The SUV was one they found on the way out of the city. It had been aired out as much as possible, with windows open as they drove, and it still had a musty smell. After being filled with several people in the past two days it also smelled of sweat, but Tara gamely climbed inside and only wrinkled her nose a little. It was still the best choice for a safe, private talk. She settled herself and then watched as Beth closed the door. They both fidgeted, not sure of how to start.
"Maggie told you, about the prison and who I was, right?" Tara bit her lip, "I would have told you myself, but she wanted me to wait until she could tell you the whole story."
Beth nodded, "The way you look at me sometimes- I sorta thought that maybe you wanted to tell me yourself too. Sometimes it means more when you say it yourself." She reached for Tara's hand, "I wasn't sure if I'd be able to say this, but I don't blame you for what happened. Maggie told me about what you did to help Glenn, after, and how you didn't give up no matter what happened. My daddy would have been the first to forgive, and I can't do less than that. So I wanted to tell you that we're good, but if you still feel the need to tell me your side, I'll listen."
Tara was silent for several moments, but didn't take her hand back from Beth's grip. "We weren't out in the world as long as you have been. My sister, my father, my niece… we were all in my father's apartment. It was secure, or as secure as we could make it. He got us there, with one of the trucks he used to drive. It was filled with food so we didn't have to go out much."
She shook her head. "There was so much we didn't know about the walkers, and what was happening to the world. I didn't even know how to put them down properly, until after Brian came. That's what he told us his name was, Brian. He seemed normal, like someone who had been out of his own for a little too long perhaps, but he didn't try to take from us or hurt us, and didn't even want us to help him really. So we started to trust him."
Beth was nodding, "Michonne told us that he had a whole town filled with people who trusted him. He was good at tricking people, acting charming and getting them to follow him."
"I think when he won over my father, and my niece, my sister Lilly started falling for him a little." Tara looked up at Beth for a moment, "He killed my father too, but after the lung cancer had already taken him. I didn't know he would turn, but he did and he almost got me. He grabbed me and Brian saved me. It was a shock. It was – I'm still not even sure how to put it into words because it was the worst thing I had ever experienced, maybe it still is."
"I think I know what you mean. I had something similar happen, with my mom. You love them, and know that they would never willingly hurt you or put you in danger, and then they become something else. That something else could kill you because there is no thought left in them, no heart or soul left to care." Beth shivered and let go of Tara's hand, so she could rub her palms over her thighs. The inside of the vehicle was starting to fog slightly because of their body heat and the moisture in their breath and her hands felt clammy.
They were silent for a few more moments before Tara continued, "I think that was when we really saw what the world had become; that we weren't safe anywhere. So when Brian was going to leave, Lilly insisted that we go with him. He saved my niece while we were on the road. He almost died protecting her. I keep asking myself, how did we not see that he was evil, but it was because he kept saving us. We just didn't know what the cost was going to be in the end."
"We've all lost so much. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to meet someone who hasn't lost family, or friends, if such a person even exists in the world." Beth shrugged, "We've all learned lessons about how things are now too, hard lessons, but what you do with that is up to you. You lost everything but then helped Glenn find my sister. That matters to me, and to them. You belong with us now, so you can stop staring at me as though waiting to say something and just come over and talk to me instead."
A knock on the SUV's window interrupted them, and Tara looked over Beth's shoulder to see Glenn standing outside, "It must be time for my watch." Beth turned to open the door, and Tara touched her arm again, stopping her briefly. "I'm glad that we talked. You were right, I do feel a little better."