AN:

Ok. Thanks go to everyone that reviewed/alerted/whatever fanfic lets you do. It was really encouraging and kicking my butt into gear isn't so hard of a task anymore.

No matter what this will end, even if it ends badly, because my number one pet peeve on this site is the amount of unfinished stories, so do not worry, a resolution will come, just probably not as quickly as we all hope. ;)

Oh, and as is probably apparent in the first paragraph Rachel is not particularly suicidal, she is more addicted to pain and the rush she gets from it.

Chapter 2:

Rachel sunk into a scalding hot bubble bath, her head the only visible part of her body in a sea of white bubbles. She took a deep breath and slid down until her head disappeared below the water. The small diva held her breath until her lungs screamed for oxygen and multicolored dots flashed behind her eyelids. Rachel came up, gasping for air, and leaned back against the tub, relaxing into the rush she'd just given herself. This was better than painkillers, but not as good as her blades.

Morphine had been placed back in her medicine cabinet after she had looked inside the bottle to find it nearly empty. After Brittany's questions about her bandage, she knew that it was time to get more creative with her search for endorphins. More pointed questions would put her in the spot light and people might begin to notice that something was wrong. While she loved being in the spotlight any more questions about her wounds would be harmful to her act. She was torn over the subject, part of her wanted to keep it a secret, while another part knew she needed help, but the biggest part of her knew that it would not matter either way.

Once the water went from burning to just warmer than comfortable, Rachel sighed and got out, her skin tinged a hue more red than pink. She wrapped herself in a towel and went to her closet. She pulled on a pair of red basketball shorts and a sports bra before bandaging the cuts on her arm again. Pulling on a three quarter sleeve green shirt Rachel opened her medicine cabinet and took two over-the-counter painkillers for the pain in her arm.

While the pain reminded the small diva that she was alive, it was all about control, if the pain overwhelmed her it was not worth it. Without control, pain was nothing but an inconvenience.

Looking at her reflection, a smile graced her lips for a second as Rachel realized she was wearing Christmas colors. Christmas was the greatest time of the year according to the holiday songs. The smile was quickly replaced with a furrowed brow and slight frown at the thought of the holiday season, and how she spent it most years. Alone or surrounded by mountains of presents bought by money stained with guilt or indifference.

Sighing, she made her way downstairs, and after eyeing the food in the fridge, grabbed a granola bar and made a cup of tea. She did not want to eat, but she knew she had to. Hunger was the first thing she had learned to control. It had been the easiest and least noticeable way to start getting the rush she needed. Although hunger provided the smallest rush it was still a valid way to experience small doses feeling. The brunette curled up on the couch with her snack and watched reruns of sitcoms and cop dramas as she flipped through the channels.

When Rachel felt her eyes start to flutter shut, she gulped down the dregs of her tea, making a small face at the taste, before dragging herself back to her room.

She dropped onto the bed and buried herself under the covers as if she were trying to disappear into them. Not wanting to face the world right now, or even really ever again. Both hands wrapped tightly around a faded golden lion, clutching at it as if it was her lifeline. And for her that was what that lion was: her only lifeline.

#RQSB#

The trio was having a meeting, or that's what they would have told anyone who asked. Actually they would have told anyone that interrupted them to go the fuck away. The reality of what was going on was slightly more complicated.

Brittany was trying to keep Santana and Quinn from killing most of the Glee club, a task that they would most certainly relish. Brittany actually wanted to help them do it, but was morally against killing, so the argument had stalled. It had completely stopped when they realized that although killing Glee club would be satisfying, it would be detrimental to Rachel's plans. The diva had been basically foaming at the mouth to go to Nationals last year and they wouldn't be able to find two people, much less eight willing to join Glee club before it was time to compete.

Now they were debating on how to get Rachel to take them seriously when they asked her for her friendship. After turning down her offers of friendship countless times because they were scared of one thing or another, they would be surprised if Rachel actually let them near her.

They all agreed to be nicer to the tiny brunette and eventually Brittany agreed with the others that trying to court Rachel without at least the beginnings of a friendship would only cause her to be more guarded and on edge around them. Not to mention making her paranoid, trying to figure out what sort of prank they were trying to pull.

With their game plan settled, the girls snuggled into each other and fell asleep, filled with happiness in the knowledge that they were loved.

#RQSB#

The next day at school was surprisingly normal, no big changes or weird coincidences, just the everyday classes and boring schedule.

