Sirius couldn't bring himself to eat anything for dinner. He just wasn't hungry.

"Aren't you going to eat?" Remus asked him, eyeing his empty plate and his glossy eyes.

"No, I'm feeling a bit sick," Sirius replied, looking down at the edge of the Gryffindor table. The newly sorted first years seemed way too happy for seven years of work.

"Have some pumpkin juice," James offered, pouring some in Sirius' goblet. But Sirius just stood up and excused himself to his dorms, claiming he felt too sick to be down in the Great Hall.

But that wasn't the truth. He couldn't handle seeing his friends and everyone else not having a burden as heavy as his. He hadn't known anyone else- maybe besides Remus- who isn't always giddy with excitement with the fact that they're at Hogwarts.

Sirius' day of fake smiles and laughter exhausted him and he lay down on his bed and fell asleep within minutes, above his covers and still in his robes.

"Goodmorning Princess,"

Sirius opened his eyes and jumped back when he saw James' face staring right at him, leaning over his bed.

"What the fuck, Potter," Sirius groaned, running his hand through his long hair.

"Sorry, Padfoot," James laughed, patting his friend on the back, "I just thought that you'd want to take a shower before breakfast,"

Sirius frowned at the word breakfast. He still wasn't really hungry at all, but he couldn't even bring himself to lie at this hour in the morning. He grumbled some curses at James before grabbing a towel and heading toward the shower.

In about ten minutes time, Sirius was dressed and his hair was dried with a simple charm that took him years to master. Charms were not Sirius' specialty.

By the time the four boys went down to breakfast, Sirius still hadn't thought of an excuse to why he wasn't going to be eating. He didn't even know himself- all he knew was that it wasn't normal, so he had to lie. Now that was Sirius' specialty.

They sat down and the three promptly began filling their plates with breakfast, but Sirius just grabbed an apple and stood up.

"I've left my wand upstairs, and I've been planning all summer how we can get back at Snivellus. I'll tell you guys about it in Transfuguration," Sirius lied, excusing himself from the table effectively.

James snickered at the thought of pranking Snape, and Sirius smiled at the fact that he fell for his lie. Remus stopped him and handed him an apple, and Sirius thanked him quickly and rushed out into the hall. He threw his apple in the nearest trash can he could find and headed back to the Gryffindor Tower to rest before class.

The day flew by quickly, and Sirius had made up a good excuse to miss lunch but not without James and Remus' voices of concern.

"Padfoot, stay for lunch. You haven't eaten with us since we came," James pleaded and Peter agreed.

"Professor Slughorn said he wanted to talk to me, remember?" Sirius lied, yet again, but that convinced his friends. He was pretty sure that Remus was starting to catch on, though.

Instead of going to Slughorn, he went back to Gryffindor Tower to try and start on his Transfiguration homework. But he didn't plan on doing it well, he'd probably just end up copying off of Remus like always.

His afternoon classes went by almost as fast as his morning classes had and he found himself in the same dilemma. Food.

There weren't enough excuses for him to use anymore, so he had to stay. If he was at home and didn't come down for food, his family would be glad not to see him. Sirius tried to go down as less as possible when at home in fear of messing up and getting punished. He'd rather be a little hungry than a lot hurt and embarrassed.

Sirius sat down next to Remus and put some food on his plate. He didn't realize how hungry he was until he started eating, and he felt like it would never stop. Just eating and eating until-

"Sirius, you alright there?" Remus asked him, and Sirius was pulled out of his trance. He realized that he was about to put a fourth serving of food onto his plate.

"Merlin- I guess I was hungry after skipping lunch," Sirius replied, his cheeks turning red. He shouldn't have eaten that much.

"Glad to hear that you aren't sick anymore," James said to his friend inbetween bites of roast beef.

"Yeah," Sirius laughed, but felt horrible. How much had he eaten?

Getting an idea, Sirius stood up and excused himself to the bathroom. James and Remus didn't even think twice about Sirius' action- and he was glad. Upon arriving, he locked himself into the stall and tried to remember the nausea spell. They had to practice it in Potions last year just in case someone ingested something poisonous.

Nauseem, Sirius said with his wand pointed at his throat. He became very nauseous, as expected, and retched up all of his dinner until there was nothing left. Feeling satisfied with the emptiness of his stomach, Sirius washed his hands and rinsed his mouth before leaving.

And Sirius survived his first day back at Hogwarts without anyone finding out about what happened in the summer or what he was doing to himself. He was just nervous for the months to come.