Butterfly Kisses
Remember the warnings about random domesticity?
That said, thanks to everyone for reading, and extra thanks to Silveryn83, viking106, The White Raven013 (it's not as much me calling Zexy an 'it' (I'd call him God if I could), but Riku in an attempt to think of him only as a Nobody, rather than a person), Someone2003 (I'm glad you liked my Zexy and DiZ… maybe even DiZ more than Zexion because while I find Zexion harder to write, DiZ was just… difficult in a different way, I guess), TwilightsgreyAngel, and Furcifer for your reviews.
And of course, many, many thanks to Coffee-Flavored Fate for beta-ing.
ii: Life as We Know It
Riku quickly finds that despite the urgency of the task DiZ has given him, he is actually spending most of his time dealing with more… mundane problems. Although mundane probably isn't quite the right thing to call them, since Riku—like the majority of growing teenage boys, not to mention the human population—rather does like to eat.
It doesn't take long for Riku to realize that DiZ is completely unconcerned about the logistics of living in their abandoned mansion super secret hideout, logistics including cooking and cleaning. The man is apparently too wrapped up in his grand plans for revenge, leaving Riku to pick up the slack on that particular end. For the first week there had been no problems, as there had been enough miscellaneous foods in the freezer and cabinets that required only microwaves or boiling water. But those things had run out, and DiZ is making no effort to restock. They're now down to basic ingredients, which Riku has no idea what to do with.
He gives it a pretty good try, preferring to nearly cut off his fingers than bring the matter up with DiZ. Unfortunately that doesn't last very long, as Riku soon discovers that the only thing he can successfully make is fried eggs. Naminé, who anyways is too busy with restoring Sora's memories, makes the off-hand remark that being a girl doesn't necessarily mean she is a good cook, effectively preventing Riku from even suggesting that she take a hand in the kitchen.
In the end, DiZ makes the first move after three days of three meals of fried eggs. When questioned about it, Riku replies defensively, "It's not like I don't try. But I've nearly set the kitchen on fire three times already."
"I see." Riku allows himself a brief moment of hope (delusion) that DiZ will generously offer to take over the cooking or at the very least offer up the number of the nearest pizza delivery service, but it is quickly and ruthlessly crushed in the worst possible way. "Ienzo had a fair hand in the kitchen. I doubt Zexion has lost any of his touch. Have him take over the cooking."
Riku needs six seconds to take this in. It's not that he's slow, but more that… was DiZ fucking insane?!
DiZ must have thought the subject to be peacefully resolved because he is already turning back to his work when Riku explodes, "What?! Are you crazy?!"
"Not recently," DiZ replies dryly, before pointing out the obvious. "Surely you can handle him. He no longer has his powers, whether to fight back or attempt to return to the Organization through the dark corridors. All of this was lost to your Replica. He is powerless now, unless you believe he can best you in more physical combat?"
Riku sputters uselessly, wanting to reply but knowing better than to do so. DiZ is, after all, completely right on all these points. The Nobody can't fight anymore… not to win, anyway. In fact, even if Zexion still had its powers, Riku could still probably take it without breaking a sweat.
But really, that isn't the point. Whether or not that's true is irrelevant because Zexion doesn't fight in the first place. Not directly. The Nobody preferred to use guile and manipulation, preying on its victim's insecurities and weaknesses to find that breaking point, to destroy a person from the inside out. Riku doubts that lacking powers over darkness will make Zexion any less capable of doing that, as illusions are not always needed when words can do the same exact work.
He cannot tell DiZ any of this. It is bad enough already that Zexion knows how easily to push his buttons. Riku doesn't need anyone else to know of it as well, even if it is someone who claims to be on his side.
A cool voice in his mind (that sounds conspicuously of a certain Nobody) asks sardonically what was the chance that DiZ did notalready know?
The harsh tapping of fingers on keyboard brings him back to reality, and more for the sake of appearance than argument, he snaps, "I'd rather keep eating eggs!"
It sounds hollow. The timing is terribly off. It always is with him, it seems.
The fact that DiZ is right—as usual—does not make Riku feel any better; if anything it darkens his mood even further. He vents this anger in a very mature manner—namely, trying to glare holes into Zexion's back as the Nobody cooks. Sure, it's sort of petty, but Riku is not in the mood to care even as his stomach does flip flops of utter delight. DiZ wasn't kidding when he said that Zexion knew how to cook; hell, Riku would go so far as to say that the guy was seriously underrating its culinary skills if the delicious smell of fish is anything to judge by.
