A/N: Sorry for the wait, but no one I asked to beta it was doing so, and so I just went and self-edited it...hope it turns out ok!
This ended up being a largely introspective and Rukia-centric chapter, but it's really quite essential to the character building and to set the scene and the mood.
But don't worry all you Kaien-fanatics out there, he will be back in full force in the chapter after! XD

Secret 2: Kuukyo.

The rest of the school day drifted by—the teachers droning on, me absently copying down notes, the bell alerting us with its little melody that was way too cheerful for school—and when it was finally over, I felt like I'd just woken up from a dream. A bad one.

I didn't ride home in a limo, even though that was always an option. I preferred the walk back; it gave me a bit of brisk exercise and didn't make me feel so...snotty. Plus it left me a little room to just think, to breathe.

But for some reason, nothing filled my mind as I walked the half-mile home today. Maybe the miasma of thoughts and feelings swirling around in there made it impossible for my brain to focus on any one of them at a time. Processing it all would've taken lots of emotional effort...effort that I just didn't have the energy for right now.

I rounded the corner and was greeted by a large oval driveway where two limos were parked. Behind it, a neatly-groomed lawn sprawled in front of the grand mansion that just so happened to be my house. The garage that held cars other than the limos was close to the size of most people's entire homes...but then, "normal" was something for which I didn't qualify. The house area itself was at least as big as a whole building of townhouses, maybe more. Endless windows stared back at me, and a few alcoves jutted out for emphasis.

Sighing, I headed up to the grand door that served as our main entrance. All I had to do was press a buzzer next to the door and mutter something like "I'm home," and our butler Nakamura would instantly notice and let me inside. I kicked off my black school shoes at the door and slipped into the white Chappy-style slippers I wore around the house—it always seemed like they were the least formal things within thirty feet. Bypassing the grand sweeping staircase in the main hall, I stopped by the walk-in pantry to get something to nibble and headed up the nearest side stairway to my bedroom.

Well, "bedroom" might not have been the best description. It was almost closer to a penthouse. In all honesty, it was so enormous that sometimes I even used to get lost in there as a kid. Which was actually pretty frightening—being lost in the one place you were able to call your own.

There was a lot filling that vast space: a boudoir, a huge gold-rimmed mirror, a giant stuffed Chappy sitting in the corner...even my own adjoining bathroom. A few books and articles of clothing were strewn around on the floor, but the servants would probably pick them up well before I went to bed.

A few clippings of pretty girls from magazines like Non-no and Pichilemon and Seventeen Japan were stuck in the rim of my mirror—girls who I aspired to be, girls who were my physical ideal. I knew I could probably never look like them no matter how much I dolled myself up (which I didn't do often) ...but hey, I could dream, couldn't I?

I pushed open the door with my foot and made a beeline for the four-poster bed. Then my conscience kicked in and directed me over toward the huge chair at my desk: yes, much as it hurt, homework did have to come first. I slung my schoolbag onto the floor, plopped into the chair, and prepared to fry my already weary brain. After all, holding up the family name was just that important...or that's what I'd been taught, at least.

As always, my mind started to wander near the end of my workpile—but today, it was straying to different topics. Shiba-sensei's face, for example, was one thing that kept popping up in my mind's eye, even in the middle of writing my equations. His voice haunted my English vocab words; his smile took over my Japanese History questions. I found myself wondering when it would stop, and why the heck he was there in the first place. We hadn't even had class with him yet, so why was he invading my studies?

Eventually I gave up when I noticed that I had started absently scribbling the kanji of his name in my notebook ("ocean" and "swallow" for his first name?...Interesting). That was just too far past the point of embarrassment. At least I'm not putting hearts around it or something...wait, why would I even think that? I'm just intrigued…aren't I?

At any rate, I figured I'd gotten enough done and anything else could be secretly finished up during classes tomorrow. That was how things worked for me—if I couldn't learn or focus at the moment, I'd just wait until later. Well, unless it was really, really important, in which case I would either force myself to start extra-early or end up with an extreme case of procrastination. (The second one happened more often than I would've hoped.)

Just as I had slammed my books shut and trudged over to flop onto my bed, there was a knock at the door. "Excuse me, Rukia-san," came a maid's voice, "but dinner is now ready for you if you wish."

"Yes, thank you, I'll be down in a minute," I answered automatically. Heaving a sigh, I rolled off the bed, out the door, and started down the stairs.

The lengthy dining table was laden with generous amounts of top-notch cuisine and was complete with a floral centerpiece. I took my usual spot at the right end of the table and started to help myself after murmuring the usual "Itadakimasu."

The table was set for two. If Nii-sama had been there, I think he would have been in the seat across from me. But tonight I was facing an empty seat for the fifth evening in a row, eating my fill of the international dishes our skilled cooks had provided. Somehow, though, I wasn't feeling all that full inside. My eighth bite of coq-au-vin was tasteless on my palate.

It was rare that Kuchiki Byakuya, my esteemed elder brother, was actually in this mansion. Because of the family's prestige and wealth, it was already set that he'd never have to work for a living, though he was only in his early thirties. Still, he would always be off making business arrangements with one of our companies or their partners, taking care of public relations, or "discussing private matters" with some of our extended family. Truth was, I was never positive of what he was away doing, but I was pretty sure it was usually one of the three. Or sometimes he might go out of the country for "various reasons", and I wouldn't see him for even longer.

As for our parents, they had died when I was barely old enough to remember. I mostly knew them from their pictures in the family shrine I prayed in front of each evening. And honestly, given Nii-sama's time here...at times, it almost felt like he was six feet under too.

There was nobody there to ask how my day at school had gone. No one asked what I'd learned, or if there was something important I needed to talk about.

This place was a house. Not a home.

So…where was the place I did feel at home?

I thought about that as I started trying to drift off to sleep that night. I was surrounded by satiny pillows and buried under miles of covers, but in the back of my mind I was always wondering what it must've been like for other kids—normal kids—who'd been tucked into bed each night by busy yet warm and loving mothers. Not that I was really at the age for that anymore, but even so...

I thought some more. And then I realized I didn't have an answer to the question. This was, after all, just the place where I lived, the place where I slept and ate. I had never thought of this as "home," and I'd never been given any other places I was supposed to think of as home.

That night I came to a terrifying notion: I was just a tiny sailboat drifting out in the huge, wild ocean, and there was no wind to push me...and nowhere to drop anchor.

And I prayed that I could somehow change that soon. Or at least, that someone else could.

A/N: Stay tuned; next chapter we'll have some more Kaien goodness! This kinda ended up being a Rukia-emo chapter I guess, so bear with me!

(In case anyone was wondering, the "Kuukyo" part means void or emptiness. Fitting title ne?)