A/N I kinda stole an idea from friends... But I tweaked it, and I'm telling you so I hope it's not that bad.

"Per-Bear, DJ, you don't look happy to see me." She said. We aren't.

"Medusa! Why would I e-hever be happy to see you?" He's dealing well.

"So what'd I miss. You two finally shack up?" She asked. I immediately went into panic mode.

"HA-HA!" I laughed too loudly. "Very funny! We didn't-" Perry gave me his patented 'shut the hell up' glare. Jordan looked shocked, well as shocked as she could with that much botox.

"I was just kidding, but you are actually doing it, aren't you?" She sounded like Christmas had come early. "Perry…"

"Don't say it." he muttered.

"...you have a BOYFRIEND!" He cringed, and everyone in the hallway turned to look at us. Jordan was about to crack up, and Perry was about to go on a murderous rampage. I retreated a bit, feeling like a moving target. I'm a home wrecker. I wanted to flee, but instead decided to stay, for moral support.

"Lay off of him!" I said. Moral support is supposed to be silent!

"What was that?" Jordan asked.

"What was that?" Perry repeated.

I have blurting issues…

"Leave him alone! You don't have to make fun of him all the time!" Perry was doing the 'shut the hell up' thing again, and Jordan burst into hysterical laughter.

"You sure can pick'em!" she said, heading off to her meeting, still laughing. Perry was apparently trying to drill a hole through my skull with his eyes, which felt like it was working.

"What the hell was that, Angela?" He growled at me. Damn that's sexy/terrifying.

"I was standing up for my man…"

"Your man? Since whe-hen have I been your man? I am not, nor will I ever be your man, Newbie. Get that through your over-gelled head." Just don't say anything, nothing at all.

"THEN WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING WITH ME!?" I need to wire my jaw shut. Today. Everyone who had been walking away after the Jordan incident stopped dead and stared. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Laverne pick up the phone. "Umm… I didn't mean that…" I'll just go crawl in a hole and die now…

Perry was trying very hard not to punch me right now, I could tell by the way he was clenching and unclenching his fists. His breath was coming much too fast to be healthy, and a vein was pulsing in his forehead.

"You have ten seconds to leave." I ran away before my stupid mouth could get me in any more trouble.

"ALL OF YOU!" I heard him yell, and was caught up in the stampede of people trying to get out of his way.

This has got to be the worst possible place to hide. But no one'll find me here. Perry caused an entire floor of the hospital to be evacuated, and was now trying to find me, to make an example to all the other stupid people around here that don't know how to keep their mouths shut.

(My head on a pike, outside of the hospital's main entrance. Right above it a 'Don't piss off Dr Cox' sign. The Janitor walks out, whistling happily, and begins to dust off my face.)

"The one thing he does clean…" The stall door swung open and Carla walked in.

"Bambi, why are you hiding in the women's restroom?" She asked, looking confused and hopping from one foot to the other.

"This is the one place Dr Cox won't look for me." Carla continued dancing.

"Hold that thought for one second." She said. When she came back a minute later she wasn't doing the potty dance anymore, and was a lot more patient.

"So you screwed up. It's not that big of a deal." Yeah right. "Okay, maybe it is. Just do what I do when Turk is mad at me." She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

"What?" I asked, clueless. She hit me, 'playfully.'

"Sex you idiot. 'Special' sex."

"You act like I have a say in that." She glared at me.

"Then tell him you won't have sex, at all." Do you know anything about men?

"I'm a guy, I can't actually refuse sex." Not that it would make a difference if I did… She frowned.

"You're screwed then." I glared at her. "I'm sorry Bambi, but I can't help you!"

"You can calm him down." I hope.

"Nuh-uh! Did you see that vein in his forehead? I think it's gonna pop." Please… I gave her the puppy dog face. It didn't seem to be working. Then she caved. "Fine, but you owe me." Gotta love the puppy dog face.

Carla left, and I pondered how to get Perry off my back. Maybe I do need to grow a pair… Then I remembered something that helped get me through med school. I need to talk to Dan. I snuck out of the hospital, looking around every corner before I walked. I had to knock on the door of my own apartment, Dan answered.

"You can only come in if you brought beer!"

"Is Dr Cox there?"

"Nope." I walked in. "What's up, Johnny." Well I signed my own death warrant, then hid in the girl's room for half an hour.

"Nothing… Do you still have those hypnotism tapes I bought in high school?"

"Sure, I think they're in the glove box of my car." Yes! I punched the air, which anyone but Dan would've thought was crazy. But he's used to me. A got my tapes out of his car, set up my old walkman, and took a nap. With 'Be A More Confident You' playing in my ears.