Watching the police officer leave the hospital room and move towards the lift, Neal smiled weakly before approaching the room the dark-haired officer has just left. Pushing the door open, the doctor stopped when he saw the brunette slightly propped up, tears streaming down her face as she furiously attempted to wipe them away with her hand while Jesse slept in the chair beside her bed. Letting go of the door, Neal stopped when Leanne glanced up at him at the sound of the door closing, desperately trying to calm herself.
"Hi," Neal said quietly, moving towards the bed before sitting slightly on the edge, not one hundred per cent sure what he was going to try and do. Reaching across to a box of tissues, he quickly removed one before leaning forward and gently wiping the tears away; the room almost silent except for the sounds of Jesse's snoring as Leanne stared at him. Moving the tissue from her face Neal sat quietly, watching her as she reached across and brushed her fingers across his hand. Her bruises had become considerably darker since the previous day, a dark purple mark staining the right-hand side of her face while various cuts and bruises marked the arm reaching towards him. Why did Jesse have to be asleep? He couldn't think of anything suitable to say while Jesse always knew the words. What did you say to someone who had just lost their husband and children? While he had been closer to Leanne than any of the other residents, he had never been the one to comfort her and it was strange being this close and touching her in a more intimate way than ever. "I want to ask how you are feeling but I know that it's a stupid question," he finally admitted as she nodded.
"It is a really stupid question," she responded, unable to stop herself from smiling weakly. "Everything hurts," Leanne finally admitted, resting back into the pillows as she closed her eyes and wrapped her fingers around his hand. It was impossible to move too much. She had practically shattered both legs, she had one of her arms in a cast and her abdomen was covered in bandages from her surgery, making it impossible for her to sit up properly. "And Jesse's snoring doesn't help either," she added quietly, desperately trying to restore some normality to her life, a sad laugh leaving his lips. "He told me that the other driver was drunk," Leanne suddenly stated, Neal remembering the sombre police officer who had exited the room as he was arriving. "And that he's ok."
"He only had some superficial injuries," Neal whispered, remembering the man that Grace had offered to work on. How was it fair that the man who had caused the accident had survived while Leanne's entire family had been killed and she was lying in bed unable to move? "He's not here anymore, they took him last night when we discharged him," the doctor explained as Leanne nodded, having gained the information from the officer earlier. "Leanne I'm so…"
"Please don't say you're sorry," Leanne immediately responded. "I can't hear another person say they are sorry," the brunette stated. The words meant nothing to her now. She had heard them from Jesse and Neal already as well as the various doctors and nurses who had visited her since hearing that she was awake and lucid. "Sorry won't bring my family back, it would give me the chance to hold my kids again or kiss my husband ever again," Leanne declared, her voice rising as Neal moved away, wanting to give her space, but also waking Jesse.
"What's going on?" the nurse asked, opening his eyes slowly to see Neal standing beside the bed while Leanne began to sob. "Leanne?" Jesse asked, moving out of the chair to sit beside her before brushing the hair away from her face. "Leanne," he whispered, smiling weakly when the brunette stated at him and nodded slowly, breathing out gently as she tried to calm her breathing. "Try to rest," he whispered, moving away from the bed before looking at Neal and nodding towards the door.
"I'll see you soon," Neal said quietly, smiling weakly at the brunette who nodded and watched silently as the two men walked out of the room. "I don't know what to do, I don't know what's to say to her," the doctor admitted once the door had closed, Jesse sighing at the comment before nodding.
"She's still Leanne Neal," Jesse finally answered. "She's hurting in so many ways that we can't possibly imagine but she's still Leanne and she needs us, even if at times she doesn't seem too" the nurse added, smiling weakly as they both looked at the woman who was lying perfectly still with her eyes closed. "She wants me to take her to see them," Jesse said quietly, shock covering Neal's face as he glanced across at the nurse. "She has the right to see her family and to say goodbye."
"I know, I wouldn't even think of taking that away from her Jesse," Neal sighed, his fingers running through his hair as he shook his head. How was this happening? Less than a week ago, he and Jesse had sat laughing while Leanne had recounted one of Caitlyn's most recent school adventurers and how Alex had decided he wanted to be a doctor like her. Now, the two children who had brought such happiness to their lives were gone. "When are you going to take her?"
"Tomorrow," Jesse sighed, crossing his arms as he shook his head at the situation. "I was there when both of her children were born, I held her hand when she was in labour," Jesse admitted, remembering the first cries of both children and the gasp of amazement when Leanne had held her children for the very first time. "I never imagined I would be there when they both died."
"No one imagines that," Neal whispered, noticing the tears that were running down Jesse's cheeks. "I don't know what to do," he admitted. "I don't know how to help her."
