It was one of the days when Haruka couldn't get out of bed.

After the initial try, Haruka didn't even attempt to get herself to move. When she felt like that, there was just no way.

So, she lay there, her downy comforter wrapped tight around her shoulders, trying to forget why she felt so awful in the first place. Tears sprung to her eyes, and she turned her face into her pillow, whimpering quietly.

It still didn't make sense, not after three years, and it probably never would. Her grandmother had been fine one day and wouldn't wake up the next. Haruka had called an ambulance, though it took her a long while to control her desperate sobbing enough for the operator to understand her.

That was why Haruka hated her parents, for not being there and forcing her to go through that alone, curled up next to her grandmother's dead body while she waited for someone to show up to tell her what she already knew.

That she was alone. And she would be for as long as she lived.

Haruka heard her bedroom door creaking open, though for a moment, she didn't understand. Her grandmother was dead and her parents were gone, so who –

"There you are." Makoto. They'd been walking to school together for two weeks. Of course she would show up today. "You weren't in the bath, so I thought – "

Haruka held her breath, tried to make herself small. She didn't want Makoto to see her like this.

"Haru!" Makoto exclaimed, not bothering to turn the light on as she hurried to the other girl's bedside. "Are you okay? Are you sick?"

She pressed the back of her hand to Haruka's forehead, pushing her sleep-mused hair out of her face, and Haruka closed her eyes, focused on the warmth of Makoto's skin.

In the dark, the other girl couldn't see her tears, so Makoto fussed on, convinced that Haruka was sick and in no condition to go to school. Haruka almost wanted to go along with it, fake an illness and be done with it. But she was already sick, just not in the way Makoto believed.

Makoto hadn't asked about the burns yet, and Haruka didn't want to give her reason to. For Makoto, Haruka would pretend. For her, Haruka would be okay.

Mustering every ounce of her strength, Haruka batted away Makoto's hands. "I'm fine." She said gruffly, using her arms and legs to toss and kick away her sheets. "I just overslept."

"Oh." Makoto said, relieved, stepping away from the bed to give Haruka space to get up. She looked pretty, Haruka decided as her eyes wandered over Makoto's hair, curled over her shoulders, and her face, dusted with the faintest hits of makeup. Haruka herself didn't bother with those things, but she appreciated that Makoto did. "I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions. You just weren't saying anything, so I thought – "

"Kinda hard when you barge into my room when I'm half-asleep."

"Yeah." Makoto said, ducking her head down slightly. "Sorry."

Haruka sighed. Every part of her ached. Going to school was the last thing she wanted to do. But she could stomach through today. For her. "I need to get dressed." Haruka said pointedly when Makoto made no move to leave. "We'll be late."

Makoto nodded and fled the room, closing the door behind her with a soft click.

For a few moments, Haruka stood still. It amazed her how skilled she was at driving everyone away.

Haruka kicked. She pulled and dragged, and when she felt the water moving against her instead of with her, she flipped and pushed off the edge of the pool, heading back for the start of her lane.

Makoto had been called away by some boy earlier, probably wanting to ask her on a date, and Haruka had stomped down to the pool by herself, flinging off random articles of clothing on her way until she couldn't remember if she'd left her shoes on the Green or back in the classroom.

The blue-eyed swimmer didn't think she had room to be upset, but that didn't stop her body from burning with a fire only the water could adequately soothe.

Haruka knew that Makoto was pretty. She was kind and intelligent, and every part of her was warm. Everyone liked her. Of course boys would ask her out on dates. But Haruka didn't have to like it.

She reached the end of her lane, slapping her hand against the edge before pushing herself upright, her feet landing on the solid concrete of the bottom of the pool. She wasn't wearing her cap – Makoto had it, and Haruka wasn't about to ask for it when she was otherwise engaged – so she pulled off her goggles, working her ponytail out of the elastic straps.

It took her a moment to realize that Rei was sitting above her, legs crossed, just watching.

Haruka blinked up at her. "Um."

"I'm sorry for disturbing you, Haruka-senpai." The younger girl said, dipping her head slightly. Her violet eyes looked impossibly large this close up. "I came early today and thought I'd watch you swim."

"Okay." Haruka replied, making no move to get out of the water. "I don't mind."

"Where's Makoto-senpai?"

"No idea." Haruka sniffed.

Rei tilted her head slightly, biting at her bottom lip. Haruka watched her, trying to figure out the puzzle. Rei hardly ever came down to the pool without Nagisa in tow, just as Haruka was usually in the company of Makoto. Haruka knew what her reason was for being alone. So what was Rei's? "Is everything okay?"

