To the guest reviewer who listed the different types of endings... Sorry, this story won't have a happy one...
Sorry this took so long, it's just... Well... It's hard to write! It hurts...
Disclaimer: Nope, we don't own PJO, we aren't the evil maniac who completely broke our hearts... Oh sorry, not evil maniac, Rick Riordan.
Nico was standing on the deck of the Argo II, rain pelting his face and bathing him in cold. Shivering, he stuck his hands into his pockets.
"Are you cold?" Someone whispered in ear, warm arms wrapping around him. Nico sighed and melted into Percy's embrace. How many times had he wished for this to really happen? Hundreds? Thousands?
"Not anymore," he whispered back, tears pricking his eyes at the impossibility of the moment.
"What's wrong, Nico?" Dream-Percy asked, turning Nico so he faced him. How similar this was to the conversation he had earlier? Very. More tears.
"Nothing... I guess," Nico replied, forcing back the tears.
"Really, what's wrong?" Percy asked, giving Nico a peck on the forehead.
"This isn't real." Nico closed his eyes.
"Come on, of course it's real." Dream-Percy leaned in and kissed him, but Nico gently pushed him away.
"I can't do this." He turned and fled down the stairs into the lower deck. He sprinted down two hallways and flung open the door to his room. Collapsing into his bed, he groaned and closed his eyes.
A knock on the door jolted him to his feet. "Who is it?" he snarled.
"Percy," said the voice. "Can I come in?"
Nico's tempted to say no, but this is a dream, so what the heck. "Sure."
Percy pushed open the door. "Hey, I just wanted to know how you're doing. You seem kind of down."
Nico rolled his eyes. "Nice observation."
Percy took a deep breath. "No, really. Are you-"
Nico kissed him. He didn't mean to, it just sort of happened. Percy tasted like sea salt and sugar. Happiness and warmth. Like everything Nico wasn't.
The other boy stiffened in surprise and Nico jerked back.
It's just a dream, just a dream-
"Nico, what the Hades?"
It's not a dream.
"Oh Gods! I hate you!" He screamed in Percy's face, shoving him, then immediately shadow travelling away to the nearest location he can think of. The mast.
Well, it's out now. Nico thought, wrapping himself in shadows so he is barely visible. He can think of so many ways it would hurt less. Dying would hurt less. Reliving Tartarus would hurt less. Anything would hurt less than this. What. The. Hades. Did. He. Just. Do?
He imagined himself jumping. Falling into the ocean. Drowning. But it would still be there. His memories. Being a child of Hades meant he would remember, unless his chose to be reborn. But would he even make it to Elysium? Probably not.
Nico allowed himself to let one tear escape, but then suddenly he was sobbing his dead heart out. How could he have let himself crush everything like this?
His fantasies, his love, had ruined his life.
He could never see Percy again. He had known he was going to leave, and so why not now? He reached out to the shadows, preparing to travel far away.
Nico stopped, trembling. Gods of Olympus, why was it so hard? Why couldn't he leave this ship?
There was nothing left here for him. He let out another sob.
No dreams left, no joy, no rage, no greed, just emptiness.
Just love.
And that's why he couldn't leave. Love meant hope, and hope is the most dangerous emotion of all.
Nico was empty and hope kept him that way. There was always a 'what if' that dug its way inside and kept him close to Percy, the way a plant can't help growing toward the sun.
"Curse you, Jackson!" he whispered into the night wind.
"Has anyone seen Nico?" Someone called from below, possibly Jason. As if he really cared.
"Check the mast," Another voice replied, Percy. Jason was helping Percy look for Nico.
"Can do!" A voice that was probably Jason's replied. He heard the son of Jupiter take off and fly up next to the mast. Seeing as he was still wrapped in shadows, he was practically invisible.
"He's not there," Jason called, flying back down.
"We'll check somewhere else now, I guess," Percy said, slowly losing volume as he went down the stairs.
"Let me just check around up here again," Jason yelled back to Percy, flying back up to the top of the mast after Percy is downstairs.
"What did you do, Nico?" Jason said to Nico. So his invisibility was not as good as he thought.
"I don't want to talk about it," Nico spat, releasing his shadow cover.
"Nico, really. Don't keep your emotions inside. Percy seems really worried," Jason said, sitting next to Nico on the mast.
"Didn't he tell you?" Nico asked, evading the question.
"No. That's why I'm asking you," Jason replied, looking at Nico as if to comfort him. It won't help. The Ghost King was already broken, there was nothing Jason or anybody else could do to help. After what he's done, there was no going back.
"I... I kinda... Maybe... Okay, I just kissed Percy," Nico whispered, eyes glaring at his hands, as if he were to kill himself with a glare. Dying would hurt less now, he reached out his hand, preparing to...
"What?!" Jason practically shouted, jerking Nico out of his path to death.
