I, Aniyah
Chapter Two
hree weeks. It has been three weeks since I hauled ass to my apartment and barricaded myself inside. Living in the age of computers and delivery I can have everything delivered without leaving the relative safety of my small place.
My barely one thousand square foot dwelling is hardly a tenth of my previous place in lower Manhattan. Doormen, vaulted ceilings, walk in closets, designer kitchen, concierge, state of the art gym equipment, and anything and everything where money is no object. I was one of the few that lived there rent free. Cezar Valente had been the one to present me with the keys. Oh the dreams I had back then.
The shopping and expense accounts. My hair was always on point. My pedicures and manicures rarely were less than one hundred dollars each. The latest bags, highest quality clothing, shoes that felt like heaven on your feet. My style these days is much more modest. I kept all my pricey treasures but I've learned not to be showy. Jealousy sometimes rears its head in subtle ways that leave you more shocked than hurt. I hadn't thought about those things then. I was living the dream. I had the boss of bosses.
My life was finally going to go right. I would marry a mid-level lieutenant and we'd make our way having babies and sharing our life. I'd fret for his safety and he'd show what a true bad boy he was. We would be assets to the SO and we'd retire out wealthy and old. I saw a mansion somewhere in Southern France or Spain. But I went after the wrong guy and now I'm single again. God why didn't I stay away. I could've at least still have my old job.
This experience has slammed me with how unimportant money, status and things can quickly become. I had known that quite well at one time. Our little family had had money and then we knew a time when we didn't. We had been close during those days. My sister Jazmyne and I were peas in a pod. We could do no wrong while we were together. I shake those thoughts and snuggle in a little deeper into the couch. Its my safe haven at the moment. I no longer have to answer to anyone from the SO. Walking out was my right, especially after I had been unceremoniously fired. I sigh heavily. I was going to have to face the music eventually.
Maybe I got a little carried away when I ran but its not just me I'm thinking about anymore. The golden brown curls snuggle deeper against my chest and I fight down the tears that want to gather in my eyes. Three months ago when I was about to let myself stay at rock bottom the unexpected happened. Terillo had offered me a job and in their ignorance they thought they were doing me a favor. I only made them think I was interested because it gave me something to do. All my so called friends had vanished and trying to keep up appearances was wearing me thin.
Two months after being dismissed from the SO I was moved into my new, modest apartment and just wanting to forget the whole situation. I had just walked out of the small mom and pop market and I noticed a car idling partially on the curb and partially in the street. The windows were down and the loud music filled the air. A man and woman, clearly higher than a kite, stumbled out and walked toward the entrance to the apartments. I gave them a wide berth as they wobbled across the sidewalk. I stood next the car and happen to glance inside. The front seat was littered with drug paraphernalia but in the back seat I was shocked to see a little girl sitting there. Her sad blue eyes looked at me and I felt my heart constrict. She looks no older than four or five years old. Her clothes were old and faded and barely fitting her.
I put my grocery bag down and reached across the front seat and turned the car off. I opened the backseat door and undid her seat belt. I picked her up and held her in my arms. When she wrapped her small arms around me I finally felt like I had a purpose again. It was like I was breathing again after holding my breath for too long a time.
For a brief moment in time we lost ourselves in the hug. I am connected to someone that needs me. There are no hidden agendas. No one else exists. No one can hurt us or make us afraid. There are no Salernos, no mafia, no secrets. I'm just a woman and she is a little girl that does not have drug addicts for parents.
"Kimberley, get your ass in this house right now!"
I whisper quickly in her ear, "I'm in apartment 4E if you need anything." I reluctantly let her go and put the car keys in her hands.
She just nods letting me know she heard me then runs off toward the blonde woman that was barely standing up straight. The female had been beautiful at one time. Her quest for a high had cost her more than just money. She looks at me for a brief moment then pushes Kimberley into the foyer of the building. From my peripheral vision I see them enter one of the ground apartments.
Three days later Kimberley would come up to my apartment. She doesn't say much and I ask her no questions. She eats what I place before her with gusto and after some time she goes back down stairs. That becomes our daily routine. She waits for me to get home from work while her parents are in a drunken or high stupor and we enjoy each other's company until she sneaks back into her apartment.
