Life Circles
2. Love Story
J/C
Rated MA
April 2009
By: AW
Summary: 20 Years later and Chakotay and Janeway have to finally deal with their original love. J/C
Length: 8293 words
Disclaimer: blah blah blah, I DON'T OWN THEM
[20 years after Youthful Indiscretions]
Kathryn had just been given a second chance, a chance to make everything right and she had to take it. She heard the chime ring. "Come in."
Tom looked at her, grinning and she realized all those years ago, why she had made the mistake. "You asked to see me, Captain"
"Mister Paris, you have a problem. I've invited Chakotay and the other Maquis to become part of this crew. It seemed the only reasonable thing to do under the circumstances"
The smugness that was dripping off of Tom when he answered her was infuriating, but at the same time she knew it was what would make him required and needed on this ship of misfits: "Will you provide a bodyguard for me, Captain?"
"It seems you already have one."
"I do?"
There was the kicker. When she had realized that Chakotay was the Maquis she was being sent to capture, her heart and done flip flops; but she had had a lifetime to forget or at least bury the memory: like Jennica. "Mister Chakotay said something about his life belonging to you? He'll be taking responsibility for your safety"
"I think I'm going to enjoy this."
Then a cloud took over his face. "Can I ask you something off the record Captain?" Kathryn against her better judgement nodded and gave him permission to delve into things that were best left buried and unsaid. "Do you ever think of Jennica?"
Kathryn let the shadow fall over her face: the Captain's mask coming into play, not letting emotions take over. "I have thought about her, and wondered how she was. I do get updates from your father – or I used to – so I know she was well taken care of and thriving under his care and tutelage.
He sighed, "Do you think it was the right decision we made all those years ago?"
Kathryn laughed, "To screw like monkeys, or to give Jennica away?"
Paris attempted to glare at his Captain, "You know what I mean."
"I think it was the only decision we could have made."
Tom chuckled, "Ah...a Captain's answer." He turned to leave the ready room, "Well Captain, I'd better get going."
"Dismissed."
She drew in a deep breath. "Janeway to Chakotay, could you please meet me in the ready room."
"Yes Captain."
She had made him her first officer – she knew he had the credentials – but she wasn't sure in the end if that had been the real reason she had made that decision.
She knew at one point she had loved him – she had fallen madly in love with him – but then he had left and once again Kathryn Janeway was left to pick up the pieces of a life that needed to go somewhere, it wasn't going.
Chakotay had in some ways pointed the direction for her. She needed stability; she needed order; and she needed control: and in some ways the Command path created all these things.
The door chimed and she called for him to enter. "Commander: so nice to see you in uniform."
Chakotay tilted his head, trying to figure out what that comment meant. "I will not be your token Maquis Officer Captain."
Kathryn sighed, trying to figure out the right words to say. "We've met before, and I hope that's not going to come between us on this ship. I need you as my first officer and to keep the Maquis in line."
Chakotay got a smug look on his face, "And what things do you want not to come between us?"
Kathryn glared at him, "You know what I'm talking about."
Chakotay looked into the blue eyes that were so beautiful and that he had fallen in love with once upon a time and brought her to him. He kissed her like there was no tomorrow.
Kathryn looked at him and brought her hand back and slapped him in the face. "I am no longer a cadet: a child who was infatuated by your good looks or charm."
She paused gathering herself, "And those are the things I am trying to avoid coming between us: I am your Captain, and you are my Commander."
"Yes Captain." He paused looking into her soul.
"Am I dismissed ma'am."
She nodded not trusting herself to open her mouth and say the words.
Chakotay looked at her and knew he had had an impact, but at the same time maybe time doesn't heal old wounds. He had left her to go on his first mission without really so much as a letter to her. They had lost contact over the years.
The last person he had expected to see commanding this ship was Kathryn Janeway.
Was there time to heal old wounds and fix mistakes of the past?
He sighed and went to his quarters. His shift was over: the meeting with the Captain was done and he needed sleep.
[3 hours later – Captain's Quarters]
Life could be so cruel. She was stuck on a ship for 70+ years with two men who had been integral parts of her life in different ways.
Tom: the father of her first born child - and probably the only child she would ever have seeing as she was stuck so far from Earth and her fiancé - and Chakotay: her first real love and he always would be.
Could she make that step and take him into her life once again?
So much had changed, they were different people now.
But so much had not changed - he was still the handsome loyal man she had fallen for - but he wasn't loyal enough: he had left without giving her a second thought. He had broken her heart, and she wasn't sure it could take it again.
[Same time Chakotay's Quarters]
Chakotay sat down and thought about everything that had happened to him in the past 24 hours. He had gotten his commission back, he had found himself re-acquainted with the love of his life, and she had slapped him.
I guess time does make you forget things.
The sex however had been good. He began thinking of their stolen nights together and found himself in a very unfortunate situation.
He looked down and realized that there was only one way to fix this problem. Then he heard the comm. "Janeway to Chakotay."