He tries to control his salivary glands (currently going into overload) by reminding them that Zexion is a dangerous, dangerous Nobody who might be using the seasonings as a cover for the poison it is so obviously adding. Hence the reason why Riku is glaring holes into its back, besides the entire need to sulk thing. Unfortunately, the concept is having trouble sinking in because for one thing, the food really does smell good. Especially after the three days of three square meals of eggs bit. For another, Zexion is being very uncooperative in the convincing bit, as the Nobody has shown no interest in escaping. In fact, when grudgingly informed of the new arrangement (Riku had been forced to give in when he realized the egg carton had mysteriously vanished, and every resident of the mansionexcept the Nobody was a prime suspect), Zexion had simply raised an eyebrow. Or possibly both; Riku couldn't tell with all that hair in its face.
Of course, there was the possibility that this accommodating attitude was the result of his very dire threats on what he would do to Zexion should the Nobody attempt to escape or fight back. But he doubted that, especially since Zexion had looked ready to laugh in his face when he was issuing said threats. Probably the only reason why it hadn't was because it had a reputation to maintain, and laughing was not quite a part of it.
The smirk though? Yeah, that was definitely a giveaway.
Still, Riku cannot help but prepare himself for the possibility of… well,anything. A healthy dose of paranoia never hurt anyone, and so he sits on the table, a bundle of nervous energy as he watches Zexion go about its business with efficient skill. And he waits. Waits for a sign of resistance. Waits for that telling hint of betrayal. Granted, he might be a little overzealous considering how Zexion has not even deigned to speak to him once said being released from its glass prison, but he is absolutely convinced that it is just a matter of time.
As the silence stretches on his tension continues to rise until he is ready to burst, which explains his shrieked, "Don't make me use this!" and summoning of Soul Eater when Zexion turns, mouth open andobviously ready to spew some noxious filth about Riku's idiocies.
Silence.
If Riku had not felt like an idiot before, he certainly did now.
Zexion rolls its eyes and gingerly pushes the tip of the sword away from its neck, expression bland as it says, "I was merely going to inquire to the location of the eggs."
More silence. Riku is fighting a losing battle to not squirm under Zexion's unblinking scrutiny, and finally he says (only one octave higher than usual), "I think we ran out." He tries to say it firmly, as if it is simple fact and no fault of his. Judging from Zexion's expression, its eyes bright with malicious amusement, he has failed miserably. This causes him to bristle since it really isn't his fault. He didn't use all of the eggs. Someone took them to preserve their taste buds. The fact that he's a potential suspect himself is just proof of how desperate they had to be to let Zexion take care of kitchen duties. But he's not about to tell the Nobody that as he snaps, "Look, I've never cooked before, alright?"
"Clearly, if you wasted that many eggs with your pathetic attempts at preparing something remotely edible," Zexion replies dryly as he turns away to start pulling out dishes and silverware. "You know, some define insanity as the act of doing the same thing over and over again with the expectation that your results will change."
"And what the hell is that supposed to mean? Riku shoots back. "Not everyone understands crazy talk."
Oh yes, very mature, but at least he isn't physically attacking the Nobody. Points for his restraint, even if he's reduced to clichés.
Zexion slams the cabinets, turning to face him. "If you really need me to spell it out for you like that, then perhaps it is not worth my time to bother with this conversation."
"Who are you going to talk to then? The wall?"
"It is preferable to speaking to fools."
The only thing that keeps him from tackling the Nobody where it stands is the sudden opening of the kitchen door that causes both to look up. Naminé stands there, offering a brief smile to him and Zexion, neither of whom return it. She frowns but says nothing about it, and Riku feels a little bad about taking out some of his anger on her, no matter how inadvertent it is. Zexion, on the other hand, does not care at all, instead watching with narrowed eyes as DiZ seats himself down in the dining room. DiZ looks up briefly and catches the Nobody's gaze, but Riku cannot read either of their expressions.
Naminé, most likely in an attempt to work through the tension, steps into the kitchen and asks, "Do you need any help?" Without waiting for an answer, she walks over to Zexion and takes the dishes from it easily. Zexion says nothing, does not acknowledge her actions as it instead continues to stare at DiZ, who is now perusing a heavy book.
