Title: School and Skirts
Author: ferretgirl-1124
Pairing(s): Eventual SpeedyxAqualad, RobinxStar, BBxRaven
Genre: Humor, Romance
Rating: PG-13
Warning(s): Slash, small strange weasel like creatures, homophobia, cross dressing, promiscuity
Disclaimer: I may not own them, but they do like me better then DC, so ha!
Word Count: 2,249
Summary: After discovering that HIVE is being rebuilt under the cover of an all girls school, the Titans decide to send some one undercover. Unfortunately, only one person is up to it, and this will not be thier easiest mission.
A/N: Alright, kids, welcome back to the wonderful world of crossdressing. It just gets weirder from here (if that's even possible). Keep in mind that Garth will be refered to as 'she', 'her', 'female', and 'girl', so just remember that the main 'female' is actually a male, even if they don't appear to be at the moment. And remember, humor is not my forte'. At all.
The building was old, majestic, ivy covered; a photographer's wet dream. It was the epitome of old fashioned, from the etiquette classes to the dress code, which included dresses that only the girliest of females could love. All and all it was a male's worst nightmare, and Roy laughing in 'her' ear every few seconds wasn't helping at all. Unfortunately, when she snapped, it was between classes and everyone got to see the new 'girl' whaling on her redheaded escort.
The other escort, a dark haired boy that was said to be her brother, stood over the two, looking torn between helping and simply letting the girl beat the crap out of his friend. The fight continued until a matronly looking woman grabbed the dark haired assailant and glared at her. "Miss Grace! This is not how young ladies behave!"
The boy she had been straddling scrambled to his feet and tried to stem his nosebleed. "Yeah, Grace. Be a good little girl!"
"Roy, I swear to god that when I get loose I'm going to kick your ass fro --"
"Miss Grace!" The shocked voice rolled through the halls, and for a split second, the group of gaping girls turned. Lightening flashed, somewhere a kitten died of a heart attack, and the congregation of females shivered. A tall, thin, gray haired woman stepped forward, arms crossed. "I was told that you would make up for you late entry with wonderful manners, and here you are, fighting like a common boy?"
The newcomer, Grace, stared at her, wondering how she had managed to make an accusation and ask a question at the same time. "I...yes?"
"Hmph." She turned her gaze to the only newcomer that hadn't been involved in a fistfight in the past five minutes and frowned. "And you must be her brother, Mr...?"
"Please, just call me Joseph."
"Well, now her behavior is understandable." She cast a severe glare at the three of them, "Now, miss Grace, you will be shown to your dorm. I'm afraid your brother and...that boy will not be allowed any farther into my campus."
The dark eyed girl glanced over her shoulder at the two boys she had come with, raising one hand in a tentative wave as the woman who originally yelled at her grabbed her and dragged her down the hall. Five minutes at her new school, and she was already notorious. The only good thing, so far as she could tell, was that she and the headmistress shared an opinion on Roy. Maybe that could help somewhere down the line...after all, she had made the sacrifice of coming here, so if Speedy had to be given to the villains before 'she' was trusted, then, well, she thought she could live with that.
Caroline Craney was an oddball. To be more specific, a pissed off oddball. She had been used to having her own room, dammit! And now she was staying with some stuck-up girl who had barely said a sentence to her since she had moved in two days ago. Hissing words that are often only heard in a catholic school, she dived into a pile of clothes beside her bed, ignoring the slight intake of breath from the other bed.
Okay, so she wasn't that neat. Did that mean the new girl had to gasp every time she tried to find something? Another few seconds passed, and she unearthed what she had been looking for. "There you are! How did you get out of your cage?"
She looked up just in time to derive pleasure from the sight of her roommate going from sitting peacefully on the side of her bed to plastering herself against the wall, eyes widening almost comically. "Cage? What do you mean 'got out of your cage'?"
"Relax!" Caroline flapped one hand impatiently, plopping on her neurotic peer's bed, hands wrapped carefully around her squirming pet. "Chelsea won't hurt you. She's hand tamed."
