I own nothing but my OC's everything else
is property of it's/theirs's rightful owners.
Hello everyone!
I'm really happy that somepeople read my story despite it's quality. I'm new to writing I know I took the easiest path but i don't want to make some hard and complicated plot because I'm bad when it comes to writing already made characters and I'm afraid I would tangle my self in it.
My answers to reviews. Let's go and help me lost my mind thinking how to upgrade this story, so unleash the reviews!
1. I understand that there are people that are not enjoying this kind of stories but please also understand that I'm doing this to have fun and not to made you angry. Also I think I made my "hero" quite an blank schet of paper so if you have ideas how to improve story pls feel free to share them and comment your comments will realy help me grow. Thank you.
Answer to "IM NOT HERE TO READ OC BULSHIT" review.
SPOILERS AFTER THIS VERSE!
About Zelretch I know he is trying to keep balance but Alaya is the mastermind here, she used his boredome to acomplish her goal and if it means screwing world a little she is ready to bear it especialy because she is doing this to preserve humanity so she feels a litlle justified plus It'll be also Gaias problem. She's killing two birds with one stone only getting bruised in the long run, plus she has more control over our hero than you may think, so his power is sewerly restricted, because she don't want him to abuse it and be under his aim. Not to mention new addition to her crew. Also why she chose him it was all about target being compatible with 6th and It had to be easy to manipulate. Also who wouldn't have been pissed after being rejected by 500 people in not the most graceful ways.
Response to guest 1 comment. Thank you for your opinion.
I hope my explanations are logical. Pls remember this story is mostly written for fun not 100% universe accuracy but I must admit I admire you who know my beloved universe so precisely.
Thank you for your opinion and bringing that topic up.
Now to the story.
"Sempai are you sure it's good idea to continue summoning, it has been like 5 minutes since we started and the second pile of black keys is starting to grow."- said girl with light pink-white hair wearing dark battle armour with violet accents and holding cross shield as big as her, while standing protectively in front of dark haired boy in some kind of white and black uniform and with hand holding colourful crystals.-"NO!, we can't back down now, we delved to deep already we are going to succeed I know it!- he shouted. Than a pillar of light appeared accompanied with 3 rings made of energy and in the centre a glittering golden card formed with a wizard on it. Loud crush was heard at that moment and cloud of dust formed.
"Servant caster at your service mast...ARGHHHHH!, WHAT IS THIS PAIN, ALAYA WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!"- voice screamed giving testimony of agony it's owner fells, than a silhouette appeared, some kind of being it's arms covered in red seals four per each of arms , gleaming with evil red light.
Than it stopped and voice was heard.-"You really think I'm as stupid as to give some one great power and let him roam free, this is your leash be grateful it's not as short and restraining as EMIYA'S, foolish human. I hope you will get along with your jailers."- after that dreadful answer everything went silent even air become still. Than a tone of many footsteps was getting louder and many people appeared, some regal, some beautiful some monstrous, other uncaring of their looks, but all connected by one thing in this moment dread. Than cloud of dusts dissipated and all eyes turned to now visible newcomer. Young man with violent eyes and painful look stood alone on the platform, red-brown hair covering some of his face despite hair clip covered in silver patterns, he was wearing red-violet robe like coat with another set of silver patterns white shirt tied with black ribbon under the neck, black pants and set of graves-boots and gauntlets resembling arms and legs of humanoid beast, left ones were black right ones white, and to his hips were attached two metal plates carved like wings, and behind him eight crystals each of differ colour hovered in space moving in clockwise motion. It's seemed like everyone missed glasses that lied shattered close to his feet. Everyone prepared to fight as the man moved like it seems only to pick a pair of lenses.
-"Master, introduction now or we may end up skewered."- said feminine voice coming from mans direction but no one else was seen, than a black phone fled from his phone as the man stared at his glasses then in blink of the eye the were like new after the man moved hand above them, but it only made atmosphere even more nervous because no one felt prana usage nor heard a word announcing spell.
Before pained voice was heard again.-"As I said earlier servant caster at your service master, can you prove our bond?"-
-"Nice one maybe we will live through today."-said voice coming from floating phone relived as everyone began to relax. But no one looked away from unknown still showing awareness.
-"What the hell is going on...!?"- shouted dark haired young man from before accompanied by some of the gathered people.
-"You want short of long version?"-asked new caster.
-"Whatever, get to the point mongrel and better make sense or I will kill your pathetic form for interrupting my time with Enkidu!"-said man of regal apparition clad in gold armour with blonde hair and red eyes scowl adoring his face. As he was ending his statement golden portals appeared behind him and from them weapons of finest making all pointed at our friend and beaming with ancient power.
-"Gil, be more patient and forgiving, I'm sure he has good explanation!"- said green haired person her/his features either femine or manly, it's body adored in white robe with belt like decoration, it's voice delicate and amused.