"Just being there helps," Jesse smiled weakly. "Listen when she wants to talk, hold her hand when she doesn't know what else to do," the nurse sighed, looking at the sleeping woman again before shaking his head. "I'm planning on staying here, why don't you go home?" Jesse asked, looking back across at Neal before resting his hand on his colleague's shoulder. "Go home, spend time with Grace, get some sleep," Jesse suggested.
"When are you going to go home Jesse?" Neal asked quietly, aware that Jesse was practically living in the room with Leanne.
"When she gets fed up of me and tells me to go away. Until she says that, I'm not going anywhere," Jesse declared, opening the door to the hospital room slowly before stepping inside and closing it behind him without another word, leaving Neal in the empty corridor.
CODE BLACK-CODE BLACK
"Are you sure you want to do this now?" Jesse asked, glancing down at Leanne as she moved around in the wheelchair, desperately trying to find some position in which she was slightly comfortable. "We could come back," Jesse whispered, kneeling beside the wheelchair as Leanne smiled weakly and reached out to rest her hand against his cheek.
"I need to see them Jesse," she said quietly, leaning back in the chair before she looked across at the doors to the morgue. "This isn't right Jesse, this shouldn't be happening," she declared, shaking her head as Jesse stood up and rested his hand on her shoulder for a moment. "I'm ready," Leanne breathed out, his hand moving from her shoulder to push her into the morgue.
"Leanne, Jesse," a male voice greeted, sadness obvious in their colleague's tone as he stepped forward and shook Leanne's hand. "I'm sorry for your loss Leanne," he whispered, the brunette nodding as she sunk her teeth into her lip in a desperate attempt not to cry in front of another colleague. Why did everyone feel this desperate need to apologise? They hadn't killed her family. They hadn't been driving the car that had crashed into hers. "I'll leave you alone, if you need anything…" he declared before falling silent and moving away while Jesse slowly pushed Leanne towards the first covered body.
"I'll need your help," Leanne admitted, glancing down at the casts on her legs that made it impossible for her to move without assistance. "Can you…" she asked, indicating to the sheet covering the body as Jesse nodded and silently moved towards it, his hand grasping it before looking at Leanne. "Do it, please," she whispered, watching as he slowly moved the sheet down to reveal her husband's face before he stepped away, trying to give her some privacy in her grief. "We were supposed to grow old together James, watch our children grow up and have their own children. We should have been grandparents together one day," she whispered, her hand reaching up to find his underneath the sheet; shock covering her face when she felt the absence of his wedding ring. "Where's his ring? He never took it off,' she asked, turning to look at Jesse as he shook his head.
"I'll find out and get it back to you," the nurse promised as she nodded and glanced up at her husband again.
"He always moaned at me because I would put mine in the pocket of my scrubs and forget to put it back on," she admitted, a sad smile decorating her face as tears began to run down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry James," she whispered, her head resting against his hand as she continued to cling onto it desperately. "Please forgive me," Leanne sobbed, jumping slightly when Jesse rested his hand on her shoulder again, desperately trying to comfort her in some way. "I love you," Leanne whispered, sitting up slightly to press a kiss against her husband's hand. "How do I say goodbye when this can't be real?" she asked herself, aware of Jesse's eyes on her as she continued to stare at the man she had committed to spend the rest of her life with; the tears continuing to stream down her face when she decided to lean back in the chair.
"Are you ready for me to…?" Jesse asked, falling silent as he stepped forwards, watching when Leanne began to let go of her husband's hand. She couldn't describe how she felt, faced with the idea that she would never see the man she loved again. Nodding, she brushed the tears away as Jesse moved the white sheet back over James' body before stepping back and standing behind her wheelchair. Moving the wheelchair slowly across the room, Jesse forced himself to brush the tears away from his face with one hand. He had been close to James, he had been drinking with him and had laughed alongside him on numerous occasions. James had always understood his relationship with Leanne and had never felt threatened but instead he had embraced their friendship and had welcomed Jesse as part of the family. Stopping the chair beside the next body, Jesse glanced down at his friend, suddenly feeling sick at the idea of revealing the bodies of Leanne's children.
"Its Caitlyn," she whispered, breaking the tense silence as he nodded and moved towards the white material. "Oh god," Leanne sobbed, watching as the material was once again moved to reveal the face of her loved one. "My baby," she whispered, desperately trying to reach up to touch her daughter's bruised face. "My beautiful baby girl," she said quietly, her head shaking as she ran her fingers across Caitlyn's face. She seemed so small now, so still, almost like a doll rather than the lively little girl she had watched grow. "She always loved you Jesse," Leanne whispered, turning around briefly to see the tears in her friend's eyes. "James and I were sometimes really jealous of how much she loved you," Leanne smiled through the tears, her hand continuing to brush her daughter's cheek before she leant forward and gently pressed a kiss to her cheek; a small groan leaving her lips as pain shot through her abdomen.
