Chapter 2
The next day, or what passed for a day in Limbo, Styx woke up, wished up a redbull and some coffee and caffeinated himself greatly. He was ready to begin the three tests that Kek had given him. Kek appeared in front of him. He said "Your first test will be to enter the cave of purity. I cannot tell you what you must accomplish there. You have to figure that out for yourself". Styx proceeded into the cave, nervous, but determined to pass this test. Suddenly, darkness enshrouded him, and he could no longer see Kek nor the outside of the cave. A few minutes passed, and a figure emerged in front of him, illuminating a small portion of the cave. The figure was tall, skinny, had long hair, and had one eye that was red and one eye that was blue. It was another Styx, but he was evil, brainwashed, and cucky. Evil Styx said to good Styx: "Alright youtube it's time to talk about giving up. It seems that the masses are idiots and don't adhere to the belief of free speech, the government is corrupt beyond repair, and life is suffering when you know the truth about the world. Come surrender to either CNN or Fox News; they will make you comfortable. Abandon free thought, critical thinking, and any form of individualism. Become a sheep like the masses. Surrender to the hatred of the Constitution and rip the document to pieces; it's an outdated document anyways written by evil, rich, white, racist, males. That's about all *pause* Peace out". Good Styx felt his IQ drop by about 10 points after listening to such drivel, but the urge to succumb to evil Styx's sayings was tempting. "Could I be happy again? Styx said. Noone who is redpilled is truly happy because they realize that life is not even close to a bunch of roses and that the government doesn't give a damn about the common folk." Styx wasn't going to lean towards any side. He needed some encouragement; some reminder of who he once was. Out of nowhere, the ghost of his cat, Cleopatra, showed up. She, wearing the mystical amulet of catspeak, an amulet from Runescape that had materialized in Limbo, said to good Styx "Do not give up, Styx. Remember who you are. Remember the Occult videos you made, the edgy political videos you made, and the free speech you promoted. Don't surrender to these thundercucks, globalists, and shitfucks. You can do it, for I have great faith in you." Good Styx, tearful after seeing Cleopatra once again after 40 years, rose up and summoned a Red Bull. He gulped down part of the can and poured it all over Evil Styx. In the action, Good Styx screamed "Red Bull is red pilled" and Evil Styx melted away, with Good Styx regaining his confidence and his IQ. The cave was fully illuminated now, and Styx proceeded towards the exit of the cave. After he left the cave, Kek said to him "Congratulations, Styx, you passed the test. Only those of pure heart could successfully complete this test." Now, for the next test…
The next test required Styx to demonstrate his skill with a weapon. For this test, Styx had to slaughter robots who hated free speech and the Constitution. Styx had several weapons to choose from: a staff that looked eerily similar to that of Gandalf's, a sword with occult symbols crafted onto the blade, and a set of two daggers, each measuring 5.1 inches. Styx chose the staff and the daggers, but then he realized and said "Kek, I'm still in my 70 year old form. How am I to destroy this army?" to which Kek responded "You are not an atheist, right? That is all the advice I shall give you". The battle commenced, and despite Styx's skinny figure, he was able to crush many automatons with his Gandalfesque staff. A robot snuck up behind him, screeching autistically about racism and the like. Styx grabbed a dagger from his leg and stabbed the robot right in the stomach. Styx managed to take down tens, if not twenties, of robots, but they just kept on coming. He was low on energy and he shivered at that, for that reminded him of Jeb Bush, low energy guacbowl man. Styx then remembered what Kek told him. "You are not an atheist, right?" and Styx said "Right" to himself. He knew what he had to do. Styx got on his knees and began praying to Kek and Cthulhu. "In the name of the Great Old Ones, I pray to Kek and Cthulhu. Lend me your memes and your strength, for I am on a noble quest to destroy the globalist, censorist, machine." A bolt of lightning struck Styx, which rejuvenated him and granted him the ability to shoot memes from the staff. "You have done well, Styx" said Kek. "Now, finish off these robots. Your strength has come back, but do not get cocky, for your skills still matter". Styx smashed a myriad of robots with his staff, stabbed any robot who came behind him, and Styx jumped into the air and fired his meme staff, destroying the robots quite efficiently. After a few hours, Styx, still in his 70 year old body in Limbo, managed to destroy the shill robots. "Congratulations on passing your 2nd test", said Kek. "Rest, have a Red Bull, and prepare for your 3rd and final test".
After a few Red Bulls and 9 hours of sleep, Styx awakened to a computer and a microphone. The almighty Kek told him: "For your next and final test, you must create something special for me, something that even the gods cannot create, for which we created humans. I want you….to make me a country song." Styx, baffled, complied with the request. After a few hours, he presented Kek a nine minute video. Kek pressed the play button, and heard the memeworthy lyrics: "My dog… died the other day. I shot him in the head for bein' gay… That's how you make country music…" Kek was pleased, astounded, and surprised. He told Styx "The funny thing is that the 3rd test wasn't even necessary. I just wanted some good ol' country music." Styx realized that he got trolled, but was not angry with Kek, for the music lifted Styx's spirits. Kek said to Styx: "You are ready to return to Earth. You will return in your 30 year old body, for you will need the strength of your prime in order to defeat the globalists. May you find great glory in your conquest over the globalists and the liberation and conversion of the sheeple. Praise Kek". Styx then descended into a portal that would take him back to Rutland, Vermont in order to begin the final battle against the globalist overlords.