By chance or escaping from misery
By suddenness or in answer to pain
Smoking in the dark cinema
You could see the bad go down again
And the clouds are high in Spanish mountains
And a Ford roars through the night full of rain.
The killer's blood flows
But he loads his gun again
Make a grown man cry like a girl
To see the guns dying at sunset
In vain lovers claimed
But they never had met.
©The Clash, Death is a Star
The clock strikes six and I wake up. I have six piercings. There are six good days in the week. They died on the sixth of the sixth. I have six medical problems.
The doctors called it Parasomnia. They also called it Night Terrors or Pavor Nocturnus. I called them both hell. Sleeping didn't come naturally. Some nights I couldn't sleep. Other nights I would sleep a few hours but like all good things they soon went. And for the few hours I did sleep my dreams haunted me.
It always started the same. I was walking in a meadow and he was there. He wore a black top that clung to his chest and dark blue jeans. His reddy, brown hair always tousled. His face absolutely perfect, but his eyes. They haunted me. Day and night. They were emerald green. They were beautiful. And almost hypnotic.
In my dream he held a knife. But yet he chanted Bella my love over and over again. His voice magical. And I somehow felt drawn to him. And every time I would slowly walk up to him. My walk showing how unsure and timid I was. But yet when I reached him it was like I was free. But then he would wrap his arm around me. And his hand holding the knife would come up to my neck. Tell me how much you love me he would hiss and I would flinch involuntarily. Tell me he would say his irritation seeping through his words. I-I-I love you I would stammer. My hesitance in the words I was saying always coming through, always giving me away. And then he would cut slowly. So the smell of the blood would make me dizzy and then… I would wake up.
These were my night terrors, although some doctors wouldn't class them as night terrors. Due to the fact that I remember them perfectly. Parasomnia was a broader classification. It covered my sleep talking, restlessness, occasional sleep walking and overall uneasiness as I slept.
I also suffered from chronic insomnia. The cause; unknown. It just meant that I couldn't get to sleep and if I got to sleep I had trouble staying asleep. It could last for years, they had said to me when I first diagnosed. Two years later and I still can't sleep. What they find odd is the fact that during the days I also suffered from Cataplexy. Which basically means during the day my limbs could give way and this was due to the fact that I had such an immense lack of sleep.
I also had asthma and suffered from severe panic attacks. So my life is fucked in general.
After my mother and her husband Phil died I was given three options, foster care, adoption or living with my aunt and her daughter. Don't get me wrong, aunty Esme and Alice are nice. But they're a vivacious and talkative. I was neither. In fact I was probably the complete opposite. I hardly every had any energy and I only talked to my brother Emmett who conveniently lived with us also. But he spent most of the time over at the Cullens.
Dr Carlisle Cullen, my doctor. Is this compassionate but wealthy guy. And he adopted Edward Cullen who I have yet to meet. And he fosters Rosalie Hale and Jasper Hale. Rosalie was Emmett's girlfriend and Jasper and Alice had this closet relationship going, as far as I knew. I had meet Rosalie once or twice and I was officially the sister she never had. Jasper smiled at me, but we didn't talk. Well he didn't talk to me. Emmett and Jasper were both on the football team together. As far as I knew Edward was captain of the baseball team.
'Bella' screamed Alice as she ran down the stairs in a painfully graceful way. I had made her and Esme breakfast considering I didn't sleep. They both absolutely adored the food I made. I looked up at her and she smiled.
'Surely you're not wearing that to school?' she asked looking at my attire. I was wearing dark blue skinny leg jeans, my black converse and my The Clash top. I nodded and she sighed. She then skipped back up the stairs to return a minute later holding a pair of black flats. I rolled my eyes and walked over to the whiteboard they had conveniently placed in the kitchen, the fucking traitors. They make me short I wrote and she laughed.
'I'm short but you don't see my complaining' she answered she passed me the show. I sighed and put them on quickly before I had to flip the pancakes.