Rachel wondered why nobody slushied her, but was thankful for the reprieve as she restocked her slushy clean up kit with fresh towels and sets of extra clothes. She would enjoy this break as long as it lasted and prepare for the next slushy attack.

The only thing that blew Rachel's mind, and set alarm bells ringing in her head, was the trio's acknowledgement of her existence. Each of them had spoken to her courteously and when Brittany gave her a quick hug, she had to control her initial impulse to break the embrace.

Nobody had touched her so gently in so long that the contact was unfamiliar and slightly disconcerting. After Brittany bounded away, Rachel blinked dazedly and then wearily prepared herself mentally for whatever the trio was planning. They might not be the instigators most times, but every now and again they needed to reaffirm their hold on WMHS and the easiest way to do that was torment her.

It was a good day, if confusing day, which turned into a good, but confusing, week. The days dragging and flying by as the school days had a tendency to do.

By Friday, the trio had convinced Rachel that they actually wanted to be friends, and that this was not some cosmic joke or prank they were going to pull. So, the small singer had tentatively agreed to meet the trio in the choir room for lunch on Monday, wanting to start small and figuring that if nothing else she would be able to tell what they had planned quickly and plan her escape accordingly.

For Rachel, Saturday was spent reading, doing homework, listening to music, and just relaxing. It was Sunday that erased all those good days she had been having.

The mail had been sitting on the counter just piling up, what little of it there was. Most bills were direct withdrawals and there were not a lot of people who would send her mail. It was mostly subscriptions, for her and her dads, and occasionally a random envelope or postcard that was usually junk mail or a wrong address.

Finding a letter addressed to her, Rachel opened it and leaned against the counter to read it. Seeing that it was from her dads, the confusion she felt was replaced with despair. She read the type with a heavy heart. Reaching the end, Rachel let it drop to the counter top and walked over to the couch, collapsing on it. The emotions she was feeling overwhelming her small frame.

The feeling of disappointment was overwhelming. She was not surprised that her dads were not coming home, just depressingly disappointed that they had not called and would not be back for at least another three months. It would probably be closer to six months, if at all.

She had not seen them since summer time, the beginning of August, and she would be surprised if she saw them at Christmas, much less before that.

Rachel sat, staring at the blank slate of the TV screen until long after the sky darkened and shadows had criss-crossed the room. As the sun was about to set, she got up, turned on some lights and the radio, before proceeding to clean, as her mind wandered and raced. Trying to keep her body busy as her mind worked through all the thoughts in her head.

Finished with her thoughts and self assigned tasks for the day, Rachel curled up on her bedspread, staring at the blade clutched in her hand.

It was an extra blade taken from the unused tool box in the garage, inconspicuous and tediously normal. The bright blade was held hard enough to cause pain, but not draw blood.

Rachel lay like that for some time, contemplating the blade and her skin, while not really thinking of anything. Her mind wandered until, as if by some cue, she finally got up and walked into the bathroom, looking at herself in the mirror.

New red lines joined faded, fading, and almost completely healed ones on her upper left arm. All the scars eventually disappeared with some help from vitamin E and some kind of oil she'd picked up from an herb shop the last time she'd been in New York.

As she fell asleep the few thoughts in Rachel's head revolved around how soft her lion still was and how she was going to hide the new marks. As her mind shut down and she fell asleep the last thought to cross her mind was who would even notice?

#RQSB#

The trio considered their first week of trying to befriend Rachel Berry a success when she agreed to meet them for lunch on Monday. Brittany was the only one not surprised by the diva's quick acceptance of their offers. The small brunette had an enormous capacity to forgive, but the trio did not delude themselves in thinking she had forgotten the past.

The weekend was filled with plenty of sexy times and fun, not necessarily in that order. A picnic at the duck pond continued a weekend ritual that all three hoped would last forever. They all planned on living life to the fullest; after all, having your parents ignore you or kick you out kind of gave you a new perspective on life.

As they fell asleep on Sunday, all three thought that this near perfect weekend was a good omen and could not wait to see what would happen during the week. Little did they know that the next day would not go as well as they hoped.

#RQSB#

Monday dawned bright and early, greeting the Cheerios as they assembled for morning practice on the football field. The trio was a clique within a clique, ruling the upper echelon of the high school hierarchy with an iron fist.

After stretching out and showering, the three Cheerios went looking for the small diva. They wanted to say "hi" and reaffirm their plans for lunch. Taking in Rachel's appearance they all reacted. The first thought through their heads were something along the lines of "what happened to Rachel over the weekend" before they started wondering why they were the only ones that noticed when a couple of other glee members walked right by the brunette without a glance.

