Mandalore the freedom- It's a painful glitch to see and could seriously make you dislike Tali and Garrus had you not known it was a glitch. Something that isn't a glitch is that Tali seems to get over you breaking up with her pretty quick which kind of confirms my theory I have on her. That bitch has guys on the side.

The next day, Shepard did his daily routine. Wake up, brush his teeth, take a shower, put on his clothes, toss a dart at the pictures of all the people he disliked (knives at Garrus and Tali's pictures because they were special cases), do a couple of sit ups, and then clean his nose just in case there were some hidden buggers up there. His morning was going great…until Tali showed up at his door with a bowl full of oatmeal. The oatmeal was nicely decorated with nuts formed in a little heart, some raspberries shaped like a heart on the outside of the nuts, and blueberries in a circle surrounding that. It was too cute for words. Before now Shepard would have thanked her and smiled. Now he wanted to dump the meal on her head and watch her yell in pain.

"Good morning, Shepard." She said shyly. "I made you some breakfast."

"I see." He stared at it. 'She's never done this before. She poisoned it!'

"I also wanted to feed you."

"I can feed myself, Tali." He said blankly trying not to yell at her.

"I know, but I just thought it would be nice to start practicing if you got hurt and couldn't feed yourself and…"

"Are you saying you want me injured?!"

"No! Keelah, I've done it again. I just meant that if you ever got harm, Keelah forbid it, I want to be able to care for you."

'LIES!' Shepard wanted to slap her. "I guess practice makes perfect then."

Tali and Shepard sat down on his bed. Tali fed him a couple of spoonfuls. He had to admit it tasted pretty good. Before Tali could feed him anymore, Shepard started feeling itchy. Not even long after that it got hard to breath. TALI HAD POISONED HIM! Shepard ran out of the room clutching this throat. He fell over before he even reached the doctor.

When he woke up, he heard voices. "...doctor?"

"Nothing to worry about." The good doctor said. "He'll be just fine."

"CRAZY BITCH! YOU POISONED…oh hey Miranda." He had a gun pointed at Miranda, but sheepishly put it away.

"Shepard, are you alright?" Miranda said looking him over.

"I feel fine. What happened?"

"You had an allegic reaction."

"Oh…are you sure it wasn't poisoned?"

"Yes. I checked to see if you were, but luckily you weren't."

"Ah. I see." He said quietly. "Well I'd better go."

He slapped Joker over the head and demanded that he head for the Citadel.

"OW! THAT HURT!"

"I know! NOW DRIVE! FLY! WHATEVER!"

"Geez! You're an asshole!"

"When did you start noticing this, Joker?"

Joker mumbled under his breath, but did as he was told by his commander. While Joker was busy doing that, Shepard looked at his files and indeed he was allergic to raspberries and nuts. He called up his mother and questioned her about it. As it turned out, his parents had found out about his allergies when he was a baby. Other than when he was a baby, his nut allergy wasn't bad and raspberries were just something Shepard never ate other that one time (aka when he lived with his parents). The fact that it was in his files made Shepard worry. Maybe Tali and/or Garrus had gotten into them somehow and tried to mess him up! Now that was low! Once they got to the Citadel, he told everyone they were off for a month and to get off the ship before he changed his mind and threw everybody off the airlock instead. EDI corrected him and said he should have said "out" instead of "off" and also reminded him throwing members of the crew out might hamper his mission. Shepard ignored her and made for the exit.

He decided to go where he could find ass. To his surprise he found a krogan FEMALE with a male krogan in the markets. He could tell because of her voice. "Are you sure this is where he ran off to?"

"Positive. I saw him head this way. Have I ever been wrong?"

"Yes. I knew coming here with you was a bad idea."

"You're always doubting me!" the other krogan bitched.

"And you're the whinest thing I've ever had the displeasure of being around." She snapped back. "I'm going back to my clan! I'll let someone else deal with this."

The female started walking away. "Yeah! Like you always do! YOU'LL BE BACK WITHIN A WEEK, YOU INFERTILE BITCH!"

