A/N: Ok, my insanity is still going strong, so here's another fairytale dream! This one is the Princess and the Pea, suggested by the wonderful CSI-4077! I have condensed it slightly for time purposes, and tinkered with it a bit. Also, I'm using the Hans Christian Andersen version as a base. Enjoy!!
Brennan-The Princess and the Pea
In a land far away, a prince lived with his mother in a castle. The prince was very arrogant, stubborn, and had an ego the size of a small country. He wanted desperately to get married so he could feel even more like an Alpha male than he did already. But, not just any woman would do. No, the prince had to marry a princess. Typical Alpha male. Only someone from the highest social stratum would suffice.
The prince sat around for years, waiting for what he considered the perfect woman to just fall into his arms. Of course, this never happened. Probably because there were no princesses in the area.
Then the prince got the bright idea of putting a personals ad in the village newspaper. It read:
Prince with killer body and smile seeks Princess for long term relationship, namely marriage. Contact castle if you fit criteria. Must be good looking and non-idiotic. Princesses cursed by witches or evil stepmothers need not reply.
The prince was dumbstruck when he didn't get a single reply. What had become of all the princesses? They should be beating his door down to marry him.
One morning, the prince woke up, put on his strange socks and belt buckle, and spent an hour admiring himself in the mirror, giving it his best charm smile. The mirror was unimpressed, but the prince knew that any princesses he met on his journey would be. Then he told the queen good-bye and went out into the world in search of a princess with good bone structure that would be suitable to marry.
He searched and searched, but couldn't find any. He turned to his loyal squire, Sir Addy.
"Where are all the royal babes? It's like they vanished or something! Is there a witch around here or something that's cursed the land?" He looked around, as if expecting a witch to pop out from behind a bush or something.
"I don't believe so, Prince Booth. Perhaps all the princesses are already taken, or there have been more boys born in the land than girls."
Prince Booth snorted. "Might as well go back home and revel in my eternal bachelorhood." He turned and headed back in the direction of the castle, mumbling something about needing to get laid. Sir Addy followed at a respectable distance, in case the Prince's mood was affected by his lack of sex.
When they arrived back at the castle, the prince told his mother what had happened, and went off to his chamber to pout like a child. Outside, though, a storm was brewing. The sky grew dark and the rain began to fall, complete with thunder and lightning. There was a knock at the prince's chamber door.
"Who is it?"
"It's Sir Addy, Prince Booth, your faithful squire."
"Come in."
Sir Addy entered. "I have been sent to tell you that there is a girl downstairs who has sought shelter from the storm. Her name is Temperance, and she claims to be a real princess! Also, can I sleep in here tonight at the foot of your bed? I hate storms, and have this fear of getting struck by lightning."
Prince Booth groaned. "If you insist, Sir Addy. She claims to be a princess, huh? Well, we'll see about that." He left his chamber quickly, Sir Addy following behind.
When he caught sight of the girl in the front hallway, he skidded to a stop, Sir Addy bumping into him from behind. "Hi," was all he could manage to say.
"Hello. You must be Prince Booth. I'm Temperance. Princess Temperance, to be precise. I was out for a walk and got caught in the storm. Thank you for giving me shelter."
Prince Booth gazed at her for a moment, then said, "You are very well structured, Temperance."
"Thank you, but it's Princess Temperance."
"Sorry there, Princess, but it's a little hard to believe you're a princess looking like you crawled through the mud for the last hour, and besides, I've traveled all over this land, and I couldn't come across a single princess. I'm looking for one to marry, you see."
"I know. I read your chauvinistic personals ad." She made a face.
Prince Booth turned to Sir Addy. "Go and fetch some refreshment for Temperance. I must see my mother." He left, and Sir Addy led Temperance to the kitchens.
Prince Booth found his mother in the throne room and said, "Mother, there is a girl in the castle claiming to be a princess. I'm not sure if I believe her. She's well structured, but she's also very dirty, and her clothes are those of a peasant. How can we tell if she is who she says she is?"
The queen thought for a moment, then replied, "A princess must be very delicate and sensitive to what is around her. I have a plan to test her claim." And with that she went to a room containing a bedstead. She placed a single pea on it, and then had 20 mattresses stacked on top of it.
"There. If she is able to feel the pea through all that, then she must be a princess." Prince Booth nodded his approval. "Now, good night my son, for I'm off to bed." She left the room and Prince Booth went to the kitchens.
"A room has been prepared for you Temperance," he said.
"That's Princess Temperance. Can't you remember anything?"
"You're not a princess to me yet. Sir Addy will show you to your room." He told Sir Addy where the room was to be found, then retired to his own room.
Sir Addy showed Temperance to her room, and left quickly, leaving the girl to stare up at the stack of 20 mattresses.
"Are they insane? How am I even supposed to get up there?" She asked out loud. But Temperance was determined and also extremely intelligent. She sought out a high step ladder, which she climbed up. She collapsed on the top mattress, and immediately felt uncomfortable.
It wasn't just because of how high up she was either. There was something poking her in the back. She squirmed around on the mattress, feeling underneath her for the culprit, but all she felt was smooth mattress. If it wasn't still storming out, she probably would have taken her chances outside. Even the ground was better than this.
She spent a sleepless night, tossing and turning, but ever tormented by the unknown object poking her relentlessly. When the sun shone through her window, she got up, and climbed down the ladder. Sir Addy met her in the hallway, and led her to the dining hall for breakfast.
She sat down across from Prince Booth, who recoiled from her ever so slightly.
"You look awful! Didn't you sleep well?"
"No, as a matter of fact, I didn't sleep well at all! 20 mattresses?! Are you people psychotic? One would have been plenty for me. Plus, to make it worse, there was something underneath that kept me awake all night. My back is still sore from it! I don't think I slept more than a couple hours in total!"
The prince and his mother exchanged a glance. The prince gave her a megawatt smile, which Temperance returned with a glare.
"You are truly a princess, Temperance," the prince said.
"Uh, yea, I told you that…several times in fact."
Prince Booth explained. "My mother planted a pea underneath all those mattresses in order to make sure that you were a real princess. And so you are."
"You people really are crazy! If you really wanted proof, I could have had my birth certificate sent over or something! I didn't get any sleep because of you!" Her nostrils flared with rage.
"You know something, Princess Temperance; you are cute when you're angry! Now, we can get married! At last, my dream of marrying a princess to further establish my own dominance can become a reality."
"Whoa, I never agreed to marry you! Maybe I'll sleep with you to satisfy my own biological urges, but that's about it."
"Marry me, Princess. Please." He gave her a charm smile, and pleaded with his big brown eyes. Despite her greatest effort not to, Temperance gave in.
"Very well, but on one condition."
"Which is?"
"I'm keeping my own name. You don't own me."
"Deal." He held out his hand and she shook it, but as she did, he pulled her to him and kissed her. She kissed him back, and Sir Addy let out a cheer. Everyone looked over at him.
He cleared his throat. "I apologize. I just thought this was the part where everybody cheered because it was going to be a happy ending."
Sir Addy was right. Prince Booth and Princess Temperance got married; she kept her own name, and they lived happily ever after….for the most part.
A/N: Hope you liked it! Please R&R!! Thanks for the suggestions everyone! Next up will be Booth dreaming Rapunzel! Thank you!!