Santana growled, immediately wanting to find out who had done this and make them bleed, a lot, hopefully enough to kill them slowly. Quinn gasped, hugging herself while wishing her arms were wrapped around Rachel instead. Brittany frowned, understanding that lunch would go differently than they had planned and wishing that whatever had happened to Rachel never had.

A sweater was nothing to be worried about, but with it sticking to her upper arm, it was something that set off alarms in their heads. The black shadows that usually haunted the space under Rachel's eyes had blossomed into zombie looking circles that even her make up only barely camouflaged.

Her outfit, although still argyle, was baggier than usual. The sleeves hung past her hands and her skirt extended past her knees. It was as if Rachel swam in, instead of wore, her clothing. Although all three girls wanted to take her shopping for new clothes, the small diva usually wore clothes that fit, even if they looked like they were from a Good Will.

Rachel Berry looked like death warmed over barely enough to be considered undead, much less alive.

Brittany slowly walked over to the singer, gently resting her hand on the sweater covered shoulder, pretending to ignore the flinch, and then proceeded to wrap the girl in a firm, warm, but also soft and delicate embrace. Seeming to know without being told, that anything too confining would send the brunette over the edge.

Rachel took a deep breath and nearly broke into tears. With almost all of her fast-fleeing self-control, the brunette gave Brittany a genuine smile that shook slightly as she slowly pulled out of the embrace and headed to class. The blonde went in the other direction, knowing that following Rachel would only get them both in trouble and also needing to get control over her own emotions.

Santana and Quinn followed Brittany to the locker room where the blonde dancer fell into their arms, sobbing. Santana held Brittany tightly, rubbing soothing circles into her back as Quinn ran her fingers through blonde hair and whispered soothing words into the dancer's ear.

"We have to help her," Brittany said, voice cracking.

Quinn and Santana nodded, silently agreeing, as they held Brittany until she stopped crying.

#RQSB#

Rachel made her way through the day, trying to act as close to her "normal" self as she could. When the bell rang for lunch she went to her locker, exchanged her books, and grabbed her lunch before heading towards the choir room. She half expected that none of the trio would show up, but the choir room was where she usually ate lunch anyway.

Surprise was her dominant emotion for the first time in a long time when she found the Cheerios not only waiting, but putting the finishing touches on a table set for four.

The look on the diva's face was priceless. Shock, awe, a large dose of surprise, and a mix of other emotions were evident on her features. The first real emotions she had unintentionally shown at school in quite a while.

Quinn smiled brightly, and Santana smirked at the diva's reaction to their surprise. Brittany was already smiling and bouncing slightly in her seat on the bottom row of risers when Rachel entered the room, as she had been too excited to be of much help. Her happiness only increased with Rachel's reaction, clapping her hands together until Santana gently clasped the blonde's hands in her own.

The blonde head Cheerio walked over to Rachel and uncurled her fingers from around the strap of her bag, taking it from her and setting it on the risers. She then led the still speechless brunette to the table and pulled out a chair for her. Rachel plopped onto the chair, still in shock, as Santana held out a chair for Brittany before helping Quinn bring over the food.

Brittany smiled at Rachel from across the table, and got a small smile in return. The blonde dancer squealed as a plate was set before her, giving Quinn a kiss on the cheek in thanks. Across the table Santana set a plate in front of Rachel, who was glancing between all three girls and the plate in front of her as if expecting someone to tell her that this was a dream or at least some cosmic joke.

The plates were laden with spaghetti and a salad littered with cucumbers, tomatoes, and half a garden of other vegetables. Quinn set a basket of hot fluffy breadsticks and a bowl of fresh fruit in the middle of the table as Santana set a plate in front of both empty seats. The Latina sighed in relief as Quinn sat down with her back to the door and she took the last open seat, with her back to a wall.

Lunch ran smoother than anyone had expected, but only after the trio was treated with a glare from the diva when they tried to bring up her state of being. Apparently some topics were off limits.

Instead, they chatted about Glee club and classes until the bell rang. By the time lunch ended, Rachel was relaxed enough that she gave the trio her number so that they could make plans for after school or on the weekends. All three gave her quick heartfelt hugs. The singer had to fight tears, her emotions split and on overload because of the three cheerleaders innocent gesture.

The trio smiled at each other as they cleaned up the choir room. They were making progress. Rachel was beginning to trust them, and hopefully they would be able to convince her that they wanted to help her, and exhibit the traits that made them great friends. They could only pray that the past year would not come back and bite them.

##RQSB##