*Shit.* He thought to himself, well it was only a comm. Call.
"Chakotay here Captain."
"Chakotay since you're still awake and so am I, can we meet in my quarters and take care of some old demons that need exorcising?"
Chakotay almost laughed at the way she stated that. "And what demons would those be Captain?"
He heard her sigh over the line, "Chakotay I'm not in the mood for these games, can you just come next door and talk to me."
Chakotay looked down at his very engorged member and his very tight pants and sputtered out, "Right now?" He stopped, "I'm not really ready to see anyone right now."
He could imagine her raising an eyebrow and giving her quirky half smile, "Why Chakotay? Do you have half the women on this ship at your mercy already?"
She wanted to wrestle demons fine. "No only one Kathryn."
He heard an intake of breath on the other end of the line. "Kathryn...why don't you come over to my quarters, and we'll talk?"
Kathryn drew in a deep breath; was she ready for this yet? "I'll be right there Chakotay: Janeway out."
Kathryn looked at herself in the mirror, she was decent. *My god Kathryn, you have a fiancé back home.*
She pulled the long strands of hair behind her back and let it tumble down in unruly waves. *I hate my hair.* She thought and then left to go and visit Chakotay and hopefully get everything settled.
She rang his chime and waited.
Finally he called "Come." And she walked into his quarters and recognized many of the coverings in the quarters from years gone by: *Maybe he hasn't changed that much.*
As she walked closer to him, she discovered what his problem was. *Oh, my. He is as well endowed as I remember.*
*Think about Mark. You pledged your life to him.* A little voice in her head said. But would he wait 70 years and would that make her happy?
She walked over to Chakotay turning red with embarrassment.
Chakotay looked up, "Hey I should be the one that's embarrassed not you."
Kathryn let a smile grace her porcelain features and Chakotay remembered how very beautiful she was. That was when she did something that surprised him and locked her lips with his.
"Let's take care of the sexual tension now, shall we?" Chakotay let a hand fall to her breast and she realized that there was no stopping this.
Kathryn fell into Chakotay's warm embrace. *God help me; I'm sorry Mark.*
His hand slowly went down and felt the flat plane of her belly.
"Kathryn –"
She pulled away momentarily, to look into his eyes. "Are you sure?"
She went back to claim his lips and he knew that she was.
His left hand claimed her breast once again and he heard her moan into his mouth. Her tiny hand groped for the zipper to his pants and soon found it. "I don't think I've ever loved anyone like I love you Chakotay. I'm sorry it took us 20 years to get it right."
He smiled and pulled her back to look at her in her entirety, "I love you too Kathryn."
20 Years it appeared didn't make some things fade.
[2 weeks later]
Kathryn sat in her ready room reading reports. She had made B'Elanna Torres Chief Engineer after many misgivings about her in the beginning. Chakotay had assured her that it was the right decision and after watching her in action, she had decided it was.
Her and Chakotay's 'relationship' was going well. The crew seemed to accept it when they saw the two together. The Maquis crew just assuming that he was just getting his 'piece of ass' from the Starfleet bitch, the Starfleet crew just accepting it because she was their Captain.
Kathryn had never in her life felt more loved or cherished.
She smiled, well except for those two years at the academy, she had been his 'princess', and now they were falling back into those roles.
The chime to her quarters rang and she went to open the door. Chakotay came in and gave a low appreciative whistle.
"Well now: so this is what's hidden behind the Captain?"
Kathryn blushed, "Only for you my dear."
She smoothed the black velvet taut over her belly and hips. She grinned and twirled around showing him all angles.
"Very nice."
She looked at Chakotay, "So what's for supper tonight?"
"Well..."
Kathryn glared at him, "I mean food. Not other stuff: that's for dessert."
He smiled at her, and went up to the replicator. He ordered them vegetarian lasagne, and they sat down to eat in silence.
When supper was done, she walked over to him. He pulled his chair out and she sat on his knee.
As she sat down he claimed her lips with his, leaning into her beauty.
"Well my dear, shall we start on dessert?"
She ran her fingers under his shirt and stated, "I think we already have."
He ran his hand up her leg and realized she was wearing a garter belt. "Well what is this?"
"Something to unwrap..."
Chakotay got down on his knees and snapped the belt off with his teeth. "The secret to a lasting relationship: keep the romance alive."
She smiled, "You betcha."
He unzipped the dress and let it fall to her ankles. "A nicer view now."
She unsnapped her bra and he realized the view underneath it was nicer. "Well hello."
Her nipples were straining towards Chakotay, asking for attentiuon and release.
He bent down to touch them and pulled back at her gasp. "What's wrong? I thought you liked that?"
She sighed, "I normally do but I'm so sensitive today."
"I'm sorry; I won't touch you there today."
She grinned, "Thanks, but it doesn't mean you can't touch me other places."
He got down on his knees and dove his tongue into her hot center making Kathryn squeal in delight. "Oh that's not fair: I want to play too."
