Here's chapter 2! Thank you for reviewing ThePsychoVamp!:)
Here you go!
Chapter two:
"Edward?" Alice asked him, after the second day of school. "Are you all right?"
Edward read her mind; she didn't suspect anything. She had seen him clenching and unclenching his fists the whole day, seen how he almost broke the table with his fists. If his skin wasn't as hard as marble, he would have thousands and thousands of splinters sticking out of him arm. Alice was just trying to be nice. Be kind. She always had been, ever since they had met. That was just Alice. The tiny, lithe body, with big yellow eyes and a pixie cut haircut.
Esme was the same. She always worried about him. Worried that he was too lonely - which he was, but he would never tell Esme that. He wouldn't want to see her face fall - worried that the blood lust had become too much - again, not that he'd tell anyone, because they'd just give him that look. That look that he knew meant 'Monster'. But that was because he was a monster. He was a heart wrenching monster.
He could reply to Alice saying, no, I'm not. I've had to fight a battle with myself and my self concious, fight to keep that wall up. I've had to see you and Jasper happy, together, while I'm stuck as lonely old Edward. I've had to keep up the pretence that I'm fine for a long time, but really, I'm not.
But he doesn't. All he muttered out was, "I'm fine."
She gave him a disapproving look, the one where her eyebrows caved into her eyes and her eyes scrutinised him. He ignored it, just carried on driving towards home hurriedly, hopefully to avoid any more of Alice's questions. Rosalie and Emmett were too busy looking into each other's eyes lovingly then to focus on the questioning, but Jasper was watching. And now he to was scrutinising him.
Jasper was the one he went out of his way to avoid. Jasper could feel emotions, feel when someone was in pain, or in love, or happy. Edward was in pain, was swamped with guilt, and having Jasper around to feel that, to feel his guilt, just made him feel all the more guilty. He was sure Jasper wouldn't tell anyone, since Jasper was a very private man and would keep everyone's secrets, but it was already one sibling that could turn against him, who could turn everyone against him. Jasper could feel how guilty he was, how dark his soul was. He could give Edward pitying looks, be in denial that he wasn't a monster, that he was a nice, loving man with a big heart. He wasn't. And deep down, Jasper knows that. So, Jasper didn't talk to him about what he was feeling. Which was a good thing.
Emmett never asked him about his life before. His brother was all booming laughs, bone crushing hugs and sexual innuendos. He was careless and carefree, with his heartbreaking smile and big heart. He had never killed anyone apart from threats towards their coven, and even then they were blood sucking vamps. He was nothing like Edward, and Edward didn't want to burden Emmett with his stuff, bring Emmett down from his carefree mood. His constant carefree mood. The voice usually croaked out, kill him, Edward. He's OUR kill. Get rid of that pompous smile, and get him out of here. He would argue back, until he realised that it was no use; the monster had made up it's mind. He just had to control himself, make sure that he wouldn't kill anyone of his family. He loved them all too much.
Edward pulled down their drive way and wound his way around until he reached the house. There, he turned the car off and took the keys out. He just ignored the pointed looks Alice and Jasper were giving him as he stormed off towards the house, content in finding some kind of mind distracting thing to do. Today, instead of playing the piano, he would draw. Draw anything. Even if he wasn't that good. Something that would distract him from whatever the hell was going on in his head.
The wall at the back of his mind was swaying dangerously. A part of his subconscious had blocked out the painful memories of the 1920's, when he had gone with human blood instead of animal. The memories that sound never be remembered, that he should never think about. The memories that could destroy his very being; turn him black right to his core, where his soul was. Not that it wasn't already black, because he knew it was. Like he always thought, his soul was black, was a bottomless pit of nothing. But these memories would take over all of his brain and turn him into a monster. A horrible, terrifying monster that should never be allowed to come out.
Ever.
The first memory hit him that night. Over the recent couple of days, that wall was threatening to break, like a dam when there was just too much water behind it. The memory wasn't a big one. Actually, it just made him cringe and flinch. But it was the long run that would scare him. If the memories were starting to come through the wall, what would happen when the wall just collapses all together? His mind flashed back to the memory.
His eyes were dark; they stood out in contrast with his stark pale skin that was as white as snow. His hat was balanced nicely on top of his slicked back hair, and his hands were clenching the bottom of his bar chair. He glanced around, the burning in his throat rubbing his throat so much that he was choking for breath. His suit was ruffled; his tie hung low around the third button as he stared at his targets.
First was an old man who had hobbled in earlier. His back was hunched over, and Monster-Edward could smell the booze on him as soon as he had walked through the door. His old, and stained suit jacket was slung over the window seat of the bar, and he was nursing a bottle of Whiskey. There was no wedding ring on his finger, and no tan line from where one could have been sitting, meaning this man was lonely. His face was sad and depressed, and his thoughts weren't that much better. They were jumbled up, going with his drunk stupor, and they were rambles about his dog, not his wife. Sweat dripped down his neck as he popped open a few buttons, exposing his pulse point to the predator he didn't even know was in the room. Edward's finger nails dug into the chair harder.
