This fic is coauthored with Kari.

Chapter 2: Deviation

Despite his own fatigue and general malaise over the past few weeks, Roxas had to admit that Saïx had hardly seemed much of a challenge to get past, though whether it was a testament to Saïx's weakness or his own abilities he couldn't say for certain. He had never fought with so much anger in his heart before (so to speak), had never swung his Keyblade with so much determination and frustration in his grip. Saïx had fallen easily, his claymore shattered along with his resolve, and Roxas had just kept right on walking and didn't even spare him a second glance.

He was a Nobody, wasn't he? Maybe he wasn't, after all. Maybe he was different-maybe he and Axel weren't so alike. He had believed once that Axel was the only one who really got him, but obviously that wasn't the case now. If Axel really understood him, then he would have understood why it was so important for him to know the truth, right? Or was that asking too much of him? Roxas wasn't even entirely certain why he had such a burning need to know the truth, so how could Axel have known? Maybe no one understood him. Maybe he wasn't a Nobody, maybe he was just nothing at all. Maybe he really was alone.

Maybe it didn't matter anyway.

There was a dark, heavy feeling coursing through him right now, one that drove his feet forward through the streets of the deserted city, away from the only place he'd ever been really able to call 'home.' That same feeling was what also made him ignore the familiar flash of red that flickered in the corner of his eye. Maybe Axel knew him better than he thought after all-he'd known right where to find him. There he was, leaning against a wall in that infuriating pose he always assumed, with his arms folded and his head down, his secrets guarded. Roxas scoffed, walking forward doggedly.

"So your mind's made up?"

Now that Axel had acknowledged him, Roxas' footsteps slowed to a halt. He shifted, turning his head halfway over his shoulder to speak to Axel without looking at him. "Why did the Keyblade choose me?" he asked. For a moment, he paused, some faint, fleeting part of him half-hoping Axel might finally give him the answers he wanted-no, needed. A brief silence later, though, he turned forward again, "I have to know."

"You can't turn on the Organization!" Axel's voice was gravelly, like he had to fight to even say the words. "You get on their bad side and they'll destroy you!"

They're already trying to destroy me, he couldn't help but think, you said so yourself. It doesn't matter if I stay or go. Why was Axel so determined that he stay? He wouldn't even tell him the truth! Why was he even here? Had he come to drag him back? To hand him to Xemnas personally? Maybe he'd been part of the plan from day one. Maybe they had never really been friends in the first place.

The idea made something in Roxas' chest heavy and cold, and he lowered his head.

"No one would miss me," he said finally. They couldn't feel anyway; it wasn't like anyone would be sad.

There was a long moment filled with nothing but a wistful wish for things to go back to the way they had been and a certainty that it would never happen, and then he started walking again, and he didn't look back.

"That's not true!" He heard Axel's voice echo off the high rainswept sides of the buildings around them. Roxas didn't stop. "... I would."

Roxas' steps didn't slow, but something squelched in his stomach. He had never before heard his friend sound so despondent. Would he really miss him? Was that even possible for them? Axel had been the one to chide him for being worried when the others had been annihilated at Castle Oblivion... how was missing someone any different?

More lies, it was always lies. He didn't know why Axel was so determined to keep him here, but it wasn't going to work. He couldn't trust him anymore.

"Roxas."

Axel's voice sounded further away now-how far had he walked?

"Roxas!"

Axel had to shout now to be heard, but it wasn't going to change anything.

"Roxas!"

Roxas was about to whirl on his heel and shout back that nothing Axel said would change his mind. He was about to just really give Axel what-for, whatever that meant, but as he shifted his weight to pivot sharply, he heard Axel's voice in the darkness once more.

"He's you!" Axel cried, and as he turned Roxas could see his friend's shoulders were hunched, his hands fisted tightly at his sides. He looked more desperate than he had ever seen him, and maybe that was the only reason he paused rather than shouting back.

He's... me? Who is me? I don't understand.

Roxas furrowed his brow and shook his head, but made no move to close the distance between them. This was a gap Axel was going to have to close himself.

