A/N: The song is Undying by Flowing Tears, which is what this fanfic was named after because I think it really seems to apply to Kaida. If you want to learn more about Flowing Tears, go to their website! http://www.flowingtears.de/

You can't download Undying, but you can download Razorbliss and listen to samples of Merlin (favorite song), Serpentine, and The Marching Sane.

XP

The sun had gone down a quarter of an hour before I got called out of the cabin. I made the prince stay below the deck and lit the ship's torches myself. The moment I leaned got close enough to the rail that the men could see me, cat calls and wolf whistles sprouted up, not that I was surprised. I tried hard not to roll my eyes, but it was very difficult, and instead plastered a smile on my face, hoping it was still too dark to see how fake it was. "Well, here I am, how long do I need to stand here?" I asked, leaning over the rail and finding the first mate in the crowd, who was in the company of a richly dressed man whom I assumed was the captain. He grinned up at me and said something to the first mate that I couldn't hear, and the first mate then turned to me.

"Long enough, ma'am!" he called above the racket.

"Dance for us!" One of the men shouted, and a murmur of agreement sounded throughout the deck.

My smile faltered, "I can't dance." I told them, "No, seriously, me dancing looks like someone stuck a black tub-top on a giant flesh-colored worm and gave it a red wig. I can't dance." I said, and, to my surprise, a roar of laughter followed this pronouncement.

"I'm sure you're not that bad!" Called the first mate, "Go ahead, we'll be the judge of whether or not you can dance."

"I've been judged before, and the city sent me an official order telling me that, in order to preserve the vision of the public at large and to lessen the amount of bleeding eyes, I was prohibited from moving my body in any way that could be considered a form of dance ever again." I assured him. This, of course, wasn't true, but the men seemed to find this sort of humor downright gut wrenching. Perhaps this wouldn't be so bad after all.

"Sing for us then!" A man shouted.

"For the sake of preserving your hearing, I suggest you rethink that request. Last time I attempted to sing in front of an audience, the children started crying." I said.

"We'll risk it! Sing us something new, something from your land, wherever that may be!" The captain called, and the crew's voices died down a bit so that I could hear him better.

"Alright, but it's your ears." I said. As silence swept over the crew, broken only by soft whisperings. I closed my eyes and thought about what to sing. I doubted whether I was any good, I had only myself to sing to, but I had always enjoyed it, whether I could sing or not. I had a deep voice, and I couldn't sing very high notes, so if it was a high song, I always sang it an octave lower. There was one song in particular by Flowing Tears that I enjoyed immensely, because I felt the song in my gut. That was my life, that was me, I sang to myself all the time.

I took a deep breath, and let my voice carry across the deck. Pretending I wasn't here, pretending it wasn't me, pretending that I was back in my room, and the only ones I had for an audience were the others, whose opinions I couldn't care less about if I tried, knowing they would tell me I sucked whether I did or not.

Lilly was sixteen when it started to hurt

In and out of reach in a silent alert

Lilly was sixteen when the sun in her heart stopped to shine.

Mirror balls and dreams light the tears in her eyes

Starlit off the scene and narcotic inside

Lilly was sixteen when her heart got afraid of the night

Walk undying, in the rain

Walk undying, over again

All your sorrow, is what I will take

Undying.

Monday was the day when she left with a smile

Took the urban train for her terminal ride

Monday was the day when the city swallowed her child

Trying to believe and to never arrive

Flowers off the track, mark the end of her strife

Monday was the day when sweet Lilly followed the night.

Walk undying, in the rain

Walk undying, over again

All your sorrow, is what I will take

Undying.

When I was finished, there was a silence, and as my eyes swept over the crowd, not one man seemed to have anything rude to say to me anymore. Perhaps it was that the song was so new, so strange, perhaps it was the words themselves, the lyrics which cut into their souls.

And perhaps it was the way I sang it, was I so obvious? Could they see it in my voice, the hollowness, the pain, my sunless heart which could only be filled with drug-like substances? Or was it so horrible, they couldn't believe they'd let me do this?