Deciding that the conversation is over, Riku starts to follow Naminé when Zexion grabs his shirt collar, pulling him back forcibly. Riku starts to yelp indignantly but Zexion just glares at him and points at the food, saying (or snarling, more like) "I am not a servant," before letting go and stalking out of the kitchen. It passes by Naminé and DiZ without a word, pulling the dining room door open and closing it quietly behind it.
Riku watches it go, mouth half-agape, and turns to look at DiZ. The man's expression is serene, or at least from what he can tell behind those bandages.
"Do not worry; he will not be getting out that way," DiZ says simply as he moves his book aside so that Naminé can put down the plate. "Thank you."
"That wasn't what I was going to say," he says, but it comes out more as a mumble and is lost in the clink of the silverware.
Despite the fact that Zexion irritates him, despite his better judgment, despite the fact that he owes the Nobody nothing, after DiZ and Naminé leave the dining room Riku takes the cooling leftovers and goes to find the Nobody.
"You didn't have to," is all Zexion says when he appears. Its tone implies that it would have been preferable if he hadn't bothered, but it takes the plate and silverware anyway. The Nobody had been sitting in the foyer, between the two staircases and next to the window, peering outside listlessly.
"Well, you didn't have to cook either," Riku replies as he watches Zexion pick at the food. He has no idea why they are being so civil; maybe they're just both too tired to want to argue anymore. In a way, it's exhausting to keep up that relentless resentment, particularly against someone (something) who just doesn't seem tocare. It hangs between them, of course, the memory of the Nobody's attempt to kill him. But it's starting to fade too, and the intense hatred he thought he felt when he first saw DiZ bringing Zexion here is no longer there.
Riku almost wonders if maybe he's becoming obsessed with defining the relationship between him and Nobody. It's not hatred, but it's certainly not good either. Is it fear? Fear because of what Zexion knows, what it can use against him? He has a right to be scared, even though Zexion no longer has its powers. But does he really feel it? If he did, would he be here right now, watching as Zexion takes small bites. A part of his mind comments that this is pretty definitive proof that no poison—slow-acting or otherwise—had made its way into their food, but it no longer really seems to matter.
"It was good," he suddenly blurts out. Immediately he wants to cover his mouth, but it's too late. The words are out.
Zexion gives him a look, the kind that clearly says 'I don't know what you want but you're not getting it'.
He scowls back, although it's more to do with the fact that he doesn't know what he wants either. Yet he can't stop talking, needing to fill up the empty silence. He's never done well with silences—he's never really had the opportunity, what with friends like Sora and Kairi always going on and on about subject under the sun. His first moment of silence had come at the expense of his friends, where he had given himself up to the darkness. And now, it has not taken him long to realize that he never wants to feel like that again, so lost within himself that he has closed himself off to others. But after everything he has done, will he have that choice to make?
Zexion is still watching him, its expression unreadable. It is no longer eating; the majority of the food is left on the plate as it watches him carefully. It's not the same look that DiZ gets; this one seems more like simple curiosity, as if it doesn't quite understand the person standing before him.
Riku can understand that. He feels the same way about himself all the time. And if he can't figure himself out, how the hell can anyone else?
He is so caught up in his own dark and depressing thoughts that he is completely caught off-guard when Zexion abruptly stands. He manages to maintain his balance this time but it's a close call. The Nobody's expression does not change as it watches him try to stay vertical. Instead, Zexion patiently waits for him to steady before shoving the mostly full plate in his hands.
"Make sure you wash them well. I do not want to rewash them," is all it says before it stands and walks up the stairs, making its way to the library.
From that day on, Zexion never goes back to the basement. And Riku, much to his own surprise, finds himself following in its example.
He had, at the beginning, spent all his free time with Sora. But it did not take long for him to realize how… wrong he felt, being there. He did not know if it was because of Sora or because of him, if it was the silence of the usual gregarious teen or the blinding white light that made his eyes hurt. Or maybe, just maybe, it was the doubt that stirred in his heart when he watched Sora sleep, unconcerned about the problems happening around him. Sora did not know of DiZ's revenge, or the increasing threats to the world, or of the Organization's plots, or any of that. Instead, he sleeps, and Riku cannot help but watch him and wonder if he too can still sleep, and leave this world behind.
But he promised that he would act, that he would not let Sora carry the entire burden. No, Sora the Keyblade Master has earned his rest, and will sleep peacefully enough for the both of them.
And even Zexion's dry amusement with his constant presence will not hold him back.