She threw him on the ground and grabbed his throbbing member, "I see someone's ready for fun besides me."
She shimmied down and engulfed him in her mouth. Ten minutes later and he was panting, "I can't last Kathryn."
She looked at him, "Then let go."
And he did, and Kathryn swallowed like a champ. "Well, see I told you, you could do it."
He laughed and picked her up off the ground heading for the bedroom. Even though he had quarters of his own, he now spent most of his nights here. "What do you say we go have a nap and then beat Paris at pool?"
Kathryn raised an eyebrow, "We have to, at some point let the junior officers win."
Chakotay smiled, dimples coming out in full force, "But not today."
[Later that Evening]
Kathryn and Chakotay walked into Sandrine's arms linked. He walked up to the bar and ordered them each a shot of tequila to start the night off. Kathryn shot that back so fast, and Tom was watching in wonderment at the transformation that had happened to Kathryn over the years. She seemed so much more at ease now then she had ever been before.
"So Captain, Commander...you two ready for a challenge?"
Kathryn raised an eyebrow, "Shouldn't I be asking you that Mr. Paris?"
Kathryn went over to the bar and took another shot, and then she ordered a beer to chase it down. "Okay Tom ready to go?"
Kathryn took three games right away, gave Tom one - because she felt sorry for him - and then took the fifth. "I think I win Tom."
Tom blushed, "Don't you always? You are after all the Captain."
Kathryn went toward the table at the back of the bar where Chakotay sat. "Ready for another drink dear?"
"Of course."
He looked at her "You know you should really give the junior officers a chance Kat."
She smiled, "I would but then, they would think I was soft."
Chakotay chuckled, "I don't think anyone would ever think that."
Kathryn was a little tipsy by the time she got home and Chakotay thought it was funny. The indestructible Kathryn Janeway, who had beaten who knew how many aliens was being beaten by beer. "Hey, Kat: why don't we just go and have a nice sleep."
Kathryn laughed, and thought herself a lush. "Later, right now let's play gin."
Chakotay sternly looked at her. "Kathryn: you're going to have one hell of a hangover tomorrow."
She chuckled, "That's okay, I'll suffer: I have tomorrow off."
Chakotay grabbed her hand. "Come on dear, I'll get you some water and then maybe we should head to bed."
"I want coffee."
"Kathryn you need sleep, and so do I."
[6 weeks later]
Kathryn looked in the mirror: the dark circles were really showing. She felt sick again. *God what's wrong with me?*
She sighed, *Oh well probably a bug or something.*
She walked out to the living area of her quarters and ordered some coffee. The minute she brought it up to her mouth, she felt queasy. She ran to the bathroom and lost whatever she had in her stomach. *I should really go see the doctor.*
Then she got ready and went to the bridge. Kathryn never did anything the easy way.
Kathryn arrived on the bridge 30 minutes later after trying to go to the mess hall and get something into her stomach. She did lose it after not too long, but at least she had tried to eat something.
Chakotay watched Kathryn walk onto the bridge and saw the pasty white colour of her skin and began to worry. He knew she had tried to be discreet, but she had been throwing up in the mornings for the last week.
He followed her into her ready room. "I know what you're going to say and I don't want to hear it: I'm fine."
Chakotay stared at Kathryn. "You have been sick every day in the morning for a week, you can't keep any food down," he paused not wanting to scare her, "Is there any possibility you're pregnant?"
Kathryn sighed. "I guess it's possible. I had been off boosters for the first week we were in the Delta Quadrant, but I have to inform you that my fiancé and I were trying to have a baby before we were stranded here."
"Kathryn if you are pregnant you need to know, and if it isn't my baby we'll deal with it somehow."
Kathryn stared at Chakotay. "I didn't plan for anything like this out here. I mean Mark and I: we were trying for a baby, but we were only supposed to be gone two weeks."
She began to cry at the unfairness and injustice of the situation she was in: Possibly raising a baby on her own on a ship trapped in the Delta Quadrant; this wasn't how it was supposed to be.
At her distress, Chakotay embraced her whispering sweet nothings in her ears. "It'll be okay darling. I'm here for you no matter what."
He held her as she wept for the unfairness of the situation. The complete irony of re-acquainting herself with the man she had fallen in love with all those years ago, and the possibility of carrying a child – a dream she had carried since Jennica's birth – and the possibility that it was not even Chakotay's baby.
When her tears subsided and when she looked presentable enough to take out, Chakotay led her to sickbay where she met the acerbic voice of the doctor. "Hello Captain, Commander. What can I do for you today?"
Janeway looked at the projection of light and sound that served as their doctor, "I think I'm pregnant."
The doctor almost dropped his tricorder in surprise. "It shouldn't take too long for me to find that out; can you come here Captain please and raise your shirt?"
The Captain did as told, "Uh-huh...hmmm..."
Kathryn was getting annoyed now. "Well?"
The doctor sighed, "You were correct captain: You're eight weeks pregnant."