'Do I smell blueberry pancakes?' teased Emmett as he ran down the stairs, his footsteps made the whole house shake. I nodded and he smiled widely before grabbing in one of his tight bear hugs. I smiled slightly and hugged him back. I think Emmett was one of the only people, besides aunty Esme and occasional Alice, that I had ever been affectionate towards.
'He's only happy because it's just another thing he can show off' said Alice as I pulled away from Emmett.
'This is exciting' retorted Emmett 'my little sister starting school.' He looked should proud and I smiled, I then pointed to my car keys.
'Oh yeah right' he said 'Alice do you mind taking a lift with Rose and Jazz so I can take Bella in her car?' he asked.
'Sure thing' she said smiling at the both of us. I took a deep breath and started serving up the pancakes.
'Thank you Bella' said Alice smiling. I smiled back as a sign on thank you, I was so thankful Alice caught on to all of this easily. A few minutes later there was a knock on the door, without having to answer Rosalie just walked in.
'You can't wear that t-shirt' she said as Jasper walked in the room. I looked up at her, my face probably holding a quizzical expression.
'Dude the clash rocked the eighties era' said Jasper approvingly.
'Where's Eddie?' asked Emmett in teasing tone.
'Baseball' said Jasper 'captain is being announced at morning assembly.'
'Shit' said Emmett looking at me.
'Don't they do the whole announce the new girl shit?' asked Rosalie a hint of worry coated in her voice. There was no way in hell I was standing up in front of everyone. No fucking chance in hell. I was still curious as to why I couldn't wear the top.
WHY CAN'T I WEAR THE TOP?!?! I wrote on the board and everyone laughed.
'Edward just happens to be wearing the boy's version of that top' she said with a chuckle. I just shrugged and grabbed my car keys.
'Rose do you mind if I went with Bella?' asked Emmett.
'Sure thing babe' she replied smiling and she pecked him on the cheek.
'See you guys' said Alice smiling as she skipped out the room. I waved at them and then turned to Emmett.
'Say something' he said.
'I'm scared' I whispered and he scowled.
'There's no need to be scared' he said 'nobody here will judge you and if they do they can go through me.'
'But they all know me' I said, my voice still a hushed whisper 'I was Isabella Swan, Jacob's girlfriend and now I'm coming back as Bella, the mute.'
'Well you got your music taste going for you' he said after a few seconds of silence 'and your car, where the hell did you get it?' he asked and I giggled which caused him to smile widely.
'Phil got it for me' I said 'and eighteenth birthday presents.'
'Well aren't you lucky' he said sourly.
'Phil was nice' I said quietly and he said raised an eye brow and walked away, he knew I was just trying please myself.
'I can't believe I get to drive this' he said as he ran his hand over the hood of my car 'Edward is going to freak.'
'What car has he got?' I asked as I got into the driver's seat, I would be driving her on her first day is such a shit hole.
'Well he drives a fucking Volvo to school but his going out car is an Aston Martin Vanquish.'
'I think he beats me' I replied as I started my Ford GT.
'I'm not sure' said Emmett hesitantly.
'Bella you're going to be okay aren't you?' he asked as we were in sight of the school. My breathing was becoming faster and heavier.
'Sure' I managed to gasp and he sighed. I hated it when this happened; it was like my throat closed off. I was unable to talk. I didn't know why it didn't happen when it was just me and Em but whenever I was around other people I just couldn't talk.
'I'm sorry' I managed to whisper as we drove into the parking lot. I parked next to Rosalie and a Volvo which I assumed was Edward's maybe. I quickly used my hands to brush my hair so it sat to the sides of my face covering myself up.
'I hate it when you do that' said Emmett and I looked up at him my face full of apology. He then smiled as tucked the hair behind my ears with a satisfied look about him. I sighed and stepped out of the car, the whole school was practically watching as Emmett moved over to me and put a protective arm around my shoulder. I hated the attention, I could not stand it. It was stupid and superficial of all the people who caused the stares and whispers. But then again I was the Bella, quarter back Emmett's sister. Yippee.