"So much for being supportive," Nico grumbled, very hurt.
"Sorry Nico, it's just... Why?" Jason asked, still slightly shocked.
"I just thought it was a dream. The chain of events worked so perfectly that it felt as if I were still asleep," Nico admitted, hanging his head in defeat.
"Oo-ooh! So you dream about Percy," Jason mocks with a teasing overprotective brother attitude.
"Not. Helping," Nico stated, punctuating each word with venom.
"Sorry," Jason apologized, "How are you, now?"
"Fine. At least, I will be, once I leave this place forever," Nico stated, not caring if he was telling Jason what he was going to do. As if he could keep him from leaving. He would argue and disagree, but he would not force Nico to stay against his will.
"Why would you do that to Percy?" Jason asked softly.
Nico swivelled to glare at him. "He'd be glad I was finally gone. I'm just a traitor and liability."
"Don't sell yourself short," Jason said. "You're his friend. How do you think I would feel if Leo left?"
"Leo didn't just kiss you." Nico went back to glaring at his hands.
"True..." Jason mused, "But it's really not that different... You have friends, you know. I don't want you to go, Hazel doesn't want you to go, Reyna seems to not hate you after your trip..."
Oh gods, Reyna. The only person smart enough to figure out his crush... Nico thought, hopefully Reyna wouldn't tell anybody, she promised not to.
"... And I'm pretty sure Percy and Annabeth don't hate you, even if you... Did that..." Jason finished.
"Everybody is going to know now! Everybody is going to think of me different. There's no use if everybody can see inside. There is no use for me..." Nico said, his words trailed off. His hand was inching closer and closer to the shadows, to Nico's death. "I just can't... Anymore..."
"Stay here Nico," Jason commanded, stepping off the mast and catching the winds just before he hit the ground. Nico watched until Jason was out of sight. Slowly, his hand inched toward the shadows again. The shadows, they were so much more welcoming then the Argo II, because wherever the shadows took him, there would be no Percy. No Percy to make him hurt anymore. Nobody that made him want to die.
A murmur of voices drifted up from the stairwell. Jason brought Percy. He was probably going to make them talk. Nico was not going to do that. His hand lashed out towards the shadows that skirted the pool of light he was sitting in. But before he could touch the shadows and leave forever, Jason was up, grabbing Nico by the arm and flying him back to the ground.
"Talk," Jason commanded, setting Nico down across from Percy. Nico glared, at Jason, as if to say make me.
"Don't you look at me like that, Nico," Jason said. Percy had remained oddly silent for the duration of their conversation.
"So... Nico... What was that for?" Percy asked awkwardly, emphasizing that so it could hold only one meaning. The kiss.
"I. Don't. Want. To. Talk. About. It," Nico said, punctuating each word as if he were stabbing himself repeatedly in his dead heart. His hands fingered the hilt of his sword, contemplating it.
"You talked with Jason about it," Percy said, completely unabashed.
"It's because he knows things," Nico said, with an air that was meant to say things that nobody should know.
"Tell him, Nico," Jason pestered, his tone implied tell him or I'll tell him for you.
"Fine! Just promise not to tell anybody. It's just... I like you, Percy," Nico said, just trying to get things over with. Yet the shadows visibly darkened around Nico, sucking in the light and warmth and happiness. They surrounded Nico, as if they were hesitating, waiting for the command to kill. The command to end it for Nico so his pain would leave.
"Uh, yeah, we're friends..." Percy said, then, the realization of Nico's words hit him, hard. "Oh,"
"Yes," Nico stated, preparing to shadow-travel.
"Nico, wait," Percy said.
"What?" Nico hissed, the shadows receding.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" Percy asked. Nico looked around and saw that Jason had discretely left them. Great.
"Not tell anyone and let me leave," Nico stated.
"Don't leave," Percy said.
"As if anyone will miss me, you all have someone. You and Annabeth. Jason and Piper. Frank and Hazel. Leo has Festus and a whole ship to look after and Calypso to think about. Reyna can get along just fine," Nico said.
"We will miss you Nico. You have friends," Percy replied.
"But do you ever talk to me? No. The only person who will engage in any form of social interaction with me is Reyna. She's the only one who knows how it feels to be me," Nico replied, Percy's face fell at the mention of nobody truly caring for him. Possibly thinking about another person he failed.
"How does it feel to be you?" Percy asked.
"It doesn't. There are no feelings. Except pain and bitter memories," Nico replied and immediately shadow travelling to his room. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't leave. It was as if the only shard of hope left was conspiring against him, keeping him from leaving. That shard, the smallest fragment of hope would be the end of him. Nico was sure of it.
We can't even think of an ending for this that won't break all our fragile little souls. All it is going to be is pain and sorrow.
Constructive Criticism while we do something to function properly again.