Rei shook her head, but after some consideration, she nodded, sighing heavily. "I'm struggling to learn how to swim." She admitted. Haruka hadn't known it was still a problem. She wasn't that involved in teaching the First Year how to stay afloat in the water, nor did she know what the others did during practice. "I feel like I'm holding the team back."

"You aren't." Haruka said, because it was the only thing she could say.

The younger girl sighed again, reaching up to tuck a strand of cobalt hair behind the frame of her glasses. "Everyone's trying to help, but nothing works. I don't know what to do."

Haruka frowned. She knew exactly what that felt like.

"You have to trust the water, you know." She found herself saying, and Rei stared down at her in surprise. "You have to respect it. You were always saying it wasn't beautiful."

"I don't think that anymore." Rei said quickly.

Haruka shrugged, running her fingers over the surface of the water. "Swimming isn't like track. You can't just rely on your own strength to move you forward. You have to work with the water if you want to get anywhere. You have to pay attention to it."

"What do you mean?"

"Back there," Haruka said, gesturing toward the other end of the pool, "when I was approaching the turn. I felt the water flow back at me from where it was hitting the edge, and I knew to flip without looking to see how close it was. You have to pay attention to things like that."

"Wow." Rei said, staring wide-eyed at the other side of the pool. "You're incredible, Haruka-senpai."

"Not really." Haruka replied, though she gave the First Year a small, half-smile that she hoped was encouraging. "I just like to swim."

"Haru!" Makoto was there, still in her uniform and holding the clothes Haruka had strewn about campus in her anger. Her expression was completely exasperated, and Haruka decided that it served her right. "You can't just leave your clothes lying around!"

Haruka ducked back under the water and started to swim again, leaving Rei with her goggles.

She didn't need to see to know where she was going.

Makoto had her mother's smile.

Haruka knew she was in the trouble the moment she stepped into the Tachibana household and Makoto's mother greeted her like she was a long-lost relative.

She hadn't planned on spending her evening out of the bathtub, but when Makoto asked if she would like to join her family for dinner, Haruka hadn't had it in her to say no.

"Mom's been dying to see you." Makoto had said excitedly when Haruka agreed. "She's been pestering me ever since I told her we were speaking again."

And pester Mrs. Tachibana did. She was full of questions, and Haruka tried to answer them to the best of her ability: Yes, she was fine. No, she didn't know what she wanted to do after high school. Yes, her parents were doing well, and they planned to visit in the fall.

Eventually, Mr. Tachibana interjected and good-naturedly told his wife to give Haruka some breathing space. It worked for a while, and Haruka was left alone with Makoto, but then the twins came bursting into their older sister's bedroom.

The girl – Ran, if Haruka remembered correctly – plopped herself down in Haruka's lap without preamble, while the boy – Ren – went straight for Makoto.

"You're one of Sister's friends?" Ran demanded. "The one who swims free?"

Haruka shot Makoto a bewildered glance, and the taller girl shrugged, hugging her little brother to her tightly. "Yeah." Haruka said slowly. "That's me."

Eyes that were a green a few shades darker than Makoto's studied Haruka for a few moments, and then the little girl perked up considerably. "Sister's right. You are pretty!"

"Why is that the first thing everyone says?" Makoto exclaimed, to which Ren replied with a pointed, "Because you're right about everything."

Haruka was used to being called pretty after spending so much time with Makoto, Nagisa, Rei, and Gou, but to hear it come from Makoto's family was somehow different. That Makoto went out of her way to talk about Haruka in the privacy of her own home felt more intimate than anything Haruka had experienced before, and the other girl had pulled her from her bathtub on multiple occasions over the weeks.

"You guys are such a pain." Makoto flopped back on her bed with a groan, taking Ren with her, who shrieked with laughter.

Ran, not wanting to be left out, vacated Haruka's lap and bounced over to her brother and sister, latching onto Makoto so the girl nearly disappeared underneath her twin siblings.

No longer miffed that she had to wait to take a bath, Haruka watched.

It started out with simple things that left Haruka breathless.

"What are you drawing today, Haru?"

The blue-eyed girl paused, glancing at Makoto through her peripheral vision. "You sure you wanna know?"

Makoto giggled, propped up by an elbow. "You make it sound like some huge mystery. I bet it's a dolphin again."

"No." Haruka retorted, covering her paper with her arms. Today was a good day, and she found herself wanting to engage with Makoto more than she normally would. "Guess again."

"Hmm… is it Iwatobi-chan?"

"Nope."

"The pool? An ocean?"

"Nuh-uh."

"I give up, then." Makoto announced, getting to her feet and crossing the short isle separating her desk from Haruka's. "Move your arms."

Haruka obliged, actually quite pleased with her work, and she admired it as Makoto did the same over her shoulder.