The Captain sighed and rubbed her face with her hands. "Thank you doctor: I need to ask you something, is it too early to tell who the father is?"
The doctor stared at Kathryn, "Well no Captain, but I would think you'd remember who you slept with in the last two months."
"Doctor," The hologram was testing her patience.
He scanned her again, "Yes, Commander Chakotay is your child's father."
"Thank you doctor; may I go?"
"Yes of course, but I do need to see you soon for a more detailed scan."
"Yes, of course doctor, thank you."
"And Captain: You really need to cut down on the coffee."
Kathryn bristled at that, "Yes, thank you doctor."
Kathryn walked out of sickbay, Chakotay in tow. Chakotay opened his mouth to speak with her, and she quieted him right away. "Not here Chakotay, let's get to my quarters first."
Chakotay nodded and let her have it her way. They entered her quarters and she fell on her knees. "I'm so sorry, Chakotay, I wasn't trying to do this. But I am glad it's your baby and not Mark's; but at the same time we're 70,000 light years from home, but at the same time –"
Kathryn was babbling, he pulled her head up and waited for her to calm down. "Kathryn, calm down its okay."
He pulled her to him, "its okay Kathryn. I know we didn't plan for this out here, but we'll make it work."
She sighed, her hand unconsciously going to her abdomen where the child rested. "I want to keep this one Chakotay. I can't give another child away. I want us to have this baby."
Chakotay looked confused, "You've had a child before?"
Kathryn nodded, "I was young Chakotay: very young. I couldn't take care of a baby and neither could Tom."
Chakotay scrunched his face up in confusion. "Tom? Tom Paris."
Kathryn sighed and looked at him. "Chakotay you have to understand, I was 17, he was 14 we were virgins: we made a mistake. I never loved him the way I love you, and I never will."
Chakotay's eyes widened, "You loved him enough to sleep with him and have his baby Kathryn."
"It wasn't like that." She placed a hand on his arm. "We were so young: I should have been on boosters: it should never have happened."
"But it did. What happened to the baby?"
"Jennica is 22 now: she lives with Tom's family. I never saw her again after the day I gave birth to her. I didn't want Owen to keep the baby but he insisted, and I was a child: headed for the academy: I couldn't say no to an Admiral and a chance for a life after an earth shattering mistake?"
Chakotay looked incredulously at Kathryn, "So you gave your child away to the father of the father, or the father of a man who raped you."
Kathryn turned around to look at him, "Tom didn't rape me Chakotay any more than you did."
Chakotay looked at her upset by the comparison, "You were a child Kathryn!"
"And he was younger then I was, so what are you saying that I raped him?"
"Kathryn, I would never say anything like that about you. You're the kindest, most down to earth..."
"But that's just it Chakotay, at that time I wasn't. I was a child and we made a mistake: We took care of it the only way we could."
He opened his mouth to answer and closed it: Kathryn was in a fragile state.
"Are you going to do the same thing with 'our' baby?"
She walked up to him quickly, "No, I would never do that to our daughter."
"Daughter?"
"Or...son."
Kathryn walked up to him and took his hand to place it on her belly, "Our child is in there Chakotay, and I am so happy."
He chuckled, "We'll see how you feel in a few months after you've gained 30 pounds."
Kathryn laughed, "We'll deal with it honey: I promise."
"She pulled him over, pulled her shirt down and stated: "I guess we'd better get back to our bridge."
They walked to the turbo-lift, and called for the bridge. Halfway there, Kathryn called "Halt turbolift."
She pulled him to her, "This will work out Chakotay, it has to."
"Kathryn I want this baby so badly I can taste it."
She pulled her face down and slowly brought her hand over his face. "I'm sorry Chakotay, we'll do our best."
He looked at her sensing a 'but' coming on. "But –"
"I have to talk to Tom."
Chakotay looked at her curious, "I don't understand?"
"It's a long story from our past, but I need to speak to him."
Chakotay contemplated this, he knew that Kathryn and Tom had known each for a long time, something to do with being Starfleet brats and all - and they had had a baby created out of a moment of weakness - but why was he the first one she wanted to talk to about a pregnancy that had nothing to do with him?
Kathryn looked at Chakotay's confused face, "Don't worry Chakotay, I just need to tell him something, I'll be on the bridge after I take him and speak with him in the ready room."
Chakotay nodded, "Fine, you can share your reasons with me later."
Kathryn nodded and got off the turbolift and motioned right away for Tom to follow her to her ready room.
Kathryn walked through the doors to her ready room Tom in tow. "Tom, we have to talk."
Paris nodded, "Is this the Captain and helmsman or Kathryn and Tom?"
She shook her head, "Tom..."
"What is it Kathryn? What is it that forced you to bring me in here by myself?"
Kathryn sighed. "I thought you deserved to know Tom. I'm going to have a baby."
Tom shook his head. "I beg your pardon?"
Kathryn laughed, "Déjà Vu. That's exactly the same way you reacted last time –"
She cut herself off at Tom's 'hurt' expression: Like an animal licking his wounds.