My heart breaks seeing this precious child reduced to conditions not even Cinderella had to suffer. Kyle's daughter will never know this type of suffering. All the times that the twins walked past my desk and showed their handsome smiles, they'll never experience want or need or lack of support from their parents. Motherhood had not seemed as important to me as it did at that moment. I was going to help this little girl. I wasn't sure how until the inevitable happened.
I came home from work and saw that same car illegally parked and running. Thankfully Kimberley was not inside but something felt off. Rushing down the hall I stopped as the horrible smells coming from the open door of the apartment. Unlike my place with two bedrooms and a large living place, their apartment only had one. Spoiled food lay rotting on top of the kitchen counters. Dirty dishes filled the sink. Trash littered the floor. I moved past the kitchen to the living room. Sprawled across the couch and floor was Kimberley's parents. The stench let me know that they would not be seeking another high again.
My heart rate increased when I didn't see Kimberley anywhere. I ran to the bathroom and then the bedroom. I was about to leave when I head a small sound come from the closet. Slowly opening the door I found her huddled in the farthest corner.
"Come with me sweetheart. You're going to live with me from now on." She rushed into my arms and kept her head down on my shoulder until we were back in my apartment. I didn't want to call the police. It would mean losing Kimberley. I was done losing. I hadn't used any of my favor cards, maybe it was time.
After a good meal and a bath I placed her in my bed. I cuddled up against her until she went to sleep. Slipping out of the bed I made my way to the living room.
"Jackson, I need a favor." It was a call I dreaded making. Jackson was a cleaner but he could also get you anything that you needed. He was an independent agent so I felt confident I was not getting involved with any particular family, especially the SO. Time was of the essence and I had to move quickly.
"What's is worth to me, Aniyah. I'm told you aren't SO any more and basically exiled." I swallow down my anger and smile into the phone.
"Jackson, I'm not calling to talk about the past. I just need a small favor. Its something right up our alley and I know you'll enjoy it."
"Oh my, has the former head secretary of SO moved in to a job of a more physical nature?"
I close my eyes and slowly release my breath. I want to cuss so bad and I am starting to shake. Jackson had been sniffing after me for a while. He wasn't always called before Nathan but when he was he would linger at my desk. Its was those times I appreciated the professionalism of the staff because he would be escorted out and I would have my personal space back.
"Jackson I am calling in a favor you owe me. If you do this we will be even. You do the job, enjoy yourself and say nothing to no one. I get what I want and I completely wipe my mind of the little extra you helped yourself to when Bonaducci thought he had Kyle Valente over a barrel."
The line goes silent and I almost think he's hung up on me. "Okay, what do you need." Putting on my professional smile voice I explain the situation, letting him know exactly what I want done. "I'll handle the bodies today and you'll have official paperwork at the end of the week."
Four months after leaving the SO behind I was a mother. For the next two months I watched Kimberley thrive. I bought her new clothes. We decorated my second bedroom as hers and once I learned her true age I enrolled her in Kindergarten. I worked for the Terillos while she was in school and at night we enjoyed our small world of love and contentment.
Tonight I was going out. I had heard through the grapevine and whispers that most of the SO was traveling. I had one last gift card to one of my favorite restaurants and I was going to use it. Mrs. Mulvaney across the courtyard in an adjacent apartment complex agreed to babysit for me while I enjoyed a night to myself. I had thought about taking Kimberley with me but I thought I better wait until she adjusts a bit more. Her night terrors are lessening and her teacher says she making exceptional progress.
This weekend I would take her on a shopping spree to wherever she wanted to go. Since I was in a hiding of sorts we didn't go out much if at all. Kimberley did not mind. She was happy to sit and color while I prepared dinner or watch television sitting in my lap. Her simple need to be loved and fear of being abandoned made her tentative and quiet.
When she first called me Mom I thought I had heard it from the television. When I realized the television wasn't on and she was looking up at me with questioning blue eyes I almost burst into tears. I had given her my name and as far as anyone was concerned she was mine.
"Momma, you look like a queen. Are you going to the ball?"
I grinned as I sprayed some perfume behind my ear. "No my sweet. I am just going to dinner but you have to dress nice."
"Will the king be there? Will he turn into an ogre and then carry you off to a faraway castle to be rescued?"
"Kimberley, no kings, or ogres, or castles. Just a nice dinner and if you keep being a good girl I'll take you too. We'll both get fancy and have dinner."