'Bella' called Alice. She was smiling, that kind of smile that made you think what the hell am I getting myself in for.
'You look worried' she said smiling 'don't worry. I would be to if I had to sit in assembly for an hour.' I rolled my eyes and waited for it to hit her.
'Shit I'm going to assembly as well' she murmured and I smiled widely at her. She smiled back and grabbed my hand.
'We'll go sit at the back' she said smiling and pointing to Rose. I nodded and followed after her. They decided it would be best for me to be seated in between the two of them and I just nodded along.
'Do you have your I-Pod?' asked Alice as she yawned. We were only six minutes into the assembly. I nodded and handed her my silver I-Pod.
'You better have good music' she whispered and I smiled with a nod before facing back to the front. Three minutes later Alice tapped me hardly on the arm and glared at me.
'Apparently Chris Brown isn't good' she said sharply handing me back the I-Pod. Rosalie laughed and handed Alice her I-Phone.
'There you go sweetie' she replied. I smiled and turned my I-Pod off properly. I could tell I was going to need this later.
'Oh here they are' said Rosalie as she sat higher in her seat. I looked up and saw two, Jock, looking teachers. On short and fat, the other tall and skinny.
'Alright kids' said the short and fat one, his voice was awfully gruff. 'it's going to be a great year. So great the our football team as got two captains.'
'Oh know' whispered Alice.
'Just kidding' the coach said and some pretty big breaths were let out 'as you know one of our star players Jasper Hale left in the middle of season last year. We have some unfortunate news, which is that he will not be returning this season.' I looked at Alice and she sighed.
'He made a good choice Ali' said Rose and I grabbed Alice's hand. She was searching frantically for Jasper now.
'On a better note we would like to announce our new captain, Emmett Swan.' Everyone cheered loudly and I smiled widely. Rose look like she wanted to burst with pride and even Alice looked quite proud. I just smiled and kept watching up the front. Emmett walked up with his team jacket on it. He turned around so everyone could see his name on the back. I smiled widely and Alice squeezed my hand that she was still holding. The other coach then stepped up.
'And on another note' he said 'we would like to announce Edward Cullen as our Baseball captain.' Mostly the girls cheered this time, including Rose and Alice.
'He's looking pretty fine' said Rose throwing a wink my way. I quickly glared at her and then looked down at my I-Pod.
'No I-Pod's in school' said a teacher coming up to me, I looked up and he looked so irritated. I looked up at him.
'What's your name?' he asked curtly.
'Her names Bella Swan' said Alice.
'I believe she can say her own name Miss Brandon' his voice was highly agitated and he looked like he would explode.
'But sir-' Alice tried but she was cut off.
'Now Bella' he said 'shall we start again? Maybe in detention at lunch?' I looked up at him, shit. I couldn't have a detention.
'Come with me' he said motioning for me to stand up.
'Mr. Banner seriously listen to me' said Rose as she stood up behind me.
'Rose and Alice you two can have a detention today' he shouted 'I will not have such disrespectful behavior in this school.' Suddenly everyone was looking at us.
'The office, now' he screamed as my breathing started to become heavier. My head started to become clouded and I started to panic. Everything was closing in ad Em wasn't here.
'Where's Emmett?' asked Alice frantically as I stood there with my eyes closed. I was trying to stay as still and calm as possible. But inside everything was screaming at me.
'Now' ordered Mr. Banner. He grabbed my wrist forcefully and I jerked forward. Panic was coursing through me and I tried to pull my hand away, I tried to speak, I tried to open my eyes but nothing was working.
'Get. The. Fuck. Off. Her.' Growled Em and sighed with relief. Although my body was still shaking , the tears poured down my cheeks and my eyes refused to open.
'Language' I heard a female voice say. She gasped 'Mr. Banner get your hands off her now.'