"Sora," Axel said, his feet still rooted to the spot where he stood, almost as if he were afraid to approach him now. "Your connection to Sora... the reason you can wield the Keyblade..." Axel grimaced, like the words hurt to speak, and then shook his head fiercely. "He's you, Roxas-you're two sides of the same coin."

Roxas still didn't understand.

Axel's bright eyes caught the neon lights overhead and flashed like fireflies in the darkness.

"You're Sora's Nobody, Roxas."

"I'm..." His throat felt strange, like something too heavy was sitting in it. It made him pause.

'Sora. He's the connection. He is what makes you and Xion a part of each other's lives. Just as he is the reason I placed Xion among our number.'

Roxas' hands clenched into fists of their own volition. Something familiar and hot and prickling began to rise from his chest. He was Sora's Nobody. Sora was the reason for everything. If it weren't for Sora...

The prickling heat broke through whatever was sitting in Roxas' throat and suddenly he could speak again.

"Is that why I matter?" he found himself saying. His voice grew louder, harsher, with each word. "Is that why me and Xion are like this? What makes him so important? Why...?!"

Axel's hands were suddenly on Roxas' shoulders and he jumped, startled. He hadn't even seen Axel move. Snapping his chin up to give him a wild, desperate look, Roxas shook his head, his face pulled tight into a grimace.

"If Sora's so important, then why do Xion and I exist at all?" he cried, and Axel's grip on his shoulders tightened.

"Roxas, stop," he said with a sigh. There was something defeated in Axel's posture. "Look, I told you knowing the truth wouldn't change anything, wouldn't make it any better." He let go of him and sort of flapped his arms helplessly at his sides. "I'm not sure what happened to make you and Xion... the way you are," he said. "It's kind of unprecedented for a Nobody and their Other to both exist at the same time anyway, so far as I know, but..." He sighed, then shrugged one shoulder. "So... yes, that's why you mattered to the Organization," he admitted. "They need the Keyblade to capture the hearts to fill up Kingdom Hearts, and they knew Sora would never cooperate, so they collected you and made Xion in the hopes of having a Keyblade they would manipulate to their own ends."

Roxas wanted to punch something, someone, more than anything right now. He wanted to scream and scream and scream until his throat was raw and his voice was gone and there was nothing left. It's not fair, he thought, and it repeated in his head relentlessly. His chest was hot and heavy and he could hear the blood pounding in his ears and he didn't know why. He didn't know what this feeling (ha!) was, and he understood even less why Axel still stood there, saying these things. He didn't want to tell him anything before. What had changed?

It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not -

"Well, now you've gotten what you wanted." The words tumbled out of his mouth, vindictive and angry and cold, before he really thought about it. "I hope you're happy."

Roxas turned to leave. He didn't know what he wanted to do, but he knew he couldn't stand being here with Axel anymore.

"What I...?" Axel's hand caught him by the shoulder, arresting his movement. "Roxas, you can't honestly think I wanted any of this."

Roxas had to fight the overwhelming urge to just hiss at him.

"Well you sure didn't do anything to stop it!" he snarled. "You knew all along what I was here for, didn't you? You knew from day one just who I was, and you did nothing but play along!"

"Roxas-"

"You just came along for the ride-you let me and Xion be... be used! Like we're just some kind of tools!"

"Roxas, would you liste-"

"Were you ordered to become my best friend?"

Axel's hands were suddenly on both sides of Roxas' head, forcing him to look up at him, and his eyes were angry and turbulent and... somehow sadder than Roxas expected.

"Dammit, Roxas, would you shut up for a second and listen to me?" he said, and Roxas swallowed hard, his breath shaking and his pulse pounding in his throat. "Look, I know you're angry, even if I can't understand how you manage," Axel said, "but you didn't let me finish."

Roxas mustered the fiercest glare he could manage and wrenched himself free of Axel's grip.

"So finish," he spat.

"You and Xion... the Organization only wanted you for your Keyblades," he said. "That's why you mattered to them..." There was a beat of silence, and then he shook his head. "But that isn't why you matter to me, okay? You and Xion aren't just shadows or leftovers so far as I'm concerned. Maybe things started out that way, and... maybe I'm an idiot for that, but nobody ordered me to get to know you. Nobody ordered me to become your friend." He flapped his arms again, like he didn't know what to do with them. "And... nobody ordered me to come after you, either. Or to tell you the truth. In fact they kind of told me not to, so..."

