Déjà Vu

"Not again! Fuck!! Not again," someone moaned. I struggled for a moment, then opened my eyes to see dad at my bedside. My head throbbed, and my ribs ached, but I was mostly confused.

"Dad? Where am I?" I said in a soft voice.

"Jadis? Oh thank God you're awake!" another voice cried. Mikey quickly came into view.

"How're you feeling, Jay?" dad asked.

"Ummm, fine…what happened?" I questioned, rubbing my head. I propped myself up on one elbow and looked at them. The two brothers seemed extremely down, and I refused to believe it was because of me.

"What happened?" I repeated, much sterner this time, and sitting fully upright.

"You were in a car accident, Jadis." Dad said, looking at the ground. "And it wasn't even your car that caused the accident; it was another driver who was fucking pissed out of his mind," dad paused. "You're lucky; the idiot didn't hit your side of the car very much,"

"Just spit it out," I murmured weakly. I could tell that whatever was coming, it wasn't good. The depressed mood had sunken in over the room, and I was about to find out why.

"Your mother has passed away, Jadis." Mikey said quickly. So quickly in fact, I wasn't even sure it was what he'd said.

I stared at him, in stunned silence.

"Jadis?" dad asked. He was right next to me, but his voice seemed far away. Someone picked up my hand, making me look down at it. It too seemed far away; as if I was a kite, tied down, but the wind wanted me.

Dad's thumb stroked the top of my hand, but I could barely feel it. All I felt was a strange, comforting numbness.

I slowly looked into my father's eyes, and I saw that he was crying. Gently raising my own hand to my cheek, I realized that I, too, was crying.

She was gone. She was really gone. And she was never coming back. And she would never hold me again. And she would never be there to understand again. And she would never be my lively mother again. Because, she was dead; and no-one could change that.

"She-she-she's gone," I whispered. Tears fully overflowed from my eyes, and I began to get hysterical. Dad engulfed me in a bear hug, somehow managing not to hurt me.

"If only…" I muttered.

"It's alright, Jadis. It's going to be alright," dad cooed to me. My body shuddered in his arms, but it was so comforting to know that someone was there to hold me.

"Make sure Fear and Regret don't befriend me, daddy! Please! Make sure Fear and Regret don't hurt me!!" I cried. I was barely making much sense, but I think he understood the reference to The Black Parade characters.

"Calm down, Jay. Everything will be fine. We'll all be looking out for you now. Everyone is here for you; your entire extended family."

"Don't leave me, daddy! I'm so lost! I'm confused!" I sobbed. My breath started to become irregular. The second it did, who else was there with my inhaler other than, the one and only, Mikey Way; my Uncle.

"You have nothing to worry about, Jay. We're all here; we're all watching out for you." Mikey said smiling; but behind the smile, I could clearly see the sadness that we all felt.

Mikey left – after I'd cried for about another hour – to ask the doctor if I could leave. The doctor said that was fine, and we got out of there as fast as we could. Just the mere thought that my mother had died in same building only hours earlier was revolting. As dad drove me home (Mikey having left in his own car to go to his own home) I fell asleep. It had been a long night. It had started with great festive cheer; turned to great sorrow; and then I had put up a great fight about getting into another car.

"It's a deathtrap!" I'd yelled at dad.

"It's your only way home, unless you'd rather walk or stay at this morgue!" he'd snapped back.

"I almost died in one of these things a few hours ago! My mother did," I'd replied icily.

"Jadis, I understand. I really do. How do you think I feel, how Mikey feels, every time we get into one of these things, knowing that our own grandmother, who we loved so greatly, died in one herself?"

That had halted my arguments. Without another word, I'd stepped inside, and shut the door behind me.

"Hey, Jay? Come on, sweetie. I can't carry you," dad murmured as he gently prodded me with his finger. He was standing outside my car door.

"Ugh," I groaned. "Five more minutes,"

"Jadis, get your lazy ass out of my car!"

"No," I mumbled, falling back into my sleep. Dad reached over and released my seatbelt. It flew up and hit me in the jaw. "Ow!" I exclaimed, sitting up properly.

"Now march!" dad ordered, taking advantage off my sudden alertness.

"You never told me to march when I was your soldier, and now I'm your daughter and I have to march." I muttered as I groggily got out of the car.

We walked inside to a dark house; a house full of happy memories.

My eyes blurred over with tears, and I latched on to dad's side. He put a comforting arm around me, and guided me towards the spare room where I'd sleep.

I simply took my shoes off and got into bed fully clothed. I was much too exhausted to change.

Dad reluctantly left me when I told him I didn't want him to sing me to sleep. Instead, that night, I cried myself to sleep. I needed a plan; but I was so lost and confused, I decided that crying was good for now. And as I sobbed and moaned into my pillow, I eventually fell into an uneasy sleep; a dream world full of nightmares and horrors.