Trigger warnings: Anorexia, recovery, child abuse mention
Any other day, any other time, any other situation; it would have been heaven.
He sat elegantly on Umehito's lap, the older boy stroking his hair. The curtains were drawn, so Umehito's cloak and wig lay discarded on the armchair opposite, the candle light just bright enough to see the encouraging, soft expression on the blond's face.
"It's ok," Umehito soothed, "Just a few bites."
The sandwich looked innocent, but Kyouya knew otherwise. The bread was pure carbohydrate, the cheese pure fat; even the tomato had sugar. He had to stay pure and thin, he couldn't allow himself to slip, to become fat and disgusting.
"I'm not hungry," He waved away, nuzzling the crook of Umehito's neck, "Let's just cuddle a little while longer."
Umehito thought absently about how much Kyouya was like a cat, craving affection when it suited him; hell, he was practically purring as he ran his fingers through brittle black hair. Kyouya loved him, he knew that, but it was hard to be in a secret relationship, for both of them.
"A little while, but then you have to eat," He nodded, "You can take as much time as you need, but you need to do as I ask."
"But I'm so close to perfect..."
The whisper seemed to echo around the room, the atmosphere thick, and the blond had to bite back the pure sadness the word caused him. "Perfect", the poison Kyouya's father chose again and again.
"I want to be like spider silk."
That, however, was new. He knew Kyouya was whimsical with his thoughts, occasionally his words, but Umehito couldn't figure out what he meant.
"What is spider silk like?" He asked, hoping that the raven haired boy would explain. Sometimes, Kyouya just didn't realise that other people didn't quite make the connections he did.
"Thin, beautiful," Kyouya began, lips moving against his neck, "Strong; it's five times stronger than steel, quantitatively speaking. It's all there for me when I'm perfect, I know it."
One of these days, he's going to give Ootori Yoshio a piece of his mind, and a curse for good measure. Just stay thin, smart and hard-working and the world is his - maybe true, in some way, but the manner in which it was enforced was sickening.
"You fainted today," He sighed, "That's why you need to eat. You're too skinny, my dearest."
"Who told you?" Kyouya's grip tightened on his shirt, nuzzling closer, as if he could just hide from the world if he was close enough.
"Suoh, after I scared the life out of him," He chuckled, trying to make the situation lighter than it was, "He's concerned, as are the rest of your friends, and you know I am."
Kyouya just hummed, but let his grip soften. "I... I don't..." He trailed off.
"You don't have to be... like spider silk, or to put your life at risk for your father's twisted idea of perception," He informed, "You aren't the King Hamlet to his Claudius, I don't like him saying those things to you."
"Poison poured in my ear..." Kyouya murmured, a slight chuckle to the edge of his words - bitter and disbelieving, "Good reference, at least."
"Kyouya... Please..." He began, but the words faded as he saw his boyfriend's shoulders shaking, tears starting to dampen his neck as the proverbial dam broke.
"I see what you see," Kyouya stated, voice thick and shaking as he desperately tried to control it, "I can see my bones, but I can't stop because I have to be perfect."
Umehito gently nudged Kyouya away from him, gently stroking a few out-of-place strands of hair away from his eyes, and holding his face with both hands. He was delicate, touches so soft and careful in case Kyouya would simply break from rougher treatment.
"Perfect isn't real," He sighed, "You could be healthy... Happy, instead... Just take a bite of the sandwich, it won't hurt you."
Kyouya sniffed, trying to steel himself as he give a small nod. He wanted to argue, but the look on his Umie's face was heartbreaking. He knew he was too skinny, but could he really just stop?
When the sandwich was handed to him, choking on breath, he took a bite.
Maybe... He could try.
He could always get rid of it later.