The second victim was a young woman. Her hair was curled, and blonde, sitting up top on her head. Her lips were a luscious red, reminding Edward of blood. Her skin was tanned, and she was stroking the chest of a man double her age. Her dress was short and red. Everything about her screamed 'drink.' Edward growled at himself to keep in his chair and not drink this young woman. He had other options, other people he had to consider.
The third victim was a man, who was holding hands with his wife as he chatted to his friends. Everything about him screamed 'pompous ass', and Edward knew that the bruises on his wife's face was not from hitting herself with the door. His thoughts were mainly about sex; sex with his wife, sex with his assistant, sex with his friend's wife. This man was really a pompous ass. Maybe Edward should have this one, take away his wife's suffering, and the fact that the world would be better off without this idiot. The man's hair was styled just like his own; slicked back, but it was dripping with sweat, unlike Edward's, which had kept due to the fact he could sweat. He had a posh new suit on, an all black combination with a white tie. His hat was on the table next to his beer.
Edward had made up his mind. Him.
When the man stepped out to go to the toilet, Edward discreetly followed him. He could hear his heart pumping slowly, he could hear the blood coursing through this man's veins. The pulse just behind that dark tanned skin was pumping. The man's thoughts were focused on the task ahead, unzipping his pants. It was such a shame that he didn't need too.
Edward pushed him against the wall, his teeth piercing the neck in his favourite spot. The pulse point. It was getting slower underneath his teeth, as he slowly but tastefully drained the man of his blood. He sucked the sweet, coppery tasting liquid in his mouth, quivering in excitement. His hand went up to pull the man towards him more, just as the man opened his mouth in a soundless scream as Edward sucked the last of his life out of him.
Edward wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and dropped the man to the floor. The man's blue eyes were wide open, glassy and looking up towards Edward. Edward could feel the heat leaving the man. Edward was satisfied He had gotten rid of a monster. Yes, so maybe he was feeding his own monster, making the voice praise him for his kill, but he had gotten rid of one monster in the world.
Good job, Edward. You are one step closer to the monster I want you to become.
Edward could hear those words still. The growly, unkempt words that branded his soul. He had gotten rid of a monster, and then became one himself. He hadn't realised that Carlisle was in front of him, calling his name until Carlisle grabbed hold of his shoulders and shook him.
"Edward?" The blonde male said as he shook him again.
Edward shook his head to get away from the black trying to surround him. "Oh, hello, Carlisle."
"Are you okay? Alice was telling me about today at school. Why don't you hunting with Jasper and Emmett later?" Carlisle asked.
There was a hint of blood on Carlisle's jacket, and it made Edward's eyes go black with thirst. Carlisle looked like he had noticed because his eyes zoomed the the speck of blood that was on his coat.
"Oh, sorry," Carlisle apologised.
Stop being so nice to me, Edward tried to say, but couldn't. His throat was on fire, choking him. The scent of that blood was now in his nose, his head had now memorized that smell so the monster could go and hunt down that poor, innocent human and suck them dry. Because that was what he was. A monster who liked to suck poor, innocent humans dry.
"How about you go now?" Carlisle asked him.
Edward just nodded. He needed it, and now.
Hunting with Emmett and Jasper had always been hard for Edward. They were boisterous, always pushing and shoving and racing, hunting like it was a game. Edward liked to just get down to it; block out the fact that he was killing an animal and imagine it was human blood that he was drinking. He liked to stalk his prey before he launched himself on it. He liked to move leanly, quick like a cat. Emmett and Jasper's movements were hard, quick, and noisy, and scared away most of the prey that Edward had wanted to catch.
He was now on pursuit of a mountain lion. He knew he was nearing the Canadian border, but he had to suck this animal dry. He needed to quench his thirst just that little bit, just so the monster was semi satisfied.
The mountain lion dodged left, just as Edward did, and they impacted. Edward held down the animal was thriving to be free, and dug his teeth into it's neck, nicking an vein which made the blood pour out. He sucked the animal dry of it's blood, suddenly feeling more satisfied then when he was almost sucking Carlisle's coat to get the human blood off it.
He didn't know how Carlisle could stand it. Standing around all that sweet, juicy human blood, watching as it pored out of the cuts and scrapes of a hunter, or a police officer. Carlisle showed very good self control, better then Edward's, Jasper's and probably Rosalie's put together. He could stand to breath normally around human blood. He could stand to breath normally around human blood when he was thirsty. How could he do that? Edward could never imagine working in a hospital. Firstly, he was too young. Secondly, there was just too much blood and he wouldn't be able to handle it. He can't even handle a young girl at school who had fallen over and scraped her knee. A stupid accident that almost sent him crazy.
Edward was scared. That last memory had been vivid. He had remember what had happened, detail for detail. He could remember that the young woman at the bar was going to go home with the man whose chest she was stroking. He could remember the drinking pattern of the old man. He'd take a sip, then spit it back out in the bottle, then sip it again. Edward could remember he cringed. He could remember everything.
Hopefully, he wouldn't remember the worse ones that vividly...
Hopefully.
Hoped you liked it :)