'She's been out of line' he said firmly but he let go of my arm. I could tell it was Em who came over because he enveloped me into a huge hug and didn't let me go.
'Mr. Banner I assume you haven't met Isabella Swan before' she said her voice still hard 'she's chief swan's girl.'
'Oh dear' he murmured but I opened my eyes and looked at the principle I was assuming. Em looked down at me, he looked very concerned. I leaned up on my tippy toes and very quietly whispered into his ear.
'Can we please go home Em?' I looked up with him and looked so fucking awful as I pleaded with my eyes, he nodded and turned to Rose.
'Can I have the car keys babe?' he asked, she nodded and handed them to him. She then gave him a quick kiss and stepped past.
'I believe you have something of Bella's?' he asked Mr. Banner harshly. He handed over my I-Pod and I took it with a shaky hand.
'My house tonight' said Em looking at Jazz and he nodded. Em then walked us out of the room without any hesitance.
'I'm sorry' I whispered as we got outside.
'Nah' he replied 'Mr. Banner's just a dickhead.' I giggled and he smiled at me.
'Esme's not home tonight' he replied and I frowned 'she's got some crap in Seattle for work I hope you don't mind but I invited the boys over. And of course Ali invited Rose for you two.'
'That's fine' I replied and he grabbed my hand.
'They'll go to the back to their place if it gets too much' he said and I nodded.
'Do they know I don't sleep?' I asked.
'Nah they don't need to know that' he replied 'but don't walk around the house a three in the morning. That'll be a bit freaky.' He chuckled and I giggled slightly.
'How long as it been since you last slept?' he asked.
'Um, five weeks' I answered quickly and quietly as I looked at my shoes. Over the last few things my face had pales considerably. My eyes had permanent shadows underneath them and I had lost eight kilograms. My eyes were no longer brown but this dark brown almost black. And my hair, it was like straw. Brushed and cleaned when it was necessary.
'Clean up when we get back' he said forcing a smiling 'and you can make dinner.'
'Thanks' I whispered and we continued driving in silence. When we got home I ran up the stairs and changed had a shower.
'Bella' called Em, banging on my bedroom door.
'What?' I called back, shouting was starting get hard. The doctors said it was because I didn't talk often enough.
'Alice and Rose are here, and Edward and Jazz will be here in five' he called.
'I washed my hair' I said stepping out. He smiled widely. My hair was now a less strawy version of this morning. My clash t-shirt right back where it belonged, on me. I was no longer wearing shoes.
'So what's with the band shirts?' asked Rose when we had walked into the kitchen.
What's with the heelsI wrote on the whiteboard and she laughed.
'You did go Em' she replied and he smiled proudly. I looked over at Em.
'I-Pod, right' he said looking around for where he put it. A few seconds later I had the peace and familiarity of the Clash playing. I sighed and started cooking a lasagna. A few minutes later Em had gone to greet Jazz and Em.
'I never knew you had such great music taste Emmie' teased a slightly familiar voice. I couldn't remember where I had heard that voice before, but it was gorgeous.
'We wish' said Jazz, 'I'm assuming you haven't meet Bella then. Best music taste, maybe even better than yours.' I smiled at this, I loved music. My life almost revolved around it.
'She wishes' he replied with a chuckle.
'Bella' said Em 'meet Edward Cullen. School heart throb and Baseball captain. Totally out of your league of course.' They all laughed and I turned around. He was the man from my dreams. The hair, the face and god, even the eyes. I knew where the voice was from now. And he was so much better and just as frightening. But he had an eyebrow piercing, a tattoo down his left arm and he was wearing a fucking Clash t-shirt. The boy's version of mine.
'Did she have piercings this morning?' asked Jasper. I turned red and looked down.
'You're not allowed to wear piercings at school dick' said Edward smacking him over the head. I flinched at this and turned around, this was to much. Not only wa si mute but now I was going fucking insane.
A/N im going away, hope you like this chapter. its not as long as i would've liked. im looking for a beta, by the way : ) x.