He does not know why out of the inhabitants of the Mansion, he seeks out the Nobody. Despite the fact that they seem to have come to… well,something, there is still an underlying tension. But sometimes Riku thinks that the tension is not really due to the Nobody's presence, but rather because of… well, all of this. Everything about this place is just a reminder of his failures, and there is no one else he can really talk to. DiZ is too obsessed with his revenge, while Naminé always seems two steps away from him. Whether it is because she is busy reconstructing the chains of Sora's memories, or just… he just doesn't get her sometimes. Maybe it's because she is Kairi's Nobody, and he cannot help but compare the two. Except Naminé isn't Kairi, isn't really anything close, and it feels so terribly wrong when she reminds him so much of his other friend. And maybe she senses this too, and keeps herself distant as a result.
In terms of companionship, he deals with Zexion the best, possibly because his expectations are so low that he expects nothing from it. He does not expect to work with it or communicate at all, yet there is something that draws him back even when he does not have to.
If he is honest with himself, he would accept that it may be because Zexion simply knows him the best. To manipulate his weaknesses, the Nobody had to have possessed an understanding of the person as well. It's a peculiar thing, but… well. There have been stranger things. For god's sake, Sora was friends with a talking duck and dog. And King Mickey was… well, a mouse. A very powerful mouse, granted. But very undeniably a mouse, all the same.
Yep, there have been stranger things. It's a testament to his lack of sanity that he can now handle it all without blinking an eye.
About two weeks in Riku discovers what happens when one tried to leave the mansion without telling DiZ first. And let him be the first to say that electricity and pain and being thrown clear across the foyer wasnot quite what he had expected.
Zexion, however, seems to have been expecting this for quite some time. It explains why Riku picks himself off the ground only to find the Nobody smirking down at him, and if Nobodies could process emotions he would rather say that Zexion is absolutely delighted with his humiliation.
"What did you expect?" Zexion asks, his usually apathetic voice anything but.
"Shut up," he snarls back, and refuses to say 'thank you' when Zexion forks over the band-aids and some antibiotic gel with completely unnecessary cheer. "But how the hell does he expect me to bring him back Roxas if I can't even leave the damn place?"
"Just tell him before you try next time," Zexion replies practically as it watches him struggle with the band-aid wrappers. His fingers are a little too shaky to open them properly. "Although do you honestly believe you will be able to accomplish such a thing?"
"Why wouldn't I?" he demands, grimacing as the Nobody plucks the wrapper out of his hands and opens it up easily. "You don't think I'll do it?"
"It is not a matter of what you are willing to do, so much as what you are capable of doing." Zexion exchanges the band-aid for the next unopened one as it continues blandly, "If you are truly capable of taking out the entire Organization to get to Roxas, then you would not need him in the first place. You would have already taken out the Organization, and DiZ would have no further use of you or Sora."
He stares at the Nobody, "Then what the hell is he expecting? Does he want me to fail?"
"What would the point of that be? Use your head, boy." Riku thinks it rich that someone who barely looks out of puberty is calling him that, but he keeps his mouth shut (the self-control) as Zexion continues, "He needs Roxas, of course. But he does not expect you to get him right now, whatever he may say otherwise. And you should not expect anything else, unless you wish to die and be of no use to anyone."
"So what am I supposed to do? Sit around and wait?" he demands, although he wonders if maybe he is asking the wrong person, that maybe the only person who would know the response to that question is-
Himself.
Zexion seems to agree, a cold smile playing on its lips as it says, "Well, there are worse things in life."
He still has no idea why DiZ insists on keeping Zexion around in the first place. He doesn't really argue the point anymore, seeing how nothing will come out of it, but it remains a valid question in his opinion. At first, he had thought that DiZ was planning to use it for research purposes or something of the sort, to understand how Nobodies worked. His stomach had done sickly flip-flops at the idea—regardless of his opinion of the Nobody at the time—but it did not take long for him to realize that DiZ planned nothing of the sort. Despite those first few days being stuck in an apparent test tube, DiZ never seemed to have any interest in dealing with Zexion for long. And now that it had the choice, Zexion never goes to the labs if it can help it. For the most part it stays in the study or kitchen, sometimes in the library to choose a new book but it never stays there for long. Riku suspects it is because the library is too close to the labs, to DiZ, for comfort.
