but some part of me wanted to see his smiling face again. I wanted to see my father Charlie and maybe say good bye to him. I wanted to see Renee and tell her how much I love her and overly thank her for letting me live with my dad.
There was so much I felt like I was leaving behind. I was a person who sucked at detachment. When Edward left me, I felt like my whole world was falling apart.
"Thanks Edward," I said. The thought just occurred to me that maybe detachment was what I needed. I know I'd miss my family so much more if I saw them just once more again. "I don't think seeing them should even be an option. I'll come back eventually, you know, after they think I'm on vacation from college. By then, everything should level itself out and I would hopefully feel the same way about them as I do now."
"Bella, I don't know why you're over thinking this. You're going to be perfectly fine. All you need is a little time to adjust and you'll be well on you're way. It takes time to heal these things, and surely time is what you will get," he reassured me. "But what about your friend Jacob?"
I paused in thought. "Jacob said he didn't want to see me again if I were a vampire. He wouldn't be able to deal with the pain. We've already said out goodbyes. What else could be left?"
"Maybe seeing him just one more time would make you feel a lot better. Maybe you'll feel a little more optimistic about your marriage."
"Edward, I'm really sorry that I feel this way because I know its affecting you too but it would hurt too much if I saw Jacob. He already said he doesn't want to see me if I'm a vampire because he's afraid he might do something."
"Bella, are you a vampire yet?"
"No, but—"
"But what, I think you should see him one more time. Just once. I'm sure he would be really glad to know you came back for him. Just once, Bella please. Say a 'real' good bye to him."
"What do you mean by 'real' goodbye?"
"It's just that, he took off with the wrong thoughts in memory. I'm sure he'll very much appreciate it that you came to see if, even if it's just once."
"How do I find him? The rest of the Quileute tribe doesn't know where exactly he is. He just took off like that, never mentioning where he was going."
"I'm sure, if you're around, he'll meet you."
"Where do we begin to look for him?"
Just then, Alice came back downstairs. She smirked at Edward on her way down. Edward looked a little hurt.
"Well Bella, looks like Edward wants to get rid of you," Alice scoffed.
"What are you talking about?"
"Well, he's obviously sending you off to Jacob, isn't he?"
"Alice please, I'm doing it for the benefit of her," Edward said.
"Yeah, right Edward, like you really want Bella to see Jacob. After all you've been through with that dog."
"Then why would I suggest it to her?"
"Alice, you already know why, stop taunting Bella!"
Alice rolled her eyes and glided outside the house to her yellow Porsche. I heard the purr of the engine start up and speedily took off into a distance.
"I think the best way to find Jacob is to literally go to La Push. Then we can talk to Sam and the others and see if they have a hunch to where he might be. I'm sure Jacob wouldn't go that far away," I said.
"Anything, my dear."
"Thank you so much Edward. You're the best," I told him, lightly kissing his cheek. "So when do we get moving?" I asked.
"As soon as the pack gets back, we can go," Edward said.
"How do we break the news to them?" I asked.
"I'm sure they will find out sooner or later," Edward said glancing towards the door.
To pass the time, Edward and I watched TV together but I couldn't seem to concentrate on the show. All I thought about was Jacob. I was really excited to see him again but the feeling of guilt clouded my mind. How can I do this to Edward? I already had to force myself to stop thinking about him before, but the memories just wouldn't go away. Thoughts of motorcycling filled my head, along with spending time with him, Quil and Embry. There was a smile on my face, and I'm sure Edward noticed. But I know Edward was glad that I was happy.