And then, the horse, shaking voice of the captain cried out, "Another!"

Emotion was a narcotic, feeling a suffering in someone else was like taking one pain and using it to lessen another. Why did I only listen to songs that had such darkness in them? Because it eased the darkness inside of me. If you are depressed, you want to listen to depressing songs. If you are angry, you want to listen to angry songs. It was therapy, like acupuncture, it felt as though simply listening to this music was paramount to clearing out your own system of that feeling. Like just about everything, it was a temporary fix, but it was a fix, and a fix that people wanted.

I sang Justine, Breach, and The Marching Sane before retiring back to the cabin. No one called me back, the captain had asked for another again, but didn't argue when I said I'd had enough. No one had. Had I cut them with these gothic songs? I doubted it would last, it was simply the newness, the uniqueness of it that made my songs such a novelty.

"Did you make up those songs?" The prince asked with an oddly dark look in his eye.

"No, but I listened to them and sang along to them all the time. In my world, we have the ability to record sounds and play it back, and so I could listen to a song like that over and over again with only a little machine box that played it for me. That's how I know them so well." I answered. "You seem like you were effected the same way they were." I said, frowning at him slightly.

The prince shook his head and drew me into his arms, "Because I could hear more than the words in your voice, and I'll bet you anything they could too." He said, stroking my hair as though I were a child that needed to be soothed.

"Really? And what's that?" I asked, pulling back and waving his hand away, slightly irritated that he was acting like this. "What could you hear?"

He took my face into his hands and turned it up so that I had to look him in the eyes, "That in spite of how much I love you, in spite of how much I want to give you, how much I'm trying to offer you, how much I want to take your suffering and make it my own just so you could be happy…you still want to die."

XD

"He's not doing you any favors." Monigan murmured in my mind's ear. "You know it's no use, you know you can't be his wife, and, if you think about it, you don't want to be. You couldn't handle the responsibility of an entire country. How could you? You already have us to deal with, and whatever responsibilities that come with being the Empress of Time, and now he wants to make you queen of Babylon? He's just adding on to your load! As soon as we get to the city, get away from him as soon as you can. I know what you promised him, but you also told him several times it was only as a companion, as a friend. Well, you've screwed that up quite magnificently. Just for one night, eh? Just how long as this 'one night' going to go on for I wonder?"

"Don't listen to her my dear," Kagero said silkily, "She doesn't know what she's talking about. Think about the power you would have if you became Queen of Babylon? They say it's the greatest city on earth, you could build up an army of sand demons to fight for you, and no one would be able to exist! You could conquer the world if you so wished, or simply turn your city into a mighty empire."

"It's not just about the power!" Exclaimed Kukarkin, "Kaida, you love the prince, you do, you just don't recognize it yet. And, really, even if you didn't, why think about love? He stops your nightmares, he's madly in love with you, he's hot, he's sexy, and he's a god in bed. What more could you possibly ask for?!"

"None of you have any taste in men! Trust me, Kaida," Kroich said, "You could do much better than him."

"Stow it, Kroich, you don't know anything about what a girl wants. If you did, maybe you'd realize that you're not it!" Kukarkin snapped at him.

"You all seem of the opinion that Kaida needs a man to begin with." Monigan sneered, "Well, you don't, he's not going to do you any good, Kaida, and you know it. Don't keep this going longer than it has to. It has to stop before you set foot on Babylon. I may have my own reasons for saying this, but you know I'm right. And when you do leave, you can always come back, and come back you should, but with someone else with you. And you know very well who I'm talking about."

"Not that Farah chick! No way!!! She can't have our prince, she's not good enough for him!" Kukarkin argued.

"And the prince is not good enough for Kaida, but he is a prince, his only redeeming factor in my opinion." Kagero said smoothly.

"Shut up, you! It's not about the power!!! Kaida tell the prince you'll marry him! Just do it!!!" Kukarkin exclaimed.

"Yes, do it! Become the Queen of Babylon!" Kagero agreed.