"...What is that thing?"
"A ferret."
"A…ferret. It looks like a rabid weasel."
Now, if they had had any mutual school friends, Grace would have been warned. As it was, she made the worst mistake she could have made, and was rewarded with a squirming, smelly pile of ferret being dropped directly into her lap. "Chelsea is not a weasel! Now bond with her! You need to be exposed to some normal pets; your obsession with fish is really starting to freak me out."
"First of, it's not an obsession." The girl grimaced and plucked the ferret from her clothes, wincing as sharp little claws hooked on the obscenely expensive school uniform. "Second, cats and dogs are normal pets. I don't even know what a ferret is."
"Chelsea."
Grace gave the other a disgusted look, one that quite obviously said 'you're 'parents were first cousins' level of stupid'. "Thank you, professor literal. You've made my education at this hell hole so much easier to endure."
"Whoa..."
After a moment or two, Grace became slightly unnerved by the wide-eyed stare she was receiving. "What? Never heard multiple syllable words before?"
"My god, the prep actually swears. This is a break through in my research!"
"I...have absolutely no idea what you're babbling about."
"...Neither do I. It just sounded good in my head."
"The echoes made it sound cooler?" Grace smirked, ducking as Caroline grabbed a pillow and threw it at her. Chelsea was smacked by her owner in the process of the throw, and for the next five minutes, the two girls were forced to stand on chairs to avoid the bristling animal. After that, things were better between the two, and -- after making sure that the ferret was safely locked in her cage -- they departed for their first class of the day, contently buried in a cheerful conversation.
"Grace."
"Mmph. Go 'way."
"Grace, wake up. They're going to be here soon!" The only response from her roommate was a muffled grunt. The two had slowly become more attached to each other since the Chelsea escape fiasco, and because of this Caroline never even hesitated. "Well, I tried."
As the freezing cold water hit Grace's skin, the pretty girl shot up, screeching. "AHH!"
Caroline snickered and threw a towel at her, then went back to working on her hair. "Get up. It's Saturday, and you know that means there are going to be visitors all over this campus. My brother's going to be here soon."
"Joy. Hope he's not as sadistic as you."
"Oh, no. Compared to him I'm downright sweet."
Grace sighed and sat up in bed, checking to make sure her necklace was still in place. This had become a habit created out of necessity; if anything were to happen to the necklace, the hologram that disguised her would be destroyed. So every morning she checked, and throughout the day she would make sure the small blue pendant was still working. It was simple self-preservation, an act that she did without knowing that by the end of the day, she would want nothing more then for it to fail completely.
It was ironic, she decided as she fled through the halls, that the only time she would ever be considered – at least in surface terms - 'normal' would be one of the most miserable times in her existence. There was probably a lesson to be learned in that, but right now she honestly didn't care. All she wanted to do was escape this horrible place and the perverts that visited it. Honestly, how did girls deal with guys that thought everyone with breasts were property?
Speaking of which…
"Wait up!"
Was there any way she could ditch this guy? Panting, she darted around a corner and flattened herself against a wall, silently promising slow and violent death upon her pursuer and the person who had introduced them.
Caroline hadn't been kidding about her brother's sadism (though Grace was fairly sure it was actually psychosis), but really, no one should be willing to go this far for a date. Hell, she had been leading him through the school grounds for ten minutes, and by this point she was just as confused as to how he was keeping up with her as she was by why he was bothering. Surely there were more willing girls; in fact, considering the moans she could hear from the empty classroom she was hiding next to, she was positive there were. Of course, she most likely had a bit more class then that girl, but Alex Craney didn't seem the type to care about that kind of thing.
As she tried to get her breathing under control so that the stitch in her side would disappear, the door Grace was leaning on opened inwards, and she fell back into the arms of the last person she wanted to see. This day had just gotten ten times worse.