-"Don't you think it's more interesting this way, Gil?"-
-"Be grateful mongrel that my friend is amused by this situation, your life will be spared but only from your words it'll depend in what condition."- said now identified Gil in regal voice suggesting no acceptance for decid. Other people seemed to be used to but still annoyed by goldies antics.
-"So may I begin?"- said caster in weak voice surely thrilled by weapons and Charisma A+.
-"START IT ALREADY!"-now all of the people shouted.
(After one summary of chapter one content.)
-"Yo, this sounds like something a high schooler on sugar rush could write."-said blue haired man in blue...body tights.
(Author: need to kill him soon.)
-"Hey who said that!"-blue man shouted.
-"But it's true I know it's hard to believe and sounds like one big galactic joke, I'm unable to believe it myself. Who could have predicted that I'll become artificial hero, magician, and slave of human's collective will in one go."-said now known to all Salvius, sulking, his phone trying to comfort him.-"It'll be good master you see I'm sure we can get revenge on Alaya in no time."
-"Ame I think you forgot about my new jailers, and seals, lack of combat experience and lacking personality."-responded Salvius, starting to sulk.
-"Yeah, that's right, but there must be another way."-added now known to our hero his master Ritsuka.-"EMIYA do you think it's true and is Alaya able to do such a thing?"-he asked red clad man.
-"You already know my life, I have nothing more to say"- EMIYA responded his voice empty from emotions his face adored by grim grimace.-"She is more than able to do this and even more, still he got it easy way."- he added after a while despite his earlier statement.
-"Poor thing."- added feminine voice from the crowd accompanied by similar remarks or/and empathetic faces.
-"Still, there's nothing we can do at the moment sorry."- said only master in the group in pained voice. -"For now maybe we should stop, I'm sure you are exhausted, let me take you to your room, we will continue tomorrow."- he stated smiling in support. Everyone was nodding in approval.
-"Yes you are right maybe after sleep I'll be able to think about something, of course if I'll be able to close my eyes."- at the last part mood hit rock-bottom of the scale.
-"Yes, yes so follow me."- said Ritsuka in uncertain voice and the crowd started to split up to let them go to exit.
Sorry this chapter is shorter but this is all I wanted to pull of for now.
I hope you like it and please comment,
because it helps me with many things and let's me know what I need to fix or improve like characters relations,
story tempo, if I should make more detailed descriptions. Simple telling me that I'm not good won't do the thing.
Also If you think I should abandon this story feel free to say it,
I can work on other idea but there's no promise it will be better.
If you think my mongrel-like work is worth something follow.
Thank you again for reading.
Oh and sorry for grammar issues. :(
Omake2: what was said, 2 meetings, and reflection.
(During summoning aftermath)
"This story is loathsome, mild, unimaginative, there's no drama no soul no depth. I think it's time to rise curtain and let true author start his work."- thought one particular man in brown garments with light hair and beard of the same colour kept in elegant but still free manner, starting to scribe new plans and notes in his book.
"Interesting one chosen by Alaya very unlikely development but still it can be helpful to my plans, maybe heaven's fell will finally proceed"-this thought crossed mind of one particular servant and than he started to make new scenarios for his plan.
(During explanation)
-"I think it is enough mongrel, you story is somewhat interesting but very unlikely, for now your life is yours, but I'm going to observe you, know that your judgement has yet to come. Come Enkidu we wasted enough of our time here."- said Gil in his typical I'm above you all voice and proceed to exit accompanied by his friend, both of them left in deep thoughts.
-"Don't mind him you will get used to it, please continue."- said only master.
(After Salvius's accommodation)
"Everything is so surreal I only wanted to save someone and I ended in universe of one of the lest known by me anime, I only watched 3 animations and read some fanfic my friend approved of, about games and other routes I know nothing besides names and main plot points and characters that's how I recognized Nero + my friend likes her too much. From what I know Alaya want's to preserve humanity as it is humans will but why she chose me if I'm just a normal human she should also defend, I'm not like Shirou who wanted to save the world, I just love books, knowledge and card games have normal family and surreal was only my booster pack pull two weeks ago, this feels like I'm just an object to fulfil one's sick fantasy."- our hero deduced.-"I know that desperation leads to taking dark paths full of sacrifices, saving others by sacrifice of one, paradoks we can't escape but why me? I never wanted power nor prestige adventure yes but not in such a scale and at the cost of slavery, at least I can communicate with my family, but who knows how long I'll be sane enough to cherish them, no don't think about it there must e a reason behind her actions. Either humanity is involved or her nemesis Gaia, there are also other options like gods and beasts but what are the chances beast are almost extinct like gods are in this world, note to your self if I'll ever will be alive by he end of this and won't be killed by auntie I need to thank Matias for all of this anime monologues he inscribed into my brain."- Salvius continued in his thoughts until sleep overcome him.