"I don't know Momma, I'm not ready to be locked in a tower to wait for Prince Charming."
"Girl you are too much. Would you like me to bring you something?"
"Mhmm," I looked into her blue eyes and saw such love and trust. It completely humbled me.
"Well my sweet, what can I bring you?"
"A baby brother."
"A-ah baby brother?"
"Yes, Momma. Katie told us all about it at recess yesterday and I thought about it and I want one too."
My mind went back to a conversation I had with my sister Jazmyne.
"Hey sissy, how was school today?"
"It was okay."
"Just okay. You usually have a good day at school. Did someone bother you?"
"No Ani, it was all good. Mom picked me up early to take me to the doctor."
"Oh, I see. Shot time. I hated that too."
"I didn't have to have shots."
"Is everything okay?"
"My hearing isn't getting any better but otherwise I'm okay but," Jazmyne paused and put her pencil down on the table.
"What is it Jazz? We've been learning sign language and we're both pretty good at it. When you graduate you can go on and get a job as an interpreter if you want."
"You don't want me to come work with you in the office."
"Girl you aren't ready to handle those fast men. They'd eat you alive."
"I just like how you get to dress. Beautiful and professional."
"You don't think you can dress like this too as an interpreter. We'd see you on the news or translating for the mayor."
"Yeah, that sounds nice."
"Okay Jazz what's going on."
"Mom's pregnant again."
"For sure?"
"I wasn't supposed to hear it. My hearing aids were out so Mom asked a lot of questions and said a lot of things."
"And?"
"I don't know if she's going to keep it."
"Okay Jazz let's just stop all this right now. You just need to hang in there for one more year. Then you can come live with me. We'll both have jobs and then we can do what we want. Just hang in there. Promise me."
"Momma?"
"Sorry sweetheart Momma was thinking about your request. We might just need a king after all. Okay enough of that you have everything you need to visit Mrs. Mulvaney?"
She nods yes and I put the last touches on my makeup. Twenty minutes later after a longer than necessary good-bye at Mrs. Mulvaney's apartment and a taxi ride downtown I am seated almost immediately at a table for one.
Not much has changed. Francois' is just as I remembered. Elegant furnishings, French paintings and delectable foods. I had taken French in school for a hot minute thinking I was going to be Janet Jackson. That lasted all of one semester. Working at SO I picked up Italian and Russian in passing and could say a few phrases as needed. I had secretly enjoyed watching the children learn sign language, reminiscing about times with my sister.
I order my favorites, Crêpe au four with a red wine. It had been a while since I enjoyed a baked crêpe filled with Portobello and chestnut mushrooms, spinach, shallots, garlic, Emmental cheese and a Mornay and cèpe sauce. My mom always accused me of having too rich a taste for the finer things in life. Shaking off the bad thoughts I wasn't going to let dark thoughts from the past ruin my dinner. My table is toward the back. I doubt anyone of significance will notice me. My mind travels to Kimberley's request. A baby brother. I probably could adopt a baby. Of course that would mean I'd need a job. While in hiding I had not thought about my next move. Kimberley and I truly had no need from anyone but if I am to look legitimate to a social worker or case manager I'd would need legal, gainful employment. I smile to myself and I can't believe how wrapped up that little girl has got me. Me, contemplating adopting a child. Of course six months ago there's a lot of things I wouldn't have thought I'd be. Maybe a move to California or New Mexico might be what we need. I could adopt a little boy and make our family complete,
I think of Josef Salerno. As much as I had enjoyed the flirting Aleksandr and the quiet thoughtfulness of Maksim Salerno, little Jo-Jo as he was called was my favorite. I would overtly watch the family sign to and with him and never gave away that I knew what they all were talking about. I once had signed to him and had been rewarded with a gorgeous smile. One day that quiet one is going to break hearts.
The waiter returned to take my plate away and asked if I wanted dessert. After a brief moment I ordered a crème brûlée with a macchiato. When the waiter walked off she decided to use the ladies room. Walking through the restaurant there seemed to be heavy presence of suits. One of the things I had learned quickly had been to ignore the men, especially the ones that leered at a woman. When I was a SO secretary there was an understood rule. I had protection and coverage. Now as a basic female I was nervous for the first time in a long time. Quickly making my way to the restroom I hurried into a stall and sat down.