"She cannot!" Monigan hissed, "Kaida you know better! You're smarter than to listen to them, so don't listen to them!!!"

I'd had enough, "ALL OF YOU SHUT UP!!!" I yelled.

The prince gave a start, and hit his head on one of the shelves. "Sorry!" I exclaimed, cringing and scrambling over to make sure he wasn't bleeding.

"Owe…" He grumbled, "What was that about?" He asked.

"Sorry." I repeated, "It's them." I sighed, "They've been getting restless, so I've let them out of the Manor, and into my head. I use to let them run around outside and give them things to do to calm them down, but since I can't trust them not to go have 'fun' with the sailors, I'm stuck with letting them parade around in my mind."

"Take him! Throw him on the bed again and dominate him! He loves it! He's like putty in your hands!" Kukarkin exclaimed.

"No!!" I exclaimed, putting my fingers to my temples and trying to drown her out.

"What is it this time?" He asked.

"It's Kukarkin so I'll give you three guesses." I told him.

"Oh." He didn't ask anymore, I doubted he even wanted to know.

"I love them, I love them not, I love them, I love them…awwwww." Aggle moaned, and she began sniffling.

"I have to pee!" Sullian moaned.

"NOT ON ME YOU DOLT!!!" Kroich cried.

It was a mixed blessing when Wemlast began to sing a lullaby and they all fell silent, including Monigan and Kagero. But her lullaby, though I couldn't understand the words, was full of a sinister beauty that sent chills up my spine, and made me feel as though she were using her powers on me. I knew she could, if only temporary, and I was in control now, I was in control…but…She was another. She, Monigan, and Kagero were all the most powerful next to Sacrosanct. I did prefer her to Kagero, but that was only because she was the least active of the three, and I still preferred Monigan over her.

Wemlast was a child, or rather, she looked like a child. A child with coal black skin who dressed in black-reds, with spiky red hair and an iron mask over her face that showed only the red slits that were her eyes. She made dolls, and she had a very, very large number, many of which she gave to Gamor, who loved them, and wasn't intelligent enough to realize what they really were and where they came from.

The collection of dolls that she had…were humans. Or at least, they had been at one time. It's a large collection, and they're all still alive in her rooms. Moaning and sobbing, knowing that they'll never die, unable to move, unable to escape. But there was never anything I could do for them. There wasn't then, and there isn't now. I couldn't even kill them, even if I forced Wemlast to let them go. They're stuck like that, forever.

Or, at least, until I die.

"What's wrong?" Asked the prince.

"N-nothing." I answered, though my voice shook and I wouldn't look him in the eye. Wemlast was still singing, and I wasn't sure why.

"Kaida?" He pressed, touching my shoulder.

"It's nothing," I said, shrugging it off and going back to sitting on the bed.

But suddenly I lost all feeling in my left arm, and it hung down, useless at my side. I grabbed it and stared at it in horror. It had turned into smooth, polished wood the color of my skin. Jointed at the elbow, shoulder, wrist, and at each finger, even my thumb. Every detail accounted for, except that it was the arm of a doll.

I hugged the arm to my chest and hid it from the prince, who was trying to see, and murmured to myself, "Stop it, stop it Wemlast, just stop it." But I was shaking too much to put power behind this order, and she continued to sing.

It had been a long time since she'd done this, but I remembered those few times when she had. Each time stood out vividly. I would become a full doll, and she would hold me and play with me like her other dolls, and each time I felt I was doomed to the same fate as her others. But her power could never fully work on me, and eventually I would always change back, sometimes she would just do it to parts of me, like my arm, for the sole purpose of tasting my fear, my panic.

I fought to regain control of myself and I said in a much stronger voice, "Stop it, Wemlast." This time her voice faltered, but after a moment, she went on.

"Enough." Sacrosanct growled. And Wemlast immediately stopped singing. I could sense relief from several others, but none of them seemed keen on doing anything that might irritate Sacrosanct.

Thank you. I thought to Sacrosanct.

