Author's Note: I feel like I should say this now as opposed to ten chapters down the line. Provided this story goes anywhere it will take an alternate timeline where Eric doesn't die and the rebellion doesn't happen…or maybe it goes down differently. We'll just have to see.

I thought back to the day that was only a week into my past when I had first set eyes on Eric…

"First jumper Tris doesn't even know what a hamburger looks like." I teased her mercilessly. It was rather funny that someone bold enough to sass one of our fellow initiates and jump first was staring at a hamburger like it was going to bite her hand off.

"Well yea…I just…" I rolled my eyes and pointed out what she needed to do.

Around that time was when Eric had walked into the dining hall…practically hunting for Four with the way that his eyes swept over the room and then made a beeline straight for him.

I thought about it. Had my interest been apparent even then? I mean he was…something beyond cute. He was handsome with his tall body and lightly muscled frame that was covered with the tattoos and piercings that would mark him clearly as Dauntless in mixed company. His entire aura was that of someone who had power but there was something underneath…something about the way he walked over to Four screamed at me but I'd brushed it off.

He settled between Four and the woman who had taken the Dauntless born initiates when Initiation began, talking to her for all of what seemed like a second before turning to Four and beginning a heated discussion with him.

I nudged Tris and pointed at him. "Think he'll be another of our instructors?"

Tris just shrugged and opened her mouth to answer but was cut off by Four as he rose from the table next to theirs and faced his initiates. "Pay attention kiddos. This guy here," he gestured to Eric. "His name is Eric. He's a Dauntless leader. His is one of the opinions that will help to determine your ranking when we get into things that are a little less clear cut than the initial learning to fire a gun and how to take a punch."

One kid had actually dared to raise his hand and ask a question.

"Uh….rankings sir?"

Eric had rolled his eyes and had I not been staring at him I would have missed it in my rush to pay attention to Four.

"Yea…did I not mention that? You'll all be ranked. It will help us decide where you need to be in Dauntless society."

"Four I think you're forgetting a part of that, a very important part that they really deserve to know." It was the first time I'd actually heard Eric speak and the way that he spoke made me want to crawl into bed and hide under the covers like a child avoiding the monsters that plagued her dreams.

He raised an eyebrow at Four, expecting him to fill in the blanks

"You know very well that I don't believe in telling the initiates that particular fact on their first night."

"Yes, but I see no reason to stall. They'll find out tomorrow anyway."

"Eric…"

"Four." Eric was asserting his dominance over the situation.

And then Four had delivered the blow that the initiation for Dauntless was something that we could be cut from if we weren't good enough. There were mild protests and all kinds of noise for a time but Eric put a stop to it.

"You chose us. Now we have to choose you."

Eventually dinner had gone back to normal…well as normal as it could be with that news hanging over all our heads.

I remembered glancing over at him in between conversations with Tris and the other Initiates but I didn't remember staring at him. At one point I might have turned my head up at the way he was clearly trying to usurp Four but I hadn't known about their moral differences then. I just let my judgment go.

"What could he possibly be thinking I meant by staring at him?"

"I wouldn't know dear."

"Oh sorry I was thinking aloud." I rubbed the back of my neck, sitting up and looking around for a clock. I found one right above the doorway and I had to rub my eyes to regain the ability to focus. It was nine at night. Somehow I had lost around five hours here.

"Well at least you're back with us. You've been in and out of it for hours. One minute you were babbling about someone being stupid about emotions or faces or…was it candy? Either way you would wake up long enough to make a declaration and then pass right back on out." Nina covered her laugh with a hand as she strolled over to me, placing a hand against my forehead.

"I have no idea what I could have been talking about there."

"Well you definitely don't have a fever so it was just the drugs hitting you particularly hard."

I pulled the covers off my legs and swung myself around so that my feet were touching the ground. "That mean I can go then?"

"Well I see no reason for you to not be able to go. That is provided you can walk. Take it slow. I don't want to bandage up any head wounds. And if I'm being perfectly honest I don't really think that you could afford another bruise or to lose any blood right now."

I heeded her words as I put my shoes on and stood up, taking each action slowly and making sure it was possible before committing to it. When I was on my feet I wobbled for a second as the world started to tilt but everything seemed to set its self right after a second.

"Thanks for everything Nina." I nodded at her and slowly crossed the room, heading back towards the dormitories.

As I went I thought back to the other times I've been around Eric, raking my mind for a time when my eyes might have lingered for too long or I might have done anything to draw his attention so strongly that he would throw me against a wall.

Oh…That's…It all clicked in my head. What I was passing off as an innocent crush he thought was something more sinister. He hadn't been playing with my emotions in the hall, easily reading that I had a crush on him and choosing to manipulate me. No. He really does think I'm a spy or something! Oh no no no no no. I cannot become factionless because of this stupid crush.

I stopped and leaned against a wall, resisting the urge to bash my head against it and deciding instead to nibble on one of my nails. I wanted desperately to go to bed but I also needed desperately to talk to Eric. Only one of those things was an option though.

I have no idea where Eric sleeps. So there isn't a whole lot to be done now is there? I limped back to the dorms and threw myself into bed, hoping that I would get to go straight to sleep but there was no way that I could be so lucky as to unburden myself in the realms of sleep.

"You said you'd be back by dinner. Where were you? I was going to go check the hospital but Eric seemed to read my mind. He-." Al was cut off by Tris.

"Not really all that important. Are you ok? Can I…" Tris cut herself off this time. The Abnegation in her wanted to offer me some assistance but the Dauntless that she was trying to become was choking her instincts and the entire battle was playing out on her face in the micro expressions that she could do nothing to control.

"I'm fine guys. I just went to the hospital and the drugs hit me harder than I thought they would. I was laid out for a couple hours. That's all." I laid my head gently on the pillow and turned to face both of them as I spoke, trying to force a smile.

"What was with Eric forcing you to let him walk you? Did he want something form you?" That question came from Al and I closed my eyes in response. I knew that lying didn't come naturally to me. But do I want them to know the truth? I thought about for a minute…Tris hadn't exactly been truthful with me and I didn't need to tell her everything. And Al…well we were Candor together but I was pretty sure I could lie to him.

"No. He was just being a good instructor…we just walked and he tried to scare me about initiation. That's all. Now guys? I kind of need to get to sleep. We still have to train tomorrow and fight and my body can't process out all the drugs and do some healing if I don't get some rest."

"Yeah…that sounds like a good idea. We should all just close our eyes and rest." Tris intoned. I couldn't open my eyes again to see his face but I guess Al was going to protest.

I can't be bothered to care. Sleep came crashing over me as I tugged the covers up to my chin and curled up into a ball.