They hadn't planned to send Roy to collect information from Garth. In fact, the teams had worked carefully to make sure that 'Grace's brother' would be available. But you know what they say about the best-laid plans. After a prison break out that took place the day before visitor's day at the school way-laid Titan's West day off, only one person was left that wouldn't need a hologram and small ton of paperwork to enter the school; Speedy.
The redhead objected until one of the twins reminded him of the blackmail potential. After that, he perked up considerably, styled his hair, put on sunglasses, and skipped off to the school.
Alright, maybe he didn't skip, but his mental state was such that if he hadn't been so damn manly, he would have skipped. Anyways, once he arrived he discovered a small problem. He was too sexy to be in a crowd of girls that had been deprived of boys. After being dragged off to three dorms and classroom, he was tired, and determined to find fish boy, get his report, and head home to get some well-earned sleep.
He left the classroom alone, the girl insisting that no one know what she had been doing, and had his wish granted as soon as he opened the door, as a small bundle of dark hair, big eyes, and soft skin fell into his arms with a gasp. The girl he cradled froze for a second, then pushed away with a small sound of disgust, and slammed the classroom door that he had just come out of.
"Speedy," She hissed, grabbing him by the collar of his button up shirt and pulling him till they were nose-to-nose, "What the hell are you thinking? These girls are part of H.I.V.E., remember? I know you're a man whore, but try to have some standards!"
The redhead pushed away, smirking slightly, and flicked her nose. "Personal space, fish stick. Ever heard of it?"
"That never seemed to be an issue for you, bow boy. Now, why are you here? I was told 'Joseph' would be coming to see me." The girl scowled and crossed her arms, feeling rather vindictive towards West, East, and anyone else who might have had a hand in making the idiotic and potentially lethal decision to send Roy.
Still smirking, he began walking down the hall, confident she would follow, if only to keep up with the still-quiet conversation. "Guess they don't keep you up-to-date in here, huh? There was a break out in Jump city. Bird boy's pretty sure Slade had something to do with it." The redhead paused and glanced over his shoulder, smirking. "Of course, he thinks Slade's to blame when milk goes sour, so that's not saying much."
"While your wit is wonderfully entertaining, I would really like to get this over with. The sooner you're gone, the better." She stalked after him, eyes narrowed. One of the things she had yet to adjust to was the god-awful shoes females wore, and his irritatingly long strides were hard to keep up with while she was attempting to keep her balance and at least a little of her dignity. Fortunately, he either didn't notice or didn't care that she was having problems, and she preferred it that way. The day she asked the pompous archer for help would be the day Robin got the stick out of his ass; in other words, when hell froze over.
As if he was determined to keep two steps ahead of her, his pace quickened again. "Kitty got claws, huh? Whatever. Trust me, I don't want to be around any longer then I have too, either. This whole situation is creepy. Funny as hell, but still creepy."
The girl opened her mouth, prepared to bitch slip him verbally since she couldn't do it physically, and felt arms wrap around her waist. Warm breath hit her ear, and even before she heard the low chuckle, she knew she was screwed. "Why hello, darlin'…"
"Alex!" Fumbling, she shoved away from him and staggered backwards, mentally cursing the damned shoes as she slammed into Speedy. "What the hell??"
Her sentiment was echoed by her redheaded teammate as he caught her, wrapping his arms around her as a reflex. "Who the fuck are you?"
"I could ask you the same question." The brunette boy eyed the two, obviously sizing up Roy and attempting to determine whether or not the other boy was a threat to what he considered to be 'his claim'. The redhead returned the look, never releasing Grace.
The 'girl' glanced between them, frowned, and picked the lesser of two evils without a seconds' hesitation. "Alex, he's the reason I won't date you." She forced a flirtatious smile, feeling slightly nauseas, and wrapped her arms around the redhead. "This is Roy, my boyfriend."
A/N: Dundundun.
Well, that's all for now, folks. And before anyone freaks out at me, I know what Robin's name is. I just didn't think he'd use it in front of the administration of a supposedly evil school.