There is little interaction between the two. DiZ is usually too busy working to come out for meals, resulting in Naminé or Riku bringing him his food. The few times that DiZ does come up to eat in the dining room always cause Zexion to leave, and like that first time Riku has to seek him out at the foyer window. It's all sort of irritating, like standing between a quarreling couple, except the animosity between the two goes far deeper than that.
Sometimes Riku takes the metaphor further, comparing the four of them to one really screwed up family. He and Naminé are like the kids caught up in their parent's messy divorce, with DiZ as the working father and Zexion the upset mother, both of whom are content to use their children to pass notes despite living within the same building. When in such a state of mind, the bright pink apron the Nobody wears doesn't make him feel any better, and so he desperately tries to change the subject to take his mind off of such strange things.
"So why does he keep you around?" he asks as he watches Zexion prepare lunch. It is a certain custom of theirs, that Riku always watches it cook. Sometimes he helps out, but ever since the time he nearly cut off two of his fingers and covered the both of them in tomato sauce, Riku's more or less been relegated to washing vegetables.
Zexion turns to look at him with raised eyebrows, watching him for a moment as if to make sure that he is being serious. Finally it turns away to continue cutting mushrooms, and says, "Why do you not ask him?"
He shrugs, even though he knows Zexion can't see it. But some habits are hard to get rid of. "Just wanted to see if you knew."
"Is that all?" Zexion replies, his tone sarcastic. Riku can't blame him; he doesn't exactly believe himself either. Another thing they have in common, it seems.
Riku lets Zexion finish its cutting, placing the thin slices into a bowl before he says, "Well, I figured that if you don't know, then he probably doesn't either."
A dry chuckle as the knife is dropped into the sink with an unpleasant clang. Zexion turns to face him, eyes catching his before it says, "He knows. Perhaps not exactly what, but he knows something will come of this. And for him, that is enough. The man I knew was always fond of… how would you put it, hedging his bets? It pays to have options, even if it did not always work out to your advantage. And of course, the man that he has become understands now that it is best to keep your enemies close. Although, not too close. It is best to keep your distance from everyone, to avoid being blinded by the truth when you are stabbed in the back by who you once thought was your closest friend."
Riku blinks at it. Sometimes it gets like this, going around in riddles. Although this is one of the cases where Zexion is not as much trying to confuse him as it is simply speaking from long past experiences, and such words always strike Riku as a warning.
He never really knows how to respond when Zexion reaches this point. A lot of the time he feels like Zexion isn't really talking to him at all, but reminiscing out loud. It's not quite absent-minded but it is certainly caught up in something else, and he always finds that it is best to either change the subject or drop the conversation altogether.
"Why did you do it?" he asks abruptly.
Zexion's lips curl into a bitter smile, "My, someone is curious today. But you will have to be a little more specific than that—why did I dowhat?"
The Nobody has a point on this, and so he says, "The experiments. The Heartless. Hollow Bastion. You ended up destroying your own world, and yourself. Why? What did you think you would accomplish from any of that?"
Zexion taps thin fingers on the countertop, and counters with a question of its own, "Why do you ask?"
He frowns but answers honestly, even if it makes him feel like a nine-year old child asking why the sky is blue. "I don't know. I guess I just want to know."
"Precisely," the Nobody responds, no longer looking at him but at some indefinable point outside the window. "I just wanted to know."
Riku doesn't know if by that, Zexion is trying to hint at something. He decides not to ask; there has been enough questions that day already.
The rest of the hour passes by quietly, ending when DiZ makes one of his rare appearances. On cue, Zexion leaves, giving Riku brief instructions on when to remove the lasagna and making its way to the foyer window to watch the sun set.
It doesn't seem to make a difference to it that the sun is always setting in this place.
End Notes:
For the record, I'd like to state that my cooking is better than Riku's. Not by much, but it's still better.
And you know what? I swear, sometimes those 'mysterious' things Zexion says? I don't know what the hell he's talking about. Seriously. Yeah, theoretically I wrote it, but I'm officially holding myself not responsible for understanding what's going on in his twisted little brain. If I did, I would probably cry.
I haven't decided on how I want to go about updating this. I'm pretty good about updating when I'm at school, but it isfinals right now. And once winter break starts, updates often depend on how often you can pry me away from my PS2, as I'm trying to finish two long RPGs before the end of winter break (weep). So I guess the best I can say is that we'll see.
Thanks for sticking with the story, despite the slightly odd coupling!
PM