"Haru." Makoto said. Her voice sounded strange. "It's me."

"It's not done yet." Haruka replied, brushing a cluster of eraser shavings away from the outline of Makoto's face. She'd done it when she was supposed to be studying for a quiz they would have at the end of the day, sneaking glances at Makoto every now and then to sketch the other girl as she sat, hunched over her notes. "I have to do a ton of shading. But I think it's good, considering that I don't draw people very much."

"No." Makoto said, leaning over Haruka. The blue-eyed girl stiffened somewhat when Makoto's arm came around, her hand with the horrifically chewed nails brushing against the paper gently. "This is so much more than good. It's amazing."

Haruka said nothing, too distracted by Makoto's warmth at her back, the tickle of her hair against her cheek. Makoto tended to give Haruka her space, but sometimes, during moments like this, she lost herself. Like that night at the pool when she told Haruka she wanted to travel, or when she was worried Haruka was sick.

"You can have it when I'm done." Haruka said quietly. "If you like it that much, I mean."

"I do! Thank you so much, Haru." Apparently overcome, Makoto retracted her hand from the paper only to wrap both her arms around Haruka's neck and shoulders, catching her by surprise. "You're the best."

When Makoto said it like that, breathless and into the crown of Haruka's hair, the older girl actually wanted to believe her.

They all changed together in the locker room after practice. Haruka usually stayed and swam by herself for a while, waiting for Makoto to return for her, but she'd been invited to the Tachibana's for dinner again that night and figured she should try to hurry.

Nagisa was talking with Rei, giving the other girl pointers on how to improve her butterfly stroke, which Rei had recently learned to do. It wasn't perfect by any means, but considering that the girl couldn't even swim before, Haruka thought it was an impressive feat.

She finished first, turning around as she was toweling off her hair to ask Makoto if she was almost done, but she pulled up short.

The taller girl was simply standing there in her bra and panties, trying to fix her blouse so it wasn't inside out. Haruka hadn't seen her in a state of undress before, and the school blazers for females did a good job of hiding certain things, so the sheer size of Makoto's breasts – large for a Second Year, anyway – was enough to take Haruka by surprise.

Haruka didn't do a good job of covering her tracks, fixated as she was, and Makoto eventually noticed. "Is something the matter, Haru?"

Nagisa and Rei turned their attention to her, and Haruka died a little inside, continuing to rub at her hair. "Is that a push-up bra?" She asked, thankful that her voice was as cool and detached as it usually was.

Makoto sighed, staring down at her chest forlornly. "No. They do this naturally."

"Oh. Lucky." Haruka said, not because she truly felt that way, but because it seemed like the appropriate thing to say.

"Don't even say that." Makoto groaned, going back to fixing her shirt. "I have the back of an eighty-year-old woman because of these stupid things."

Nagisa snorted. "Oh, please. Girls would kill to have your boobs, Mako-chan."

"Not all of them." Rei interjected. "But… a good amount."

"You can have them if you want. Be my guest."

"Sweet!" Nagisa cheered, hopping on one leg as she tried to tie her shoelaces. "Rei-chan and I will split the bounty. Haru-chan doesn't need any help, anyways."

Haruka frowned, glancing down at her own chest. "I don't think mine are all that impressive, Nagisa."

"Well, not compared to Mako-chan, but she's a monster." Nagisa said matter-of-factly, ignoring Makoto's indignant cry. "Believe me, Haru-chan. You've got it goin' on. Tell her, Mako-chan!"

Makoto stiffened. She'd gotten her shirt on and was stepping into her skirt. "Well, I mean… I think you got your point across just fine without my input, Nagisa!"

"Technically speaking, breast size has a lot to do with a person's weight. In that sense, yours are above average since you're so thin, Haruka-senpai."

"Rei-chan! Are you calling Mako-chan fat?"

"What? Of course not! I was only saying – "

Haruka decided now was a good enough time as any to tune out the conversation, though she did cast one last look at Makoto, worried that she would take the little comment about weight to heart.

But Makoto was smiling, no longer looking at the two younger girls as she put on her shoes.

Her face, however, was quite red, try as she might to hide it beneath her hair. Haruka didn't know what to make of it.

The day the four of them went to Samezuka for a race against their swim team, Haruka was struggling not to burst into tears at any given moment.

She woke up that morning to find a missed call on her cell phone. It was her mother, informing Haruka that she and her father wouldn't be returning to Iwatobi until Haruka's next birthday at the soonest, which wasn't until next June. Haruka hadn't wanted them to come anyway, but it still hurt that they couldn't find the time for her, even knowing that she was alone.