"Except this time it's not yours Tom."
"Chakotay?"
"Chakotay." She acknowledged.
He pulled his hand out from behind his back and put it out to her in a gesture of congratulations. "Then let me be the first to congratulate you."
Kathryn smiled, "Thanks Tom; and please keep this to yourself for a while. I'm not ready to tell yet."
Tom nodded, "I hope it turns out better for you this time then it did the last time."
Kathryn nodded and glared at him, "That's not funny Tom, at least you got to watch Jennica grow up and at least she knows who you are."
"Yeah as her 'brother' not her 'father'."
"Okay Tom, I think this is the end of the discussion. I don't want to talk about it anymore."
Tom got an obnoxious look on his face, "Glad you're willing to raise this one even if Jennica was too much trouble for you."
"Okay Lieutenant, you're out of line: This discussion is over. What we did or did not do in our youth, well that's the past. This baby," she placed a hand on her stomach, "is mine and Chakotay's future."
"Fine Captain, if that's the way you want it: but remember, some day Jennica is going to ask, and some day you're going to have to tell her."
She glared at him, "I will not be told how to live my life, not even by the father of my first born: Dismissed"
Tom took one more look at the woman who had irreparably changed his life, and walked out of the ready room leaving Kathryn to brood.
Kathryn sank to the floor and cried, cried for lost opportunities, cried for Jennica and cried for a baby who would be Kathryn's hopes and dreams for the future.
[2 weeks later]
Kathryn tried to smooth the fabric of her wedding dress over her stomach. Today was her wedding day and the crew had been surprisingly okay with it: the fact that the Maquis Captain and the Starfleet Captain were taking their vows.
Kathryn had been surprised a week ago when there had been a diamond ring sitting on the pillow of her bed waiting when she got home from shift, but her words had been: "Yes, yes Chakotay we all make mistakes time to fix ours. And of course I will marry you."
Chakotay drew her lips up to his for a kiss full of promise. "Gods Chakotay I love you."
He had run his hand over the swell of her stomach that was starting to form and the kiss deepened, I love you too Kathryn."
His hand slowly moved from the swell of her belly upwards to her slowly becoming engorged breasts. He now knew to be careful, and the feelings enveloping her were exquisite. She moaned into his mouth and she knew that he knew he was doing everything right.
She pulled away, "Chakotay lets do this fast I still want to be able to fit into a wedding dress."
He had looked at her, "We can wait until after our bundle of joy gets here if you want?"
"No, I want to do this now. I want to finally be complete."
He cupped both of her breasts, feeling the weight that had become part of her during the last couple of months. "Gods Kathryn, if you want to do this right away, I'd do anything for you. We've been apart for too long and the fact that we were thrown back together, makes me think it was fate."
Slowly they made their way to the bedroom and sank on the bed almost as one. He began disrobing her. He ran his hands down her sides and she knew that tonight's love making was going to be slow and sensual.
"Kathryn, I have to go and get something quickly, I'll be right back...don't go anywhere." All Kathryn could think was after that beginning she wasn't going anywhere.
He walked out to the kitchen and came in with candles: rose scented candles, and began lighting them all over the quarters.
He finished lighting them and went out of the bedroom again to re-enter with strawberries and chocolate.
He dipped the first strawberry in the chocolate and brought it up to Kathryn's lips, she opened up and felt the sweet chocolate hit her taste buds.
After the first strawberry was finished Chakotay dove in for a kiss, licking the chocolate off the corners of her mouth.
Kathryn sighed in contentment, when she was finished two more strawberries her wandering hands got the better of her and she grabbed him and rubbed him to completion.
The scene was set. He looked at her asking if she was ready. At her subtle nod he got above her and slowly entered her filling her to the hilt.
The love making that night was slow and sensual, and she knew that she had finally found her soul mate; she had been reaquainted with the other half of her being.
She came out of her reverie and back to the moment at hand. She looked at herself one last time in the mirror and went out to Voyager's mess hall where the wedding was going to take place.
She got there and saw B'Elanna was already there in her bridesmaid outfit, ready to stand by Kathryn no matter what. She had made her the maid of honour after getting to know the angry woman better and had finally come to the conclusion that she was a lot softer than her outward appearance showed.
Harry began playing the clarinet and Kathryn walked down the aisle. This was the one and only time she would walk down the aisle and take a man for better or for worse. This was the only time she had and it was going to be special for her.
She got to the front where Chakotay was standing in wait for her and took her hand, bending down and whispering in her ear, "I love you, and soon we'll be husband and wife."
Tuvok against his better judgement had agreed to do the ceremony for her. He loved her in his own way and knew that much: he knew that her happiness was paramount.
She smiled at her soon to be husband, and stared at Tuvok. "Do you take this woman to have and to hold, until death do you part?"
She watched Chakotay stare "I do." As he placed the delicate wedding band , on her small finger.
Tuvok repeated the statement meant for Kathryn, "I do." She looked up at him and placed the larger ring on his finger claiming him as hers.
