Guess who:
"I'm not testing you, Obi-Wan. Life tests you! Every day it brings you new chances for triumph or defeat. And if you pass the test, it doesn't make you a Jedi. It makes you human."
Note: Sometimes, when i'm stuck in my writting, i go to youtube and make a general search for star wars amvs. This normaly helps the spark of inspiration. This time around I ended up making a amv of my own and then I thought it complemented this little fic. You'll find the link below when it becomes relevant and better framed.
Passage from the journal of Ben Kenobi, 994 ARR
Some considerations on the Force:
As I have explained in previews entries, the Force, this all encompassing energy that welcomes and arbors us in its embrace, can be expressed in two main aspects.
The Living Force translates itself in any living beings connection to the present, to the immediate, to life energy, to each other. It surrounds and penetrates us, thus making all living things connected by it. If a being dies we feel it through the Force, if many die the shock might even temporally incapacitate a force-sensitive and when life is born one will feel reinvigorated by the purity of that energy.
The Unifying Force is a vast cosmic power, it is the stars and galaxies and connects life through time and space. It is the voice in our heads whispering warnings about the future, sending visions to us during dreams and meditation. The Fo r ce has a will of Its own, but this is not to say the future is already set in stone.
Quiet the contrary, as I said before the Force is neither one or the other, but both.
The future changes with the present, even as it influences the conditions of the immediate. A little hard to get your head around the concept, but not so difficult to understand when we accept the Force as something greater than us. It's ultimate objective could probably be best described by us as a continuous action towards balance and as a dynamic in continuous motions no situation is guarantied to happen, yet there is a tendency for certain patterns.
Though many beings throughout the ages have felt a greater influence, a better synchrony with one aspect or the other... it is important to understand , that is how we perceive the Force.
For It there is no incompatibility between It's duality.
And yet for us to achieve balance between those two aspects is often the work of decades of study.
I myself was always more connected to the Unifying Force, not many times through visions of the far future, more by feelings about the immediate future. For me the Force's warning came in like a melody from the strings of a harp. I would strike a chord and if the sound complemented the symphony a sense of well-being filled me, but if it was dissonant dread crawled up my spine. I had a tendency to neglect the present that took many years for my master to rid me of.
My master was an adept of the Living Force, he connected with beings with an easy I could never replicate and yet he had a tendency to not think of the future... and it's not like he never connected to the Unifying Force, I know now for a fact that during his life he was graced a few times with glimpses of what was to come, but his connection to the present was so intense the visions were rarely discernible and tended to fade fast.
Qui-Gon stood in the council chamber, the full council present, but … how had he come to be in here? He tried to recall his steps. There was a strange quality to what he was experiencing, like memory overlapping reality, an echo of emotions not his own. An echo he'd become accustomed to in the last couple of weeks. And Qui-Gon knew he was in a dream not his own.
Looking around he saw a young man looking back at him a warning in his eyes, so familiar. Did he know this man? He could see the long braid, a senior padawan then, probably nearing his knighting. His posture confident and relaxed, except for the sudden tension, there was something wrong, a warning of horrible things to come reverberated through him, echoing in his bones.
When he turned back to the council the room was gone in ashes and smoke, only master Yoda remained a hunted look in his eyes, an invisible weight bowing his shoulders and as his infamous wooden skit felt to the ground a voice called from behind, Qui-Gon incapable of stopping himself followed the clothed figure into the desert. Into the storm.
Through the raging wind and sand images come to him, some faded and forgotten by time, others too intense to look at directly, the murmur of so many voices he could not distinguish any words, but the feelings that accompanied them came across clearly.
The pain and horror of the black figure who had once been a hopeful boy, the sadness of hundreds at the death of a once strong and caring woman.
The adrenaline in his body as the fight ensues, the warm support of the Light and the cold intensity of the Dark.
Death, so much death, the tumult of broken bonds, a void in his being as the light of familiar presences faded, consumed by a never satisfied hunger for power.
A triad... friends, lovers, family. So much love, so much doubt. So much loss and a chasm opening at his feet, the darkness beckoning. Defiance and surrender. Betrayal
Link: endereço youtube/ watch?v=91yoHj_xWKw
Qui-Gon woke abruptly jumping out of bed, the adrenaline in his veins making his heart beat double time. The jedi master concentrated on his breathing, putting the images in his mind to the side for now.
With a sigh he thought back to the days his sleep hadn't been disturbed by Obi-Wan's dreams and visions. He was a master of the Living Force and was not equipped to really deal with visions like this, often he was later left vacillating for the images fast dissipated from his mind – they were not meant for him – leaving behind only a whisper of a warning and yet he refused leave Obi-Wan again. For now, the closing of their bond would negatively affect its healing.
It had all started when the boy had approached him requesting guidance in his meditation. Obi-Wan had related that since Melida/Daan he had found some difficulty in maintaining his connection to the Force, that sometimes It would answer his call willingly, but other Its warmth came in fits and starts. Though they had yet to reestablish a formal apprenticeship Obi-Wan had come to Qui-Gon for help, believing that the healing of their bond through more pro-active action might help in stabilizing his own connection with the Force.
Qui-Gon had agreed immediately and they had fallen into the habit of joint meditation during their mornings. Whatever may still lay between them, he had decided to give their relationship another chance and even if they failed in recovering their old rapport, Qui-Gon cared for the boy.
The latest experiences with Xanatos had proven that. Without Qui-Gon realizing it, during the their first year together Obi-Wan had started to heal him, had warmed is way through Qui-Gon's emotional shields and that was why the situation on Melida/Daan had hurt so much, bringing back his fears and re-opening the wounds Xanatos had left him with.
Before their first joint meditation Qui-Gon had not realized the extent of the impact their rift had on the bond, this couldn't really be helped when considering that the distance between Corustcant and Melida/Daan muted their bond to the point of nonexistence. But he should have realized upon meeting Obi-Wan again, for the boy was right – the way they had separated on Melida/Daan had severely damaged it, the fact the bond had not been completely destroyed gave testimony to it's strength when completed.
As a jedi master, Qui-Gon had been compensating for the disturbance unconsciously, but Obi-Wan did not have his experience and the frayed bond had started to disrupt the boy's connection to the Force.
The strength in Obi-Wan marveled Qui-Gon once more, to have been able to use the Force at all reflected a more grounded connection to It than most senior padawans accomplished. And for the life of him, Qui-Gon could not tell for certain if this had been true before Melida/Daan or if it was a consequence of Obi-Wan's experiences on the planet. Had he been neglecting his padawan so badly as to fail to see Obi-Wan for who he was? Had he truly been so blinded by Xanatos shadow?
Those question hunted him now and established one more obstacle to overcome in their renewed connection. Before Qui-Gon had asked himself if it was fair to Obi-Wan, to accept him back as padawan when he wasn't sure he could again give him his trust. Now he wondered if it would it be fair to the boy, to take Qui-Gon back when he had missed so much about Obi-Wan before. What did that inattention tell of him as a master?