"You're welcome." She responded simply before fading into silence.

My arm was back to normal, and I breathed a sigh of relief, and finally allowed the prince to turn me around and demand to know what had happened.

"Nothing to worry about." I assured him, "No, really. It's been a while, but…" I rubbed my arm and winced as the pins and needles started, "They can't really do anything permanent to me, so it's fine."

"Could you at least tell me what was happening then? Your arm…"

"I'd rather you not know." I told him. He looked like he wanted to insist, but he held back, and nodded. I smiled, "Thanks, I appreciate it." I said before settling back on the bed and wait until I felt I could get away with tossing them all back into the Manor. I would just have to stick it out. "Don't talk to me for a while, it'll just make this harder." I said, and I began humming to myself in order to block out the voices that were trying to convince me of this, that, and the other.

Monigan wasn't telling me anything new, the fact was that my thoughts were always drifting to how I was going to get the prince and I out of this little mess that I'd made, and every single solution began with an 'F' and ended with a certain bow-wielding princess of India.

But every time I thought about it, a heavy weight of guilt settled inside of me. They would have been so perfect for each other…if it wasn't for me. If I hadn't come around, if I hadn't been dropped in here, the prince would have found Farah, and his old feelings for her would spark and flame once again. And not only had I somehow managed to steal his heart, without even trying, I was also having sex with him, and I felt so sick with guilt I sometimes felt it would be worth it to lean over the edge of the boat and vomit on top of one of the sailors. This might not have been such a mess if I had only resisted that first night, if I had only let logic fight its way through desire to tell me that, just because we said it would be 'for tonight', that wasn't going to be what would happen.

I'd been an idiot, a complete and utter fool. How could I have let this happen? How could I have let it come so far? I wasn't just being stupid either, I was being selfish. I wanted him, it felt so good when he touched me, when he held me, kissed me, when he loved me because I was me. He wasn't only caressing my body when he touched me, he was caressing me, whether he was aware of that or not. I felt his hands dip into my very soul and cradle it lovingly, passionately.

Was it so wrong to want this? To want the one thing that had ever made me feel anything resembling joy or happiness in the least? Hadn't I suffered enough to deserve this? Why couldn't I be his wife, huh? Why, why!?

The question rang through my mind so often it was becoming a cancer of my heart, pulsing at odd moments, pain spreading throughout me, from my chest all the way to my very fingertips and down into my toes. Following my veins all around my body, those bits and pieces of selfishness and guilt flowed freely.

She could make him happier than I could, she could give him the love that he deserves, and the children he needs. What can I give him? Just broken pieces of something that I think is the part of me that loves. Do I love him? Is this even love? Is this what it feels like? I asked myself.

"He's an escape, Kaida." Monigan told me soothingly, "That's what it is. You can't use your books, your music, your TV or internet anymore, but you never truly needed those things, and so you don't need him, and he doesn't need you. What is love, anyway? Is it truly such a great thing? Do you have any experience in the matter? No, he loves you because you were the only thing he could reach out for at the time. The moment he sets eyes on Farah again, all of that will be forgotten. Words are just words, he's simply been saying things he doesn't really mean without even realizing it himself. Such pretty words, makes you want to kill him for it, for every last syllable that's been cutting you deeper than you even realize. Stop it now before it gets too deep, Kaida, stop it now."

I was listening to her, after everything I knew about her, after working for a natural reaction of mistrusting everything she says even if it included the sky being blue, I was listening to her.

And then Sacrosanct spoke up.

"That won't be the end of it and you know it. Going to find Farah will only cause you more pain. Let the prince fill that empty space in your heart, let him pick up the pieces of your broken love. He would do anything for you, so let him." She said.

For a moment, I simply sat there, and I looked up at the prince, who was reading. I was shaking, that gnawing hunger becoming unbearable. The lack of alcohol was letting the hole inside me grow larger, I felt hot, silent tears falling from my face, and choking me in the throat. Gods, I didn't want him, I needed him. That hole was going to swallow me up, and I suddenly realized that I was afraid of it. If it managed to consume me, I would completely loose my mind. I would finally get down on my knees and beg the prince to kill me, to let me die, and he might just do it.