"Then I now pronounce you husband and wife. May you live long and prosper." He looked at Chakotay, "You may now complete the ceremony by kissing the bride."
He bent down and gave everyone the show they had come looking for.
Tom had been nowhere to be seen, and Kathryn worried.
[2 hours later - wedding reception]
Kathryn and Chakotay sat and ate. They had forced Neelix to replicate Cornish hens and an elaborate vegetable dish for Chakotay for after the wedding ceremony.
Chakotay leaned over and whispered in her ear. "Do you want to tell them tonight?"
Kathryn backed up surprised, "About the baby?"
Chakotay nodded, "Not yet Chakotay, soon though I promise."
They finished the ceremony, and Kathryn got so many compliments about how healthy she looked, B'Elanna stated that she was practically glowing.
Kathryn held her lips close together: she wasn't divulging her secret until she had to.
[3 weeks later Janeway Quarters]
Chakotay reached under her nightgown and found the baby bump that had become more and more obvious during the past couple of weeks.
"Kathryn we're going to have to tell them soon or they're going to guess for themselves."
Kathryn placed a hand over his, "You know what Chakotay, I am so happy I almost don't care."
Chakotay looked at her. "I know but they deserve to hear it from you."
Kathryn sighed, "Fine I'll tell the senior staff tomorrow at the briefing. Chakotay nodded, "Good enough; and about time."
Kathryn and Chakotay were getting ready for bed when the door chime sounded. Kathryn went to get up and Chakotay stopped her, "It's okay, I'll get it."
Kathryn nodded her consent and lay back down on the bed. He answered the door to see Tom standing there obviously inebriated. "Well isn't this cute. Settling into marital bliss I see."
Kathryn heard Tom's voice and came out from the bedroom. She walked out and saw Tom standing there staring menacingly at Chakotay. "Well Kathryn, you're beginning to show your maternal bliss." He leaned over to Chakotay, "Trust me she fills out quite nicely when she's pregnant."
He stared at Kathryn: loathing in his eyes, "Let's hope she doesn't do the same thing to you and your baby as she did to Jennica and I."
Kathryn glared at Tom, "That's enough: Lieutenant."
Chakotay moved between Kathryn and Tom. "Oh look at this: protective, already, and you haven't even told the crew."
Kathryn moved past Chakotay. "Tom, we've already discussed why I did what I did. You already know. Get over it. I'm married now, I'm happy: I hope, someday you're as happy as I am."
Tom laughed, "Right Kat, I'm not finding anyone here...and you...you stranded us so far from home I won't find anything there either."
Kathryn looked at him tears glazing over her eyes but she held them back. "You have no right to question my command decisions, and no right to call me by my given name anymore."
Tom shrugged, "That's not what you said when we were younger, or even for that matter when we came aboard this ship. You're a hypocrite 'Captain'." He emphasized her rank, and spat on the floor at her feet. "I hope you can still bend down to clean that up Captain."
And he turned around and left Janeway's quarters.
[3 hours later Janeway quarters]
Kathryn was tossing and turning, she couldn't find sleep no matter what.
Chakotay pulled her to him and put his arms around her cocooning their child in his arms. "Kathryn come on you need your sleep."
"I know Chakotay I just can't stop thinking about what Tom said."
"You want to talk about it?"
Kathryn sighed, "I need a coffee if we're going to get into this."
"One coffee Kathryn, you're over three months pregnant it's time you cut down."
"I know, but it's my staple and right now I need something to lean on."
Chakotay nodded, "I know dear, but you can lean on me."
"I know honey." She turned around and kissed him on the cheek, before getting up.
She exited the bedroom and entered the living area and went the replicator, "Coffee. Black."
The replicator produced the beverage and she sat down. Chakotay got a cup of tea from the replicator and sat down bedside her.
"I don't know where to start Chakotay."
He smiled, "At the beginning is normally a good place."
She sighed, "Okay I was Tom's tutor when we were in high school. Admiral Paris was asking me to help him straighten Tom out."
She paused collecting her thoughts, "Then one night, it all changed. I wasn't looking at him like the unruly child of Admiral Paris, but rather as a man: I was 17 and he was 14."
She paused letting her husband absorb the beginning of the story. "I was a virgin and at that point had no reason to be on boosters. Then we ended up in bed and I stole the virginity of a 14 year old."
Chakotay rubbed her back, "He wouldn't have done it if he hadn't wanted to. Kids at that age experiment."
"Chakotay he was 14: He was a child."
"And you were 17 and by your own admission a child yourself."
"Anyway, so a month later I found out I was pregnant: I was mortified, scared out of my mind. I knew I couldn't have a baby. So I went to the clinic ready to take care of our mistake."
She looked him in the eyes, "I couldn't do it Chakotay. I sat in the chairs and waited at my gynaecologist's office and stared at all the happy mothers-to-be and couldn't do it. What really killed me and it will be engrained in my head until the day I die was a poem I saw, praising motherhood and how women couldn't wait to meet their bundles of joy. It was so painful knowing I held a miracle in my body and wanted to do away with it because it was too much trouble."
