There are days when I wish I had never met her. Days when I curse the soft curve of her lips when she smiles, the pink tinge that colors her flushed cheeks, the small exhale that foretells of the cute giggle to follow it. Days when I have to clench my teeth and close my eyes to keep from leaning over and pressing those soft, lush lips to mine. Those are the days when I wake up and immediately know that this day will be harder than the last. Those are the days that make me wonder how much longer I'll be able to hold out.
Pretty pathetic, huh? I've only known her for a week.
Sucking in a final breath before I take that first dangerous step out of the safe haven of my room, I decide to skip the pep-talk this morning. I've kept it running for a week straight with no avail, so what's the point? Maybe today I'll get lucky, and Barret will have an assignment for me right when I get downstairs. Maybe I won't have to see her at all.
Of course, that would just be too easy, wouldn't it?
"Good morning, Tifa."
I sigh quietly and close the door behind me. That voice. Why does it sound so wonderful in the morning? Why does it make me wish I could roll over in my comfy down mattress after waking up and hear that voice pouting at me for stealing all of the covers? Again, I sigh as my thoughts get the best of me. Why does it make me wish I could feel a lithe body on top of mine as we wrestled for possession of said covers?
Inwardly, I shake my head. Rubbing my palms on the thighs of my pants to dry them of the sudden moisture that has gathered there, I return her smile nervously. Against my wishes, my gaze lingers on the inviting curve of her lips for just a little too long. I lick my own dry lips with a smothered anticipation. "Good morning, Aeris…" I reply, hoping as always that she doesn't notice my fixation on her mouth or the tremble that I can never seem to free my voice of in her presence.
Not for the first time, I notice the starlight glimmer shining in her warm emerald eyes as she waits for my accompaniment on the stairs. Sunlight streams through the long, curved windows lining the top of the circular wall of the second level, throwing shadows across the supports for the ceiling and falling to our level to gently caress the serene face before me. Also not for the first time, I'm at a loss for words.
"Barret left early this morning," she starts slowly, voice soft and calm as always. I've always wondered how she can keep that tone all the time. One day, I hope to change that. "I didn't catch exactly where he was going, but he said there was someone he had to see. He said it would take a while…." Her voice trails off softly. I nod wordlessly in return, still untrusting of my voice. I don't quite like the nervous pitch it takes on whenever she's around. "So… I was hoping we could do something today while he's gone…."
There was absolutely no sexual reference in that suggestion, but I still have to fight off the thoughts begging to bombard my brain. Logically, I should say no. Being around Aeris throws me off, sets my entire being awhirl. She puts me into a constant state of adrenaline; quick pulse, sweaty palms, nervous glances, that's all me. There are moments when I look at her and get so caught up that I forget to breathe. Needless to say, it's dangerous, this feeling, this attraction, and I doubt it's beneficial to my health.
Despite that assessment, her hopeful gaze and docile posture aren't exactly the best of her charms to be put up against when one is as affected by her as I am. I sigh in defeat. Tifa Lockhart, conquered by a small, cutesy-cute girl and an even smaller cutesy-cute request. My trainer would have a fit. Though, perhaps if we traded positions and she tried to resist Aeris for a while, maybe she would understand where I'm coming from. Aeris in her normal calm, sweet self could put any puppy-dog face to shame, hands down.
"O-okay… sure…." My stammering utterance has just sealed my fate. And even as the little, semi-sensible Tifa's voice in my head tells me I should just keep my big mouth shut, the bigger, definitely-not-sensible, and hopelessly-devoted-to-Aeris Tifa searches for a big roll of duct tape to keep a certain someone quiet. "So… what did you have in mind?" I'm not a big fan of asking dangerous questions, but I find myself asking more and more of them the longer I stay with Barret and Aeris. Trepidation has me shaking in my boots, and I silently thank whoever will listen that I hadn't joined Aeris on the stairs. Up against a wall isn't usually one of my favorite scenarios either, but the hard, solid surface of my door at my back keeps me from melting to a puddle at her feet.
Her smile widens into something radiant. It's always beautiful, watching how the warmth in her eyes trails down to reach her smile. I'd never known smiles to be so breathtaking until I met her, even the small smiles she unconsciously dons while she's tending to her flowers or allowing Marlene to help her fix supper. Her smiles are always intensely beautiful, but when it's a genuine smile of happiness, it's a whole new ball game. My acceptance of her offer had put that smile on her face: the one she saved for moments like these when Barret was out and there were no assignments to be found, when she was sure she could just relax and spend the day enjoying the world and all of the beauty she could so easily see within it. It's the smile I wish I could bring out for the rest of my life.
"Yuffie's downstairs playing with Marlene," she says smoothly, indicating that we have the day free to do whatever we should choose. Her voice surrounds me, as if brought to my ears by a surreal wind of whispers and sighs. I inwardly take in a breath, smothering the sensible Tifa who had failed to be captured and ignoring her reprimands for allowing my AIR to act up. AIR, it fits this condition perfectly. I named it upon my first night here. AIR: Aeris-Induced Regression.
It does fit, really, even within the initial standards. She's like air to me. She's everything I breathe, everything I think, everything I need. When she's around me, she's all that I need to survive, even against the denial and reluctance sensible Tifa puts forth in acknowledging it. When she's gone, there's a feeling of suffocation left behind, as if I'm stuck in a vacuum. A lightless, Aeris-free vacuum. And I can't stand it. Of course, the senseless Tifa who melts upon every move Aeris makes has to ruin my theory, being left breathless in the very presence of said goddess. That's it, I suppose. I need her like I need the air when she's gone, but when she's around I can't breathe at all. Makes perfect sense, doesn't it?
Her tone when she speaks is unbelievably flexible. She holds within it the feeling that, should I show even the smallest sign of reluctance to do whatever she suggests, she would change her option instantly to something more favorable to my tastes. "I was hoping we could go to the park or get some ice cream before it rains," she says. Sunlight streams through the windows, and yet she talks of rain. If I didn't know any better, I would say her forewarning would be pessimistic, but I do know better; it's her innate touch with the earth that alerts her of the rain's coming. She can always feel when it's about to rain. The smile that lights her face as she watches it fall through the foggy windows of Barret's home is always something I can predict whenever she mentions it.
And then my mind is drawn back to her offer: …ice cream?