I suddenly realized that I didn't want to die anymore, or rather, I didn't want, to want to die anymore. I was sick of it, tired of suffering like this, tired of having to force myself to smile, I was tired of not being able to enjoy anything. I was tired of being this angsty-dramatic Emo character, always thinking of suicide but keeping her head up high through sheer force of will, even if that will's name was Sacrosanct. I wanted to be the character that found everything funny and found ways to enjoy anything. I wanted to be happy d(beep)it! I wanted to be happy! I wanted to be cheerful! I wanted to smile more, I wanted to live!

But could I?

"Don't, Kaida, it's not worth—"

"Silence." Sacrosanct said, quite calmly, but Monigan shut up instantly, and Sacrosanct pushed her and everyone else back into the Manor herself, and closing the door for me, before she faded away into nothing before I could thank her.

I got up quietly, and wrapped my arms around the Prince from behind. "Prince," I murmured in his ear, "I…I need you." I told him.

I heard his breath catch in his throat, and his book just slipped out of his grasp and landed open on the wrong page on the desk he'd been propping himself up on. "Wh-what for?" He asked breathlessly.

"There's a hole inside of me, a hole which constantly threatens to swallow me up and leave nothing but a shell." I answered, working to get the white tunic he'd taken to wearing off of him. "I need it filled. Think you can do that for me?" I asked.

"I would do anything for you." He whispered, helping me with his tunic until it was off him and on the floor.

I sighed and slipped into his lap, where he kissed me so deeply I thought I was going to drown in it. I kissed him back, every inch of my body longing for more, longing to draw his very being inside of me in order to fill that space. I let myself become intoxicated in him, and for the first time, I though I could feel the last of my restraints fade away, and I allowed myself to moan softly when his lips left mine in order to trail down my neck.

"What, brought this on, if I may ask?" He murmured, his breath hot on my skin, making it tingle and the hair rise.

"I'm tired, prince." I murmured, "I'm tired of being me. I'm tired of not feeling much joy in anything, I'm tired of always feeling sorry for myself, and of always letting myself sink into depression every time there's too little to do and nothing exciting is happening. Prince, I'm tired of looking forward to my death. I want to struggle to live, I want to dread it, to fight it. I want to be whole…but I don't know how. Do you think you might be able to teach me?" I murmured, letting myself melt into his arms.

"Oh god…" He murmured in a shaking voice, his head buried in the crook of my neck, "I'll do everything in my power to teach you, if I can, I'll do it."

It was probably then that I realized just how much power a woman really could hold over a man. It was not a happy realization, it was morbid and filled with darkness. The prince loved me so much he had turned himself into my slave.

All the while I could feel myself slowly becoming his.

XP

Rhea: NO TIME FOR FAQ TODAY!!! MUST GO GET CHORES DONE!!!

Kioko: Fine, be that way. (Rhea runs off) (Evil smile) Alrighty, now that she's gone…(pulls out list and hands it to Monigan) The stars mark the people I want dead, the rest I just want you to rough up a bit, scare them for me. Don't kill them, they owe me money. You do that, and I'll get you that mirror you wanted.

Monigan: Yes ma'am!

Kaida!.! Mirror!? What mirror!?

Monigan: Oh, it's nothing…(Dissappears)

Kaida: What did she ask for!? What mirror!?

Kioko: (Gasp!) OMIGOSH IS THAT THE PRINCE MAKING OUT WITH FARAH!?

Kaida!.! WHAT THE HELL!? GET YOU'RE HANDS OFF HIM B(BEEP) HE'S MI—…(pauses, neither prince nor Farah are anywhere around) (Glares daggers at Kioko)

Kioko: 'Mine'? 'He's mine', was that what you were about to say?

Kaida: I hate you so much right now.

Kioko: Oh you're just saying that to make me feel better. (Chuckles) Read and review and whatever.