She cried as she thought about almost ridding herself of the inconvenience that was her first daughter Jennica. "Tom was against it sort of but he also understood that I was too young to care for a newborn, and he was even younger than I was. He was okay with the abortion, and then when I couldn't do it, he was scared of what his father would say."
He smiled, "All children are afraid of what their parents will say when they get into a situation like this."
"Anyway, so because I couldn't do it we didn't have a choice but to tell Admiral Paris. So we went to tell him. I was almost three months pregnant – and starting to show – and I was afraid of what he would say, if I would be okay at the academy: there were so many questions in my head."
"Admiral Paris, he decided he and his wife were going to raise the baby, going to adopt her. I was afraid of having contact with her, I was afraid of forming a bond with her: I was just afraid."
She paused, getting ready to go forward with the story she had never told anyone else. She had barely admitted to herself on some days that she did have a child. "So I decided to carry it to term and try and ignore it as much as possible. Then I felt her move for the first time and all of a sudden reality came crashing down on me. I mean I had been aware that I was pregnant, morning sickness and weight gain and all, but it didn't feel real to me until I felt those first butterfly movements."
She cried some more and Chakotay just held her until the tears stopped. He loved her and he felt her pain. "Its okay baby, we all do things that we either wish we hadn't or know we had to and did. I love you no matter what your perceived shortcomings; and once you have this baby you'll get to be a mother for real and for good."
Kathryn nodded and continued the story. "Jennica was born in my parent's house you know." She looked at him, "I had been in labour all day and hadn't realized it. I was two weeks early and I was 18 at this point and it was my first baby: My mom knew. She had told me that the baby had dropped and I was having back labour. It didn't really become real until my water broke. After that it was all a blur. I had the baby, named her Jennica Paris, breastfed her once and handed her to the doctor to deliver to Admiral Paris. I never saw her again: it was too hard. I had looked into those big blue eyes of hers once and fell in love, and I knew if I looked too hard: I wouldn't be able to let go, but I knew I had to."
He rubbed her head and noticed her hands were making hypnotic movements over the child within. "You know I never told this to anyone, not even Mark and we were trying for a baby of our own."
Chakotay smiled, "I'm glad you didn't succeed: then this little one," he put a hand over hers where it rested on the baby, "wouldn't be on her way."
Kathryn smiled and grabbed his hand as she felt the first movements of their child. "Oh!"
Chakotay looked at his wife worriedly, "Kathryn what's wrong?"
A smile spread across her face, "Nothing your child just moved for the first time."
Chakotay's hand joined her on her belly. "I think we should go get some sleep now: my family needs it."
She smiled at him took his hand and off to bed they went. Kathryn almost immediately fell into a blissful sleep feeling almost as if a weight had been lifted from her.
[0700 next morning]
Kathryn woke up feeling refreshed. It was as if she had, had her first good sleep in months. She was looking out the viewport, her pregnant form silhouetted against the window when he came up behind her and wrapped his hands around her ever-expanding belly. "Good morning beautiful."
Kathryn scoffed, "Beautiful: hardly. I've gained 14 pounds already."
Chakotay smiled and rubbed her tummy, "And all for a good cause."
They both turned around at the beeping of the command console behind them. "Trouble in paradise on the ship called Voyager?"
What they met was hardly what they had expected. There were congratulatory notes from the senior staff and disgruntled notes from some of the crew. "What the hell?"
Kathryn read the first note, from one B'Elanna Torres. "Chakotay, Kat: Tom Told us, congratulations, and old man: it's about time."
Kathryn looked at Chakotay. "Why did Tom do that?"
Chakotay shrugged and he went on to the next note: "Well I'm glad someone's happy. She strands us 70,000 light years from our families and you two start a family here. The right thing to say is congratulations Chakotay, but my opinion is you suck: and you're a selfish prick."
Kathryn was shocked at the way these people were talking to their superiors. There were others like B'Elanna's from Harry and Tuvok, and then there were some congratulations from other members of the crew: Samantha Wildman for instance, who was glad her baby wouldn't be alone.
Then there were more rude notes – most from former members of the Maquis – telling them they were selfish and weren't thinking of the crew first.
Kathryn turned to Chakotay. "Why would Tom do that, and how did he get it to everyone so fast?"
Chakotay thought about it. "The 'Voyager Rumour Mill' is in full swing I see."
Kathryn turned to the replicator. "I guess there's no hiding it now. One maternity uniform: Command Red, size 4."
Kathryn put on the uniform and sighed, "My god it's huge."
Chakotay raised an eyebrow at her, "Yeah and you'll fill it out in no time."
She glared at him, "Thanks, that helps."
Chakotay looked at her, "Hey that's a good thing: it means our baby is healthy and growing strong."
Kathryn smiled. "I guess that's one way of looking at it."