Rattling of chains was heard everywhere in accompaniment of sound of steps coming from opposite direction. Two figures emerged from darkness of the space one clad in white and red armour and open battle skirt with the matching feathery wings and second also clad in same composition but black and violet in colour, after they emerged from shadows it was easy to deduce both looked like men around 25 years of age, they were high and of fair build if the some of the more adhering parts of garments not covered by armour ware any indication, beautiful they were like no others their faces looked like sculpted by masters of craft, one in white and red had red eyes and golden hair with red streaks, one in violet and black had first eye more darker also red in colour almost burgundy, and second one dark violet, each of them emanated power, elegance and mystery but also something more spiritual, conceptual. Each of them was holding a chain like it was Ariadne's Thread guiding them to their goal. In their walk they finally reached their destination or rather person that could indicate a destination in this limitless prison. He was bound by the same chain their were holding but gleaming with red light of inscribed seals, that were also present on boys arms four per each. He was suspended by chain in the air each limb embraced by it tightly so he couldn't escape. Than he raised head and spoken worlds that after this day were to familiar to him like mantra.-"Who are you and what is this place and chains?"- his voice was weak, trembling and bearing hints to the level of exhaustion of this man.
-"Hasn't she told you already Salvius, we are you wardens you cuffs and leash, but also your greatest weapon when your power is bound and greatest enemy when facing your new fate while trying to escape, one of us a sin of man, second one a virtue incanted, both like you now made not born, bearing names of first betrayer and heaven's guardian made in their resemblance, Lucifer/Michael at your service master/prisoner."-two man intoned their introduction and explanation in unison with some minor differences.
-"We are the ones who judge your need to use power and release eight seals, but also like we said your weapon your noble phantasm artificially gifted to you by HER. To answer your second question this is your mind scape, please don't mistake it for reality marble, it's barely the tip of the iceberg know as this phenomenon."- they said in unison again their voice crystal, clear and elegant piercing through chains wailing.
-"Can you stop this, you talking together gives me creeps."-said Salvius wincing in discomfort.
-"Yes prisoner we can"- said one clad in white now know as Michael.
-"To answer your last question this chains are how you perceive your seal in your mind and part of my/our abilities, chains that take all freedom, or so you think."-said Lucifer.
-"We are born from you as your power but also we are separate beings holding you in check in her name. Both of us are based on your fantasy, made of the part of your soul and formed by humanities driving force you are most familiar with as someone born in catholic country, sins and virtues, angels and demons, good and evil two sides describing every human and fighting for him and his/her free will."- he continued in more friendly voice bearing some hint of sadness.
-"For now it is enough."-said Michael his voice strong.-"We need to stop here, may we meet again in better conditions or when you get a hold of leftover power, I don't want to thin of the third option."-he added.
-"Farewell!"-they said in unison again.
-"Wait!"- shouted or friend still a little dumbstruck. But darkness again embraced everything.
(location unknown even to me. Damn you Zelretch!)
-"You really needed to do it like that Alaya?."- said our favourite vampire fully serious.-"Even If you say you will suffer all consequences and I was justified to do that, I'm still not sure It was best idea."
-"I know but I had to gamble, he won't be waiting patiently black god is already escaping his prison our hero is not the one to defeat him but he will be important asset in our defence or the world will return to the darkness once more."- said Alaya this time not taking false form for convenience only her voice stated her presence.-"When Goetia started his rampage Nav was damaged, My power alone is not suitable to repair it I can only slow him down, with out Gaia's power I won't be able to seal him completely."
-"But how is that he exists in the first place?"-asked Zelretch.
-"Nav was a prison made with gods sacrifice, later it's name was incorrectly adapted as one of underworld names, in it black god and white god were closed to stop the war between them but the half holding black god was weakened during Ars Almadel Salomonis activation. As it is a prison hidden outside space. It can't be reached by normal means, but time nature that was this noble phantasm inscribed with done damage to it, because it's not disconnected from time current fully, or so I think, it was propably it's only weakness not known even to it's creators and me."- stated Alaya seriously.
-"In short worlds we are only able to believe that our heroes will win again."- she added after a minute as her presence started to fade.
-"It looks like I was tangled in web more enormous than I could imagine."- "Time to get serious but how is that I couldn't sensed this route, nor have seen it before."- he thought as lights started to glow.
Maybe I slipped a bit to much.
(U know villain identity and yes I believe his strong enough for even conceptual being like Alaya to be frightened.)
And warden duo is the almost the last pair of oc.
Last one oc was presented already but it want have much impact on the plot and universe.
And I have quest for you maybe not for holy grail but you can insert grenades and rabbits.
I suppose you already know who our new author is
and I ask of you what sort of mayhem he should introduce to our hero,
please answer in the comments.
Hope you like it so far and pls bear up with my ideas.
Bye!