Characters by Nintendo

Plot by me

"Wh-wh-why are they c-c-called the L-Lost W-w-woods?" Blue Link shivered out of fear.

"Heh, heh, 'cause by the time they find you, the demons that live here will have sucked your soul out your nostrils." Red sounded as solemn as he could, which wasn't that much. It was enough to make Blue wet his pants, however.

"Oh, for crying out loud…RED, WHAT'D YOU DO THIS TIME?" Green yelled from up ahead, where he was scouting. He had smelled celery, which was odd, considering they hadn't packed any celery. So, he concluded, it was piss. Who would piss? Blue. Who would cause it? Red.

"OH, COME ON! NOT MY FAULT HE'S SUCH A CRYBA- OOF!" Red was slammed into a tree, wisps of blue smoke trailing off the hero with wet pants.

"This is going to end badly…" Purple mumbled to himself. He jogged up towards Green, hoping to avoid the confrontation. He would not be so lucky.

"AH!" Purple's body was slammed to the ground as Red threw his fist into Blue's face, sending him backwards and into the helpless purple scholar. Leaping on top of Blue, he began pounding his fists into the sorcerer's face, counting the strikes, and soon, the bruises.

One, two, three, four… Red's fists became the color of his tunic, drenched in the blood of Blue Link. Blue's eyes closed, but Red could still see the glowing of his pupils from behind his eyelids.

Uh, oh. Keep hittin' him, or get away? Keep hittin' him, or get a- Red's indecision proved painful, as Blue sent a bolt of electricity into the chest of Red Link, sending him back flipping off of Blue, smoke trailing from his burnt tunic.

In a stroke of luck, Red landed on his feet, and, with a growl, charged back at Blue, drawing his sword as he did so. The sorcerer took a half step back, dug his heel into the dirt, and drew his sword, holding it diagonally across his chest, a defensive stance.

Red swung his sword in an overhead arc, drawing Blue's eyes to the sky. In his distraction, Red delivered a forward kick into Blue's chest, sending him backwards with a snap!

"Ouch, possible broken rib, there." Purple winced at Blue, while dusting himself off.

Green, hearing the mumbling of Purple, reached into his pack for medical supplies.

As they prepared for the impending injuries, Red and Blue began to circle each other. Blue was holding his sapphire jeweled sword awkwardly in his right hand, forced to use his main hand, his left, to shelter his ribcage, pushing magical sparks into the wound in an attempt to heal it.

Red swung his sword in a similar fashion as last time, but Blue was more prepared. As Red delivered the kick, Blue stepped out of the way, but the kick managed to catch him in the leg, bending his knee backwards with another snap. He collapsed to the ground, a sigh tearing itself from his lips.

Red waltzed towards Blue, with a smirk on his face.

"Get up so I can hurt you again." Red's gloating was cut short as a deku nut flew at high speeds, smacking him on the side of the head.

"Shrubs!" Green yelled, sliding the emerald sword from its sheath. Purple hung his head, sliding his amethyst-mounted blade into his hand.

"A shrub! Hardly!" A female voice scoffed.

"Huh?" Green tilted his head to the side in confusion.

With a thump, a girl landed next to him, repeating herself; "I said: A shrub! Hardly!"

Red, regaining consciousness, lifted his hat, holding it in one hand. With the other, he attempted to smooth his hair back, brushing leaves and twigs out of the blonde mess.

"Well, now. I can certainly say that, if you were a shrub, you would be the most fabulous shrub I had ever seen. " He tried to be charming.

"Are you trying to be charming?" The girl stepped closer, batting her eyelashes.

"That depends. Are you liking it?" He puffed out his chest, attempting to look stronger.

"Well…actions speak louder than words…"the girl said. She stomped on his foot as hard as she could, even letting out a "YE-EAH!" battle cry, as she dropped her flirty guise.

As he bent over in pain, she kneed him in the head, sending him flying backwards and onto his rump.

"Argh…um..thanks." Blue slurred, still beat from the fight with Red.

The girl whirled on him: "Like you're any better! You fought him, too!"

"Wha-uh-yeah, but he-he, started it…" Blue mumbled under her stern gaze.

"As I recall, you slammed him into a tree, just for spooking you!" She lectured.

"Well, yeah!" Blue was getting angry. "That's because he made me piss myself!" He realized what he had just said. "Aaaah, shit."

The girl attempted to hold her angry face, but her lip began to quiver. She burst out laughing, and Purple and Green joined in at Blue's expense.

"Just patch me up before I bleed out all over the forest, okay?" Blue glanced at the laughing Green and Purple Links. Nodding his head, the original hero reached into his satchel and pulled out: a stick.

"A stick?" Blue asked.

"A stick?" Red asked.

"A stick?" the girl asked.

"Ah, a stick." Purple understood.

"Yeah, a stick. It's for you to bite down on, Blue. Why, you ask yourself? Well, because it will keep you from yelling in pain as I bend your knee back in place." Green lectured.

"Aaah, shit, again." Green placed his foot on top of Blue's, and, lacing his fingers behind Blue's knee, pulled with all his might.

Blue spit the stick out in a dash of stupidity, causing; "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, DIN'S FIRE, GO FUCK YOURSELF GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!"

"Great…" The howl of wolfos in the distance put the heroes, and the mystery girl, on alert. The pounding of footsteps soon surrounded the four heroes, and the mystery girl.

"Oh, I'm Kiera, by the way." The mystery girl, er, Kiera, said.

"Fantastic. Talk later. Kill now." Red grunted, picking up his sword, and lifting the shield off his back. Green drew his sword and shield, and Purple did the same. Blue pulled himself up onto a nearby tree brach, fingers glowing with magical anticipation. He held his shield just in case, but his sword remained on the ground.

Red backed up into a more tactical position, stumbling over Blue's section of the Four Sword. With a wicked grin, he replaced the shield on his back, scooping up the sapphired (is that a word?) sword in his right hand. The bushes in front of them shook, and Kiera placed another deku nut in her slingshot's launching pocket. Red stood in the front, in all the action, but out of the slingshot's line of fire. Getting hit once was enough.

Purple and Green stood back to back, protecting each other's weakpoints. Blue stood up, wobbling slightly in the tree. He pointed his hand forward, index finger raised. He thought for a second, then withdrew his hand. He put it back out a second later, and instead of the index finger glowing, ready for magical attacks, it was the middle finger, ready to "flip the (magical) bird" at the incoming monsters.

The wolfos burst through the trees, and the scream of a tunic and hat-wearing, Four Sword-wielding, hero dying could be heard all the way in the Kokiri camp.

Ooh, suspense. Which one is it? And uh, I dunno what else to put here, soooo, review please. Or else. What else? That's for me to know and you to turn around and find it staring in your face.

Taking over the internets one click at a time

Mark962