Roxas' eyes were itchy and it felt like something was trying to escape from them. "So... What?" he finally managed, and his voice sounded strange and choked, too, even though he didn't want it to. Suddenly that choked-up feeling he'd had back when he had thought Axel had been lost in Castle Oblivion was back, squeezing tight like fingers around his throat.

Axel just looked at him a moment before sighing, "So… I guess I'm a traitor now too," he said, "because you two are more important than orders and missions and… whatever else the Organization thought was all you were good for. You and Xion, you're my best friends, remember?"

His throat constricted even further.

Xion…

The edges of his vision blurred. Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to will the sensation away. It was only when he felt like he could speak without without something else escaping his mouth that he finally croaked the first thing that came to mind. Not about what Axel had just told him. He couldn't handle thinking about it right now. Something else.

"Why did you let her go?" If now was a time for truth and answers, then maybe…

There was another moment's silence before Axel finally spoke. "I didn't want to," he said. "I tried to stop her-I knew what she was and what would happen if she stayed, but I couldn't stand to send her away either…" He shook his head. "She asked me to let her go, though."

"Why? Why would she want to leave us again?!"

"Because-!" Axel's voice caught in his throat; he seemed to be struggling with his words again. "Because she wanted to protect you."

"From what?"

"From herself."

The idea itself seemed so ridiculous that his eyes snapped open and he stared up at Axel, dumbfounded. Why would she want to protect him from herself? Why would she be doing anything that might hurt him at all? Xion was his (their?) best friend!

"Look… I told you she was dangerous, remember?" Axel averted his eyes briefly, then looked back at him. "Replicas can absorb power from a source. It's not something she could control though, and when you started getting weaker…" He shrugged helplessly. "It didn't take a genius to put two and two together."

"And that's why she left." It wasn't a question.

"Yeah." Axel's voice sounded as empty as Roxas' insides felt. "That's why she left."

Roxas drew a shuddering breath and then looked up at Axel, something welling up painfully in his chest.

"But... how did this all happen?"

Axel shook his head.

"Roxas, listen, we can talk about this later-"

Roxas clenched his fists. "No, we can talk about this now," he said fiercely. "You've kept me waiting long eno-"

"This is more important, Roxas," Axel interrupted, raising his voice, and Roxas quieted only because there was something truly urgent in Axel's tone. "I made a promise," he said, and Roxas arched one eyebrow. "A promise to Xion."

"To Xion?" Roxas shook his head. "I don't understand."

"I promised I'd..." His voice failed him suddenly and that slump was back in his posture, and Roxas thought it rather looked like he was trying to carry a backpack that was too heavy for him. "That I'd protect you," he concluded after a long pause, his words almost too quiet to hear.

"Protect me?" Roxas couldn't help but sound a cross between confused and incredulous, "Why does she want me protected?"

Almost unbidden, a memory surfaced-one of his own-with him telling her it was funny to see her worrying about him, and her response that she worried about him all the time. Of all the times to remember something like that…

"Because…" Axel explained, and there was something in his voice that cut through the hot, tight feeling in his chest. "You've already seen some of the things they're willing to do to get rid of one of you and… she's not even going to be able to be herself for very long at this rate."

"What does that mean?" Roxas asked sharply. Unable to be herself? That made no sense! "You told me I was the one who wouldn't be me anymore."

"And if she continues to absorb your powers, your memories, she won't be Xion for much longer," Axel said. "You both fulfill the same purpose-the Organization didn't need the both of you." He ground the heel of one hand into his eye socket, like he had a sudden headache. "You're still not seeing the bigger picture, are you?"

Roxas shook his head-this was too much. "I don't understand," he said, holding his head in his hands. The hot feeling suddenly turned cold. Roxas was a lot of things, but stupid wasn't one of them.

It was only a matter of time before somebody had to break the mirror.

You mean destroy her.

"Axel…" And now there was something desperate in his voice now too, "what's going to happen to her?"