"She adored you Leanne, she adored you both," Jesse whispered, not knowing what else to say.
"This shouldn't have happened to you," Leanne said quietly, her fingers continuing to brush against her daughter's cold cheek. "I'm so sorry baby, I'm sorry I didn't protect you," she sobbed, her hand moving away briefly to brush the tears away. "I will never forget you Caitlyn, mommy will always love you," Leanne whispered, her fingers running through her little girl's hair before she forced herself to move away; Jesse slowly moving the sheet back over the tiny body. "She was going to be in the school play, I have her costume at home," Leanne muttered, shocking herself by the sudden thought. "She was cross with me because I promised I'd have it finished last week but work had been insane and I just hadn't found the time," she said quietly, remembering when she had returned home from work to find her daughter sat silently on the stairs glaring at her.
"She adored you Leanne and she was so proud that you were saving lives every day," Jesse responded, leaning down to press a kiss into Leanne's hair as she shut her eyes. Would her daughter forever be cross with her in her memory? Would she always remember her little girl staring at her from the stairs, disappointed that she hadn't kept her promise? "Don't ever doubt how much she loved you Leanne," the nurse said quietly, his hand moving to her shoulder as she remained perfectly still. "Leanne?" he asked quietly, her eyes opening slowly to look at him as he smiled weakly. "You in pain?"
"A little bit," she admitted, aware that she had stretched more in the last few moments then she had since she'd woken up the day before. "Nothing too serious," she dismissed, glancing across at the final white sheet. "He's looks so small," Leanne whispered, watching the sheet be lowered again to reveal her son. "Hi Alex," she muttered, reaching once more for the tiny hand resting beneath the sheet. "It's mommy," she whispered, squeezing his hand in hers while shaking her head. "Oh god, I've got to say goodbye," the brunette gasped, feeling like someone was squeezing her heart as tightly as possible. "I don't want to say goodbye Jesse."
"Leanne," Jesse whispered, not knowing what else to do.
"I don't want this to be my life," she sobbed, cradling her son's hand in hers as she shook her head. "I want to wake up and have my babies climb into bed with me before I get ready for work, I just want to hold them one last time. I want to hear them laugh," Leanne whispered, leaning forward to press a kiss to her son's hand. "I should have protected you Alex, I should have protected you all. It should have been me," Leanne said quietly, Jesse's eyes closing for a moment, feeling like he was intruding on her most private moments. "You will always be my baby boy," she whispered, looking up at her son again before shaking her head. "And I will never stop loving you or thinking about you," she stated before pulling her hand away and shaking her head as Jesse moved the cloth for the final time. Kneeling in front of her in silence once he had finished moving the cloth, Jesse took hold of her uninjured hand and squeezed it gently, desperately trying to comfort her.
"When you're ready, I'll take you back to your room. You need to rest," Jesse said quietly, not wanting to rush her but aware that she was in more pain than she would admit. She was being forced to say goodbye to her entire family at one time, he couldn't imagine what that was like and he didn't want her to look back and think that he had rushed her out of the morgue.
"It should have been me Jesse," Leanne whispered, staring at her friend as he squeezed her hand. "I should have died, it should be me lying there, not them," she declared, breathing out when a stabbing pain hit her abdomen. Her body was screaming for her to stay still but she couldn't bring herself to leave them yet. "Why didn't I die?" she asked, staring down at the injuries that covered her body. "Why did I survive? Why does he get to survive when they're dead?" she sobbed, thinking about the driver who was sat in jail awaiting trial for the deaths of her family. "They'd never hurt anyone, they were lovely people. My children were innocent, they didn't deserve to die like that."
"I don't know Leanne," Jesse whispered. "I wish I knew, I wish I could explain why this happened to you but I can't, I can't explain why they're gone" the nurse admitted, not knowing what else to say to his grieving friend as she squeezed his hand briefly. "But you're still here and they would be happy that you're alive because they were lovely people and they loved you," he explained, tears running down both their cheeks as she leant forward and rested her forehead against his. "Nothing will ever take that away from you," Jesse whispered as he remained still, the sound of her sobs getting louder as she continued to rest against him, her eyes closing in pain and sadness. "They will always love you."
Thank you for reading and please let me know your opinions. Are you interested in more? Is there anything you would like to see happen in this story?