"The Mystery of the Crystal Bull"
Rated T
Disclaimer: I don't own Total Drama, nor do I plan to anytime in the near future. Oh, and Justin does the narrating.
Chapter 2
It was 6:30 p.m., I was decked out in a nice black tuxedo with a nice comfortable detective hat over my head. Sure it was weird wearing a hat over my head knowing that it might mess up my hair, but I didn't care at the moment. I had a job to do, more like an assignment for a dame in sudden distress. Even when she's not here, I could feel her perfume go right to my nose. Sent a smile right to my face. I took a nice flask that I kept for safe keeping and poured some excellent whiskey right inside it. Hey, gotta take my whiskey to go. Makes a body good for a hardened body like mine.
I looked at my mirror, in which I just looked so svelte and so killer. I still had my pearlie white smile. No wonder with my detective background that I was a huge hit with the ladies. But I wasn't ready for love just yet, for it was all about me, Justin Blackthorn.
I kept looking at my good-looking self until I was suddenly cut off by a knock on the door. I was curious so I managed to get it. And when I did...
...it managed to be Owen, who looked like he was dressed for the monkey boy's ball.
"Ah, Owen... you showed up." I said to him just trying not to snicker at what Owen was wearing. It was very gray and yet his body fat was almost enough to burst the buttons wide open. "Nice selection of clothes you got there."
"Yep, it came from the finest tailor in town!" Owen smiled right at me as he was still adjusting his grey tuxedo hoping his body fat wouldn't pop out, "Nice to see you look very handsome."
"Yeah, thanks..." I said right back to Owen. Okay, maybe it was a little bit weird that he said that about me. But I'm willing to let everything Owen says just slide. I soon noticed that Owen left someone missing with him. "Um, Owen... I don't mean to be clueless here, but aren't you missing somebody?"
"Oh, Noah? Well, he's just a little cranky that I chose him an outfit to wear for Alejandro's dinner party. I think he looks kinda cute. But not in the gay way." Owen replied as he just tried to correct himself.
"Good, I was confused you were gonna say something gay at the last moment." I said, just trying to shake off Owen's gay thoughts off his mind.
"Well, here he is!" Owen replied as he looked right at the hallway, hoping that I would see Noah in his suit that Owen chose for him, but he didn't seem to be there. Owen noticed this too and began to speak once again, "I said, 'Here he is'!"
"Forget it, Owen! I'm not even gonna come out!" Noah cried out angrily from another door.
"Come on, it ain't that bad!" Owen exclaimed as he tried to get Noah out of another person's office.
"I know it's bad. But you know what's even more badder than bad, me having to dress like a retarded banana!" Noah cried out once again as he refused to come out. Seeing that he was acting this way, I had to persuade him nonetheless.
"Look, Noah. It's only gonna be for this mission and for tonight. After that, you don't have to wear anything mustard-like ever again!" I exclaimed right to Noah as let out a sigh.
"You promise I won't have to wear anything so godawful like this ever again?" Noah replied through the door.
"I promise you, it's only for one night." I spoke to him again, "Now will you please come out of here. I promise we won't laugh at you."
"Okay, fine. Only for one night!" Noah angrily spat out before he finally opened the door.
When me and Owen saw him, we couldn't help but snicker of what Noah was actually wearing. It was a black fedora hat and yellow formal. I guess he really does look like a retarded banana. Noah looked plum angry at me and Owen, in which we were trying not to laugh at him.
"Okay, I guess I was wrong, you look like a retarded banana..." I snickered at him.
"See, I told you they would hate this!" Noah cried out angrily to Owen as he was about to threaten his partner, just like if he wanted to choke the hell out of tubby himself.
"Look, Noah... it's only one guy's opinion. Nobody but Justin is gonna think of you as a retarded banana." Owen said just snickering a bit.
"Yeah, man. Even someone good looking like me wouldn't be caught in something so nauseous." I said right to Noah with all due respect, "But if it makes you feel any better, I heard from every woman in New York that a man being dressed in yellow finds it very attractive and cute."
Hearing myself say that, Noah just stood up surprised.
"Really? Wearing yellow gets me girls?" Noah said as he still looked surprised than a coconut.
"It's the truth, my man. Heck, I wore yellow once and the rest of the girls all came to me like the Black Plague." I replied to him very nicely.
"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's get to that dinner party!" Noah exclaimed happily as he quickly powerwalked away from the hallways.