She stopped and looked back. He was already trying to run away from her. She pulled out a gun and shot his leg. Shepard shook his head. What a stupid krogan. It must really hurt not to be able to have a child of her own. The krogan just shook her head as the male krogan cried in pain as he held his leg. The wound didn't even look that bad. What a little bitch!

Shepard saw his chance and came on over. "Hey."

"What?"

"I saw what you did back there. He deserved what he got."

"He did."

"So what are you two here for?"

"What do you care, human?"

Normally he would have told her that this human had a name, but with him trying to get some and her being rightfully mad, he decided to act calm. "I don't like seeing a pretty young thing such as yourself in distress."

"You can't even see my face."

"Uh…yes, but I can tell your beautiful on the inside and that counts." She just stared at him. "Also I'm a spectre so I do what I can for anybody."

"I don't need to be hit on."

"But I'm sure you wanna be."

"No."

"Oh come on! So between me and that whiny son of a bitch, you pick him?"

"No. I just don't pick either of you. I'm only here because we're looking for a salarian doctor who kidnapped a baby krogan from my camp. She was my brood sister's child."

"So why is he here?"

"It's his."

"Hopefully he or she won't be a little bitch like him."

"Now that's one thing we can agree on."

"How about I find this salarian for you?"

"You want something in return, right?"

"Duh and you don't have a choice. I find this salarian and your sister's kid and you go on a date with me."

"I wish I did, but I don't. Fine. It's a better offer than giving you money."

"Well see ya!" Shepard ran off to go find a salarian. It wasn't until he got to the loading dock was when he realized he hadn't even asked what the kid or salarian looked like or even what the guys's name was. Once he had loaded himself up with guns and ammo, he was about to leave the Normandy when he ran into Garrus.

"Shepard, there you are."

"Garrus." He resisted the urge to beat the turian and most likely lose to that fucker.

"It's surprising you actually gave us shore leave."

"Yeah. Surprising."

"What made you decide that?"

"Don't question me, Vakarian. I do what I want!"

Garrus was slightly surprised at this (since Shepard was always nice to him), but shrugged it off. This was Shepard here. "I didn't mean to offend you."

"You didn't…" Shepard said out loud. '…you fucking around with Tali did anger me though, you turian fuck!'

"Luckily for you this shore leave will give you and Tali some time together if you know what I mean." Garrus nudged the commander playfully. Shepard looked him up and down with a look that someone would give someone who just rubbed shit on them.

"Don't fucking touch me, mother fucker."

"Geez, Shepard. Wake up on the wrong side of the bed?"

"You could say that."

"Oh wait, is this about what Tali did? Because if it is, there's no reason to take it out on me."

"How do you know?" Shepard became even more suspicious.

"She told me."

"You two are really close, aren't you?" Shepard narrowed his eyes.

"Yeah, but not that close. I only like her as much everyone else."

"Oh I believe you, Garrus. I know you would NEVER EVER fuck ME over because you and I are close. We're like brothers." Shepard got up in Garrus's face and looked him straight in his eyes.

"That's nice of you to say, Shepard." Garrus backed up a little, liking for his personal space to be personal.

"Yes it is nice. You know Garrus. We've been through a lot. I know you'd never do me wrong. EVER! Isn't that right, buddy?"

"Of course." agreed Garrus.

"Now that I've said that, you don't have anything you wanna share with me, do you? You can tell me anything and I mean ANYTHING."

"Okaaaay…" Garrus seemed confused. "Is everything alright, Shepard?"

"No. Is everything alright with you? Are you seeing anybody?" Shepard wiggled his eyebrows.

"No. Haven't really had the time for a girlfriend or anything." he admitted. "You aren't trying to set me up are you?"

"FUCK NO AND DON'T YOU TRY TO THAT TO ME!"

Garrus jumped back looking even more confused. "I'm not…what even…"

"Good. Let's keep it that way, Garrus." With that Shepard left, leaving the turian wondering what the fuck just happened.