Axel shook his head fiercely.

"Nothing, if I've got any say in it," he replied, and Roxas frowned.

Wait, hadn't Axel said she was dangerous? Why would he suddenly pipe up in her defense? Roxas' brow crinkled in confusion.

"What do you mean?" he asked, and then felt kind of stupid. He always seemed to be asking what everyone meant-why couldn't he just understand things? Why was this so difficult?

Axel bent forward and put his hands on Roxas' shoulders again, but the desperation was gone now, replaced with determination. In that moment Roxas thought to himself that Axel looked very strong, not at all like the hopeless, disconsolate man he had seemed only moments before.

"I mean we have to stop her."

"Stop her?" Roxas' eyes were wide. "Stop her from what?"

Axel opened his mouth to respond, then hesitated. He gave Roxas an uncertain look, then asked in a thin voice, "Can you trust me?" A shake of his head and he continued, "I didn't want to lie. I really thought it was what was best for you-I knew that knowing the truth would only breed more questions... questions I don't know the answers to." He released Roxas' shoulders. "I knew you would leave," he said, "and I couldn't keep my promise if you were gone, but... if we do this together, if you can trust me again, even just long enough to do this, I think maybe I can keep my promise and we can help Xion, too."

Roxas frowned. As much as Axel had essentially spilled all those answers he'd been keeping to himself this whole time, it didn't feel like he could just... trust him again, just like that. Wasn't this all too little too late? On the other hand, it sounded like Xion was in trouble, and honestly needed their help. Axel knew more about the situation than he did, he couldn't deny that. He didn't actually think he could help her by himself-was it worth it to risk her life just because he hesitated to put his faith in Axel now?

Axel had lied, and Axel had done some awful things, but even Roxas couldn't deny that Axel had never done anything to deliberately put either of them in danger. He had always had their backs, even if he hadn't understood the older Nobody's actions at the time.

"All right," he said finally. "But... this doesn't just make everything okay, got it? You have to tell me what's going on."

For a moment, it felt like Axel was scrutinizing him, then he nodded.

"Kid, if we all make it out of this alive, I'll tell you anything you want to know."

Well, that really hadn't gone the way Roxas had expected at all. He'd stormed out of the castle thinking he would never look back, never see Axel again, never go home again… and here he was calling a truce-if only a temporary one. Was this wise? Was this the right thing to do? He looked up at Axel once more and could see that Axel was… Axel was sorry! He was a bit surprised to see it so blatantly on his face, but that was an expression of contrition if Roxas knew one at all. If Axel was sorry enough to really look the part, then maybe there was still something worth saving here after all.

In any case, saving Xion came first at this point. Roxas nodded firmly.

"All right, let's go," he said, turning back toward to the deserted streets of the World that Never Was. Even if he wasn't sure he could trust Axel to be honest, he trusted Axel not to hurt him, not to hurt Xion. Even when he'd knocked her out and brought her back to the castle, he had done it to help her, right? Xion had assured him of that herself.

He watched, his steps slowing, as Axel outstripped him and waved a hand to open a portal.

"You know where she is?" he asked, and Axel's expression was suddenly shadowed with sheepishness.

"Yeah, I think so," he said with a sigh. "That's… that's why I came after you; if you wouldn't come with me, I'd have to go get her myself; you never would have found her in time on your own." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I actually kind of expected you to just punch me in the jaw and keep walking, but I wanted to give it one last shot."

Roxas couldn't quite muster a tired smile, but something in him wanted to. Axel had his flaws, but this time it seemed he really did have their best interests in mind. Roxas reached out and gave Axel's sleeve a tug then moved through the opening into the corridor beyond.

"Let's get Xion first," he said as Axel closed the portal behind them, "and I'll think about punching you in the jaw later."

Funny the way you didn't realize you missed a familiar sound until you noticed you hadn't heard it in a while: Axel's laughter was hollow in the shifting blue halls between worlds, but it was welcome all the same.

And thus things begin to change... The first nine or so chapters of the fic are ready or almost ready, but will be released over time to try to preserve the buffer as long as possible. We'll see how things go from there after that.

All feedback is greatly appreciated. Thank you very much!