A/N: So, yeah. What was meant to be a one-shot-wonder suddenly acquired chapters and depth...and all because Frank can't keep his big mouth shut! XD Enjoy...
And if anyone's wondering, the answer is yes: Frank is only in this for the sake of his libido, which is probably why the girls' have a lock on their door. Brava, Columbia, for making good use of that lock!

Chow Down!: Leave Room For Dessert!

For the rest of the week, Columbia was nowhere to be seen…but everywhere to be heard. Anywhere in the castle one went, proof could be heard of her continued existence. Be it wailing sobs or wailing guitars, Columbia made herself audible every second of every day, and there seemed to be no end in sight for this temper tantrum.

Frank had tried everything he could think of to entice her back to him: He had tried her bedroom (again), written her notes apologizing for yelling at her, tried her bedroom, invited her to dine with him in private, tried her bedroom, left gifts outside of her door, offered to take a break from working on Rocky to give her some "alone time", tried her bedroom, and oh, yes, he had even tried her bedroom…but time after time after exhausting time, he was denied and sent away. What a selfish girl she was being, locked up in her pity and not even thinking of his needs! The ache in his groin was growing more and more persistent, and there was no way to take care of it without her; Magenta was content to watch him squirm, and he would never stoop so low as to seduce Riff Raff. She had him in a real bind, the little minx! He was almost proud of her latest display of sexual fortitude and growing backbone…almost. Were it not aimed at him, he would have been extremely pleased.

It didn't occur to him, until one night during dinner when her howls were especially offensive, that something entirely else might be the matter.

"Good Lord, will she never be quiet again?" he whined, slapping his fork back down on the table. Ever attentive, Riff Raff and Magenta stood to either side of their Master, the sounds of Columbia's continuing misery music to their ears, so long as it displeased him. The siblings shared a secret smile: They knew what was wrong, even made attempts to comfort the girl nightly—her pain was good for them now, but soon, they knew, it would begin to fray their nerves.

"I think you are, perhaps, going about this all wrong…Master," Riff intoned, barely holding back a superior smirk. It wouldn't do to have Frank in a foul mood now; he may very well whip his servant out of existence. The transvestite stiffened, offended.

"What do you mean by that?" he demanded, tone quiet and clipped and dangerous to anyone who knew him.

"Merely that you are apologizing for all the wrong reasons," Riff replied airily, indulging in another secret smile with his sister.

Magenta, seeing that her "brilliant" master was lost, quickly lost her temper, shouting in her most enraged tone, "YOU KILLED HER BOYFRIEND, YOU IDIOT!"

Frank looked quite taken aback by the notion. "'Killed her…'? Oh, you mean Eddie?" He was quiet for a moment, thinking it over. Yes, that made quite a bit more sense…though how his delightful little groupie could ever have slept with that dolt was beyond him. "Yes, I suppose I did, didn't I? Well, I'll simply have to make it up to her."

And that was that.