"Um, Justin... I don't believe that's ever true..." Owen whispered to my ear.
"Nah, I just said that to make him look better. He'll still look like the retarded banana..." I smirked at Owen a little as he laughed. Sure I was a little harsh at Noah, but what can I say? I enjoy a little dark humor every now and then.
Meanwhile, I was right inside my car driving alongside Owen and Noah. We had to send Owen right in the back because having him fart right on the passenger's seat would make my good looks and my perfect face suffocate like hell itself. I sure as hell didn't want that. So as I was driving right around town, I looked right at Owen itself.
"Breath mint, Owen? You gotta keep it fresh like my perfect mouth." I said right to the fatman as he accepted my mint.
"Hey, Justin... can I have one?" Noah said right to me before I turned my attention to him.
"I wish I could, but my policy tells me I don't give mints to bananas." I said with a little tease of his formal yellow outfit.
"Oh, ha ha! Come on, I don't want my breath to stink up like Owen's! I want it to be minty!" Noah complained to me like a little girl. Knowing that I didn't want to put up with his bitching, I just decided to catch him a break.
"I'm just kidding. Of course you can have a mint. Although, those ladies are gonna fall for your yellowness in an instant." I chuckled as I dropped mints into my perfectly sculpted hands and gave them to Noah so that he can chew them up.
"Yeah, laugh it up. No girl can resist yellow like mine..." Noah replied with a scoff.
"I can't wait to see that..." I said as I turned my attention towards the road. I was just passing over Madison Square Garden before my nose really started to cringe. It felt a bit disgusting to me as I knew where that foul skunky smell was coming from, "Ack! Owen, was that you?"
"Sorry, I sorta had four chili dogs for lunch. I didn't know it was gonna happen, I'm sorry!" Owen cried out a bit as I just rolled down the car window.
"Geez, Owen... it smells like burnt death and a dead skunk all rolled up into one!" Noah said as he cringed as well. He was almost about to lose a state of consciousness before he too rolled down the car window.
"Noah, a little advice... make sure Owen doesn't fart at the dinner party as well! My perfect skin's just dying out!" I exclaimed as I had no choice but to plug my nose in order to get rid of the fart smell that Owen unleashed inside this car.
After 15 minutes of finally getting rid of the smell, we finally drove right around the woods just miles away from New York City.
"Geez, I didn't know Alejandro lived in some sort of wood-ish environment." Owen replied as he looked around the trees. His fat knees was just shaking around a bit to be exact. "Are you sure there's bears here?"
"I'm very certain, Owen. Maybe Alejandro's an outdoor-sy guy. I wouldn't be more surprised if they happened to pop out of the woods and chew my perfectly natural innards out." I replied to him naturally, "But luckily for us, they wouldn't come close to us, knowing that were finally in a car."
"Oh, good... I always thought a bear would rip up my ass fat and use them as bacon. And I'm proud of my ass fat!" Owen cried out again as Noah felt more disgusted than ever.
"Thanks, Owen. I may never have bacon again..." Noah replied a little lowly to his detective friend.
As we were still enjoying our talk, we finally drove up to this nice little family mansion of Alejandro's. Yep, by the look of this place, it didn't look too large like most mansions, but it looked very roomy on the inside, so I guess it won't be too bad at the moment.
"Okay, I guess were here." I said as both Owen and Noah looked right at the mansion themselves.
"Is this where Alejandro lives?" Owen spoke to me as I too looked at the mansion.
"Looks like it." I replied to him as they turned to me and I gave them the gameplan, "Now remember the gameplan, we're here to protect three things: Heather, the Crystal Bull and Alejandro himself. If anything bad happens, we are screwed, and so am I? And if anything bad happens to the rest of us, what do we say?"
"I want to die?" Noah replied as he raised an eyebrow at me.
"That's the one." I responded pointing right at Noah for getting that right. "Now lets move out."
Both the three of us, after discussing our mission, finally got out of the car and approached the doorway to the Burromuerto mansion, where there would be thousands of people attending this little dinner party of his. The question concerning me, Owen and Noah was this...
Was this gonna end well... or perhaps, end worse? Whatever this was, we weren't expected the surprise we saw coming.
Surprise, huh? Which chapter do you think this little 'surprise' will come? Hmmm, whatever it is, I'm sure Justin will solve it nonetheless.
Until then, read and review til the next chapter! If ya smell... what I'm cookin'. And no, it's not a fart joke, so don't get any ideas.