He grabbed her shoulders and turned her around to force her to look into his eyes, "It's the only way to look at it."
[2 hours later – bridge]
Kathryn walked out of the turbo-lift and got a smile from Harry, and Chakotay got a congratulatory handshake. B'Elanna was on the bridge and walked up to Kathryn, "So that's why you been 'glowing' lately: Congratulations you guys!"
The shift was uneventful, until supper time and the mess hall. They got their food and walked towards a table at the back where B'Elanna and Harry were seated. Yet again Tom was nowhere to be found.
B'Elanna walked up to Kathryn and hugged her, "Well look at you. I am so happy for you guys, and you hid it well Kat."
Kathryn smiled, "Well not anymore...I guess everyone knows now. How did Tom get the news to everyone so fast?"
Harry looked at Chakotay, "You know that 'message board' that he set up a tribute to the 20th century internet revolution? He posted the news there: We thought he had your permission."
Kathryn blushed, "He's still a little sore about stuff that happened years ago."
B'Elanna looked at her, "Is it true? You two have a daughter?"
Kathryn looked down, "Yes let's just say 'Youthful Indiscretion'."
B'Elanna looked hurt. "How can you say that? So you made a mistake how many of us can honestly say we haven't?" She looked at Harry, "Aside from possibly the greenest ensign in Starfleet."
"Hey that's not fair; there were greener ones in my class."
"Whatever: Starfleet."
Kathryn sat down and put a hand on her belly. The baby was squirming. "So did anyone find out why Tom did that?"
Harry shrugged, "He said something about atoning for the past...whatever that means?"
Kathryn drew in a deep breath, "Did he mention the name Jennica?"
Harry shook his head, B'Elanna looked at Janeway perplexed. "Not to either of us."
Kathryn nodded, "Okay thanks. Do you know where Mr. Paris went?"
Harry looked like he was searching his mind for the answer, "I think he said he was going to spend some time in Sandrine's in the holodeck."
Kathryn smiled. "Thanks."
She walked around the table to the side where Chakotay was sitting. "Honey, I'm going to go put this in the recycler; then I think I'll head to the holodeck to speak with Tom."
Chakotay looked concerned, "Do you want me to come with you?"
She smiled and shook her head, "No, I think I need to deal with this on my own: it's been buried for too long."
"Call me if you need anything."
She kissed him, "No problem." He pulled his hand down to rub her tummy, "Make sure you take good care of our little one Kathryn."
She smiled at him, "You know I will."
She walked out of the mess hall and B'Elanna came up to Chakotay. "You two are so cute it's despicable. I saw you touch her tummy, this parenthood thing looks good on you Chakotay."
He smiled, "I think Kathryn and I finally got it right."
B'Elanna stared at him, "Chakotay we've only been in the Delta Quadrant 4 months."
He smiled, "Yes but this relationship has been 20 years in the making."
B'Elanna looked at him confused. "I beg your pardon?"
He laughed, "We were in the academy at roughly the same time, my graduating year we went to the formal together and won king and queen: I loved her even then."
"Awww...that is so cute Chakotay, it's like high school sweethearts re-united."
"Close B'Ella...close."
[1900 hours holodeck one – Sandrine's program]
Kathryn walked into the program and saw Tom hunched over a beer in the corner a pool cue in his hand. "You up for a game Tom?"
"Sure if you can reach over the table in all your maternal glory Kathryn?"
She had to stop this, "Tom I don't know what you thought you were doing, but I shared this with you in private because we go back a long way. Jennica is going to have a half brother or sister."
Tom glared at her, "She is not, if you recall correctly you gave up any rights to her when you gave her up and left her for my father to raise."
Kathryn sighed, "That's not fair Tom. I was young, I had my whole life ahead of me and so did you. We couldn't have dealt with a child."
Tom was crying at this point, "But you didn't even want to try."
"I couldn't even try Tom. You got to grow up with her, you got to see her grow up. Your daughter will always know you and has always known you."
He laughed, "Yeah as her brother: Tom."
She sighed, "Tom you know it was the only way."
He was coming down off his two day binge and beneath the anger and the hurt. Kathryn began to see the old Tom Paris poking though. "I'm sorry Tom."
Kathryn put her hand on her belly feeling the baby move, "Hey Tom, I'm sorry but in the end you know that Jennica was better off under your dad's parenting."
He sighed, "Yeah I know. " He looked at Kathryn, "Can you feel the baby move yet?"
She smiled, "Oh yeah," She took his hand and placed it on her belly. He felt the baby move and smiled. "You know maybe someday I'll find the happiness that you and Chakotay have, but until then I guess I'll have to just be an uncle to this little one."
Kathryn drew in a deep breath, "And godfather I hope. We were going to make you the godfather and B'Elanna the godmother: Our two closest friends."
Tom nodded, "I'd be honoured."
She pulled Tom into an embrace of friendship.
It just proved one thing to her, former lovers do make good friends, and time heals all wounds.
END 2. Love Story
TBC in 3. Partially Fixed