On his way out, he ran into…UGH! Tali! "Shepard, there you are! I was looking all over for you! I'm really sorry for what happened earlier. I didn't know you were allergic to…oh I'm so sorry!"

"Don't worry, Tali. I'm sure you didn't know and didn't look into the database and see if I was allergic or anything."

"I didn't even think to look there." she confessed, saying this in a clearly nervous and embarrassed tone. "How could I have been so stupid? I guess I wasn't thinking you were allergic to anything."

"Well what's done is done." Shepard said waving it off. "I've gotta go."

"Wait! I-I was hoping that you and I could…could do something together…if you're not busy…o-or still mad at me."

"I'm not mad, Tali." Shepard assured her. 'I'M FURIOUS YOU CUNT!'

"Oh good! Then can we…"

"Sorry, I got shit to do."

"Oh…"

"It's not you. I just gotta get things done. It won't take long. As soon as I get back, we'll do some things together, okay?" He squeezed her hands.

"Okay. I've got things I have to do anyways. Let me know when you want to meet up again." Tali sounded disappointed, but Shepard didn't care. She was a no good turian fucker anyways.

Once he left, he went about his business. While on his way to search for a salarian, he noticed a hanar. Time to make a move. "Hey, there sexy."

The asari that just so happened to be passing by and glared at him. "Don't hit on me. I'm married."

"I was talking to him…uh…her…uh the hanar. Get to stepping, bitch!"

The asari looked surprised. As you know, asari are the most preferred race. Unless the other species was married, had a boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancé, or (in a rare instance) didn't like asari, an asari was rarely turned down. This guy was hitting on a hanar and not her? It was a good change, but an unexpected one. Who hits on hanar? Next thing you know, a human was going to hit on a vorcha! She'd never thought she'd see the day when a human or any other species hit on a hanar.

"You were speaking to this one?" the hanar was equally surprised. Usually the only time another race spoke to hanar were to tell them to get lost, exchange business (either with drell or other merchants), or to tell them to shut up.

"Yeah." Shepard leaned on a wall in front of the confused alien. "I couldn't help but to notice you over here all alone. Meeting up with somebody?"

"Yes. This one was planning on…

"Look, forget about whoever's coming. Me and you…we're meant to be."

"Uh…what…it…huh?" The hanar was unsure.

"Come on, baby. You know you want it. Me and this 9 inch…"

"Good morning, Kel. I've got the…oh. I see you're busy…" A drell had just come up.

"NO! N-NOT AT ALL!" Kel said rather quickly. "Let's discuss business. Excuse us, please."

"Don't worry. I'll be right over here." The hanar left for a few minutes, exchange a package with the drell, and came back over to Shepard. "About time."

"It was only gone for a few moments, but never the less it is sorry it kept you waiting."

"So, you seeing anybody, gorgeous?"

"No." the hanar sounded nervous. "This one doesn't mean to sound impolite, but this is a prank, right?"

"What? Can't a human flirt with a hanar if he wants?"

"If he wishes I guess…it apologizes for being rude. This is unexpected." Kel admitted. "Normally it gets insulted."

"I bet that must hurt."

"Not at all. This one is used to it."

"Well not from me. Anybody tells calls you a stupid jellyfish and they're fucked!"

"That's…nice of you?" Kel didn't know if that this was a prank or on purpose.

"So how about me and you go back to my place and get to know each other a little better?"

"I'm sorry, but I'm busy."

"It's because I'm human isn't it." Shepard looked down in pretend shame. "You'd much rather have an asari, right? I understand…I-I get that a lot. The asari are pretty flexible and a lot of them are a pretty blue color."

"N-no! It didn't mean to imply that! This one is just surprised that a human would show interest! I-it apologizes for being so tactless."

"So you'll go out with me!?" Shepard looked at the hanar so quickly and eagerly that the poor creature nearly fell over out of shock.

"It will think about it."

"Please? Pleeeeeaaaaaseeee!"

"Fine." The hanar snapped out of character. This human was starting to invade its personal space.

"YES!" Shepard ran off to go search for a salarian and baby krogan.