I have got to get a hold of myself. I don't need to have a panic attack in the middle of the restaurant. No one is looking for me. I am going to finish my dinner and get home to Kimberley. This isn't my life any more. It's time to really leave all this madness behind me.
After using the facilities I head straight for the sink. I hear someone else exit a stall but I ignore everything else around me. I am going back to my table and enjoy the rest of my night.
"Aniyah?" turning slowly is see Reanna in all her pregnant glory. She was already a great looking woman but the glow of pregnancy had turned her stunning. My usual jealousy and envy do not rear their ugly heads. I only feel sadness. Sorrow that I don't have this friendship anymore. Grief that I can't share all that has been happening in my life with the one person who had truly treated me like a true friend.
"Reanna," I am unsure what to say. Is she in here alone? Am I about to experience a reunion of horror.
"You're looking well." I try not to cringe at her statement. I know I don't look well. Today is the most food I have eaten in a while. I am doing better thanks to Kimberley but my motivation is still in the deficit levels. If I am truly going to embrace my role as a mother I have to do better.
"No," I say softly, "you are looking fabulous." Her round stomach is beautifully showcased in a short sleeve maxi dress. Her thick hair adorns her full face. The silence stretches on and the awkwardness of the situation grows.
"Please I feel like a truck," she smiles. Reanna was never one to hold grudges. Unlike she who will not be named and make me fear for my life, Reanna had always been easy going and down to earth. The comments I had made to her at first had not started as put downs. When I saw Kyle looking at her for the first time that had started my accelerated downward spiral. I was in trouble but was too blind to see it. All the times I could have been a real friend I let those opportunities pass me by.
Why is it each time I want to leave all the sadness and shit behind one of them pops up. I know I have to get out of there. If Reanna is here, so might the Salernos. I don't hear anyone else in the stalls but I don't want to take the chance that one of them will come looking for the mom to-be.
"You don't look like anything but a lovely mom to-be."
"Thank you." We stand there for a few more minutes and I try to think of something to say to ease both our unease but she starts to talk again.
"How have you been?" is she for real? How have I been? I want to yell and scream that I miss my job and although I fucked up I was really good at what I did for the SO. I want to cry that I miss our friendship and hanging out with the other ladies, even being ignored by 'her.' Miss seeing the kids and all their antics. Was Sandr still getting in trouble? Was Jo-jo still not wearing his hearing aids? Did Sofia still hate me?
"Really Reanna? I don't think you really mean to ask me that. It's not like we're going to pick up our relationship where it crashed and burned." I take a breath and realize that I'm actually not mad, not like I once was. Wow, motherhood is indeed a wonder. "I didn't mean to say all that. Um, I should get back to my table. Well you take care of yourself."
"Ani," she begins.
"No," I say a little more loudly. "There is nothing more to say. I messed up and we should leave it at that. I don't think the family would like that you are talking to me. They tend to be very unforgiving."
I watch her eyes drop and know she understands what I know to be true. She is royalty, I am not. If I was to get anywhere in her personal space I would most likely not be seeing another day. I am not risking anything. I have a beautiful little girl that loves me to come home to. My depression is getting better. My life is finally rising from rock bottom. I am not going to jeopardize that because I feel like I need to get something off my chest. It's a done deal. They are the boss. I am not owed a reason or an explanation. If I had come between someone's relationship I would feel guilty and I am sure that is what Reanna feels no matter what Kyle told her.
He was dating me but he was being intimate with her. She was caring for his daughter. She was living in his home. He went raw with her. Those things used to sting. There were slaps in the face that had fueled my bad behavior six months ago. No more. It's done. Our lives have gone one and I don't see myself as a loser any longer. I am now a winner of other things.
"Aniyah, I truly wanted to apologize. That day with the kids had been one long day."
"Old news Reanna. We've all moved on and we all are doing well. I wish you nothing but continued happiness." Not waiting for a response I fled the restroom like a fire had been lit. Unfortunately I ran right into a wall of granite that belonged to none other than Reanna's husband, my ex, Kyle Valente.
Copyright ©2017 Leichelle. I, Aniyah is provided for your personal, non-commercial use only. Re-distribution without permission is not allowed. All characters are the property of Michelle Hardin. All Rights Reserved.
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