CH. 1 "Eddy the Emperor"

The scene now shifts to a 13 year old boy who is combing his hair, which consists of three long black strands. The pink-skinned boy is wearing a yellow shirt with purple collar and purple trims on both sleeves, a red stripe on the side of the shirt, blue jeans with a chain link attached to the pocket, and red shoes. After applying Le Goop to his hair and using a comb with a chicken's head at its end, the pre-teen emperor tosses the comb directly in the cup. Eddy places a gold crown on his head, turns around and says in an all cool fashion, "Oh, yeah!" As he struts toward the palace, a voice is heard singing:

There are despots and dictators

Political manipulators

Johnny 2 x 4 and his pal Plank roll out the red carpet for Emperor Eddy, who continues his over-confident strut, while Sarah, with an angry sneer, throws flowers in front of him as if to 'decorate' his arrival.

There are blue bloods

with the intellects of fleas

Approaching a solid wall, Eddy snaps his fingers which draw various workers who construct an elaborately decorated exit in record time. As the workers pant in exhaustion, Eddy goes through the exit without thanking his servants or even caring to do so.

There are kings and catty tyrants

Again, Eddy snaps his finger and Rolf appears with a large, golden chair. Once Eddy has sat on the chair, Rolf runs up a long flight of stairs while carrying both emperor and chair.

Who are so lacking in refinements

They'd be better suited

swinging from the trees

The thoroughly exhausted Rolf places Eddy on a red, comfy cushion on a large, golden throne. After Rolf leaves, Eddy sits on his throne with a bored expression as he fulfills his royal duties. The first duty is cutting a red ribbon to some new establishment or something, Eddy didn't really care.

He was born and raised to rule

No one has ever been as cool

His next task was to kiss the newborn babies. As three pairs of hands appeared holding Dil Pickles, Poof, and Hana Stoppable, Eddy, who didn't like babies all that much, especially kissing them, stamps the babies' foreheads with a red stamp resembling lips.

In a thousand years of aristocracy

In his final duty, Eddy throws a bottle against a ship, carrying Shrek, Donkey, and Puss 'n' Boots, to bless their maiden voyage to Worcestershire Academy to find Artie.

An enigma and a mystery

Eddy wipes his brow after all the hard 'work' he has completed. Hamton J. Pig comes over to clean the emperor's face with a cloth, and then Eddy turns towards Aang who cools him off with his airbending powers.

In Cartoonamerican history

A bikini-clad Nazz walks over to Eddy with a jug of water and pours some water into Eddy's open mouth. As Eddy begins to gargle, Kevin arrives with a bowl for him to spit into, however, Eddy spits on Kevin and does not look very sorry about it.

The quintessence of perfection

that is he

Eddy leans across his throne with a satisfied smirk on his face. His narrator voice then states, "Okay, now this is the real me. Not this. This. Not this. Winner. Loser," as images of himself as a human emperor and the sad chicken in the rain switches back and forth with each statement.

The reader now sees the entire palace from the outside. The outside view of the palace shows a sparkling, golden face resembling Eddy's with bejeweled sculptures of jawbreakers and dollar signs placed around the palace. As Eddy resumes speaking, the reader sees the emperor in all of his glory sitting on his throne inside the plush palace.

"Now, you see this palace? Everyone in it is my slave…I mean, servant. They do exactly what I command them. For example….," narrates Eddy.

"…my personal butler…."

The emperor snaps his fingers and Mr. Herriman instantly hops over to him. The rabbit takes out a white napkin and ties around Eddy's neck.

"…my own chef…"

Eddy snaps his fingers again and Jimmy with a white chef hat, apron, and mitts, instantly pushes in several tables with hot, steaming food with the cooks from Ratatouille preparing the food for servings.

With a smug grin on his face, Eddy turns toward the reader and says, "And because I'm so cool, I even have my own theme song guy."

A half-dog, half-human singer with his hair looking like a zigzag lightning bolt in a lime green suit, and black boots suddenly jumps out of a large strawberry cake on one of the food tables. His name is Powerline (A.N. the singer from A Goofy Movie).

"Oh yeah!" sings Powerline and resumes the song he was singing at the start of the story.

Powerline: He's the sovereign lord of the nation

He's the hippest cat in creation

As he jumps out of the cake and slides toward Eddy, he continues to sing:

He's the alpha

the omega, A to Z

With his lunch fully prepared, Eddy snaps his fingers and many servants with forks in hand, feed him various food as he reclines lazily taking it all in.

And this perfect world will spin

Around his every little whim

'Cause this perfect world

begins and ends with…

"ME!" Eddy exclaims excitedly. He never gets tired of hearing his name, even in his own theme song.

What's his name?

Knowing that line was his cue to begin busting a move, Eddy promptly leaves the throne room and rushes to the entrance doors, causing a couple of his guards to get crushed by the swinging doors. By then, an invisible chorus begins to chant his name.

Chorus: Edddyyy…

Eddy begins twisting his body and doing all sorts of dances from the "Running man" to the "Moonwalk."

Powerline: That's his name

Chorus: Edddyyy…

Powerline: He's the king of the world

Chorus: Edddyyy…

Powerline: Is he hip or what?

Chorus: Edddyyy…

As Eddy begins doing some disco moves from Saturday Night Fever, he accidentally bumps into someone. With an aggravated look, Eddy turns around and finds a short old man. The old man is wearing a small black top hat over his bald head, a monocle, and a light purple business jacket with a sash that says "Da Mayor." Underneath a white handlebar mustache, Da Mayor is crunching on a pickle blissfully without realizing that he has just committed a serious offense in the kingdom.

When Eddy collided into the Da Mayor, the music and Eddy's 'groove' abruptly stops. Eddy faces Da Mayor and groans, "Nice one, Grandpa. You messed up my groove!" Then Eddy crosses his arms and pouts like a five-year old as Wilt, one of Eddy's guards, kneels toward Da Mayor and says, "I'm sorry, but you kinda threw off Emperor Eddy's groove. And, I'm sorry, but that's against the rules."

Outside, the reader sees Da Mayor and his pickle flying out a window, with the old man crying out, "MMMYYYY BBBAAAADDDDD!"

While Eddy looked somewhat appeased that the old man got what he deserved, Powerline, on the other hand, looked shocked at what Eddy had just allowed to happen, especially for an incident that wasn't that big of a deal. Realizing that Powerline wasn't singing, Eddy angrily faces the singer and says, "Well, what are you waiting for? Your next album?!"

Not wanting to be the next one thrown out of the palace, Powerline gulps, and then continues singing:

Powerline: What's his name?

Chorus: Edddyyy…

In another room, a maroon curtain opens up to reveal Eddy dancing to his own beat in the middle of a several guards who are doing their rendition of Riverdance.

Powerline: What's his name?

Chorus:Edddyyy…

Powerline: Is he hip or what?

Chorus:Edddyyy…

Powerline: Don't you know he's

the king of the world

Chorus: Whoa, yeah

Being hyped up from his song, Eddy runs along a long hallway with his servants bowing to him. He hustles towards a door to another room and kicks it open as the song comes to a close with his signature phrase, "Ha, Boom, Baby!"

'Oh yeah, I am the man!' Eddy thinks to himself as he enters the room.

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StarReader86: Well there you have it folks, the end of Chapter one! It seems all is going well for our Eddy, but if that were the case, this would be a very boring story. See what happens as you meet the other key characters in this parody. As always, Read and Review!