He left. He acctually left. Now she was really alone. Totally alone. This is what she wanted. Wasn't it? She didn't have to do anything. She could cut.
She dropped her tea on the floor. She walked away not even hearing the crash of the peices of glass spray over the floor. She walked into the bathroom. She started to run a bath. She didn't want for anyone to have to clean up the blood. It would just go down the drain. The open drain that would never close. She would never be able to close it no matter how hard she tried.
She took the razor and just looked at it. It had so much power. It had the power to take all of the pain away. It could take her out of the oblivian that she was stuck in. She placed it on the side of the tub and got in. She didn't take off her cloths. She didn't care. It wouldn't matter if she was naked or clothed in a few moments. Nothing would matter.
She picked up the razor and held it in her hand. Both of her hands rested on her folded legs the razor on top of her hands. This would be easy. One cut and everyone she hurt would be ok. All the problems that she had caused would be gone because she wouldn't be here. Derek would be ok.
He loved her. He loved her but he couldn't let her go. It was the same for her. She loved him with all her heart and she just couldn't let him go. She couldn't let him go so this was the only way to let him be happy.
She remembered their rules. She wasn't suppost to protect him but she had to. She had to stop him from making the biggest mistake of his life.
She picked up the razor and placed it on her wrist. It was cold. So cold that she didn't believe it was real. The cold was symbolic of what she would feel. What she would feel if she did what she set out to do. The cold is what she was hoping for. Its what she needed.
She pushed into the skin but when she went to slice. She couldn't. She couldn't do it to her self. She couldn't do it because of Derek.
"Damn it!" She exclaimed as she threw the razor. "Damn it. Damn it. Damn it." She yelled as she stood up and threw all of the products out of the tub. Most of them hit the mirror which shattered. She suddenly felt light headed. She looked down at the tub and saw blood.
"No, no I didn't cut. I didn't cut." She screamed as she quickly tried to get out of the tub. She tried to get out so fast that she slipped. She slipped on the floor into the glass shards. She screamed in pain as she felt the glass cut into her skin. 'No I didn't do it.' She thought to her self.
She looked around but all she saw was blood. Blood poured out of her. The one thing that she wanted to do was happening but it wasn't the same. It wasn't under her control.
"Oh God" Someone yelled from behind her.