It was a Saturday, but Makoto had still come for her bright and early, leaving Haruka no adequate time to heat up her bathwater to a suitable temperature to help her forget about her awful parents.

She was in a foul mood on the way to Samezuka, annoyed by Nagisa's constant chatter, giving everyone the silent treatment, even Makoto.

"Are we allowed to do this?" Rei asked for the umpteenth time that morning. "It isn't a scheduled race. The school knows nothing about it."

"Rin-chan wants to see how far we've come as a team." Nagisa explained. "She's really convinced her relay team can beat us."

"And when Rin wants something, it's hard to say no." Makoto added, walking close to Haruka. Normally the closeness was comforting, but Haruka was in no mood for human interaction. "Gou said he wouldn't tell Miss Amakata. I doubt we'll be caught this time."

Haruka felt like an outsider for the first time in weeks. She'd been at home locked up with her fear when they went to Samezuka the first time, and aside from the fact that she was Haruka's first kiss, Haruka didn't know much about Rin.

"Are you feeling okay, Haru?" Makoto asked, quietly so Rei and Nagisa would hear.

"Fine." Haruka said shortly, and that was the end of it.

Samezuka's pool was a lot nicer than Iwatobi's, but Haruka had been expecting that. She followed her companions inside, observing her new surroundings while they set their stuff down.

"You guys made it!" A voice boomed, and Haruka whipped her head around.

Rin didn't look much different. Her skin was a bit darker than Haruka remembered, but her hair still fell in wild strands just above her shoulders. Her stance spoke of confidence, and Haruka wanted to disappear.

"Rin-Rin!" Nagisa cried, running to the other girl while somehow managing to not slip and fall. "We haven't seen you in so long. You're always so busy!"

Rin rolled her eyes, but she hugged Nagisa back tightly. "I just saw you two weeks ago."

"Too long." Nagisa announced, turning back around to gesture back to where Haruka was standing with Makoto and Rei. "We brought Haru-chan this time."

Vermillion eyes zoned in on Haruka intently, and she forced herself to stay still, wondering if her expression was letting on how uncomfortable she felt. "Nanase." Rin said, tipping her head.

"Matsuoka." Haruka replied, glancing away, back toward the pool.

After a short pause, Nagisa announced, "Well, that was awkward."

"Only if you make it awkward." Rei sighed.

"You'll have to wait for a bit." Rin said, speaking to Makoto. "Ai's going to find some buddies of mine for the race, so she'll be a while."

Makoto nodded, but Haruka wasn't going to wait to get in the pool. She took off her clothes before Makoto even realized what was happening, tossing them into Rei's arms so they wouldn't get wet.

"Holy shit." Rin said, and Haruka stiffened. Makoto, Nagisa, and Rei were used to the marks on her skin. Rin, however, was not. "What the hell happened to you?"

"Rin." Makoto hissed, which ticked Haruka off, because she didn't need to be protected. Rin's reaction was refreshing in a way. At least she wasn't pretending that she hadn't seen them, or that they weren't as bad as they looked.

"Are we gonna swim or what?" Haruka demanded, stalking over to the nearest staring block. "I'm not going to sit around here all day waiting."

"I'll race ya if you want." Rin replied instantly, shrugging off her team-issued jacket, handing it off to Nagisa as Haruka had done with Rei. "Who am I to say no if you want a proper beating?"

Haruka scowled, pulling her goggles over her head. She'd forgotten how absolutely infuriating Rin could be.

Afterward, Haruka and Makoto walked home together.

Haruka felt infinitely better now that she'd burned out her unnecessary anger and energy racing with Rin, and while she wanted to apologize for her earlier behavior, she didn't dare. Makoto was being quiet, as if there were something on her mind, and Haruka was going to stay silent until the other girl worked up the nerve to say whatever it was she was thinking.

"Hey… Haru?"

There it was. "Yes?"

"Are we friends?"

Haruka kept walking, facing straight ahead, but the question threw her for a loop. Makoto sounded especially vulnerable, and she didn't like it. Whether or not she meant it was up for debate, but Haruka couldn't stop herself from saying, "Yeah. Yeah, we're friends."

"Okay." Makoto said, but Haruka sensed that wasn't the end of it. "You – You would tell me if something was wrong, right? You wouldn't just keep it to yourself?"

Haruka was surprised it had taken Makoto so long. Rin's blatant observation of the burn scars on Haruka's body must have been enough to tip Makoto's nagging curiosity over the edge and into something that was probably worry.

"If something was wrong, you'd be the first to know." Haruka said, and Makoto's responding smile was filled with so much relief, Haruka felt sick.

She might have been new to the entire thing, but Haruka was almost certain friends didn't lie to one another about something like that.